673Yay! I'm back. I have an idea of where this story is going, but not something concrete, so I hope you'll all be patient if there is a long time in between chapters. Hope you all enjoy!
Forest Gump said that life was like a box of chocolates. You never knew what you were going to get until you try one.
And I agree with that one hundred percent.
I never wanted to be an Army Ranger; but it just spiraled out of my control. I was just another cocky twenty year old, thinking that I was invincible.
Now, looking back, I realize that it wasn't entirely true. I wasn't invincible. That I could've been six feet under already, and I wouldn't have anything to my name. I would become another soldier that would be forgotten.
But that was all about to change.
The first time I thought about joining the army was when I was ten. My mother was driving me home from school after I had gotten into another fight. I could feel her piercing stare reach me when she took her eyes off the road.
She sighed. "Stop pouting. You look like I'm going to take you home and beat you."
"It wasn't my fault."
She glanced at me. "You say that every time."
I looked at her, pleading to understand. "And it's true! They started it!"
"Carlos, they were in the seventh grade! You shouldn't be fighting with kids older than you. You could've gotten hurt!"
I looked down at my hands and said nothing.
She sighed again. "Your father didn't teach you to fight people, he taught you to walk away. Be the bigger man. He wouldn't be happy to hear about this." She made the sign of the cross, like she did when she talked about any of our dead relatives.
My father had passed away three years ago, from a drive by. He was picking up groceries and was gunned down by accident.
Killed because his kids wanted ice cream.
"Maybe I should send you to live with your grandmother." My mother said, shaking her head.
I lifted my head again. "What? No! I don't want to live with Grandma Rosa!" Being the oldest boy, I felt it was my responsibility to take care of my younger siblings, no matter what.
And my mother knew this. "No one can replace your father. You especially."
"But…"
"You're just a boy, Carlos!" She yelled. We were parked in the driveway. "I know you feel the need to take care of the family, but that isn't your job! You're ten! Your only job is to get dirty playing with your friends, not trying to get a job!"
I mentally grinned at that one. I was almost hired at the convenience store until my mother walked in and dragged me out by the ear. I was eight.
She turned in her seat. "What was this one about?"
I shook my head.
"Carlos, tell me."
Knowing it was better to just get it out now, I said, "they called you a whore."
"What? Why?"
"Because you've been seen leaving the houses of so many men, that they thought they could pool their money together and buy a date from you."
She sighed. "Do you know what a 'whore' is?"
I shook my head. I had a small idea, but the details were still a little fuzzy.
"You know how I'm a housekeeper?"
I nodded.
"I'm just doing my job, Carlos. I'm seen leaving a lot of houses because I clean a lot of houses. That's all. Nothing else is going on."
"You're not cheating on Papi?" Even though he was dead, I still thought of my parents as married.
She nodded. "Carlos, I love you. And your father was the love of my life. When you find the woman you'll spend the rest of your life with, you'll understand."
I wrinkled my nose. "Eww, girls are gross."
She gave me a small smile. "Well, usually when you find her, you'll stop thinking girls are gross."
I nodded again. She patted my shoulder and we went inside. My uncle, who was serving in the army, had come home for a visit. I was amazed at how he carried himself and how everyone treated him. It was like he was someone special. Important.
And I knew that was what I was going to do to help my family. They were treated like the best of the best. I thought that if I was in the army, I could help my sisters, my brother and my mother. My Uncle talked about how he could give my aunt and cousin the world. I figured that because of the army, he could live a very comfortable life. And that was something I wanted to give my family.
Unfortunately, it wasn't until I was all grown up that I realized the sacrifice that they had to make. I could give them a better life, but at a very high cost. Because to help the family, I had to protect them from everything that I had seen over the past twelve years. And the burden was slowly getting greater.
Now thirty, I was ready to get out. It was time to start living my life with a certain someone. The government had been confused at first, considering I was their best operative, but eventually, they let me leave. I earned enough money from them to last me a lifetime.
"Talk," Tank said when I called his cell.
"Report." I barked. I was in no mood. They had kept me longer to try to get me to change my mind and I was getting crankier by the second. All I wanted to do was curl myself around a brown haired, blue eyed beauty and sleep for a year.
"Everything's quiet. That was quick." He said.
I snorted. "They held me for three weeks against my will. I'm out sooner than I'd thought I'd be."
"But you're out?"
I knew what he was asking. "For good. No more contracts."
"That's a relief; we were getting too old for this shit."
"No kidding."
We were silent for a while.
"How is she?" I asked.
He paused. "Carlos…"
Uh oh, not good. "I'm driving in a fucking snow storm. If you've lost her again then…"
"It's not that."
"Then what?" I growled.
"After you left, she and Morelli gave it a real shot. He asked her to marry him and she said yes."
My brain wasn't making the connection. "He proposed?"
"Yes."
"And she said yes?"
"Yes, are…"
"That's good. I'm happy for her." I lied.
Tank, being my best friend, had picked up on it. "Carlos…"
"She deserves a happy and safe life. And that's what she'll get with him. If you talk to her before I get back, tell her congratulations from me."
"Okay, but…"
I hung up on him. I didn't want to hear anymore about her happiness. She was marrying the cop. They were going to live happily ever after in their someday.
I had lost.
My heart cracked and sank as I remembered what I had picked up on the way out of D.C. On a whim, I stopped in a local jewelry store and found the perfect gift for her.
A beautiful two-carat emerald cut diamond.
I was going to tell her it was time for our someday.
What a waste that was now.
The bitterness I was feeling when I remembered my mother's words. I was losing the love of my life in a fate worse than death. I would spend the rest of my life on the outside of hers, watching her being happy with someone else, while I continued to mourn, alone.
When you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, it's all or nothing.
And now, because I was a coward, I was getting the nothing.
"Merry Christmas to me," I muttered. This was turning out to be the worst Christmas ever.
And that counts the ones where I was on a mission.
I sighed deeply. "I wish I had one more chance. One more to make it all right."
Realizing that I had stopped focusing on the road, I turned my attention back. But it was too late.
I couldn't miss the patch of black ice.
I could feel the car slip and there was nothing to stop it. I was headed straight for the guardrail.
And I knew that this was it. No coming back after this one.
I braced myself for impact and my world went dark.
When I opened my eyes, a pair of small brown ones stared back at me.