A/N This started as a Buzz post, then mutated. This is the first of a series for pretty much any fandom that exists. Also, a second chapter might be added if people suggest additions. So review! Oh, yeah, this is H. Not S. Not Will. Not T. H, that's me.

Things I Learned from House:

1. All problems with the body can be traced to Lupus somehow. However, it's never Lupus.

2. Any simple thing can somehow give you a life-threatening disease. So stop moving, breathing, etc.

3. Canes are slimming

4. The oncologist is God.

5. Aussies are Brits.

6. Brain cancer is more prevalent then they would have you think...

7. It's okay to be an a** as long as you have tenure.

8. The ducklings always have something intensely personal going on. Find out what it is, or risk furthering the plot.

9. Everything needs an MRI

10. And a CT-scan

11. And an ultrasound for good measure.

12. Break into the patient's house while you're at it.

13. Hospital Admins don't actually have to do doctor-y things.

14. Niether do department heads.

15. Apparently only fellows actually do any work.

16. There's always a reason you were hired.

17. You can't die with dignity.

18. Everybody lies, but nobody does it well.

19. If you work for PPTH, you are eerily intuitive

20. House-Moments are contagious. (Hell, I have them now!)

21. It's okay to be addicted as long as you have friends you can beg for refills.

22. Wombats from Australia are often pushovers.

23. You can kill dictators, just don't get caught!

24. Lupus. It's never Lupus. I just can't say that enough.

25. Ebola reaaaallllyyy sucks!

26. If you didn't get the above statement, you are lame.

27. Bouncy balls are fuuun.

28. Rats with brain cancer make good pets.

29. So do hapless oncologists.

30. Sniff. Poor Wilson.

31. Clinic patients are idiots...unless they stick figurines up their nose.

32. It's always okay to take advantage of being crippled.

33. Feelings are the last refuge of the weak...wait...huh?

34. Feelings are unnessecary and unshown unless they further the plot.

35. Cheesesteaks...when coma patients wake up, let them out of the hospital to drive for cheesesteaks.

36. But make sure they are from Phillie, or writers will be shot.

37. If a duckling starts bleaching their hair, fire them and hire somebody exactly the same as them...but without the root damage.

38. Chase has pretty hair. Therefore Chase should be made fun of. Constantly.

39. Unless one is teasing Foreman

40. Or Cameron, Taub, Thirteen, Cuddy, Wilson...actually, just make fun of everybody.

41. It sucks when parents can't lie to you.

42. Birthdays can change by periods of six months without your good friends noticing.

43. Rabies shots are very very freaky.

44. When in doubt, check for parasites.

45. One in 100,000,000 people have two forms of cancer.

46. Nobody is brave..so it must be a clot!

47. Sometimes, people actually tell the truth...wait, no, nevermind.

48. Lying on the floor watching surgical videos while tossing a ball is a great way to spend time.

49. The closer you sit to the OR, the more you want people to think you care.


50. House is House unless House is in House's house!

A/N Well? Tune in...really soon actually for the next installment, which will be about Phantom of the Opera. Oh, and REVIEW!