1A Drabble about love loss and the horrible feelings we get sometimes.
Everytime I see them together I die a little more inseide, my hearts breaks a little more, a feel a little worse about myself. I cant help but feel like trash. I cant help but feel like the thing people pick up right after they have nothing left. Feel like the person people turn to when they need someone to feel better about themselfs but when I need someone they ignore you. I cant help but feeling ugly and neglected. I cant help but feeling fat and uncomfterble. I cant help but feeling bad.
Then I see her walking down the halls of Mickenly High feeling high and mighty and i realize she can feel like that because she is the hot girl. She is the popular girl. She is the "it" girl. She looks at me like if I was trash and like trash I feel. Then I feel my already broken heart get stomped on and burned when my eyes move a little to the right and there he is about to kiss her.
He looks at me for the first time that day and for just a second I get hope. My eyes get brighter but then he does what is expected and kisses her right in front of my locker. I can feel the tears rising up and I pray to God to not let that single tear fall to not let face me.
I take the high road do a U-turn with my feet and leave out of the corner of my eye I could still see them.
Then i realize she deserves him. She should be with him it shouldnt be me. I dont deserve him. And why would I? Why would he ever choose me over her? Why would any one choose me over her? They wouldnt. No one would. and in my mind I came to live with that I came to the realization that, that's life. And life sucks.
Then again i see him with girl after girl in the hallways and I think why cant I be that girl why can he choose me today. But day after day he dosent he chooses random girls. Then everytime they get in front of me he chooses her again.
Then I feel like second place on everything. Dad choose work over me. Other Dad choose Dad over me. My friends would choose her friendship over mine if they had the chance. My teacher gives out all that should be mine to everyone else!
Shes better than me. Prettier.
I only wish that once it was me! Just once! For once I wasnt the safest choice I was the BETTER choice.
But Noah please choose me! Please look at me for more than a second! Please acknowledge my presence when I enter the room. Please let me be the random girl!
Thats what I want to say. But I dont because I get enough second choices and If I was his second choice my heart would break. I cant take another heart break. I cant take another disappointment! I cant take it anymore!
Then I think maybe he can lie and I want to tell him please lie! Please tell me that I would be your first choice! Please because maybe in the end it wouldnt hurt as much! Maybe in the end I would get delutional and think that you liked me enough to lie for me.
I entered Glee practice and as always he didnt even look my way.
"Okay guys now that Rachel is here we should get started" Said Mr. Shue sounding a little annoyed as always. I decided to start ignoring how he said things when it came to me. "Anyone has anything to sing before we start?"
I raised my hand. "Yes Mr. Shue I have something I would like to sing."
"Ofcourse Rachel, go right ahead." i gave the the band the song and they started playing.
Ladatadata ladatadatadadadatadada dadadadada I'm tuggin' at my hair I'm staring at my feet 'Cause I'm feeling nervous If I could say what I want to say It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin' to keep my cool
I know it shows
My cheeks are turning red
And I'm searching for the words inside my head
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...
I'd say I want to blow you-away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could see what I want to see
I want to see you go down-on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
What use is it to you what's on my mind?
If it ain't comin' out, we're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?
I look at him for just a second and he looks a little angry like if im doing something wrong by singing and I feel neglected all over again.
'Cause I'm feeling nervous If I could say what I wanna say (What is)What's wrong with my tongue? 'Cause I'm feeling nervous Ladatadata ladatadatadadadatadada dadadadada Ladatadata ladatadatadadadatadada dadadadada I guess I'm wishing my life away If I could say what I want to say These things I'll never Say...
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...
I'd say I want to blow you-away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could see what I wanna see
I want to see you go down-on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
These words keep slipping away
(I stutter)I stutter (I stumble)I stumble like I've got nothing to say
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...
With these things I'll never say
I'd say I want to blow you-away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could see what I want to see
I want to see you go down-on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
I finish the song and get out of there. I couldnt take his looks of rejection any longer.
I end up in the bathroom crying. I dont hear as the door opens. Or for that matter as it closes. The only thing I hear is as someone slides next to me.
The voice then asks. "Why do you even try to do something good for him? Why do you even sing a song that he would never even pay attention to! Geez Berry get a clue here!"
I roll my eyes then respond. "You dont ger it do you! It wasnt for him! I dont remember the last time I even sang a song for him! You go out and get a clue Puck! 'Cuz I sure as hell dont need one!" Thats when I decide its time to get away from this hell hole and get home to drown in my self pityness but atleast when I get home nothing will remind me of him.
After I get to my car he is standing right in front of it.
"Oh what do you want now. Havent you totured me enough today?"
He ignored my question and asked a question of his own.
"So who did you sing the song for today?"
"Oh like you dont know."
"No I dont know Rachel So why dont you tell me."
"No im not going to tell you because im tired of it all! Im tired of the looks you give me right before you kiss Santana, Im tired of seeing you with atleast 3 diffrent girls that are not me everyday day!" I took a deep breath so I wouldnt lose it before continueing. "Im tired that you never look my way no matter how hard I try to look my best for you every morning, Im tired of being the one chasing when I cant even run half as fast as you! So NO Puck am not going to tell you who I sang it for just so you could give me another disaproving look like if I am the nastiest thing on the buffet!'
He looked stunned then his look softened and started to talk. "i give you that look because I wish I was kissing you everytime. i have diffrent girls because fuck I always see you with Finn and wish I could be that huy but I cant so I look for someone else instead of being your second choice. I look your way at least 10 times a day Berry. But am a badass so I refuse to get caught. And trust me i notice how hot you look everyday! A little too much. Youre not chassing me when im standing right in front of you all you had to do is reach out and grab me. And fuck Berry youre my favorite meal!" Now I was the one that was stunned unable to move! Stuck in trance that I couldnt get out of hopping that it wasnt a dream praying that it wasnt a dream!
Then I felt his lips over mine and I felt like I was in heaven. Like someone did choose me first. Like if all the things I wanted were handed to me on a gold platter. After the shock wore of I started kissing him back. Our lips felt perfect together. They were so in synch. So delicate yet just rough enough.
"Be my girlfriend." HE ASKED!
I just noded I didnt think words could come out of my mouth. I didnt even remember the word I was suppose to say was yes.
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