Hah so in this chapter I've got some Reid/JJ stuff goin' on. But fret not, there will be tons of character building; I'm just in a Reid mood.
"Why JJ?" Reid asked me; he'd stopped by late in the evening. We were just sitting down to coffee.
"You read my file right?" I asked, staring into my cup.
"A file is just a file." He said; he wrapped his hands around mine – which were wrapped around the mug. "Please?"
"I was a whore Spence, and not in the 'he abused me and made me dirty way'; though I feel that too. I was a literal whore! Men paid me for sex, and I was barely a teen. Who would want to be that? I needed to forget. To have a clean start." I said, looking him in the eye.
"I wanted a fresh start when I had to put my mom away. God I did…so I came here. But I didn't lie about who I was!" He said; emotion filled his eyes.
"I'm sure they love hiring whores to the FBI." I spat sarcastically, letting the old me rein. "Did I mention I was barely a legal citizen when I got the job?"
"Every reason I ever had doesn't make sense anymore. The whole fresh start, running away, and forgetting thing seems stupid when I see Jess. When I see Scott. I've always done the wrong thing, but running away from Scott and Jess? That was the worst mistake of my life." I confessed, "Everything I ever did was in an effort to protect Jess, but I abandoned her…I was just so frantic to get away from Walt, from the past."
"JJ, no matter what happened…no matter what you did, we'd all still love you the same. I do, even if you were a prostitute and a drug addict. Remember, I was a drug addict once." He said, flashing me a lopsided smile. I laughed; when the laughter subsided I touched my forehead to his hands – which were still wrapped around mine.
"Friends?" I asked, looking up at him.
"'Til death." He said, smiling broadly. I knew he was telling the truth, no matter what I did he'd be by my side. He could accept Shelby even after he'd seen perfect JJ.
Dr. Spencer Reid was, and will always be, my best friend.
"What you said to that Reid guy was really nice." Scott said as I closed the door behind Spence, I glared at him.
"You know it's rude to eavesdrop?" I asked; Scott just nodded. "Fine," I sighed, "it was just the truth okay? I love you Scott…I wish I could make it better. I wish I could go back and time and never leave. Go to college with you after graduation and eventually take care of Jess myself like I should have. You're right, I'm not a Jennifer."
"We can't change the past, but you can start from here. You can take care of Jess. We can be friends again." Scott said; I let out a sigh.
"Just friends?" I whispered; Scott nodded.
"I'll always love you Shelby, but you really hurt me. I can't trust you just yet." My heart sank into the pit of my stomach, shattering into a million pieces. Tears rolled down my cheeks. "Shell…"
"I understand." I whispered before walking to my bedroom.
"It's poison you know, all of it, it eats you up inside. You know what's going to happen to you if you don't spit out that poison."
"I lose either way, if I keep it in or spit it out."
"Maybe. But maybe not."
"I know what you did for me…" Jess whispered as I lay down in the bed next to her.
"What're you talking about?" I asked, rolling over to look her in the eye.
"I was so mad at you for leaving me, but I don't even know when he started hurting you. I don't ever remember him not calling you 'Kitten' or brushing the hair out of your face or off of your shoulder. I always thought he loved you more, I was jealous. You were protecting me! You let him hurt you not because you were afraid and a coward like me, but because you wanted to protect me!" She sobbed. I pulled her into my arms, holding her like I should have when he'd hurt her, when he'd come for herm when she was running for him.
"You listen to me! You are not a coward, you understand me! Jess you are so strong and so brave, you survived! Jess you are strong."
"Not as strong as you, Shell. Thank you, thank you, thank you for trying to save me from him. Thank you." Her tears fell on the pillow.
"I shouldn't have left." I sobbed.
"Take care of things? Like, uh, emptying bedpans for the man who abused me? Cooking for the man who abused me? Cleaning for the man…"
"Shell, you've done so well since you've been here. You've learned, you've had to face some demons man and you won! You've been brave. I'm sure you can face this."
"Just tell me when I'm going."
"Your mother's coming to pick you up tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? I don't even get a weeks notice?"
"Well….gotta go. My family needs me."
"Shelby my ultimate responsibility is to you. It's not your mother or your stepfather of even your little sister. Now, I will petition the courts and get them to adjudicate you here if that's what it takes!"
"No court's going to send me here! As far as they're concerned I'm already cured."
"What about Child Protective Services?"
"Shelby I called CPS the day that you told me about your stepfather, three days later they were here and then suddenly you denied it like it never happened! I don't understand why are you protecting hi-"
"I'm not protecting him!"
"Well then help me to help you! CPS can remove you from your home if you just tell the truth! I don't get it!"
"You don't get it?"
They could never get it; it was always about Jess. Every night he took me, it was for Jess. Every lie I told, it was for Jess. Every breath I took, it was for Jess.
She was my perfect, happy sister; I had to protect her. Peter could be mad. Scott could be mad. Hannah, Sophie, Daisy, Ezra, Auggie, and even Juliette could be mad at me.
I just wish I had known that my efforts were wasted. I wish I had known that each day I didn't tell them what happened she was being hurt.