Hey there folks! I just had this idea, and seeing as I don't really want to start up another story, I decided to post it as a challenge instead.

Underneath the line is the first chapter of a Warhammer/Familiar of Zero crossover. The challenge: Finish this story. Some random ideas are 'Necron killing spree!', 'Gauss powered WWII fighter', or just 'disturbed Lolcron trying to find his place in the world'. Enjoy!

The end of my existence as Unit 5579-A-22840 started with a problem. First off, I had just been reduced to a molten pile of slag by a blast of warp magic. While that on itself was only annoying, it did not help my situation. Secondly, now that I was trying to reform myself, my self-repair system failed due to said spell. My higher logic engines could not be repaired properly, they reformed in a different pattern than usual. Again, not exactly a real problem, I could just go back to base and get a new one, but it is here that the core of the problem became apparent. I didn't want to. And that, with my being a Necron Flayed One, posed my problem. It wasn't my purpose to want something. It was my purpose to cut open cute, fragile, living things, surgically remove their innards in the most painful way possible and wear their hides as a sick trophy and disguise.

Had any of the others noticed the change in me yet? No. That was good, if I could pretend nothing happened, they probably wouldn't gauss me straight away. That left me time to do... well, to be quite honest I had no idea, but I could think of something later. Namely, after I had dodged the Land Raider coming towards me.


After a reasonably uneventful battle, which ended in a victory for the Necrons (of course), I finally had some time to think. I had picked a sleeping spot near the surface, separate from most of the others, meaning that if they should find out about my little, ah, modification, I at least had some time before they reached me. I had decided to escape from this world, rather than risk losing his new found freedom. And free I was: normally Necrons required a reason to activate themselves and move about. Not me. If I so desired, I could move in any which way I wanted, for no reason other than that I wanted to. Currently my hand was pointed towards the exit of the tomb in a welcoming gesture, to lure in potential travellers. Unfortunately, before I could decide what to do after escaping, I was ordered to get up and investigate a spatial anomaly that had showed up in my section of corridor. I quickly made my way to the designated location, and there I saw the strangest thing I had ever seen.

"Recording." I said over the nodal network, "Spatial anomaly appears to be a wormhole of unknown nature, taking the shape of a large five pointed star in a circle. Moving in to investigate where the wormhole leads. Suggestion: allow only this unit access to the wormhole, to prevent loss of resources should the wormhole close unexpectedly."

"Suggestion received, this unit concurs with the assessment." was the short reply. Carefully, I stroked over the surface with his claws, not finding anything out of the ordinary. Moving in closer, I stepped through entirely, and found myself in an empty space.

"Wormhole leads to what appears to be a pocket dimension. No life detected. Returning to base." I said, turning around. And saw that the wormhole was closing. Great. I said something that in English roughly translates as a four letter word for procreation. I couldn't even touch the wormhole before it shut completely.

I had decided on a different name while I was here. Unit 5579-A-22840 was needlessly long, unclear, and plain boring. In the end, I decided on a name I had discovered once, it the deep, dark recesses of the nodal network, among data from before the creation of the Necron, among stuff like the angry super soldiers, huggable dinosaurs and a chaos worshipper that just wouldn't die.

My name was now... Lolcron.


Louise was nervous. Everyone was watching her, expecting her to fail yet again. Calming herself, she started the spell, reciting it completely correctly (she hoped).

"Pentagon of the elemental powers, heed my summoning... and bring forth my familiar!"


When the smoke cleared, there was a small crater. And nothing else. It was silent for a second, before someone started to laugh. Soon, the entire hall was laughing.

"Louise de la Valliere, you-" whatever professor Colbert was about to say was cut short when a skeletal metal arm with long metal talons on the fingertips burst out of the ground. It was followed by another arm, before a skull-like head popped up, with emotionless emerald eyes gazing over the crowd. Whenever it made direct eyecontact with someone, that person would feel those twin orbs gaze deep into their souls, cruel, cold, and uncaring. The entire room was filled with silence. Slowly, it crawled out of the hole it came from, revealing a roughly humanoid body made of steel. Its gaze finally settled on Louise.

Louise felt like fainting. This... thing was her familiar? It was like death itself in the flesh. Or steel, in this case. She remembered vaguely what to do. Slowly walking up to it, she kissed it on the face. Cold steel met her lips, and involuntarily she shuddered in disgust. When it was done, it still just stood there, not having moved since it climbed out of the ground except look around. Suddenly, it tore its gaze of her and focused on its arm, where the rune signifying a contract between a familiar and mage appeared. Before anyone could react, Louise was slammed into the wall, blades a hairs breath away from her neck.


For so far as escapes went, this one sucked. After sitting around for a while in a black void, having given up all hopes of rescue, I saw another wormhole appear. Before I even had time to contemplate this new development, I was sucked in by it. Disorientated, I determined that I had appeared underneath a weakened floor of sorts. Seismic sensors suggested a large group of units present on the surface, with some separate signals closer by. It took me a moment to determine the proper course of action. The large group started making noise, and I didn't know if they knew I was here, or if they were going to do something to me. I decided to emerge, if they were going to do something to me I wouldn't make it easy on them, and if they didn't know I was here I'd have the element of surprise on my side. Punching up, I dug myself out of the hole I had made on arrival. Surveying my surroundings, I saw only species 2246, or humans as they called themselves. Data so far suggested them to be fearful and superstitious, with technology capable of piercing Necron metal. Certain members are warp sensitive. Approach with caution. Hail the C'tan Empire. Making a mental note to change my recording, seeing as I no longer serve the C'tan, I slowly scanned the group, picking out random individuals for more intensive scrutiny. No warp sensitive individuals, fortunately, but I did get some weird energy readings that confused me, emanating from the young female that stood closest to me. I turned to face her, and she cowered under my gaze. I enjoyed that, it felt good to know my presence was very intimidating. Then she did something so out of the blue unexpected, I simply froze up for a second. She kissed me. Quick reality check here: I rose from the ground like death itself, intimidate an entire group of her species into silence, give her the most intimidating look I have and she kissed me! Then I felt something burning on my arm, several readings went crazy, and a light started tattooing me.

What. The. Frak.

I did the first thing I could think of, taking her hostage. Before any of the humans could react I had her pinned to the wall, blades near her neck. Scanning their brain wave patterns, I quickly figured out their language. I slowly turned my head around, and addressed what I presumed was their leader.


The thing twisted its head around nearly 180 degrees, facing professor Colbert.

"Where am I? What just happened? Who are you?" it spoke in a raspy voice, as if it was near death. "Answer me. Failure to comply will result in termination of this unit in eight seconds."