101A/N: Thank you to my wonderful BETA and all around great girl SassyVampMama. And a loving shout out to the other 4 of my FAB 5 the lovely kjwrit, VikingLover Elle, makesmyheadspin and Suki59. I love you guys. Thank you for pimping my 1st story "Please Remember Me" and helping me get this little story out of my head as well. I hope you enjoy.
"Before Remembering" a Prequel to "Please Remember Me" EPOV (Chapter 1)
Sookie Stackhouse. I think her name over and over every night. I try to remember my time at her home and cannot. I feel like the memories are just below the surface but every time I get close they escape my grasp. It is so frustrating. I care for her, this much I know. I have since Jackson, well Dallas if I am honest with myself. There are moments I have thought that I could….love...her but that is ridiculous. I am a vampire, I do not love. But something deep down inside me tells me I am wrong. My chest is aching again. The more I think of her the sharper the pain. This has been happening ever since the night I left her house. I regained my life but I think I lost something more. I replay the night I rose at her home again and again.
"Where am I?" I thought to myself as I slowly opened the door to an unfamiliar closet. I was hit with a familiar scent, Sookie. Her scent was all over me and I love this smell of her all over me. I walk toward the door I see her standing there watching me put on the cheap jeans left for me on the bed. Her eyes are so bright and loving. I had waited a long time to see her look at me like that. Then her eyes changed as I spoke to her. I asked her why I was in her home and she starts to explain but told me to call Pam. She smiled as she handed me a True Blood when I reach the kitchen but I feel sadness from her. I started to ask her what is wrong but I did not. I was so confused. I wanted to reach out to her. Touch her, hold her but I didn't dare. Sookie and I did not have that type of relationship. Several times I caught her reaching for me. I longed for her to reach out and touch my face. I wanted her to give me some sort of sign that I could go to her but all I felt from her is sadness and resignation. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to joke and laugh with her. I wanted to hold her. WHY? I had always wanted her but this; this is something more than lust.
I felt Pam before I heard my car pull up. "Master, you look well. You are yourself?" She asked
"Yes, though I do not understand why I woke at Sookie's home and not my own." I asked.
"Eric what is the last thing you remember?" Pam asked me cautiously.
"I remember being in my office. That witch was there. Chow attacked her and then I wake up here tonight." That was all.
"Eric that was five nights ago, Sookie found you running down the road to her home that night and you have been here ever since." Pam blurted out. "Eric you don't remember your time with Sookie?" she asked almost hesitantly.
"No, I do not. You and Chow will give me a full report of the last five nights and I want to know everything." I demanded. "Chow is dead." Pam advised.
I started to ask how, but then I decided to wait. "You can tell me on the way to Fangtasia. If I have truly been here for five nights then I am sure there is much that needs my attention there. "
I paused for a moment and thought of going to Sookie and telling her goodbye but why would I give her any explanation of my actions and why do I feel compelled to hold her? I stride toward the door determined to shake these…feelings. As we got into the car the ache in my chest began. It was the first time it hit me. I could feel her so deeply and clearly. I obviously had more of her blood. I could feel Sookie's sadness grow. It felt like she was grieving. And I left her there. God help me, I left her. I knew deep down I had done something unforgivable by leaving her but in my confusion I did it anyway.
As we drove down Hummingbird Lane Pam spoke. "You should have told her goodbye. She was good to you and very loyal. She could have easily taken advantage of the situation financially. Hallow who is dead by the way, offered a $50,000 reward for you. Sookie could have claimed that money but she never even thought about betraying you. She protected you. You should have at least said goodbye to her." I said nothing because I knew my child was right.
I flew back to her house a few hours later. I could not stay away; I had to see her. I felt drawn like a moth to a flame. I looked through the window of her front porch and saw her lying wrapped in a hideous quilt and an equally ugly afghan. It was obvious that she had been crying, as her eyes were swollen and puffy. I went around to the back of the house and silently entered her home. I crept into the living room. The room was lit only by firelight from the roaring fire and I found the fire strangely comforting. I bent down beside her as she lay sleeping on the couch and she seemed to be wrapped in my scent. The quilt and the afghan were covered in my scent. She smelled of me and I smelled of her. She clutched the afghan and quilt as if she were hugging a person. I gently touched her hair as I brushed a kiss on her forehead. The ache in my chest eased somewhat in that tender moment.
The next night I returned to her home and tried to ask her several questions but she avoided answering me. Then our conversation was cut short by an unattractive were. Pam had told me I owed her money; I owed her $30,000. But the price on my head had been $50,000. I left her a check for that amount on the kitchen table while Sookie talked to the were. Pam told me it was her brother's idea for Sookie to be compensated for keeping me and not Sookie's but it made me wonder. Perhaps she cares nothing for me. Perhaps it she kept me safe only for the money that she obviously needed. I smelled something strange in her laundry room. There was human brain matter on her coat. If you could call it a coat, ugly and thin piece of material is a more accurate description. The thought ran through my head that I would buy her a proper coat but I had no idea why. I had been taking care of her since Dallas. I wanted her to feel safe. I wanted her to feel comforted and happy. I tried to ask a few more questions before I left but she was vague. My confusion set in and I just walked out, again. The ache in my chest returned before I reached Fangtasia.
That was 20 nights ago.
Every night I woke with a moment of peace, and then I remembered that she is not there. Her scent on me had finally faded. I could smell it ever so slightly on a t-shirt I found in my office. I sat for hours had looked at that damn shirt. It is something I would have never bought myself. But I hold it to my chest like a child. Like I remembered my human children clinging to blankets when they were young, I have thought of them much these past nights. Another side effect of this ache in my chest, the last thing time I remembered this kind of sadness was when I was turned and I missed my children. I love being a vampire but the first few nights were hard. Ocella allowed me to check on them about six months after I was turned and once I saw that they were doing fine without me after that I did not think of them as much after that. But this ache, this burning ache is different than that because it is not letting up. It is getting worse every night I am without Sookie. Pam realizes there is something wrong with me. I can tell she is worried.
"Eric, why don't you just go to her and talk to her? Pam demanded.
"She will come to me." I stormed
"Stubborn mule" she murmured under her breath before she asked me, "Have you feed tonight? Shall I bring you dinner? There are several lovely sorority girls here tonight." She smiled her evil smile. Well it is the evil smile that I taught her.
For just a moment that makes me smile too. "I leave it to you to choose for me." I smiled and waved her out of my office.
She returned soon after with a petite blonde, with doe eyes and a bright smile. Pam had chosen wisely. I stalked toward her and smiled. "So you wish to feed a vampire?" I purred.
"Yes." She whispered.
I motioned with the crook of my finger "Well then, come to me." She started walking to me but all I could see suddenly see was Sookie.
I could visualize her sweet innocent smile, her brilliant blue eyes, and her golden hair flowing down her back, all the little things that made her adorable and beautiful. I bent my head to the girl's neck and breathed in but the scent was all wrong. She smelled of strong perfume. My Sookie smells of vanilla and lavender a very light scent of the two. And when she does wear perfume she wears Obsession.
Why I was thinking of this now? This sort of thing had become an ongoing problem. I had to make myself feed. I forced myself to bite but the blood that flowed into my mouth was little better than the synthetic crap we sell at the bar. I glamoured the girl into believing we had sex and that she enjoyed herself but I did not want her, I wanted Sookie; I only want Sookie her blood, her body and most importantly her embrace. I sent the girl on her way once I was sure her mind was sorted. I walked to the closet and pulled the t-shirt out and took a breath in and could smell Sookie. And once again, I found myself flying to her home in the middle of the night for my silent vigil.
I watched her come home from work. She was sad, again. I watched her through the bedroom window as she tried to sleep. I watched her hug the pillow and she cried herself to sleep. I wonder why? Could she be missing me the same way I was longing for her? And if so, then why does she not come to me? She shuddered after an hour or so and sat up. She pulled the ugly quilt from beside her bed and took a deep breath and smiled briefly. She laid there awake, holding the hideous quilt, deep into the night. She rose and walked to the other bedroom and knelt beside the closet I had awoken in. She just sat there on her knees weeping silent tears. She finally got up and went into the living room. I watched through the window on the front porch as she stared into the unlit fireplace and ran her hand over the empty place beside her on the floor. She collapsed on the spot and wept again. As she sobbed, the ache in my chest grew substantially and I flew off into the night angry and confused.
The more nights that pass without her the angrier I got at her, at myself and at everyone and everything in general. Pam had threatened to ban me from the bar. She said I was bad for business. It had almost been a month since I stayed with Sookie, so I am pleasantly surprised when Pam approached me and said, "Eric, Sookie Stackhouse is here to see you." She smiled that evil smile I taught her and I in that moment so did I.
Pam brought Sookie to me and I could feel her apprehension as she sits down across the table from me. She talked to me of plots and murders. Why was I not surprised? She could not stay out of trouble for 30 minutes let alone 30 days. She asked for a favor for the shifter. I hate that dumb dog. I have no idea why other that he holds a place in her heart. I agree to help her but not for the shifter but to place someone to watch over her until I can ascertain where the threat is coming from and if someone means her harm.
After we hammer out the details of the favor I asked her to dance. The moment she wrapped me in her arms the ache in my chest stopped. Holding her felt so right, so familiar and I told her this. She opens her mouth to say something but stopped. I could feel her hold on me tighten. I was unsure if she even realized she was doing it. She rubbed her cheek against my chest and I knew she was barely holding it together. I could almost taste her tears.
"Tell me little one, just tell me." I said out loud. The thought running over and over in my mind is, 'I will do anything you ask, just tell me what happened between us that is making you hurt so much.' I started to say more but she made up a reason to leave and ran out of the club. That is what she is good at; running. She runs when things get hard. I told her that once in Jackson. She denied that was a pattern in her life but it fits her to a "T!"
I was now covered in her scent but she was gone. I went to my office and retrieved the t-shirt. I sat and held it for what seemed like an hour before I threw the damn thing on the closet floor. I am Eric fucking Northman, Sheriff of Area 5 and it was time I started acting like it.
Three nights later I received an interesting phone call. Charles Twining, the vampire I have sent to help the shifter and watch over Sookie, unbeknownst to her, called. "Sherriff, I regret to tell you that Sookie's home was attacked last night. She was uninjured but the home was damaged by fire. I was able to apprehend the person responsible." He blurted out.
"While you were 'apprehending' this…person…who was helping Sookie?" I asked through gritted fangs.
"She was saved by a fairy." He almost whispered sensing my anger.
"Charles, start at the beginning of the story and leave nothing out." I demanded.
He told me of hearing a noise, tracking and killing a Fellowship of the Sun member. Of course he did not realize the house was on fire until he saw the fairy pulling Sookie out of the house. 'Right' I thought. I find it curious that he did not smell smoke or a fairy. I must look into what this might mean.
He told me that, Sookie, ran back into the burning house to call for help to try to save that damn old farmhouse. Did she not realize that I would buy her a thousand houses? Houses, cars and clothing I could replace but she could not be replaced.
I felt my anger rise to near boiling. "Underling if you see her doing something that could put her in danger again you are to stop her. I do not care if she screams until she is blue in the face. You should have never allowed her back in that house! I am on my way there now. Where is she?" I yelled into the phone.
"We are at Merlotte's. We are working." He advised me.
"Let me talk to the Shifter NOW!" A few moments later and Sam answered.
"A little busy here Eric. What do you want?" He yelped at me.
"Her house burns down and you make her come into work? What kind of idiot are you? She needs to be resting!" I growled.
"Eric she asked to come in to work. I only did what she wanted. So don't call here yelling at me." He barked.
"She is not herself and now this. She needs to be resting." I said a little softer and more to myself than to him.
"If you are that worried about her why don't you come …" before he could finish I hung up on him and was in my car driving like a maniac before the shifter probably could have hung up the phone!
I was on my way to Sookie. My Sookie, she could have died. I could have lost her forever this time. The ache intensified under that thought and became a horrible tightness in my chest. The more I thought about the danger she had put herself in the angrier I became. How could she be so careless? She was so precious to me, how could she not see that? I drove even faster and I am sure I set a new land record for reaching Bon Temps.
I threw open the door of the shifter's bar and there she stood. My Sookie, my silly, adorable, kind, brave, sweet Sookie and in that moment all I wanted to do was hold her. I felt her take my hand and lead me outside so she could talk to me while she was 'on her break'. Something about that set me off even more.
I was so upset by the ache in my chest for the past month, by her dangerous actions, by Charles' inactions, by the shifters hold on her, and by all of the bloodbags in the bar looking down on her for associating with me and God knows what else. I was not really angry with her but more so with the circumstances surrounding us.
The weeks of not knowing finally took a toll on me and I demanded to know what happened between us. I swear to God I don't really know what happened but one minute I was talking to her and the next I had her by her little arms and I was holding her too hard. Her eyes glazed over in pain and fear. I hated myself for making her eyes look like that and then she said the one thing that cut me open. "If you get your memories back you will look back on this moment and it will break your heart, Eric. It will break MY Eric's heart."
I eased up on the grip but did not let her go. Her eyes soften as she looked at me and I was lifting my hand to caress her face when the shifter stuck his head out the back door to check on her. She pulled back and stepped away from me and just like I had done for a month now, I walked away, so much for me being Eric "fucking" Northman, Sherriff of Area 5.
As I drove to Fangtasia I could feel Sookie's pain and sadness. By the time I walked in and ripped the shirt I had on off and pulled on a leather vest to enthrall the vermin, the ache in my chest was taking me over. I stalked out to my chair and snatched the True Blood out of Pam's hand that she offered me.
"Well Eric, I see that you have been with Miss Stackhouse and she has you in a lovely mood." Pam said snarkily.
"Pamela, if I were you, I would tread lightly. I brought you in this world and I can take you out of it, never forget that little child of mine." I growled at her.
"Master I meant no disrespect, is there anything that I can get for you?" She smiled her sweet 'but I am your little girl and you love me' smile that she always uses when she is in trouble with me and damn it if it doesn't always work on me.
"No, my child, I am fine. I require….nothing." I sigh.
It was a long night. By 11:00pm I had kicked three fangbangers and threatened at least ten tourists when Pam walked onto the stage and told me she needed to speak with me in my office.
"Eric, you are my maker and I…..love you..." she paused as I raised an eyebrow," you know what I mean but you have to go home. You are bad for business. Eric, they come here for a thrill not a death threat! Go home, or better yet, go to Bon Temps, and talk to Sookie…."
I cut her off. "I am the last person she wants to see. I am going home. I will see you tomorrow and we will speak of this no more!" I roared out of the parking lot with my chest on fire and feeling Sookie's sadness like it had not been since the first night I left her home. I did not know how many nights like this I would be able to bear.
I had been home for all of twenty seven minutes when a new type of pain ripped through me. "NO!" I yelled as I felt a heart rending pain from both Sookie and Pam. I immediately ran out of the house and flew toward Fangtasia. I knew that is where they were. Why Sookie was there I could not explain, but I could feel them both at that location. Upon arriving I ran through the back door past Thalia.
"Where is Pam?" I yelled in her direction.
"She took Miss Stackhouse to your office Master." She answered.
I could have never been prepared for the scene before my eyes when I threw open the door to my office. My child and my Sookie were on the floor, crying in each other's arms. I had no idea what to say or what to do. For the first time in a thousand years I was at a loss. I, Eric Northman, had no plan. And the two people that mean more to me than anything else in this world were in a heap on the floor of my office crying so hard that their bodies were convulsing with their sobbing.
This is not what happens in my fantasy when she comes to me. In my dream she is wearing the white dress with little red flowers all over it. She stalks into Fangtasia and up to my throne, leans over and brushes a kiss on my cheek and whispers "Come with me."
And I blindly follow her back to my office. She turns slowly as I close the door. She pushes me ever so slightly against the door and kisses my neck. She pulls me forward and down to her to kiss her way to behind my ear and then she whispers,
"I yield to you. I. Am. Yours." These are the seven words I have longed to hear her say and it shakes me to my soul.
I pull her to the couch and she looks at me sweetly almost innocently. "You have too many clothes on Sookie." I smile.
"Well, what should I take off, Eric?" She says so seductively.
"Why don't I do that for you?" I say as kneel down in front of her and reach under her dress and pull down her lacy white panties.
I kiss her and she pants, "Please Eric, I need you." I hold her, caressing her and I kiss down her neck pulling the dress down to reveal her perfect breasts. I kiss her and please her until she is writhing against me begging.
"Sookie I have fantasized about this so many times. I want you on my desk. I want you." I growl as I lift her onto the desk and begin to push up her dress to see her glistening folds. "Oh Sookie you are so wet for me, I need you." She unzips my pants, pushes them down and guides me to her entrance.
I push into her with one thrust and she immediately screams my name. I push her to the limits that her little body will let her go. I bring her three times before I allow myself my own release.
We lay there on the desk panting and then she looks at me and whispers. "I meant what I said I am yours if you want me, if you love me." She looks at me so hopefully.
"Sookie you are mine, I am yours and I do love you!"
But that is not what I saw before me. She has come to me destroyed by my carelessness. I had done this to her by not going to her before, and by allowing my temper to get so out of control when I did finally go to her tonight. She had showed me nothing but kindness and I have hurt the one person who accepted me as I am. She is the one person, besides Pam, who wanted me for me and not because I was the Sherriff of Area 5 but in spite of it.
Now the question is; what the hell am I going to do about it?