My Milaya is being reposted after being pulled in August : )

Shout out to my fanflippen tabulous beta bonkerzrulez, she has helped me so much!

Richelle Mead is brilliant and created the world of Vampire Academy that my imagination visits often. She is a Rockstar and allows aspiring writers like myself to play with her story, plot lines and characters.

This story is an alternate scenario and ending to book 2 Frostbite, I hope you enjoy my take on a way things could have gone for Rose and her sexy Russian.

Title: My Milaya
Category: Books » Vampire Academy
Author: MaxieMoose
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T
Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort
Published: 07-03-10, Updated: 08-11-10
Chapters: 8, Words: 32,043

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Lissa POV

I hated keeping things from her, but this was our agreement. I didn't speak, think of or share anything about Dimitri and Tasha. It has been 11 months since Dimitri left Rose to be Tasha's Guardian. It almost killed both of them, he shouldn't have done it. A few weeks after he had gone Rose finally came to me and told me their story; she was broken and deeply hurt. Between Mason dying and loosing Dimitri I wasn't sure she would pull out of the depression she was in.

Then we had the attacks at school during field experience and I saw a ghost of her old self come through. Christian and Rose fought together and this was great for their relationship. Although neither of them would admit it they cared for each other. We made a pact that she would never have to be reminded of her painful past. Christian and I never spoke of Tasha or Dimitri and when we went to visit them Rose got a substitute Guardian to go with us.

She wasn't my only Guardian I also had Brett Mitchell as my other Guardian, he was 24 and was a great fit to our 'family'. Eddie was Christian's Guardian, we were one big happy family and everyone loved and protected Rose. Part of protecting her was keeping anything that had to do with Dimitri a secret.

She's still healing and just recently started dating, although I know she is not serious about any of her suitors. I was hopeful one day she and Adrian would finally give into their attraction to each other and be together. The evil side of me smiled what Dimitri would do if he ever found out Adrian was with Rose.

Jake Hale was a Court Guardian and he would be going with us on our trip to visit Tasha and Dimitri. He promised not to mention any details of the trip to Rose and never asked why. Both Christian and I were Royals and when we laid down an order it was never questioned. I hated to be so strict on this issue, but there is nothing I wouldn't do for my best friend. If she found out the details I think it would kill her.

After leaving, Dimitri was worse than her if that is possible. He felt he was protecting Rose and leaving was his only option. He started drinking and was very withdrawn. One night when he was in really bad shape Tasha trying to comfort him, she went to his bed and they had sex. Next thing we knew Tasha was pregnant. Dimitri being the responsible man he was stepped up stopped drinking and was there for Tasha throughout her pregnancy. That's where we're headed today; Tasha just started early labor so we are off to Vermont to be there for the birth of their baby.

I am happy for them, but being Rose's best friend it's hard for me to watch this go on. He only cares for Tasha as a friend and I know he still loves Rose, as she will always love him. But what's done is done and now he is going to be the father of Tasha's baby and life partner.

We arrived at the hospital and found Dimtiri getting coffee, he looked horrible. I guess Tasha was having a hard time. Christian and I instantly got worried, but Dimitri assured us she was with the doctors and should be fine. He said she was close and it shouldn't be too much longer. When we walked in he instantly assessed who was with us. Even though we never spoke of it he knew I knew about him and Rose.

I could see disappointment written all over his face, but he needed to realize Rose will never come with us to visit them. I think he knew this, but still hoped.

The doctors came to get Dimitri saying Tasha was close. He ran off, I could tell he was excited, he and Tasha both wanted kids and this baby was the one thing that finally brought them together.

I was reading a book for my English class when the doctor came out. He had a grave look on his face. Oh no not the baby, the baby has to be okay.

"Mr. Ozera I am sorry to inform you that your aunt has passed, she suffered a brain aneurism that was probably always there, but the stress of child birth aggravated it. We did everything within our powers to save her, but unfortunately with these types of ailments there is not much we can do."

Christian started sobbing into my shoulder, he was a wreck. Tasha was the only one he had left, she had done everything for him, had risked her life to save him.

"Thank you doctor, what about the baby?" I asked.

"Mr. Belikov is with him now, we were able to perform an emergency c-section and we were able to save him. He has been checked out by the pediatrician and is in good health."

The doctor said a polite goodbye and walked off.

I hugged my fiancé. "Christian I am so sorry. Tasha would want us to be here for Dimitri and the baby. Are you going to be able to help me with that?"

He looked at me with swollen red eyes, fighting tears. "Yes baby I can. Thank you for being here for me I know it's hard for you."

"Shhhh I'll be fine. What we need is to focus on Dimitri and the baby. Let's go see them."

Dimitri POV

I was sitting in the room that would have been Tasha's, where she would have held our beautiful son. Tasha wanted this baby so bad. He is a strong one, reminds me of her, he has her fighting spirit. I love him and will never blame him for his mother's death. I will not let anyone blame him ever. Tasha would do it all over again if she knew the outcome I am positive of this.

I had my head in my hands and I felt the slightest touch on my back, Lissa.

"Dimitri I am so sorry. We are here for you as long as you need us."

"Thank you Lissa. Christian I am sorry about Tasha." He gave me a small nod I can tell he had no words his throat thick with emotion.

"Can I hold him?" I nodded and Lissa picked him up.

Seeing her hold my son made me sad, that should be Tasha holding him.

"What's his name?"

"I am not sure, we had thought of a few things, but wanted to meet him or her first before we decided."

"Well he is adorable, he looks a lot like you Dimitri."

"Thank you Lissa." She handed him to me.

I stared at him. He was adorable, he was my son. "His name will be Zander Christian Belikov."

Both Lissa and Christian looked touched I used 'Christian' for the middle name.

Christian spoke for the first time. "Thank you Dimitri."

"Tasha would have wanted it that way."

He looked down fighting tears and nodded.

They left me to go make arrangements for Tasha's body. I was vey thankful for to them for handling the arrangements; I didn't want to have to deal with that now. I fed Zander and we had a nice time bonding.

As I looked at him I couldn't help but think of her. I always thought of her and felt that maybe I was being punished. I left true love for a child and this is what god did, he punished me by taking the child's mother. How I wished this baby was Rose's and she was here with me right now. As usual I felt horribly guilty taking my thoughts to Rose so soon after Tasha's passing, but Tasha knew what she was getting into. She knew I loved another woman and would never return her feelings. She walked into this a knowing party so I refused to feel guilty.

I will never love again and I will never have my Roza again, but maybe some day my son will find true love and be happy. Maybe one day I will look upon this life of pain and sacrifice and achieve happiness through his happiness.

Lissa came back explaining that Christian had to go lie down at the hotel, he was wiped emotionally.

We played with the baby talking about him and my plans.

I had to ask her even though I figured she would not tell me.

"Lissa I have to ask. I know you might not answer me, but I have to try. How is Rose?"

"Dimitri she knows nothing and will never know. We don't talk about anything related to you. She just started healing and I can't bear to see her go through that pain again. I can't do that to her, she will never know about any of this. I am sorry Dimitri."

That was fair I almost killed her by leaving her, even though I did what I did to protect her. "It's alright Lissa just knowing that she is better and is doing okay is enough."

She gave me a sympathetic look and touched my arm in a comforting fashion.

Thinking back to how I handled things I felt sick to my core. I left without telling her in person or even leaving a note. I left it to Alberta to tell her. Alberta took over her training. I can only imagine what was going through my Roza's mind when she showed up to the gym and I was not there but Alberta instead. She had to learn I was too weak to face her or even leave her some parting words in a note.

I was such a coward, but I knew if I faced her I wouldn't be able to follow through with my decision. I wouldn't have been able to leave her; she was my love, my life. I left to keep her safe and make sure her dream of being Lissa's Guardian wouldn't be compromised. Looking back now I know I should have faced her, told her myself, but as I have painfully learned you unfortunately can not go back. If I could go back I never would have left her, would have never ran to Tasha like a coward. I would have made it her choice, instead of forcing what I felt was right onto her.

I remember going to their graduation. I was like a gittery kid on Christmas morning I was so excited to see her. Tasha was pregnant and I shouldn't have left her to set up our guest room by herself, but the chance to see Rose, to look in her gorgeous brown eyes was too appealing. I had to find her immediately. I told myself I would see her one last time and then I would be able to move on with Tasha to raise our child. I just had to see her, my love, my life one more time and then I would start afresh. Looking back I sounded like a complete addict but that's exactly what I was, addicted to…Roza.

It was the day before they were to graduate, the campus was buzzing with excitement. After dumping Tasha and the luggage at the room I ran out right away. The look Tasha gave me when I ran out riddled me with guilt, but it didn't matter, all that mattered was her. The guilt I felt over Tasha was nothing compared to the guilt of what I had done to Rose. I ran to her dorm room and knocked, but she was not in. I figured Alberta would be my best bet to find her, she could radio Guardians and we could get a twenty on Roza's location. I had butterflies in my stomach, after all these months I was going to be able to see her. Her soft alluring skin, her luscious hair, her goddess body and those eyes that haunted every dream and nightmare I've had since the day I left. I ran to Alberta's office, Alberta was always my friend, but this day she was not happy to see me.

"Dimitri I thought you'd come."

"Well yes Tasha is very close to Christian she would never miss his big day."

"That's exactly why I sent her away."

"What do you mean Alberta where is she, where is Rose."

"Dimitri she is on a fighting sabbatical. I sent her to Israel to learn their fighting techniques so she could bring them back and teach them to the Guardians at Court. I am very protective of Rose. I knew if she saw you again it would break her and I couldn't bear to see her go through it again."

"You had no right Alberta, I need to see her, to explain, to say goodbye."

"Sorry Dimitri you had your chance and you blew it. Rose is gone and the best thing you can do for her is stay away. I know about the baby and if Rose found out it would kill her. I am not going to let you destroy her further. You have no idea what you left behind for Lissa and I to deal with. Sorry Dimitri, but you need to leave her alone and let her be. You have done enough."

Alberta was very protective of Rose which I appreciated. What killed me was that she had to protect Rose from me, the one person who loves her more than anything in this world. I would do anything for her, but I was the one who destroyed her, left her broken and alone. I was a pitiful excuse of a man.

After my talk with Alberta I went back to mine and Tasha's room and laid on the bed not moving, not sleeping, just lying and thinking of what a mess I caused. Tasha found me and was very concerned. She begged me to tell her what was wrong. I knew I wasn't being fair to her so I told her the entire truth, not just the bits and pieces I gave her before to satisfy her curiosity. She agreed to stay with me even though I was just a shell of the man I used to be. We agreed to raise the baby and be life partners. At this point there wasn't much else we could do.

I didn't deserve her love and I could never return it, but she stuck by me and now she's gone having sacrificed everything for this beautiful baby, my Zander.

At that moment I vowed that my life purpose would be to raise Zander and be the best father that I could.

Lissa and Christian stayed with me for a few weeks through Christmas. But I knew staying in Tasha's house in the US was not healthy. I had constant reminders of my mistakes and the two women I had lost.

I called my mother the day before Lissa and Christian were to leave and told her I was coming home. She was thrilled as I was to start my new life and try to put the past behind me. I owed my son that much, to be a better man, role model, and father.