With a Twist of Lemon

Disclaimer: I don't own Beelzebub!

A/N: One-shots are all I'm capable of. D:


The sulfurous fumes surrounding their first kiss would've burnt the nose hair off anyone within five meters of them. Lucky Tatsumi's sister and parents slept a safe ten meters away in different rooms, and lucky too that Baby Be'el could handle it. They'd still be getting a whiff of that in the morning though, when tramping downstairs in search of breakfast. Kissing a demon was crazy shit, it was only because the Zebub spell pulsated on his arm that Tatsumi didn't melt in her grip, even if he felt like he could. How much power had Hilda been hiding? Was this the monster he'd been sassing all these months? For the first time in his life Oga Tatsumi was scared witless. He was also really, really aroused.

Hilda was hot, not like Takayuki thought Angelica was hot but like a nuclear reactor thought uranium was hot. Her hands were clamped on the sides of his head and he was clutching her waist as if she'd run away. One of them threw a tongue into the mix which threatened to blow up and destroy the neighborhood. Hilda pulled him off her by a fistful of hair and threw him out the open window (since the trial separation they'd suffered during Baby Be'el's demon fever, the window was left open for cheap, convenient Tatsumi-chucking). Her summoned ride, the ever faithful akababa bid, soared into the sky ith them rolling around on its back. Tatsumi groped under her dress and between her legs; she untangled herself from his embrace and backhanded him across the left cheek.

"God damn...! Dressed like a Gothic lolita and acting like a sadistic weapons mistress, aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

Hilda's golden hair fell into her clammy face and her breasts rose and fell with every deep breath she took. Tatsumi crossed his outstretched legs in her lap and grinned.

"You're trying to figure out how it ended like this, right?"

"Quiet, you deplorable man. I'm deciding whether to burn you or bake you."

"Do you mean that sexually?"

"Burn. Baked would have you dead of asphyxiation before the heat sunk in."

"I bet you my left nut I could make you go weak in the knees. In case the kiss was so good you can't even remember."

"Dismemberment? Appealing..."

And he was enjoying himself. Not only did winning his bet mean his left nut was safe, but he'd made out with Hilde-fucking-garde. Made out with. First thing tomorrow morning Tatsumi would inform Takayuki and watch him expire with jealousy.

(Whaddaya mean, gentlemen don't kiss and tell? Who's telling? Tatsumi intended to gloat.)

"Hey, Hilda. Wanna go again?"

So she threw him off, because he was annoying, and also because he didn't need to see the grin (made of malice and fury! Not tempted amusement) peeling across her lips. As Tatsumi fell, the fear shitting itself in his gaping mind awakened Baby Be'el across their beautiful bond. The princely infant instantaneously knew the fifteen meter boundary rule had been broken and bawled like a baby. (Oh, wait.) Tatsumi's body shone with crackling electricity and Hilda didn't give a damn but he just happened to be in the way of her akababa's dive so she grabbed him too. Contractors were so much more annoying when dead.

The second they were in range Baby Be'el shut his mouth, and held out his arms beseechingly for his frazzled father, who said:

"Saved my ass. Nearly fucking roasted it, but saved in the end."

Picking up his giggling son with a satisfied smirk, Tatsumi called out to Hilda. "Milk your tits, I think he's hungry."

The empty plastic bottle hit him so hard he saw stars and fell to the floor, unconscious. Baby Be'el looked sternly towards his motherly maid.


"Young master, he quite deserved it." She mixed the milk powder into lukewarm water and filled a fresh bottle. "Such a stupid, barbaric man." Kneeling before Be'el, she proffered his meal. "A Royal Contractor to the emperor of hell? The laughingstock of the underworld." Hilda stood, rolling Tatsumi under the bed like a murderer inexpertly hiding evidence. "Young master, your taste is hard to comprehend."

The tot pushed his bottle away and demanded, "Dah!" so she gathered him into her arms. He fell asleep as she rocked him back and forth, and she smiled gently down at his pink face.

"Well. Like father, like son."

And it wasn't totally clear which demon lord she was referring to.


It's short! But I like it. Do you?