Good evening! I hope that everyone loved the show last night. I enjoyed it very much and am going to reward myself for being productive despite having a sudden sinus infection by re-watching.
So, an explanation for this one-shot. The only real interaction Puckleberry had on the show last night was him hollering at her to Shut Up. And I'm a perpetual optimist, so I laughed my head off first, and the wheels in my brain started going. And we have this one shot. I hope you enjoy!
*** May 2010***
"That was a lovely rendition of Over the Rainbow, Noah. Really, although I do prefer the original over all things, because really, who could do better than Judy Garland at her height of glory, the version you sang with Mr. Schue was lovely. Your harmonies have vastly improved over the span of the year. If you think back to just a few months ago, you were constantly landing on the melodic notes and not-"
"Berry, remember when like, we did that sucky video together and we sorta talked about how both of us have a…an impulse control problem?" Puck wondered, not quite annoyed and yet still far from pleased at this particular ex rambling his ears off. He rolled his eyes at her astonished expression and explained, "My ma got your dad's to get me to see your therapist after Be-after, you know."
"Oh. I hadn't realized. That's very wonderful," Rachel nodded with encouragement. "I would hate to see what compartmentalized anger would do to you over long periods of time. I mean, certainly the normal reservoir of anger has you tossing dweebs into dumpsters, starting random fires during study hall, and flinging slushies in my face-"
"HEY! I apologized for that and you like-totally fucking accepted it. You can't throw that into my face again!" Puck reminded her, truly peeved and slightly guilty as she had nonchalantly rattled off his prior misdeeds. "Anyway…back to the whole impulse control, or the fact that we both totally missed out on that when they were giving it away for free at birth…since your dad's did me a solid with the therapist, I'm gonna do you a solid right now."
Puck furrowed his brow as he watched Rachel's cheeks blush slightly and realization dawned on him. The world was going to fucking implode, because Rachel Effin' Berry had just realized a sexual innuendo before he did. His eyes widened in shock and horror and he instantly resolved to stop seeing the freaking therapist, because no way should his perverted nature be diminishing. It felt like his balls were regressing back up into his body to become ovaries.
"That would be absolutely fantastic, if you could help. I'm finding it very difficult, especially with my current situation with Finn, to keep my mouth shut," Rachel duly acknowledged.
"Yeah, you too fucking now?" Puck shrugged, freaking loving the way her whole face flamed a tomato red color.
"NOAH, that is highly inappropriate and -"
" SHUUUUUUUT UUUUUUPPPPPP!"
Her rant died in her throat and her face turned even redder at his boomed and drawn out command. She held up a shaking finger as she tried to assemble her verbal diatribe about his uncouth manners and disgustingly filthy mouth.
And then he started to laugh.
Really, laugh. Loud chest heaving guffaws echoed off of the walls of the choir room like jovial cannonballs and Rachel could only stare at him in incredulous fascination, her finger still held in the air as whatever point she had been trying to make evaporated from her brain into the stratosphere.
"That was the funniest fucking thing that's happened in a long damned time," Puck finally wheezed, his face splotchy with exertion and laughter. He reached a hand out and messily ruffled Rachel's hair. "This is a warning. I'm gonna be your impulse control from here on out."
"That's an absurdly preposterous idea!" Rachel scoffed. "You are the same person responsible for filling the charming fountain at the Grace Trinity Lutheran Church with quick setting concrete."
"And the very same person who hi-jacked a truck full of Hostess cakes when we were thirteen because you were craving a sugary snack?" Rachel reminded him.
"And you are the Noah Puckerman who managed to squander the Temple's silent auction money into renting a snow machine for a Fourth of July barbecue…"
"I'd actually forgotten about that. That was a lot of fun," Puck reminisced fondly.
"And YOU are going to teach me impulse control? I really don't think that this is something in your realm of expertise…I mean, I would wager that somehow you would get me arrested or traded into the sex slave industry-"
"SHUT UP!" Puck shouted obnoxiously, then breaking into laughter at her still hilarious incredulous reaction. "Someone needs to tell you to shut up every once in a while. And apparently I'm on the right Jew-frequency for you to actually listen."
"If—if you go about parroting shut up at me every time I'm trying to make a valid point…I'll—I will…"
"Shut up?" Puck cocked a crazily amused eyebrow as St. Rachel began to get ready to explode.
"I'm going to be your impulse control," Rachel nearly whispered.
"Huh?" The laughter had completely fell from his system as she looked at him in a haughty and superior manner. She reached for her cell phone and he demanded, "What're you doing?"
"Hi Finn! Oh, I'm quite alright. I haven't left the building yet. I was just wondering, were you very serious about going to Brittany's start of summer party on Friday? Because I know that I complained that all of the popular elite of the school would be there, but I'm feeling very brave at the moment, and adventurous, and if the offer still stands, I'd love to attend with you. And Noah. And Matthew and Michael. It sounds like a divine treat."
Rachel finished up her call and smiled smugly at Puck, "We are going to have such a wonderful…impulse controlled time at the party."
And with that, she spun on her heel and left Puck standing in the middle of the choir room, his mouth hanging open at what had just happened.
"Are you having fun? You don't look like you're having fun, Noah. Finn? Do you think there is anything at this party that would make Noah have a bit more fun?"
Finn stared down at Rachel's obnoxious questioning with a confused look upon his face. He was glad to have her by his side, but she seemed to be on some kind of a mission. She had left Matt, Mike and himself do whatever they had wanted at the party, but had stayed steadfastly at Puck's side, taking his drinks and pouring them down the drain, clearing her throat obnoxiously every time he would try to stalk away from her, and actually glaring at all of Puck's usual hookups who would try to get near them. This was really strange behavior…even for Rachel.
"Uhm, he usually goes to sex up a Cheerio about now…and he's usually a lot more drunk?" Finn offered, his helpful advice sounding exactly like a question.
"Oh, that wouldn't do at all. You see, Noah has to control his impulses. He can't drive if he partakes in any spirits tonight, and fornicating randomly with nameless, brazen hussies would certainly mean that he-"
"Hey! Don't talk to Rachel that way!" Finn instantly defended a furious, yet somehow still pleased, Rachel.
"I'm allowed to," Puck scoffed. He glared at Berry and said, "Just like she's apparently allowed to cock block me all damned night!"
"Uhm…you guys are being weird," Finn muttered. "I'm gonna go back to playing ping pong."
Rachel and Puck remained standing still, glaring at each other as Finn slowly ambled away. Rachel glared up at him with as much obnoxious venom as she could, her hands at her hips, bunching the fabric of her summer dress into her fists. Puck stared down at her with nearly maniacal anger, his eyes turning a dangerous glinting green as he squinted down at her in righteous fury.
"GET A ROOM!"
Both Jewish teenagers spun towards the sound of the declaration, only to see a suddenly very uncomfortable freshman staring back at the menacing pair. Puck took a step forward and cracked his knuckles menacingly as Rachel also stomped her foot on the ground slightly, inhaling a deep breath, easy and venomous words ready to spew forth erratically.
Later, as Finn was being regaled with the freshman who had actually wet himself due to Rachel's angry words and Puck's chasing the kid, the tall quarterback looked out to the backyard and furrowed his brow as Rachel and Puck were talking without much animosity.
"I think this will be a mutually beneficial arrangement, Noah. Although it will take some time for me to get accustomed to being reprimanded so harshly for my unnecessary word…vomit, I believe that you're the only person that could possibly even try to keep me in check," Rachel admitted with a small smile pursing her lips.
"Yeah. I've got big balls of steel," Puck nodded. "And you know…I guess if you're going to cock block me all summer, well- at least we won't be replaying last year."
"So we're agreed?" Rachel held out a hand. "Mutual impulse control?"
Puck rolled his eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth nonetheless as he grabbed her hand and shook. "Agreed."
There you go. I have a feeling that I'm going to be twisting and reaching a lot this season. Fingers crossed that Finchel stays as boring and dull as they were last night and someone sees the light. Have a wonderful day!