9,240Rochelle Allison
Starry Eyed Inside (Future-take) "Waiting All Night"
E/B
Rated M
All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. Thanks to my beta, NicnicD.
"Waiting All Night"
Thanksgiving Break
Junior Year
"You ready to go?"
Distracted, I continue to rifle through my purse, looking for the phone charger I hope I remembered to pack. A flash of white wiring from the bottom of the bag catches my eye, and I yank it out, relieved I don't have to run back upstairs.
"I am now." I jump into the passenger seat of the Camaro, where Edward's got the air conditioner on high. It's November, but it's also Florida, and unseasonably hot at that.
Exhaling roughly, Edward backs out of his (illegal) parking spot in front of my dorm. We drive in sleepy silence for a couple of minutes, one of many cars headed off campus for the Thanksgiving break. We were up late last night, packing and fooling around.
I'm not as much of a basket case as I was this time last year, or the year before, but I'm still anxious. I always am. No matter how long I live away from Jensen Beach, I'm always happy to get back.
"Ugh, traffic's already a mess," I complain, staring ahead at the congestion on I-4.
"Good thing we have music," Edward tosses me his iPod. "And snacks."
I eye the fuel gauge. "And gas."
He snorts, side eyeing me. "You're never gonna let me live that down."
"Nope."
Thanksgiving; Freshman year
We'd only been away from home for a few months, but this was our first time going back. I was an anxious mess, desperate to see my parents, sleep in my old bed, and eat home cooked meals. Edward was looking forward to all that stuff too, but he was also irritable and hung over from staying up half the night with his friends. In our excitement we – well, he – totally forgot to gas up. Thirty minutes into our trip we were stranded on the side of some country road.
"What do you mean, three hours?" I cried, frantic. Edward had just gotten off the phone with AAA.
"They're insanely backed up," he said. "Because of the holidays."
"That's crazy."
Edward just sighed, rubbing his eyes.
"We're not waiting here for three hours." I shook my head. "Maybe if I call my dad –"
"Shit. Shit!" He slammed the steering wheel. "I'm gonna walk. I have an old gas jug of Em's in the back."
"I'll go with you."
He frowned at me like he might argue, but then nodded. "Fine. Let's go."
We walked for about twenty minutes before a family in a minivan stopped and gave us rides both to and from the nearest gas station. They had like five kids and a dog, and they gave us juice boxes after bringing us back to our car.
Good times.
Now
"Remember the little disco ball?" I sigh, remembering. "Dangling from the rear view mirror?"
"How could I forget?" Edward changes lanes, glaring impatiently at a green station wagon going slow in the fast lane. "You kept pointing it out..."
"It was pretty!"
"Mhm."
My phone chirps, notifying me of a text. Flipping my sunglasses up, I peer down at the screen. It's my mother.
How's it coming?
On I-4. Will text when we hit the turnpike. Xoxo
ok. tell E to drive safely.
"My mom said to drive safely."
"Tell her I will, but only because she asked me to."
I laugh, flicking his arm. "Shut up."
He smirks, the same crooked little grin that gave me butterflies at fourteen and still does today.
A good song comes on, one I made Edward download in anticipation of this trip. I turn it up, grab a bag of apple chips, and sit back.
"Hi, honey." My mother's grin is so big it threatens to take over her face.
"Hi, Mom." I squeeze her tightly, and then step back, looking around. "Where's Dad?"
"On his way. I sent him to Publix to grab a few things."
Edward kisses my mother's cheek, allowing her to hug him and tousle his hair. "Smells good in here, Renee."
"Coconut cream pie. Bella's grandmother used to make it, so...I thought I'd give it a try."
Thinking of Grandma Marie makes my heart squeeze. I swallow, wondering what she's up to today, if she's doing better. Since her stroke years back, it feels like one step forward and two steps back sometimes. I should call. Like she knows what I'm thinking, Mom glances at me. "I spoke to Grandpa last night. He said things have been good. Really good."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." She nods, smiling, and turns back to the oven.
Relief comes in the form of tears burning behind my eyes, and I take a really deep breath. I'll probably call my grandparents tonight anyway, just to hear their voices. Years ago our family got together all the time but now I haven't seen my grandparents since last Christmas. I'm hoping that, come December, we'll all be together again.
Edward grabs my hand, and we make our way to the front porch. I know he has to go home – he's got people waiting for him, too – but it's always weirdly hard to let go. Although, it's way easier than it used to be. I've tried not to be the clingy type, but being in love can make the most sensible girl an absolute idiot.
Thanksgiving; freshman year
"Why are you crying?"
"Because I'll miss you," I blubbered, embarrassed. And I would miss him...but I was pretty sure a lack of sleep the night before as well as our running-out-of-gas drama was more to blame. Irritated with myself, I wiped my knuckles across my eyes.
Predictably amused, Edward tugged me into a hug. "You missed Jensen Beach, too." He was teasing, and he was right: I'd cried plenty of homesick tears in Tampa.
"I did. I do." I pushed my wet face into his t-shirt.
His fingers combed through my hair, which needed a trim, desperately. Mom said she'd bring me first thing the next day. "First year away is always the hardest. You'll be okay."
I nodded, getting a grip. He was right. Other than a couple of vacations, I'd never been away from home for so long. Everything felt different in Tampa, from the landscaping to the mall to even the weather. Edward had been amazing, though. He kept me company and listened when I needed it.
He was good for hugs, too. And kisses.
And sex. God, the sex.
It was so much better when we didn't have to sneak around.
I blushed, thinking about the night before, when Edward had shown up drunk and handsy. Stretching to my tip-toes, I kissed his cheek and pushed him away. "Go home. I know your mom's dying to see you."
He nodded. "I'll call you later. We'll go for a drive or something."
"A drive? After today?" I asked, thinking of all the hours we'd just spent in the car.
He grimaced. "Maybe a walk. I don't know."
"Okay."
"Okay." Tilting my face up, he leaned down and kissed me. It made me want him more, miss him already. "Bye."
"Bye."
Now
"You going out tonight?" my mother asks, settling into the couch with a book and a cup of tea.
"Nah. I'm kind of tired." This is only half true. Really, I just want to be home...engaging in mindless chitchat with my parents, snacking on things in the pantry and vegging out in my old room.
She smiles, shaking her head. "Getting old, I see."
I snort, plopping down beside her. "Yeah. Ancient."
"I take it Edward's not going out then, either."
"Nope. We said we'd take it easy tonight. There'll be plenty of time to party over break."
"I remember a time when you couldn't stay home at all."
"I know." I rest my head back and close my eyes, reminiscing. There are so many things, s many good things...
...the inside of Edward's first car...how it smelled, how it felt when he turned the bass up real high. His face aglow by the passing neon signs on US-1. Kissing at stoplights. Endless days at the beach, slick with suntan oil and savory with salt. Talking to my girls while watching the waves and the boys who rode them...
"Good to have you home, baby."
Slowly, my eyes open. Even this living room has seen its share of things. "It's good to be home, Mom. Missed you guys."
She squeezes my knee. "I know."
I wake up early, having had a decent night's rest for once. In the kitchen, Dad waits around to have breakfast with me while my mother moves briskly around, doing about forty things at once in preparation for tonight's feast.
"D'you need me to do anything?" I ask around a mouthful of toast.
"I'm all right. I might need you later, for the pies, but for now we're on track."
"Okay." I watch her fondly, glad she's sticking to the basics this Thanksgiving. We've definitely had some weird stuff over the years, mostly when she's tried to "incorporate other cultures".
"Still wish you'd brought the truck down," Dad says, peering at me over the top of his coffee.
"I know," I manage not to roll my eyes, but just barely. "You've said. About ten times."
"Hey, I worry about you so far away. Least you can do is drive it back every now and then so we can take it for tune-ups."
"Edward takes it. Regularly."
He wrinkles his nose. "Right."
"Daddy."
"Mhm." Standing, he shoves the rest of his bagel into his mouth before mumbling, "Bring the truck next time, okay?"
"Okay." I prefer driving with Edward, but my father obviously needs a little reassurance that he's still necessary in my life. I catch his hand as he moves away. "Love you."
"Love you too, Bells. Good to have you home."
Around noon, anxious to see my girl, I borrow Mom's car and head over to Alice's. Unlike Rose, who goes to school in Miami with Emmett and makes frequent trips to see us in Tampa, Alice is far away in Georgia. Our visits are pretty much relegated to holidays and breaks, and while it's better than nothing, I miss her a lot.
She swings the door open before I even get a chance to ring the doorbell. "AAAAHH!"
We dive into a crazy hug, broken up only by Mrs. Pena, who hugs us both herself. We're all gesturing and talking at once, and even though I ate breakfast I'm suddenly starving due to the smells of cinnamon and sugar wafting in from the kitchen.
"Her new thing is churros," Alice announces, linking our arms as we head for the kitchen. "Random, but delicious."
After chatting a bit and catching up with Mrs. Pena, we grab a bunch of churros and head for Alice's old bedroom. It's so much emptier looking than it was when we were high school. There was a time when snapshots and posters adorned the walls, when the bed was covered in stuffed animals, books and magazines. Now it's more generic, like a guest room.
"Is Jasper back yet?" I ask, licking sugar from my fingers.
Alice glances at her laptop. "He's like, an hour away. Got a late start."
"Oh, okay."
"Hey, guess who I saw this morning at the gas station?"
"Who?"
"Garrett."
My stomach does this weird flip, but not for the reason it used to. I mean, he was my first, and though there are no more feelings, I did love him once. A lot. Now, hearing his name makes me anxious for other reasons, namely an episode I had with Edward last year.
I trace the designs on Alice's bedspread. "Did you say hi?"
"Yeah, we chatted for a couple of minutes." She pauses, and then says the words I wish she wouldn't. "He asked about you."
"What did you say?"
"That you were great. Still with Edward."
I nod slowly, looking up at her. "And how's he?"
"Good, I think. I mean he looks fantastic."
Thanksgiving; sophomore year
"Shh!"
"What?" Rose faux-whispered.
"Just, shush." I dragged her into an empty corner of Jake's basement. "Don't even talk about Garrett. Edward's being a dick."
Visibly confused, she looked around to see who could possibly be listening. "Over Garrett?"
"Yes! Can you believe that?"
"But..." She made a face. "You've been with him way longer than you were with Garrett. And it was years ago. Why's he acting dumb now? What happened?"
"Ugh. It's a long story."
"Like how long?"
"Like it started a couple of months ago long."
She shoved my shoulder. "And why are you only telling me this now?"
"Because," I wailed, feeling the tears I'd been holding back finally burn their way to the surface. "You and Emmett...and I just...don't know."
"Me and Emmett what?"
"You guys are so steady now, you know? Legit. No drama. And Emmett's his brother. I didn't want to cause waves. I just..." I didn't even know what I was trying to say. "I kept hoping this shit with Edward would blow over."
"Bella..." Jessica Stanley brushed by with some kid she'd brought back from college, prompting Rose to pull me from our corner and up the stairs. We paused on the patio, where it was quiet. "Bella...are you guys like...okay? You did drive down together, right?"
"Yeah...but things have been weird. He said he wants space."
She huffed. "Space? What an idiot. Seriously."
"I know."
"He better not even look my way –"
I shake my head. "Just forget it."
"Like hell. Tell me what happened."
So I told her.
Back in August, during our last week of summer, I ran into a couple of friends at the beach, and during the conversation someone mentioned that Garrett was lifeguarding. I didn't know that, and I hadn't seen him in over a year, so I went to say hello.
Edward found us, an hour later, chatting merrily away near Garrett's post. While he didn't look particularly pleased to see me chatting up my ex, he seemed to take it in stride. They smiled and acted cool with each other, and when I left with Edward he took my hand, swinging it as we walked away.
The night before we left for Tampa, though, a text came through.
Carlie.
We'd been fooling around in his room, but seeing that name cleared the fog of lust with a quickness. I remembered her: she'd worked with Edward, a few years previous, at his construction job in Stuart. She'd wanted him, badly, and they'd even gone out a couple of times, but he said nothing had ever happened between them. We saw her out from time to time, and while she seemed sweet, I still got the impression she liked Edward.
Now, with her texting at 1:34 in the morning, I knew she did.
I snatched the phone up, shoving my skirt back down. We were both a little tipsy, and I knew we could be drama llamas at times like this, but I had to say something. "What the hell is this?"
Staring back at me, he sighed, holding his hand out for the phone.
I refused, clutching the phone as I stared at him. Edward had never given me a reason to think he'd stray, but I couldn't help but feel disrespected. Insecure. And I hated it.
"Really, Bella?"
Looking down, I read the message out loud.
So I don't get to see u b4 u go?
Like an ass, he just laughed. "It's not like that."
"Not like that?" I cried. "How does she even have your number?"
"Probably since we worked together."
"Did you see her this summer?"
"Nah, but she knew I was home."
"She –"
But he just grabbed the phone and tossed it aside. "She's just a girl. Don't trip."
"I know who she is."
"Then you know she's a friend."
"A friend who wants you."
He flopped back onto the bed, arms folded behind his head.
I stared at him, my heart doing ugly things on the inside. I'd seen Carlie comment on Edward's Facebook, but texting was a different matter.
"Kind of like you and Garrett," he said after a moment, eyeing me.
"You...can't be serious, Edward. I've seen him once in like two years! We don't even talk."
"He didn't give you his number?" he asked, somehow knowing damn well Garrett had.
"Yeah, okay, to keep in touch." My heart sank. It sounded worse when I said it out loud, but I knew what my intentions were. I got off the bed. "I don't think about Garrett like that."
"You sure he knows?"
I made a face, not bothering to answer. Sure, Garrett had been happy to see me that day on the beach, and yes, I could tell he was still fond of me. It was painfully obvious. Regardless, our conversation had remained strictly friendly.
Well, and then he'd re-friended me on Facebook. And gave me his number. To keep in touch – platonically. Not once did I flirt or act inappropriately, and honestly, having to explain this to Edward was a bunch of bullshit.
"Heard he's transferring up north," Edward continued, watching me.
I shrugged, but it was true: Garrett was transferring to a school in Jacksonville. But that had nothing to do with me. The fact that Edward knew about Garrett's switch and thought it somehow affected me was baffling. Edward wasn't normally a jealous person. He'd never had to be.
"So what?" I asked, folding my arms. "What does this have to do with that girl texting you?"
"Not a damn thing."
"Then why'd you bring it up?"
"I don't know.
I dropped the topic, and he let me. We left soon after, barely speaking on the way to my house. I spent the night tossing and turning, my stomach in knots. I couldn't understand why the whole Garrett thing bothered him so much, but it did – and I wished more than anything he'd told me instead of getting all passive aggressive.
Our drive back to Tampa the next day was hell. I was suffering from a night of no sleep, and Edward didn't seem too much better. Things felt tense and weird, even though we both tried to play it off.
That was the first time we'd ever really fought. It was disconcerting how quickly things had gotten out of hand, how we'd literally made something out of nothing. He thought he was right, and I thought I was right, and now we were just stuck. I remembered Em and Rose doing this on the regs back in high school – creating drama from thin air. Now we were doing the very same thing. I felt like I'd been snatched up by a tornado of crazy.
We did make up a day or two later, but things had shifted. We bickered more, like we'd lost something along the way. Maybe it was respect for each other; I didn't know. It was like our relationship had gone off course, and we were having a rough time getting it back on track.
By Thanksgiving, my truck was acting up so I had to ride back to Jensen Beach with Edward. We had a fight at my dorm because I was taking too long to get ready, and unlike the minor quarrels of the past few months, this one got nasty. We spent the entire drive in silence, not even stopping to use the bathroom.
I'd never been as relived to see my street as I was that day. I turned to Edward, intent on at least calling a truce, but the look on his face silenced me. Outside my front door, he set my backpack down, said he needed some space, and left.
Rose stared at me, incredulous as I wrapped the story up.
"So, yeah. That was," I checked my phone, "about five hours ago."
"I don't believe this," she said. "You guys never fight."
"I know."
"Does that girl still text?"
"He deleted her number and unfriended her on Facebook."
"How do you know?"
I gave her a look. "I checked, obviously."
"Ooh, devious."
"Yeah, not my best moments."
And they really weren't. That I'd allowed myself to be a suspicious girlfriend, checking into things, made me feel petty and small. But...whatever. Desperate times called for desperate measures.
Rose bit her lip, looking around. "Wanna smoke?"
I hadn't toked in forever, but it took me just a second to want to. "Yes."
She smirked at my eagerness, and then nodded toward the door. "Then let's go. It's dead tonight anyway."
It really was; not that many people were at Jake's and those present were keeping it chill. I knew Edward was somewhere, floating around, but honestly even looking at him made my stomach hurt. I didn't know what to do.
Space? He wanted space? Asshole.
I loved him. I knew that. But I didn't like him very much just then.
Rose and I headed to her house. As per usual, her parents were out, so we raided the kitchen and then went to her room to light up. We were just finishing up the joint – she was into these sickeningly strawberry flavored papers now – when my phone rang.
Edward.
I know you're there. Let me in
I probably would've ignored him had I not been high, but I was, so I responded.
In where?
Rose's house
I squinted into the smoke filled room, wondering how he knew where I was. Maybe I was just predictable.
I thought u wanted space
ive had enough space.
As satisfying as that was, I was beginning to think I needed some space, myself. I didn't bother answering, choosing instead to toss my phone onto Rose's carpet. "Is there any cherry Coke left?" I asked, yawning.
Something tiny and hard, like a pebble, hit the window. "What the hell?" Rose screeched, racing over to it.
I cringed. "Oh...that might be Edward."
Cursing, she shoved the glass open. "Get lost, Romeo!"
I heard him yell something back. He was most likely drunk, meaning he'd sneaked into Rose's gated community. What an idiot; thank God her parents weren't home.
"Well, you should've thought about that," she was saying.
"Bella!" he yelled.
Rose shut the window and drew the curtains.
My phone glowed with another text.
Come talk
I swallowed, feeling the tug of war between my head and my heart ensue.
Rose plopped down beside me, packing a bowl. "Same kind of shit Emmett used to do."
Ignoring her, I typed out my response.
maybe I need space
That was probably crap, though. Because by the time the next stone hit the window, I was already on my way downstairs.
I never could stay away from that boy, even when he deserved it.
Now
"And that was it?" Alice asks, aghast. "I can't believe we never discussed this."
"I kinda told you. In that really long email..."
"Yeah, but you withheld most of the drama."
I shrug, nodding.
"So, what'd he say? He apologized?"
"He basically told me he was sorry and he missed me. He had an epiphany or whatever."
"About you?"
"I guess." I laugh, covering my face. "I don't know, Al. It was dumb. The whole thing."
Her eyes are all alight with the possibility of Something Romantic. "Tell me what the epiphany was."
"He said...that no matter what...he didn't want to lose me. Ever. And that even though he didn't care who I talked to, seeing me talk to Garrett made him crazy because he knew I used to love him. He said he would do whatever it took to make it work."
"Wow."
"I know. The funny thing is, I said I'd do whatever it took too, but we've never had to since then. Like, things went back to being...easy."
Alice clears her throat. "Hm. Well, I get why you're not too eager to catch up with Garrett, then."
"I mean, whatever, you know? It's just...that ship has sailed, and while I don't think we'd repeat last year I have no desire to find out."
"Word."
"Anyway, I should head home soon." I dust the sugar from my shirt, eyeing the last of our snack. "I told Mom I'd only be here for a minute."
"Yeah, go. We'll kick it tomorrow or something."
"Want the last churro?" Even though I know I should be saving my appetite for Thanksgiving dinner later on, I really want it.
"Go for it, gordita."
I'm too busy stuffing my face to be offended.
As usual, I eat way too much turkey, mashed potatoes, and stuffing. My parents and I waddle over to the living room couch, where we watch old movies and chat.
Around nine they go to bed, but I've recovered some so I text Edward.
I'm ready for a little one on one. Thankfully, he feels the same way.
"Do you remember last year?" I ask once we're in the car, coasting silently through the quiet streets.
"We were fighting," he says, squeezing my knee.
"And you brought me to that beach..."
"And we made up." There's laughter in his voice, probably because he's remembering the sloppy sex we'd had, and how we'd almost got caught by some kids wandering the beach.
"You were drunk. I never should have let you drive." I shake my head, thinking of the stupidity of that decision, as well as many others during the years. Teenagers aren't exactly known for their prudence, but damn.
"Yeah." He exhales roughly. "I know."
I grab his hand with the both of mine.
"Do you think about that often?" We're stopped at a light, and he glances over at me.
Sometimes I'm around him so much I almost forget how cute he is. But other times, I look at him and it's all I see. I remember exactly what falling for him was like, because in some ways I'm still falling.
"Not really. But I was talking to Alice about it today. I realized I'd never told her."
"Really?" He seems surprised by that, and he should be: in spite of the miles between us, I still tell my girls almost everything.
"Yeah. I think I felt like talking about it would make it more real."
We turn down Edward's street. It's dark and chilly, but a girl on a skateboard rolls slowly along, holding the hand of the boy beside her.
Edward pulls into his driveway and pauses, turning to me. "It was real. Stupid as shit, but real."
"I know."
He nods, looking into my eyes for just a second before getting out. Most of the lights in his house are off as we sneak into his garage apartment.
"They sleeping already?"
He shrugs. "Probably. Or watching TV."
The inside of his old apartment brings back all sorts of memories. I half expect there to be Fanta in the fridge, but there's just beer and water. He offers me something to drink, but I just tug him back to the bedroom, eager to fall in and make out.
"Sometimes I think about it," he says, pulling his jacket off and dropping it onto a chair. "About how out of control it was."
"Like a brush fire."
"Yeah. Crazy, feeding off of itself. Reminds me of my brother and Rose."
"Me too." I laugh, kicking my shoes off. "Although they seem really happy these days."
He nods, pulling his t-shirt off. The topic floats away, leaving nothing but good feeling between us, and I welcome that. I feel all warm inside, looking forward to being this way with him. Things have evened out between us, but the physical attraction is still so raw.
And even though I don't feel the need to be with him 24/7, I miss him when we're not together.
He pulls my jeans off and then drops down on top of me, kissing my neck. I part my legs, pulling him closer, letting him slowly rest his weight on me. Dragging his lips to mine, he kisses me deep, and I respond, running my tongue along his.
He presses himself against me, jeans rough against my inner thighs. I open wider still, and he settles, cradled exactly where he wants to be, fingers working my underwear aside so he can touch me. He can make me come so fast but he doesn't.
Tonight, he takes his time, kissing me all the while. I reach down and unbutton his fly, urging his jeans off with my feet. Sitting back suddenly, he takes them off, boxers too, and reaches for my panties, giving them the same treatment.
I bring him close once again, wrapping my hand around his dick, touching my fingers to his softest skin, getting off on the way his breath hitches. Gazing down at me, he thrusts slowly into my hand, growing harder as I touch. After a time he lowers down again, lips on my nipples, sucking one and then the other into his mouth.
Inside I'm pulled tight, ready to receive and release. His mouth feels so good it almost tickles, and he follows my squirming until I'm nearly pushing him away, laughing quietly and breathlessly as he grins crookedly down at me.
He strokes himself once, twice, three times before entering me, his eyes locked on mine at that moment. We move languidly at first, slow, steady. He dips down to run his tongue along my breasts again, making me shiver in the cool air. Pausing, his brings the blankets up over us, creating warmth, and then starts to move, hitting it places I haven't felt in a while. Or maybe I have.
All I know is that every time we're together like this, it feels like the first time, last time, best time. Sometimes we make love, and sometimes we fuck. Sometimes, like now, it's a sweet ache in between.
Until he asks me to turn over. I do, and he's back inside me right away. I feel his mouth at my neck and one of his hands on my stomach, holding me still. I can't see his face, but I can hear his voice...and I know he's about to come.
Sure enough, his hand creeps lower so that he's touching me, urging me to come so that he can let go. I do, and then he does, and I relax, satisfied, body and soul.
Like in Tampa, we stay up late afterward, talking. He's laughing about this kid in one of his classes, and I'm just watching him, enjoying his smile and the way he moves. Eventually he falls quiet, and his eyes find mine.
"What?" he asks, smirking.
"You're cute."
"Oh yeah? That why you keep me?"
"Yeah. The only reason."
"Guess I'm lucky then." He dips down, licking my nipple.
I grab his face and kiss it. "So we got together around Thanksgiving. Remember?"
"Yup."
"So is this our anniversary? Kind of?"
He wrinkles his nose, thinking. "I guess so. We never really talked about it."
I snort. "It's only been like...three years."
"I usually mark the date from Christmas. You know...since that was the first time you let me tap that."
I flick his ear viciously and he grabs my hands, laughing. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding!"
"No, you're not," I whisper-giggle, letting him pin me.
"I am. To be honest I guess I don't think about it that much, you know? As long as you're with me, I'm okay."
"What if I had to go away? For school or something?" It's never come up, but I know it could. I think about how easily Garrett left and I have to wonder if things would go down similarly with us.
"Then I'd follow you."
"Why?" I smile.
"Why not? I can do school anywhere."
That warm feeling comes back, making me a mushy mess inside. I don't doubt that we're still abiding in post-coital afterglow, but it's more than that.
"You used to be so afraid to commit to me," I say, pushing his hair from his eyes.
"Yeah, when I was seventeen." He stares intently at me. "And you. You were fifteen. A baby."
"I wasn't a baby."
"Nah...look at Katie. She's fifteen now, almost sixteen."
Understanding washes over me. "And it feels weird to look at her and know some guy might want to –"
He closes his eyes and laughs. "Don't even say. I can't even think about it."
"Well." I clear my throat. "It turned out okay for us."
He looks into my eyes, and I see years of being together. It's been a good ride, plenty of ups and downs, and so worth any pain.
"I love you," I say, scooting closer so I can kiss his cheek.
"Love you too."
Sophomore Year
"What's up?" Edward asked, noticing my foul expression.
I shrugged, turning away from my laptop onto the bed. "I didn't get the class I needed, so I might have to take it during the summer."
"So?"
"So I don't want to go to summer school. I want to go home."
"They probably have online classes. And if they don't, you can just stay up here with me."
"Stay with you where?"
"In my apartment."
"Oh yeah, Chief Swan will love that."
He sat next to me, bumping my shoulder. "It's pretty inevitable. Maybe he should just accept it."
"You're mighty sure of yourself."
"Shouldn't I be?"
I paused, noting his seriousness. "No, you definitely should be."
He nodded, tangling his fingers through mine.
My stomach dipped. Funny, I wasn't even mad about my schedule anymore.
Now
The next day Edward and I are hanging out in his parent's kitchen when Carlisle Cullen breezes in, giving me a hug. "I was wondering when I'd see you, Bella."
I smile and tease. "You know how it is with parents."
"I think I do," he chuckles, turning to his son. "Edward, your mother wanted to know if she could throw out those old surf magazines. They've been collecting dust for years."
Edward frowns. "I forgot I even had those."
"I'll take that as a 'yes', then."
"Well...lemme go look real quick." He jumps down off the stool and jogs off to his old bedroom upstairs, leaving Carlisle to snort in amusement.
"I have to go run a few errands, but it was good seeing you, sweetheart."
"You too, Carlisle."
"Give your parents my regards."
"Will do."
He tugs my ponytail and leaves. If Edward looks anything like his father when he gets older, and I'm sure he will, I won't have any problems sticking around.
"What're you smiling about?" Katie, appearing out of nowhere, slides on to the stool her brother just vacated.
"How hot your dad is."
"Gross." She snickers, giving me a one-armed hug. "Hi."
"Hey, girl." I give her a squeeze. "How've you been?"
She nods, biting down on her lip as she smiles. "I've been good. Really good."
I stare at her, narrowing my eyes. I know that expression all too well; I've never seen it on her, but it's one I've seen on my face many a time. "I bet. You're blushing."
"I am?" she squeaks, covering her cheeks.
"No," I laugh. "But you are now..."
"You're just like Edward!"
Memories of last night's conversation drift through my head. "Eh, I doubt that. But go on."
"Go on about what?" she says, rooting through the fridge.
"About...whatever was making you blush. What's his name?"
Sighing loudly, she plops chips, leftover turkey and a loaf of bread onto the counter. "Jaime Green."
"He goes to your school?"
"He's in my class. But..."
I wait for her to go on, and when she doesn't, I start stealing her Fritos. "But what?"
"He really only noticed me recently."
This makes my heart smile. I can't help it – I know just how she feels. "What does he look like?"
Pulling her phone from her pocket, she scrolls quickly to something and hands it to me.
It's this kid's Facebook. He's got dark hair and light eyes, and he's pretty gorgeous. I glance up at Katie, who is most definitely blushing now. Hard.
Swallowing, I hand the phone back. "Is he nice to you?"
She wrinkles her nose, shrugging. "I guess. I mean, yeah. We like...hang out. Sometimes."
"That's cool. I loved those days when I was in high school."
"Yeah?"
Now I'm the one blushing. "Yeah. I had the worst crush on your brother when I was your age."
She rolls her eyes, but I can tell she likes that. I mean, she adores Edward, even if they do squabble the way siblings do. "Was he nice to you?" she parrots back.
"Sometimes." I shake my head, remembering. "He was my first kiss."
"And hopefully your last." Edward returns to the kitchen, squeezing the life out of me.
"Don't be creepy," I say, grabbing his hands.
He kisses my neck, and Katie turns away, suddenly intent on slathering her bread with mayo. Edward watches her for a second, his eyes following her every move.
Smiling wryly, he dips down to whisper in my ear. "See? See what I was saying?"
I shiver from the closeness. "Yeah, well, that's the way things go."
"Whatever. Just tell Jaime to watch himself," Edward says loudly.
Katie snaps her head up. "What? Why? Did Mom say something?"
"No, but I saw you two saying goodbye," – he curves his fingers into air quotes – "when he dropped you home last night. Right?"
"Oh my God," she mutters, grabbing her food and practically running from the kitchen.
I punch his arm. "You're an ass."
"I'm her brother."
"You're lucky I didn't have brothers."
"Probably." He laughs quietly, nodding. "Would you believe me if I told you my intentions were always good?"
I giggle, because...really. "No."
He comes closer, wedging himself between my legs, forcing me to look up at him. "Well, they were."
Because Thanksgiving break is so short, it's time to go back to Tampa before we know it. I spend Sunday taking it easy with my parents. We have an early dinner at one of our favorite places downtown, and then Edward comes to pick me up so we can drive back to Tampa.
Things have evolved over the years. My mom no longer tears up when I leave, and my dad chats with Edward instead of pretending to threaten him.
And anyway, Christmas break is right around the corner. We'll be back soon.
Despite the post-holiday traffic, we make the drive in good time. Edward brings me to my dorm long enough for me to grab my stuff for class tomorrow, and then we go to his apartment to spend the night.
After showers and finishing off the Ben n Jerry's that was in his freezer, we finally settle into bed. We roll on to our sides and kiss like we usually do: soft, quiet, good-nights.
But then Edward slips something into my hand and whispers, "Will you wear this?"
My heart drops to my stomach. I sit up, reaching for the lamp, but he reaches over and beats me to it. "I'm not saying...I know it's early. We've got time. But maybe as, like..."
"A promise?" I examine the little gold ring, fingering the sapphire set in the middle. It's my birthstone. I wonder how long he's had it, and why he's giving it to me now. Whatever. He doesn't even have to ask, although I love that he did. "Yeah. Of course."
"Okay." He grins, running his hands through his hair. "Good."
"Does this mean you want to make it official one day?" I ask casually, staring at the ring, which is now on my finger.
"Yeah...do you?"
I think of fourteen, and seeing him at a concert, and thinking he was the best looking boy I'd ever seen. I'd probably have promised him right there.
I think of fifteen and being kissed on a beach and losing my breath and maybe my heart. And I'd probably have promised him right there.
I think of sixteen, having my world implode and my heart taking forever to heal from that, and honestly...I probably still would've promised him then, too.
Seventeen. Eighteen. Separated by years and miles, eventually convincing myself I was over him but somewhere, deep inside, knowing that if he were to show up again out of blue I'd have promised him anyway.
And then he did show up, out of the blue, coming back into my life with the subtlety of a tsunami. I'd fought against the inevitability of it all even as I'd welcomed it, because it boiled down to this deep seated knowledge that if nothing else, Edward and I just made sense.
I've never been able to get over him, and now I know it's because I'm probably not supposed to.
Ever.
"Of course I do," I whisper, looking sideways at him.
He smirks, leans over me again, and turns off the light.
"Good. Now c'mere."
Songs:
Waiting All Night – Rudimental ft Ella Eyre
Strawberry Bubblegum – Justin Timberlake
thanks for reading, guys. that really, really, really is IT. :) thanks for indulging me.
xoxo