August 2007 Pam sat down drumming her fingers lightly against her perfectly round stomach that had just seemed to truly seem to pop out of her frame as she wore a tank top and shorts. Sitting underneath a beach umbrella, she sat back on the beach chair Ryan had brought for her and was currently taking notes that Michael insisted on. Ryan was sitting beside her in a hoodie and jeans and was currently taking out sun screen for her to put on. Originally Ryan didn't want her to come to beach day. He thought the warm weather and being on her feet would be too much. Pam insisted she was fine, and after Ryan set her up, she saw him just starting to relax. He had currently quit the beach games after refusing to be yelled at by Dwight during the blindfold race. Her engagement ring sparking in the sun.
He squirted the bottle of white cream into Pam's hand. Smiling, she thanked him before slowly rubbing it into her skin. Ryan helped her while Jim watched from the distance. Both had decided to go public with their relationship as soon as the pregnancy was confirmed. Scared out of her mind, Pam wasn't exactly sure how people were going to react. Kelly cried for almost a full day, shooting daggers at them, while everyone make awkward comments. Jim at one point strolled on over and raised an eyebrow before leaning over grabbing a jelly bean from her candy dish.
"So, you and Ryan. Cool."
"Yeah, sorta happened kinda fast."
"Got a Beesley offspring on the way. That's awesome. You're going to be a great mom."
Instantly Pam smiled feeling tears string behind her eyes. Now a few months later here they were.
"Say, how about we get out of here soon."
"I'm okay, this is sorta fun. Besides don't you wanna see who's going to win Michael's epic games?"
Ryan rolled his eyes before kissing the side of her cheek, making her smile. The news of the pregnancy had spread quickly, as did their engagement. Pam still remembered after she told him she was pregnant, how the two of them had been able to slip out of work easily before heading back to her place. There they spent the next several hours celebrating this very surprising news by non-stop sex. Finally Pam, exhausted and drained fell asleep tangled between the sheets and comforter. When she woke, it was nearly sunset. Blinking, she awoke hearing the front door. Looking up, she turned over, gathering the sheet around her before Ryan walked in.
"Hey, so I'm pretty sure Dwight was outside cruising my place making sure I was really sick. Lucky I was able to dart inside before he noticed me."
Pam sat up giving a lazy smile.
"Where were you?"
"Well, I got ourselves a pizza which is cooling on the counter, a pint of ice cream for you and our little surprise...and..."
He dropped down to one knee by the side of the bed and reached into his side pocket of his jeans and took out a tiny black box.
Pam blinked. In the last few hours so much had happened she couldn't believe it. Instantly her eyes widened as Ryan opened the box, revealing a very impressive ring.
"Oh my God Ryan..."
"I know everything is happening fast...but I know I want you Pam, and I want this baby. I promise I'll work as hard as I can to give you both the life you deserve."
Tears rimmed Pam's eyes before she laughed and nodded. Now here they were. After they announced the engagement and pregnancy, the entire office was in shock. At first Pam expected Jim to say something but instead at the end of the day while Ryan was in a meeting with Michael, he strolled over to the desk and smirked.
"You and Ryan huh Beesly? That's awesome."
Pam glanced up, nearly everyone was all ready getting ready to leave. Karen was currently in the ladies room. Smiling, she glanced over between the blinds of Michael's office where Ryan was sitting listening to Michael who seemed to be in high spirits since this morning after Meredith noticed Ryan and her holding hands when they first walked in. Originally Pam wanted to hold off on the news of the baby at least until it was a little bit later. Instead after they admitted they were indeed engaged and had been seeing each other, Ryan grinned from ear to ear and told them about the baby. Kelly ran from the room crying, while Angela rolled her eyes, and Phylis and Michael squealed with delight. Kevin giggled and ruffled Ryan's hair.
"Way to go dude."
Michael couldn't believe it since the two never led on they were together. After plenty of embarrassing comments, all Pam could do was awkwardly smile, before meeting Jim's eyes who were stunned. Later while walking by the meeting room she slightly overheard Jim remark to the camera that he had zero idea Ryan and her were even friends. Later, Pam was able to get Ryan alone in the kitchen. She mentioned that maybe it wasn't such a good idea telling everyone about the baby. Ryan grinned taking his string cheese out. "
Why not, only a matter of time before they find out..."
"Yeah I know but...it's still early, what if something happens..."
Ryan's entire expression fell. Right away a serious look flickered across his eyes. A look, Pam wasn't used to.
"Don't say that Pam."
Pam glanced and was happy to see the camera far away, unable to catch this. Nervously, she played with her ring which still felt weird and heavy on her hand.
"It's true, I mean I'm not even in my second trimester..."
Ryan stepped closer, meeting her eyes.
"Pam, let's be happy today...I'm happy." Nodding, Pam stared up at him before he gently kissed her forehead. Now a few hours later here they were. Smiling at Jim she nodded.
"Yeah, it sorta happened fast."
"Well, Ryan seems like a nice guy...Kelly had several nervous breakdown at lunch but I think she'll get over it."
Pam lightly laughed before Jim glanced down at her new engagement ring.
"We should all double date together one night..."
"Yeah of course..."
"See ya later Beesly...
" Pam watched him leave, all the while sitting back watching her new fiancee's and father of her child just a few feet away. Today during beach games, she was beginning to notice Ryan was starting to act like his usual self. He had kept a close eye on her during the last few months. They had moved in together, and as the pregnancy continued, Ryan was there for every doctor's appointment. Whenever she felt sick in the morning he was there to hold her hair, rub her back, and coax her to drink ginger ale. She was falling more and more in love with him, but was starting to see how on edge this pregnancy was making him. Whenever there was a doctor's appointment it seemed that he was the one asking all the questions. The one who always seemed to be second guessing what her doctor said, or on edge whenever she got a back ache, or felt over tired. She expressed this to her mother who simply told her she should be grateful he's that worried about her. That he's a young father to be, he's just nervous.
Still, sometimes it felt as if she was made out of glass and Ryan was waiting for any second for her to break. When they decided to move in was after they finished filling out their paperwork with HR and Pam got on Ryan's health insurance. People were still acting weird about the news of the engagement and pregnancy. Angela gave her disapproving looks, while Kelly avoided them completely. Ryan said they might as well move in even though Pam wasn't completely sure. His roommate's lease was up, and was planning on moving out by the end of the month to move back home after finishing school. The day they moved her in, Ryan lifted everything heavy while Pam admired how hard he was actually trying to make things work. Their first night sleeping together in the same bed, both laid awake before Ryan asked if this was what she wanted?
"What do you mean?"
"I know things are moving fast. The baby, me proposing, moving in..."
Pam smiled, still overwhelmed. Just yesterday he went with her to her latest doctor's appointment where she got an ultrasound done. It was still too early to find out the sex, but the blurry printed out photo now hung on their fridge. Ryan the entire ride home kept smiling at it. When they got home, still surrounded by unpacked boxes and new furniture Ryan and two of his business school buddies had helped move in from her place. Gently pushing her down on the sofa, his hands cupped her breasts before slowly he lifted her skirt. Sitting there in their now shared living room, Pam felt sweat slowly laying back against the sofa as Ryan knelt in front of her. Slowly he slid her panties off her before lowering his head between her thighs.
Instantly Pam cooked back a cry as her hands clutched the cushions. Breathing deeply, she tried to focus on the ceiling. Now all this time after, the two were currently living together. Things were still very new, and as the pregnancy continued, Pam had absolutely no idea what to expect. She suspected she loved Ryan, or was at least falling in love with him. The only thing that had been weighing her down was how suffocating Ryan could be about the baby, and watching Jim and Karen from afar.
She tried her hardest not to let it bother her, but knowing that she truly missed her chance was beginning to bother her more and more. At beach day Pam insisted on staying dispite Ryan's protests. While everyone watched the mess unfold with the hot coals with Michael and Dwight. When Pam glanced down at the hot coals and tried to speak up about wanting to do it Ryan glanced over as if she was crazy.
He harshly whispered. Once Michael had distracted everyone away, pleading his case Pam wandered over to the steaming coals. Biting down on her lip she smiled and admitted to the camera she was going to do it. Taking a deep breath, she ran across the coals, lightly burning the bottoms of her feet before crossing over. Laughing, full of energy she looked at the camera before hurrying over to the crowd and admitting what she did.
"I've been trying to be more honest but I did the hot coal walk! I did it. Michael you couldn't even do that, Maybe I should be your boss."
Ryan stared stunned.
Everyone looked as Pam ignored him.
"Wow I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you It really sucked. Sometimes you act like I don't even exist."
She then turned and stared straight at Jim, her heart racing.
"Jim I called off my wedding because of you and now we're not even friends and things are weird between us and that sucks. I miss you, you were my best friend before I went to Stanford. I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. There were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding, But the truth is I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. Now you're with someone new and that's fine..."
Karen stared up with wide eyes as glances kept going over to Ryan who just sat there in silence. Pam went on, unable to stop even if she wanted.
"I'm engaged to Ryan and we're having a baby, I love him and I've moved on just like you...and it's whatever, my feet really hurt...the thing I'm just trying to say Jim is and to everyone else in the circle is I guess...I miss having fun with you. Just you not everyone in the circle...Okay I'm going to walk in the water now. It was a good day..."
She hurried away feeling everyone staring at her including Ryan. Michael shouted after her how amazing it was before Pam reached the shore and felt instant stinging relief as she stood cooling off, her heart hamming a million miles per minute. As everyone sat in awkward silence, Ryan got up quickly almost covering his face from the cameras before hurrying down the shore to her.
"What was that all about?"
He harshly whispered. Pam turned, a little surprised.
Ryan glared at her.
"You accepted my proposal...we're living together, you said you wanted to do this. You're having my baby Pam...is there something you aren't telling me."
Pam knew he was angry.
"No, do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for me up there? I'm all for you being honest but there you were wearing my engagement ring, carrying my baby and basically confessing you're love to another man..."
"Forget this I'll be on the bus..."
He started up towards the sand before he turned. "Walking on hot coals huh? Nice thinking Pam. If you ever do something that fucking stupid again with my baby inside of you I'll kill you."
Pam stood there shocked.
Ryan ignored her, hurrying up the sand. Moments later, Jim joined her. When they finished up, plenty of people watching, including Karen, Pam met Ryan on the bus who was all ready sitting next to Stanley. Sighing, Pam sat further in the back. Once they arrived back, both went over to Ryan's car. Instantly Pam sighed and looked at him.
"I'm sorry I said those things...I just miss Jim as a friend and with everything happening so fast...I just needed to get some stuff on my chest."
"If you don't want to marry me Pam please tell me. You were all ready in a very long engagement with somebody you didn't love. We can still have this baby and raise it together. I just need you to be honest now."
Pam bit down on her bottom lip before glancing over and watching Jim and Karen kissing before getting into Karen's car. Thinking back on the beach, with those brief private minutes she had with Jim, she remembered her going in for a kiss. instead Jim stepped back and smiled.
"Pam, I care about you...but you're going to have a baby with Ryan. He really cares about you. Anybody could tell. We're friends Pam, and I'll always care about you...let's just not make the same mistakes okay?"
Pam felt hot stringing tears behind her eyes before she nodded.
Pam smiled, ashamed and humiliated but slowly walked back to the bus. Staring at Ryan at this exact moment she nodded.
"I want to be with you...I mean it."
Ryan nodded before putting his hand down against her stomach. Sighing, looking very unhappy he nodded before motioning to the car.
That night Ryan slept with his back to her, and the next morning they got up as if nothing happened.
Two weeks later they found out they were having a little boy. While Jim and Karen went to interview for the job in New York, Pam sat back feeling the baby kick inside of her, never feeling more depressed before in her entire life. Just then Ryan hurried out from the kitchen grinning from ear to ear. Pam looked up and her frown faded as he went straight over to her desk.
"Hey, can we talk outside for a second?"
Pam raised an eyebrow.
Carefully getting up, Pam followed him into the hallway before he turned, his face lit up.
"I just got a call from David Wallace."
Pam looked surprised.
"Did he say who got the job?"
"He just offered to me."
Pam's jaw nearly dropped.
"Yeah, I guess after Jan found out about her position being filled there was a huge scene and well...long story short, I got it. We're going to New York."
"Well you're my fiancé' Pam, I'm not leaving without you and the baby. God just think about it. I'll be making so much more. We can get a nice apartment, we'll get married before the baby comes..."
"Whoa, Ryan slow down. What about my job here? What about my family, or our place?"
"We still have to figure out the details of course but think about it. I'll be making enough money so you won't have to work, at least until after the baby is born. We can still visit. New York is totally the place you want to raise a kid. They have the best private schools, and day cares..."
"Yes really. God I'm so excited...I gotta call my mom."
He leaned over, deeply kissing Pam before hurrying down the hallway flipping open his cell phone. Instantly Pam stood there, feeling her baby move inside of her and feeling violently ill.
Ryan shot up from Pam's shared bed, sweat rolling off him. Startled awake, Pam blinked and remembered they were currently spending the night at her mother's. They were in her old bedroom. Grabbing her glasses off her nightstand, she flicked on the side lamp watching her husband sit up from a nightmare, his eyes wide and completely terrified.
Ryan took a second before looking over at her.
"I...need...get the baby Pam."
"Was it another nightmare?"
She tried touching his arm but he flinched away like a scared animal.
"Please, get the baby..."
Pam glanced over at the alarm clock and saw it was a little after three.
"Ryan it was just a bad dream..."
Instantly Ryan threw back the comforter, going to get up.
"I'll get him..."
Pam shook her head. The last thing she wanted was Ryan acting hysterical in front of her parents. Getting up, she hurried to the door. Minutes later, she returned to find Ryan nervously pacing back and forth. Smiling, she held Tegan who was fast asleep against her chest.
"Here we are..."
Ryan looked suddenly so relieved as he hurried over.
"Give him to me..."
Before Pam could say another word Ryan took the sleeping baby from Pam's arms and clutched onto him for dear life. The baby stirred for just a second, before resting his head on Ryan's shoulder and falling asleep instantly. Looking worried beyond belief, he turned and looked at Pam completely helpless. Biting her bottom lip she sighed.
"You had another dream didn't you...one where Tegan died."