4AN: Hello! This is my first dip into the Roswell universe. Set during The White Room, but not really pertaining to Max. When Isabel tries to dreamwalk him, and Alex is afraid she'll get lost inside her head the way Michael did in The Balance. WARNING: very spacey, as in, funhouse on acid spacey.
Thank you to the lovely Winterluna for beta-ing.
I woke up and he was screaming
I'd left him dreaming
I roll over and shake him tightly
And whisper "if they want you
Oh they're gonna have to fight me"
Oh fight me
-Laura Marling, 'Night Terror'
You follow her, because that's what you've always done. You pursue her into the foggy recesses of her mind, and some aura of her that you can sense holds fearpanicrelief as you drift across the threshold from her head into his. And you cannot see her, because this is not your dream, these are not your gifts, but distantly, you can feel her hand in yours, feel it clench in fearfearFEAR as she arrives in a white room that lurches sickeningly with every movement. Sense her terror for her brother but waste not a thought for him in your worry for her. You can't lose her. You may not know it yet, but she is your world. And whatever is threatening to drown her, you will fight it tooth and nail.
what is this place?
house of mirrors, White like heaven but
NOT.
drugged and hazy
needlesandpainand
red on White.
stumble in the swooping lurching White
deputy Fisher is a
wolf in sheep's clothing
he's a shark, and he
STARES. at ME.
predator.
torturer. has
MAX. and i can't save him.
I. Can't. Save. Him.
Somewhere between the pain and the drugs, the sleeping and the waking, she wanders too far and gets lost.
The light blinds me. For a second I can't see, until it recedes. I'm afraid to move, scared that if I do I'll fall and keep on falling, unable to stop. It's as if mist surrounds me, opaque. Even if I close my eyes, I can still see the White. It feels like I'm being pulled in every direction, almost like the mist itself is…pushing me. I can hear whispers. I try to listen, but can only catch snatches, bits of phrases, like they're calling to me.
You can almost see through the White. It surrounds you, cloaks you, uneasily. You can hear the whispers too, but they're different, to you. Go back. You aren't wanted. Not one of them, not one of us. It feels as though the mist is hampering you, holding you back. Leave out of this. Go away. She doesn't belong to you. You look harder now, and you can see her, through the White. She's veiled in the ethereal, some strange ghosts. They have to go through you to get to her. And you will fight them for her. You have to. You cannot lose her to this White place. But it's already too late. And she's walking away from you.
Come with us, they say. You are beautiful. Special. Vilandra. We'll take you away. The mist is cloying, heavy now. Tugging and grasping at me. I…I want to go. I want to go after the whispers, lose all of this in fog. Forget, they say. Forget Max, forget everything. It's not important. Leave it all behind you and wheel away. I follow them.
You are close to her. You try to move up to her, but though your feet move, you don't gain any distance. You threaten and cajole, as if she is stubborn child who won't come in out of the night. But your cries fall on deaf ears and she is moving away. You haven't the strength to save her. You can't fight them, can't move through the White, can'tcan'tcan't REACH her. In that same distant place, you feel her hand is slipping out of yours. Your feet are too heavy to move now, and you know that you've lost her. It's too late, and it's too bad, and you're both going to die here. Of course you wouldn't be strong enough. You were never strong enough for her. The whispers are more gleeful now. Of course she was never yours. You haven't the strength to fight for her. You are weak. She doesn't need you. One final, feeble attempt to call her back, to save her. I love you. Iloveyou Isabel Iloveyou. I LOVE YOU. And her slipping hand clenches in yours.
beautiful White. not evil but
pure. soft, enveloping, want to
forget. wheel away and disappear.
I LOVE YOU.
jarring. can't, don't want to
leave. but he pulls. Gently but
he won't leave me. pull free
squelching out like quicksand but
FREE.
Later, much later, when she prepares with Michael and Tess to infiltrate the base, to find and rescue Max in a daring and heroic manner, she pulls you close, embraces you. Soft lips against your ear, her hair on your neck, a whisper of her own. Then she pulls away, all business, and the three of them leave the three of you standing forlornly in the UFO center. But you keep that whisper; clutch it softly to yourself, as you stand alone in the dark.
I love you too.