Here is chapter 2! These first few chapters are a little short due to certain cliffhangers I wanted, but I promise they will get longer! Review please :)
"What? How?," Arthur said, stunned.
I sobbed," My medication ran out, and we, we were fighting, so… I didn't refill it, and…... then, a few weeks ago, we, we…. and then we… again… and I haven't had my period for almost two months, so I think… I'm…."
I couldn't believe it. I wasn't this type of woman. I was a work-hard-keep-your-shit-together-emotions-on-the-inside woman, and Arthur loved me for that. For my strength. This was a scenario I had never pictured myself in, and I had no idea what to do. For once, I didn't have the right answer.
Arthur pulled me closer, stroking my hair. And then his CIA training kicked in.
"How about I go to the drugstore and get a pregnancy test, and you can get some rest."
I nodded, but didn't let go of him. I couldn't. He looked down at me, then slowly took my arms off his torso.
"Joan, it's going to be ok."
I gave a weak smile, whipping a few tears from my eyes. Then I walked over to the bed and laid down, unconsciously being careful not to lie on my stomach.
I will," Arthur promised, and walked out of the room. I pulled the covers around myself, trying clear my head. But all I could do was think. I was 38, but I'd be 39 by the time the baby came. Arthur was close to 46, and we were both very involved in our careers. We'd never discussed having a family directly, but we had both known it was something we wanted to focus on. He and his first wife hadn't had any kids, nor had he wanted to. Joan, stop, I told myself. Sleep. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, something I had learned in a yoga class I once took. I laughed to myself just thinking of that yoga class. I was 24, out of college and unsure of what to do, and completely anti-social. So I did something with other people that didn't require interaction. Maybe I should go back to yoga. Hmm. I drifted off, thinking about soothing music and stretchy-waist pants, something I would be needing soon anyway.
I woke up to see Arthur sitting on the edge of the bed in jeans and a black t-shirt, a rare occurrence.
"How long did I sleep?," I asked, rubbing my eyes.
"Oh, I'd say only an hour or so," he said, looking at me cautiously. "How are you feeling?"
"What am I feeling? Everything. How I am feeling? I honestly don't know," I said, pushing my hair behind my ears. I knew neither of us wanted to mention the pregnancy test I assumed was in the brown paper bag on the dresser. I wish I didn't know. That I hadn't yet realized it. Because now I had to take that test, and I was too scared.
"Arthur, I –"
"Joan, you don't have to do it now. We can wait," Arthur said, reaching out and taking my hand, massaging it gently.
"No, it need to be done. I'm just scared, " I said. "Not scared of going deep cover in Nairobi, being in a room full of people I know are armed, standing up to Henry Wilcox, or anything I've ever done while at the CIA, but I am deathly afraid of that bag." I pointed to the dresser. "And even you can't protect me."
Arthur moved closer to me, sitting right next to me and taking my other hand.
"I can try, and at the end of the day, I love you. And I don't care what happens in the next 10 minutes."
I looked at him. I didn't want to say anything, but the rush of emotions came. I bit my lip and let out just some of what was flooding my mind. "Then I have to do it."
I got up, took the bag, and went into the bathroom. I sat on the bathtub ledge, preparing myself for what was coming.
"Do you need water?," Arthur asked awkwardly. I took another deep breath.
"No, but I need you."
He got up and walked through the bathroom door, and sat beside me. We sat in silence for a few minutes, then I took the pregnancy test box out and let the bag fall to the floor. I took out a test and walked over to the toilet. I took yet another deep breath.
"Let's do this."
5 minutes later, I was in Arthur's arms. We had left the pregnancy test on the bathroom counter and vowed not to look at it for 20 minutes. We sat on the bed, me in his lap with his arms wrapped around me. I turned around to face him and kissed him passionately. He kissed back, and it lasted for what felt like forever. We kept kissing, and I started to adjust my position so I was on top of him, kissing him his neck and burying my face in his shoulder. And then he pulled away.
"Honey do you think maybe…," he broke of, gesturing to my stomach. "I just want to be careful."
I nodded and sat up.
"Do you want to look?," he asked, pulling me into his arms again. I put my head against his chest.
"I don't know. It's going to determine our future, change the rest of our lives. I'm…"
"Scared," Arthur finished for me. "I know."
I got up, holding his hand and pulling him into the bathroom. He followed me, and when we got into the bathroom, I took the test off the counter but didn't look. We sat on the edge of the bathtub again, and we both stared at my hand, where the result was facing into my palm. I breathed in, and then out. Arthur gave a faint smile.
"You or me?"
I handed it to him, silently answering his question. He turned it over and looked at the oval in the middle of the test.