I know. I know! I said Monday. But I really couldn't resist. And this is super short (for me, at least).
This is a cracked-out sequel to my first Glee Story World Famous Sugar Cookies. You totally have to read the first one in order to understand half of the stuff going on here. Eh...maybe not, but it couldn't hurt. ^^
Thanks to everyone who has followed me over here! The response to the first story was just so made of the awesome. All of your readers make it so very easy to want to write.
Fuickleberry Saves the World: The Dramatic and Badass Rescue of Mike Chang and Matt Rutherford!
"Is there anyone out there? Can anyone hear us? Hellllooooooo? Guys, I don't think this is working."
"Finnderella, you are a first-class village idiot."
"NOAH, be nice!"
"Berry-pants, I can't be nice to him if he's going to continue to prove that there is an IQ number below zero. So far I think he's at negative fifteen."
"You're an ass Puckerman."
"Quinn, that's not helping."
"HELLLLOOOOOO? IS ANYONE OUT THERE? Seriously, this walkie talkie thing is broken."
"Finn, it's not a walkie-talkie. We're attempting to record an internet transmission and will post it to see if anyone can hear us with the hope that someone will come and help us out of the unfortunate situation the four of us have found ourselves in."
"That would have worked better if you would have just let me call him a fucking brainless droolbag…"
"DAMN QUINN! If you hit me that hard, I'm gonna wind up brain damaged like Forrest Gump over there."
"ENOUGH! BE QUIET OR I WILL CONSUME ALL OF THE OXYGEN IN THIS ROOM UNTIL YOU ALL PASS OUT AND FINALLY GIVE ME A MOMENT'S PEACE!"
"Hello…this is Rachel Berry. And if anyone out there is kind enough to download this podcast, please help us. We're currently in one of the high security vaults of the Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. We're unfortunately quite trapped and literally have tried every means of escape. This all started eight weeks ago in Lima, Ohio…our friends, two highly talented young men, Michael "Mike" Chang and Matthew "Matt" Rutherford, ages sixteen, were taken by force from their idyllic suburban life and relaxing summer vacation."
"Less words, Berry-pants. They were kidnapped."
"Someone please help us before Rupaul uses up all of the oxygen in this room. Someone out there has to realize that we've been missing! Call the police and help us."
"And bring like, gallons of pop. I'm really thirsty. Also, a sandwich would be awesome."
"I hate you, Finderella. Like, fucking truly hate you sometimes."
"Whatever dude. You slept with my girlfriend. And you stole Rachel when you were eleven."
"Dude, you're a god damn cry baby. Berry-pants was never yours to steal. And I wouldn't have knocked up Quinn if you hadn't of made out with Rachel in the first place…"
"EXCUSE ME? What are you talking about, Puck? You only slept with me because you were all jealous about Man-hands-"
"I'm ending this transmission now and posting it. Daddies? If you're listening, your precious daffodil is safe and so is Noah. Although if he keeps aggravating me, I will have to kill him. It will be my first foray into violence, but I believe that in the end, a jury of my peers will find that the murder was just. If anyone can hear us…please send help."
"This is…this is a horrible atrocity. Our very best dancers have just been kidnapped!" Rachel squealed in annoyance. She pushed Noah towards the truck and grabbed Finn and Quinn by the elbows, steering them towards the pickup. "We have to follow them and make sure that they're safe. For the good of the Glee club's future. For our friend's future. We have to save Matt and Mike! Noah, for the sake of our whole…world, you have to catch up to that truck!"
"DRIVE PUCK!" Quinn harshly commanded.
Puck didn't need two of the most important girls in his life telling him twice. The four of them squashed together on the bench seat of his truck. He only had to take one look into Rachel's worried, tear-filled eyes and his foot was slamming on the gas, in hot pursuit of the kidnapped Mike and Matt.
"Berry-pants, do you have your phone on you?" Puck demanded suddenly, his foot pressing the gas pedal to the floor of his truck. He recklessly sped through the streets of Lima, Ohio with a sort of ease that indicated it wasn't the first time he had gone seventy-five miles an hour in a twenty-five zone.
"Daddies just got me one to celebrate a highly successful year," Rachel whipped out her brand new smart phone. She grinned and said, "I can make posts directly to the internet…it will come in so very useful when inspiration strikes, which you know can happen at any-"
"Quinn, make sure you add Rachel to your friends list on the Friendtracker app," Puck ordered.
"Ugh," Quinn cringed, glaring at Rachel, who was crammed in next to her on the crowded seat. "I can see her right here. Your sweater is hideous, by the way."
Rachel frowned and looked down at her powder blue cardigan which she had layered on top of a lovely pink button down.
"I'm not asking you to add her to your facebook, just get the number in!" Puck demanded harshly. Quinn made a lot of exasperated sounds but finally did as she was told. Puck took Rachel's new phone out of her hands, he brought the shiny new gadget to his mouth and pressed a wad of chewing gum on the back of it before he passed it to Finn. "You only get one shot. It has to land on the top, and you better hope that it lands flat so it sticks there as long as possible. No interceptions, Finny D."
"Right," Finn nodded as the engine to Puck's truck roared even louder as Puck sped closer to the Black Cadillac Escalade that was still two blocks away from them.
"WAIT! What! That was a gift from my Daddies! I worked very hard to earn that!" Rachel yelped, trying in vain to get a hold of Finn's hands and extradite her kidnapped iPhone. "NOOOOOOO!"
Quinn giggled as Finn leaned out the window to Puck's car and chucked the phone with a strength that made her think that the football team may win more than one that season. Rachel's scream died in her throat and Quinn looked down at her phone to avoid Rachel's intensely angry look.
"We've got it," she marveled. She looked at Puck in amazement. "That was really…like resourceful. And smart."
"Thanks for noticing, not too shabby for a Lima loser, yeah?" Puck smirked back at her, although his eyes seemed cold and slightly angry.
"Noah, you're not a Lima loser. Please stop even thinking about saying it," Rachel insisted strongly.
"This is too creepy, the two of you are creeping me out," Quinn wrinkled her nose. She looked to Finn and saw that he too was looking strangely at Puck and Rachel.
"They're heading East. I don't think they realize that we're following them, or else they would probably be going much faster," Rachel realized as the car they were following rapidly made its way towards Route 30.
"Well good. We'll follow them until they stop and get our boys back," Quinn nodded firmly. She felt Finn squirm beside her slightly and she looked to him in the annoyance that had been coming so easily to her these days. "WHAT?"
"…I gotta pee."
What have Fuickleberry gotten themselves into? Can an iphone really stay on the roof of a speeding car on the highway? And how lucky that it hopefully landed gum side down? Is Puck really secretly MacGuyver? Will anyone download a podcast titled "SAVE US SAVE US SAVE US YOU SELFISH FUCKERS!"? Will Finn ever get to go to the potty? (He totally should have went before they started their road trip.
All of these questions should probably be answered...Monday! (For real-ios, this time) Much love Gleeks!