72Everything That Makes Me Sick
Chapter One: Enter Naruto
This school is fucked up.
I mean—all schools are pretty messed up, but this school—this school, takes the cake.
Take me, for example. But before you do, if you think, that I'm being some kind of hypocrite—that I think I'm better than everyone else— then you're wrong, because I know—I know, that I'm just as bad as all the fucking retards in this school.
So take me, for example— nineteen years old, and in twelfth grade (pathetic right?)—except for the fact that a nineteen year old in twelfth grade is progress for this school. And it's not like I got left back or anything, which is the sad part; I just started school late. But it's still progress for Konoha High—school for retards, haha.
So.
Nineteen years old, twelfth grade—failing all my classes by the way—except gym, of course, 'cause the gym teacher likes me—she likes all the boys. ; ) In more ways than one, LOL, as Sakura would say.
LOL. Laugh out loud. That bitch Sakura put that in my head. With every word, every fucking sentence that comes out of her mouth it's — LOL, LOL, LO- freaking-L. And her twin—Ino— is LMAO. It was cute back in freaking eighth grade when they were still fucking virgins— when Pinky hadn't aborted my fucking baby.
But whatever, you know? I'll live.
And we're getting off track. Let's get back to business: this school is fucked up.
Don't get me wrong. We have our smart kids, but they're all poor so it doesn't even matter what they can bring to this school. The principle- this high and mighty old bitch— doesn't give a damn about anything that goes on here, and the smart kids never get recognized for anything because she doesn't bother to send the standardized tests to the state- or where ever the fuck they're supposed to go, and even if she did, the bastards up at the department of education would take one look at the first two thousand failing grades from our school and give up on the rest, so the smart kids on the bottom of the list won't even get looked at, or they would accuse the poor bastards of cheating.
So yeah. This school is fucked up.
If you happened to hear the nostalgic bitterness underneath my complaints you would've probably guessed that I, Uzumaki Naruto, was one of those smart kids- back in ninth grade- maybe a little of tenth. But then we got some new teachers, an ocean of noob students, and an old hag principle that totally fucked up my reputation. Now none of the teachers even know who the hell I am- the first student to ever get a fuckin' A+ in Ibiki's English class before he got fired for "torturing" one of his students, they say.
But whatever. It's all in the past.
After my name was just a sea of letters in an over populated school for retards, I figured I had nothing left in life. So I started drinking. Smoking. Fucking. What ever worked to keep my head clear- myanger down- I have a nasty anger by the way. Nasty- LOL, as Sakura would say. LOL indeed you murderer bitch.
But enough of that. This school is fucked up. And not the kind of fucked up that you're used to- like mean teachers (hell, if they're mean they probably CARE about you) I'm talking about freaking rapists teachers and sluthound students and a drunken principle. This school would be a freaking prison ward if we added just a few bars in each classroom and wore orange jumpsuits. And hell, if you ask me, any kind of uniform would do this school good; it would save me the damn pleasure of having my hard dick pressed against my fucking leg 'cause freakin' Temari doesn't know what the hell a fucking bra is, and it would save me the pleasure of having to vomit inside my mouth 'cause freakin' Karen, the ugly bitch, decides to wear something only a hot skinny girl should wear. Don't get me wrong, we've got our fair share of sexy chubs and tubs, but Karen needs to either a face lift or a tummy tuck before she can get off my FAIL list.
Just saying.
But anyway, this school is fucked up. I can't say it enough times- I just CAN'T. Especially not after today. Not after what I saw.
Remember when I called the teachers rapists? Call it an exaggeration and I'll shoot you. The teachers are RAPISTS. I should make a damn sign and hang it up in every teacher's room- except the gym of course, 'cause Kurenai's hot.
But that doesn't change my mind about the rest of sick teachers in this damn school. There's a disease spreading around in the school. It's called Desperate Motherfuckers. It's an epidemic, I tell you; Everyone, and I mean everyone—except yours truly of course, has fucked with at least one teacher to get a decent grade. EVERYONE. Choji did it, freakin' genius Shikamaru did it, Sakura and Ino do it daily— I swear if those chicks keep scraping their vaginas with the abortion spatula they' won't even have a vagina anymore. Either that or it's gonna be paper thin and narrow- and that's the last thing Ino needs. I would know.
Back to the teachers. Let me tell you about my favorite two. Sugestsu and Kimmimori—the science teacher and his student teacher. I hear they invite girls for threesomes, foursomes, entire homeroomclasssomes. I would respect them if it weren't for the fact that they were probably thirty and fucking ten year old kids. Okay, I take it back, lest I make you vomit- FIFTEEN year olds. Better?
Anyway.
The English teachers are a bunch of tight nit pansies who pretend they don't like it when girls come up to them and ask if they could make some, ah, arrangements, so they could pass the class, but then after school they call up the hoes and have em' stay to, uh, negotiate. The two English teachers don't really speak to each other so they're boring when it comes to double plug action. Besides, one of em's a chick. If you can call the bitch that. Beastly Anko.
And finally, the most fucked up, conveniently most hideous teacher of all— the math teacher.
I hate him. I-I can't even begin to tell you how much I despise that guy. I'm spluttering up just thinking about it—GODS. His very being just makes me—
Let me stop. Before I hurl something against the wall again.
Deep breaths.
Okay… I'm cool.
Anyway.
His name's Orochimaru, and he's a fucking punk bitch with long hair and this pale sickly looking skin that makes you want to scratch yourself. The only good thing about all this is that everyone shares my tastes in that Orochimaru looks like Voldermort with hair implants after plastic surgery (gone horribly wrong), so no one ever goes to him for favors, you know? You'd have to be desperate to go that guy for any kind of help. Of course there have been those who've shared stories of how they'd tried to seduce the guy into giving them s higher grade without fuckin' em, but they've all failed. Some of the girls who've tried have even stated Orochimaru was gay. Unfortunately for the suck ups, we only have one math teacher, so when you fail, he's the only one to go to.
If I didn't make it clear before, I'd like to say that take a bullet to the head before I even touch him for a good grade. I've failed everything—what's a math score going to do? Nothin'. And honestly, as messed up as all of the students in this school are, I didn't think they would sink as low as to ask freakin' Orochimaru to make "special" accommodations for them.
So. I pretty much thought Orochimaru got no action (except for maybe that time people say he was caught screwing Anko, yuck), but that was before I saw what I did today. And you know what I saw? I saw Orochimaru totally banging a student.
Oh, the horror. And it was a horror. It really was. Not only because of the fact that it was Orochimaru for Pete's sake, but because of who the guy was screwing. He was screwing Gaara Sabako.
Oh, wait. Right. You probably don't know who the hell I'm talking about, and to tell you the truth, I don't think anyone else knows who this guy is either, so let me hit you up with a little 411.
Gaara is the kind of guy that when he first walks into the room, you think he's a girl— not an especially pretty girl but one of those emo chicks you just wanna tip over and bang until they start living up to their stereotypically emo name and cry. Yeah. That kinda girl. Yum~. But then they call attendance and you realize that he's not a girl at all 'cause his name is freakin' Gaara - and you feel embarrassed because you're already hard for this "should be a girl" guy. Then you figure you might as well not be embarrassed 'cause he looks like a girl anyway, and in a school as fucked up as this, it would hardly matter if you had the hots for someone of the same sex. And this kid...he's so freaking small; he's some kind of five foot six' in a sea of six foot monsters, hell, even the girls are taller.
Gaara transferred here from some top notch school he got kicked out of. I think he got kicked out because of low grades or something because when I look at him, I don't see a delinquent or someone who'd get kicked out because they had a fight. He looks like a guy who just wasn't good enough. I also think he's rich- er- well- not poor. He comes to school with BlaQ on BlaQ Qurime clothes- that cool new emo brand you'd find in that clothing store down at Kotten King street. He's always wearing black- maybe a few whites and grays- but always black and some kind of sweater/hoodie whatever the hell they wanna call it. If you looked close enough you'd realize that everyday it's a different hoodie. Or sweater. Whatever. And they look expensive.
You're probably wondering how the hell I know this stuff. Well I don't know. I notice. And hell, maybe I've got him all wrong. Maybe he was a delinquent from his old school and just has this weak looking exterior meant to fool unsuspecting victims, haha. Maybe he's some poor bastard who's borrowing sweaters from his deceased brother who just happened to have a lot of hoodies. But I doubt that.
So let's pretend that everything I just said is correct. Let's pretend that Gaara is that possibly very smart shy kid with no real delinquency issues with a pretty wealthy family and maybe a few sisters.
Now ask yourself, what is a guy like that, doing fucking butt ugly Orochimaru?
Yeah, well, I'm here to find out.
And don't try to stop me, hell, all these freakin' teachers had it coming. All of them—except Kurenai, 'cause she's hot— deserve to get chopped into little pieces, deserve to lose their jobs, deserve to be humiliated in front of the mass media because they're all just so fucked up. Ugh—it makes me sick—everything in this school makes me sick. Almost every teacher in this school, has made my life a living hell, and you know what? I'm going to make them pay. Starting with sticky fingers Orochimaru.
Don't ask me why I gave him that nickname; you don't want to know.
Trust me, you don't want to know.
End Of Chapter
Story Notes (Read them Please ^^)
Oo0kay. O_O. Did I just write this?
First, I want to apologize if this chapter offended anyone and I mean anyone. In this story Naruto says some things that made me widen my eyes and actually contemplate deleting it, haha. But you must understand, I want to show how dangerously bitter and nasty Naruto is at this stage, so it becomes obvious when he becomes a little better later on. : )
I promise less cursing in the next chapter…or at least I'll use "freak" instead of "f_ck". XD, I can't even write it unless it's in the story anymore. I don't know how you guys feel about cursing but, after I've written it like thirty times, I kinda get sick of the word. .
I think this story'll be about ten chapters or so. The chapters will be short, so I might update maybe…uhm…every three weeks? I know—I take forever! : (. But I don't want to make false promises.
Uh…what else? This is Yaoi if Naruto's obvious like for his gym teacher throws you off, LOL, as Sakura would say. =] (I have no problem with lol, by the way, like Naruto does. T_T')
And I'm going to say something that might spoil the story a little, but Naruto's a bit loose in the head in my story. Don't believe everything he says, wink wink. : )
Uhm…I don't know what else to say—oh! BlaQ on BlaQ Qurime clothing line is something my friend and I made up while we were listening to Drake, haha, (it was a line in his song). So it isn't a real brand; don't go looking for it. I know I would've. ^_^"
O0okay. So. Review, please? They make me feel soo0 good. =] And be gentle, haha. I've never really written a story like this before.