Chapter 1

The curtains ripped open a hole into Blair's dreams filling it with dazzling light. She fought to keep her heavy eyelids shut against the ferociousness of the sun but it was no good. It had been such a good dream too. As her eyes adjusted to the painful light, memories came flooding back of that fateful night in the elevator; the desperation in his eyes, keeping herself from breaking down completely when she had rejected the one true person who she could not bear to lose, ignoring all of the hundreds and thousands of calls and texts from him and finally crying herself to sleep. Tears filled her eyes as she got up and ready for school remembering the cruelness of reality but when she had to go downstairs to face the world, she placed her hand on the doorknob and she remembered instead the amazing wonders of her subconscious to keep her exterior presentable for society even though her insides were broken beyond repair.

Someone opened the door to Blair's bedroom. She gasped but stayed silent as Chuck walked into the room.

"Please… Blair."

He was just too irresistable; his square face, his melting chocolate brown eyes, his gorgeous chestnut hair and last but not least his luscious lips.

But besides his main features that she so adored; Chuck looked terrible. His hair was dishevelled, there were bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept for days, his clothes were messed up and there was thin stubble on his cheeks. But the worst thing wasn't the poor state of him physically; it was the look in his eyes of uttermost desperation that killed her the most. She realised that she must look somewhat similar to him, minus the stubble of course, and that made her regret the meaningless words she had spoken out loud:

"I'm done"

Of course she wasn't done, god! Her insides were screaming it, but she just couldn't bring herself to take what she had said back. She couldn't take him leaving her again, the feeling she got when he wasn't around, the feeling she got of bewildering happiness and completeness when she finally thought she had him, only to have him ripped away from her yet again. No, she had decided logically, that Chuck was not healthy for her. She had decided to force herself not to love him, even though at the moment the correct words might be struggling to force herself.

She stepped forward about to slam the door in his face.

Time would heal it all. She would get over him; eventually. And once she went to Yale and he headed in a different direction, probably hard at work with Bass industries, she would never see him again.

Her hand froze in mid air.

This sudden thought sent another stab of pain through her body. Soon she would never see him again. Never. Again. She would never again be held in his strong arms and squeezed against his body. Never again be breathless with her desire for him. Never again feel his warm skin slide across hers and definitely never again kiss his tender lips.

She threw herself at the door but instead of slamming the door in his face her hand moved towards his neck, crushing her lips against his and squeezing herself against his chest. He instantly responded by gripping his hand around her waist and the other through her hair. They were both beyond desperation for each other. She didn't care if he wasn't healthy for her in the long run, right now at this very moment, he was her everything. And technically silent, but mentally screaming, they made their way towards her bed.

She sighed as she turned the doorknob. She wiped the tears from her eyes and concentrated of how intensely real this particular dream had felt. The warmth of his skin, his grip on her, like he would never ever let her go.

"Morning" Blair faked a smile at Dorota.

The ride to school was long as she mentally prepared herself for the destruction Chuck Bass was about to create to her body. And when she made her way to the gates she spotted him leaning against the brick wall. She was expecting to see him looking depressed and pleading as she passed him. But instead he was smirking and leaning against the brick wall as if he owned the playground. She tried to ignore his intense staring as she walked through the gates. Okay, she thought, not what I was expecting. But maybe this would make things easier. If she didn't have to see that last painful look in his eyes as the elevator doors had closed ever again, then she was greatful. He's playing it cool, she thought, as if nothing had ever happened between them. Huh…typical Chuck. She rolled her eyes.

The day passed as though time was standing still. Her classes dragged on and, although she hated to admit it, she was secretly looking forward to lunch, to seeing him, to be in his presence. No. That was stupid. She was only looking forward to lunch to investigate if he would be so calm and collected again.

At lunch, he was sitting at a table in the courtyard of Constance, still smirking, and with a mischievous look in his eyes. She groaned as she prepared herself to be as nasty as possible to him. Obviously he hadn't got the message in the elevator; he thought he still had a chance.

"Chuck what are you doing here?" she glared. He didn't care, he kept on smirking.

"I don't know. Not you at the moment, but that could soon be arranged…Or are you opposed to PDAs?" he grinned.

"Chuck. I told you. I'm done. I'm not explaining myself again…I'm sorry." she said as she quickly walked away. Chuck quickly got up and ran to follow her. He pushed her gently against the wall in a gap between lockers.

"Blair, what are you talking about?" he asked confused "I can't survive without you. I thought you realised that. I can't lie anymore, I can't hide it, I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused you but I…I…I thought we sorted this all out?" he whispered.

She was glad that he couldn't hear her thoughts when he'd pushed her against the wall and held her there. It reminded her of her dream; and it was bliss.

"Chuck. Please let go of me." she said desperately trying to wriggle herself free of his grip avoiding his eyes. His arms fell limp and she walked off, in the corner of her eye, she could see him still standing there; frozen.

What the hell was he talking about? "I thought we'd sorted this all out?" Since when does "I'm done" mean "I love you, let's get together"? She struggled to remain calm as she turned into the next corridor.

"Blair!" someone called forcing her to resurface from her thoughts. She ignored them, thinking it was him. She couldn't think his name. It hurt too much now. He confused her so much, it wasn't possible. Don't worry Blair, she thought, our placements for college come soon, everything will be okay once we get out of this stupid school. Hell was a more appropriate word. Or was it heaven?


"What!" she snapped as she turned around. It was Dan. Ugh, yay, her favourite person in the world, come to cheer her up. He didn't seem surprised at her angst. Maybe he was used to her being a bitch around him.

"Have you seen Serena?" Wow she hadn't even realised Serena wasn't at school. Maybe it's because when she was, she did very little, and cared very little, for how Blair was feeling.

"No. Wouldn't you know? Aren't you two meant to be glued at the hips, or lips maybe?" He looked concerned.

"Supposed to be…" he trailed off.

Just then her phone vibrated.


I got my Yale acceptance letter this morning! Did u get urs? Sorry I'm not at school, my Mum's having a little family celebration; just me, Eric and her and it's been a while since she's been home since the whole drama with Rufus and their son. So she's let us have the day off school! Hope ur celebrations involve Chuck :P xoxo

- S

"Dan! Wait up!" Blair called to Dan who was turning to leave.

"She's at home celebrating with her Mum and brother, I'm sure you'll get your text soon." She turned and walked away as she thought about the fact that she hadn't told Serena what had happened over the weekend. Why did Serena think that he would be involved in the celebrations? Had she not witnessed the disastrous brunch? But then it hit her. The one thing she hadn't realised in all of her confusion with Serena's last sentence.

She hadn't got her letter from Yale.

She hadn't got her letter from Yale.

She hadn't got her letter from Yale.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. This could not be happening! She screamed causing several people around her to jump and stare at her. Just a lone figure paused in the corridor. She decided to skip last period. This was way more important than English anyway, this was way more important than anything! Well…maybe not as important as…No she couldn't think of him, it would make things worse. She called Dorota to get transport back to her penthouse.

Once home she ran into her bedroom blindly through all of the tears in her eyes and crashed into the bed. She buried herself under the covers before realising something was uneven on her mattress. She grabbed at the lump underneath her to pull out the last thing she expected to see; his scarf.