1AN: This story is a dream Buffy has after the final Apocalypse in Sunnydale, and she must face everyday life without Spike. It is an English adaptation of my Spanish story "Hazme un fantasma".
He was dead. She had watched him die. And Buffy had frozen in a moment. Then, she ran. Like every time she had lost everything, she ran. She ran as she had run from Angel's death, she ran as she had run after Riley, she ran as she had run to her death. She ran to Giles' house. She knocked on the door and she heard Giles', "Come in." Buffy slipped into the house. It was Giles' old apartment, but filled with all the merchandise of the Magic Shop. It was disorganized, filled to the brim with herbs, spices, candles, and books, and artifacts on the floor, the bookshelves, and the furniture. Giles was sitting in his chair and drinking coffee, which Buffy found odd, because of course Giles wouldn't be drinking coffee. Giles looked at her. He saw that she was stronger than ever and now she was destroyed. Yet again her life had come to a crashing halt and he could do nothing to help her.
"I need to save him," Buffy said simply, standing before him, hands on her hips. He could see she was a breath away from battle stance, she was desperate, and she was ready to fight.
"He is gone. It's not possible," Giles replied sadly.
"We have saved the world time and time again. How can you sit there and tell me that there is nothing we can do?"
"Buffy, you of all people should know that resurrection from the dead is not something to be taken lightly."
"I'm not taking it lightly," she corrected him harshly, "And I won't send him back from Heaven to dig his way out of his own grave. I'm going to him, not dragging him back to me. He brought me back to life; it's my turn to return the favor."
Giles sighed, "You will need to become a ghost and enter another dimension."
"Okay, good." She was starting to pace, crossing her arms over her chest.
"It's not that simple. There's a dragon. And only a human voice can kill it. But you will be a ghost."
"Not important, I've done the human voice thing before," Buffy said impatiently.
"The dragon guards a watch. If you have the watch, you can rewind death. But everything has a price as I'm sure you're well aware by now. Would you really have him suffer what you suffered?"
"What I have suffered? I'm still here aren't I? If I have to be a living corpse he's damn well gonna be one with me."
"Buffy…"
"Don't worry about it. Make me a ghost."
Giles looked away, "The price…you can't imagine…"
"Make. Me. A. Ghost."
Giles opened the heavy tome next to him. He read a Latin incantation three times. A blue and white light surrounded Buffy, just like the light from Glory's portal. She felt herself being battered and beaten and dying all over again. Buffy screamed and screamed. After several minutes the light faded and she was no longer human. She was a ghost. She smiled sadly at how right this felt, how even now after two years as dead man walking, death still felt like her true home. Seeing that smile Giles felt his heart sink.
"Bye, Giles. I will return with my lover."
Giles forced a smile, and opened the portal to the other dimension with one of his many orbs and incantations, at the moment Buffy could care less about the details or be amazed by them. Buffy felt a moment of fear and doubt as she watched the purple haze swirl before her. But she stepped into the haze, entered the portal and never looked back.
When the haze cleared, she found herself in a dark, dank cave. Typical Hell dimension, she thought idly, and turned around to find herself face to face with the aforementioned dragon. It seemed to Buffy as if the dragon was waiting for her. Buffy waited a moment for the dragon to attack. When the dragon still sat there, its giant tail swishing slowly, she shrugged, and then, screamed loudly. The dragon seemed to smile at her with a twinkle in its eye. Buffy screamed again, this time in frustration and anger. The dragon coughed, bored. And in that moment, Buffy saw her love. Spike appeared beside the dragon. He looked just the same and yet altogether different somehow. She wondered if this was how she had looked when she'd been brought back. Spike gazed at Buffy with a sad smile.
"Spike," Buffy called, "I've come for you."
Spike shook his head and turned, and began to walk away.
And she screamed with the pain that is only possible for a human being equally strong and equally destroyed a combo she was an expert at by now. The dragon began to shake and then collapsed, dead. Buffy ran to Spike and grabbed the watch that was next to the dragon.
"No," Spike said, "Buffy, no." He had tears in his eyes and he wrapped his hands around hers. He did not move to take the watch; he would let her make this decision. He would suffer anything if it meant she had what she wanted, if it meant she was happy.
"I need you, I need you," she cried. She had the watch. She had her love. All she needed was to turn the mechanism. But she couldn't.
"No, Buffy. You understand?"
She looked at the watch that could solve her problem, and her pain.
"Yes, I understand," she whispered. He let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her. He was as solid as always and she leaned into him gratefully, pressing her forehead into his neck, his skin cool and soft as always. She felt tears begin to slip down her cheeks and she began to cry harder as she realized the repetitiveness of it all. And that this time, the powers that be had not forced this goodbye on her, she had chosen it. She had chosen to hold him in her arms one last time, even at the price of a life, of a soul, and of the worst pain she could ever imagine.
Her lover, her friend could not return to the world of the living whole. He was something impossible to imagine now. He was nothing. Just as she had been nothing. And truly was still nothing. And someday she would return to him, she knew this as surely as she now stood, pressed her lips to his, and then stepped out of his reach.
"Goodbye, William," she breathed. Buffy threw the watch to the ground. She looked at him one last time, and she smashed the watch with her foot. He disappeared.