234One in a Million
This is my first attempt at a fanfic, so all reviews, suggestions, etc, are greatly appreciated. This story is a Babe, though I generally lean more towards Cupcake, but it just didn't want to be written that way.
Any characters you recognize belong to JE. I'm just taking them for a spin and will return them unharmed - I promise!
Warnings for bad language (Steph is a Jersey Girl after all), Smut (with Joe and Ranger in the story - I couldn't resist), and possible spoilers for any previously published Plum novel (I'll be referring to various escapades from the novels)
Chapter 1
I'm a mess. There's no way around it. My life is a hot mess. I'm a really bad BEA or Bond Enforcement Agent (a lowly job that I had to blackmail my way into), with a really good capture rate due mainly to some incredibly good luck, a freakishly acute "spidey sense" that lets me know when things aren't right, and the very best friend a girl could have in Ricardo Carlos Manoso, AKA Ranger, the most kick ass BEA of all time. I'm also a really bad girlfriend. I have an on-again, off-again relationship with Trenton cop, Joe Morelli. I love Joe, but I'm not in love with Joe. Joe, however, is very much in love with me, or so he says. I'm in love with Ranger. Did I mention that my life is a hot mess?
So, I've come to a decision. I have to break it off with Joe. We had been on a 2-month "off again" phase of our relationship until last night, when Joe had showed up on my doorstep with a 6-pack of beer, Pino's meatball subs, and sporting an incredibly sexy 2-day-old beard on his face. His TV was on the blink and he wanted to watch a ball game on TV. I had been throwing myself a pity party complete with Cuervo Margaritas. I was lonely. My only sexual contact in the past 2 months had been with my shower massage, and I was feeling very sorry for myself. Joe was horny. His "guys" missed me. We never got around to watching the game. I'm such a slut!
So here I am, curled up on my couch, head pounding, waiting for Joe to come over to "talk." He was paged to a murder scene sometime in the middle of night, and left my bed to go do his cop thing. He'd called me 15 minutes ago to say he was dropping by again and bringing "the cure" with him. My sure fire hangover cure is McDonald's fries and a Coke. Morelli knows this. Have I mentioned that I really do love Morelli? Sigh.But I'm not in love with him. I can't do this to either of us anymore. We have to make a clean break. I don't do "booty calls" or casual sex or the "friends with benefits" thing. Definitely not with a good guy who is in love with me and wants to have a life with me.
I was brought out of my stupor by a knock on the door.
"Cupcake, it's me."
Joe used his key to let himself into my apartment. He smiled at me and set the McDonald's bag on my coffee table.
"Thanks, Joe" I mumbled, already stuffing greasy fries into my mouth and washing them down with Coke. I could feel Joe's eyes on me, but I didn't look up until I was done, all of about 2 minutes later. Probably I should be embarrassed, but I've known Joe since I was a kid. I can't muster the energy.
Finally, I looked up at Joe and he came over and sat next to me on the couch. "This isn't going to work, is it?" he said. I found myself staring at the floor.
"No, I don't think so. Nothing has really changed," I said.
Joe sighed. "It's Ranger." I started to interrupt but he stopped me. "I was stumbling around the bedroom this morning, grabbing my stuff after I was paged. You were moaning in your sleep. I leaned in to give you a kiss. You were saying Ranger's name. You were dreaming of him. I could tell."
"Oh God, Joe, I'm so sorry!'
Tears were silently falling down my face and Joe reached out to stroke my wet cheek. "It's okay Cupcake. You can't control your dreams"
I looked into his tired face and I hated the pain I saw in his eyes, knowing that I was responsible for it. "But even if Ranger wasn't in the picture, it wouldn't work. I love you and I'll always love you, but I'm not in love with you. We don't want the same things. You know that, Joe."
Joe picked up my hands and held them in his own, looking me in the eyes. "I can't imagine my life without you in it. But I don't know if I can do 'just friends," you know? Last night was my fault. I knew you'd been drinking when you answered the door. You can't handle alcohol worth shit, Cupcake," he said as he gave me a sad grin. "I should have just left. I really did only come over to watch the game. I missed you. I got carried away. When you kissed me I knew you wouldn't be doing it if you hadn't been drinking."
"I'm a big girl, Joe. I've missed you, too. I'm not mad about last night. But neither one of us is going to be able to move on if we keep doing this."
"I'm afraid he's going to hurt you, Steph." We were both acutely aware that he'd used my name instead of his nickname for me.
"You and me both, Joe." I gave him a sad smile. "I'm a hot mess!"
Joe chuckled. "Yeah, you are."
I stood up and gave Joe a hug and kiss. Tracing his face with my hands. Trying to memorize the feel and the smell of him. This wasn't easy.
Joe gently grabbed my wrists and brought them back down to my side. "I'm going to stay away, Steph. I need to find a way to get on with my life. I want to be your friend, but I can't do it right now. It's going to hurt too much for awhile, maybe a long while."
I was back to staring at the floor. "I know, Joe. When you're ready, if you're ready again sometime, you know where to find me."
He started to step towards me, and then paused, turning abruptly and moving to the door. "Bye Steph. Take care of yourself."