99So, this is totally the end... I appreciate all the reviews, guys. You're all awesome, seriously. I cannot even stress that enough!
I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own
He woke up with the tiny girl in his arms. He smiled before protectively drawing her in closer to his body. He sighed before panic flood through him. He was leaving that day. He looked to his right for the clock he had known was there the night before. The red numbers taunted him. 9:46. His flight left at twelve. He still had a few hours left with Rachel.
Immediately he looked back to the slumbering girl and smiled. She looked so content and worry-free. It was the first time he had seen her like that. He played with stray curls that fell from her face and sighed when she grabbed him tighter. "Rachel," he cooed. The girl grumbled something. "Rach, wake up, please," Jesse insisted. The girl lazily opened her eyes and smiled when she saw Jesse lying beside her.
"I really thought it was a dream," she mumbled. He would have found it endearing had it been another time. He sat up and rubbed his arm out of a nervous habit. She picked up on it immediately and sat up beside him-wrapping the sheets around her. "What's wrong, Jesse?"
He climbed out of the bed and pulled on the blue jeans she had helped rid him of last night, before running his hands through his hair. "I'm leaving," he whispered. Her features immediately hardened. He watched in confusion as she, too, stumbled out of bed and threw on her clothes.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm going back to New York…today." She nodded before walking over to him. "I know it seems sudden but I have work to take care of before we can…" He stopped talking when he saw the look on her face.
"I know what this is," she coldly stated. He looked at her in confusion before she poked his chest with her finger. "You got what you wanted and now you're leaving. You're an asshole, Jesse." He looked at her incredulously for a moment before scoffing.
"I'm an asshole? Do you really think that's what this is? You are sorely mistaken, Miss Berry," he yelled. He had imagined several scenes playing out in his head of how she would react-this never being one of them.
"You just wanted to have sex with me, right? That's all this was to you? Some sort of sick game. Get out of my house. Go back to New York. I don't care what you do."
"Rachel, wait," he calmly whispered. He was angry, sure, but he didn't want her thinking any of that. "It isn't like that at all."
"You're pathetic, Jesse, really," she mumbled before opening her door. "You should leave before I have my dads throw you out." He clenched his fists tightly before pressing his body flush against hers.
"Don't you think," he sneered, "that if all I wanted was sex then I would have paid for it like every other man in New York City?" Any retort she had had simply died immediately. "Don't you think, Rachel, that if you were just some game to me then I wouldn't have ended my engagement to my girlfriend of three years? Don't you think that if I didn't love you then I wouldn't have gotten you that job? I wouldn't have stayed with you while you were sick. If I'm pathetic then what does that make you?" He spat out before storming out the door and slamming it angrily behind him.
Rachel's wide eyes immediately shed tears. She had been stupid and foolish. She had let her insecurities push away the only guy that had truly cared about. She considered chasing after him but thought better of it. She threw herself on the bed only to be reminded of the previous night's activities. She cried harder into the spot he had moments before been laying on.
Jesse rushed to the car he had rented from the airport and drove to a diner he had grown to love over the past few days. He ordered his usual before making his way to a booth in the back. He immediately pulled out his pad and pen and began to write everything down that was bothering him. It was a coping method he had gotten from Jake.
An hour later he emerged. He drove by the Berry residence one last time before dropping the enveloped letter into the mailbox. He wasn't going to stay there. He knew where he wasn't wanted. He was hurting, badly but it didn't matter-not really. He had given away one of the only things that ever made him feel loved and alive.
He quickly drove to the airport. Ohio just wasn't for him.
She had spent the entire day in bed watching various E! True Hollywood Stories. When she was younger and had been upset she would watch them. It always made her feel better knowing that celebrities had tough lives too. She looked at her clock after her stomach had begun to growl.
"Rachel, there was something left for you in the mailbox," her dad yelled from outside her door. She felt tears prick at her eyes again. She knew it was from Jesse.
"Okay," she softly whispered to herself before climbing out of bed and walking downstairs to the kitchen table and grabbing the envelope. She immediately returned to her bedroom and curled back under the covers. She began to rip the envelope open before something on the television caught her attention.
"…Fans mourning the loss of Jesse St. James, stay tuned." She immediately panicked. Had he died? Had he killed himself? Had his plane crashed? Thousands of thoughts rushed through her mind before the gossip lady came back on. "Broadway fans are mourning their loss of Jesse St. James. He announced earlier this evening that he would be leaving Spring Awakening." Rachel's jaw dropped. "Here's a clip we got earlier especially for you guys."
Rachel saw Jesse standing outside of the theater they had been to together so many times. He was wearing the same thing he had been wearing when he had left her house with a ball cap that she had given him grief about the entire time he was there. She had actually thought he looked adorable with it on but she wasn't going to tell him that. She let tears fall at the revelation that she would probably never get to tell him that because of her stupidity. People were yelling at Jesse on the screen and bright flashes kept going off in his face. "Jesse, Jesse, why are you leaving?" He turned and looked at whoever asked the question. It was the first time it had actually shown Jesse's face rather than his profile. His eyes were swollen and red and it broke her heart.
"I was once told that I would never love anything more than performing. I didn't think I would either. I promised that if I did then I would leave immediately."
"Is it a girl? Your fiancée?" Jesse continued walking as the crew of people followed him. Rachel waited anxiously for him to say something-anything.
"It is a girl," he stated without looking up.
"Does she want you to leave? That doesn't seem right," a man added.
"She knows nothing about this. I have to go now," he hastily added before pushing away from the crowd and hailing a cab. The clip ended and the woman who had previously been doing the celebrity news was back.
"There you have it. Apparently Jesse St. James is a romantic." Rachel immediately turned the television off and eyed the envelope. She couldn't imagine what Jesse would have to say to her. She was somewhat afraid of it all.
Dear Rachel,
I'm sitting at the diner you took me to when you got us lost. I find it comforting that it isn't just in New York where you lack a sense of direction. I would do this in person but I'm afraid you would ask me to leave, and I can't handle that. I'm so very sorry for the things I said to you. It wasn't as though I meant them. I have no excuses to give you for my behavior. I was mad that you thought so little of me.
I am leaving the show. None of it means anything if you won't be standing up there beside me each night. I'm an actor; I know I should be able to perform with anyone. I probably could if I tried hard enough, but I'm selfish and only want you. This isn't how I wanted to tell you this because you don't deserve poorly written love letters. We aren't in junior high.
I love you, Rachel. Very much so. I love you more than anything. I would rather go every single day for the rest of my life without being able to sing than have to live without you in it. Last night was the best night of my life. I hate knowing that this could have all been prevented had I simply told you ahead of time that I was leaving. I feel like a fool for everything that has transpired. I'm going to call you later tonight. I've told myself that if you answer then I will be on the first flight back to Ohio. If you don't then I will know you do not want to pursue any sort of relationship with me.
Love always,
Jesse
Also, if you decide that I'm not worth your time then you still have a role waiting for you back in New York.
She set the piece of paper down on her bed. She made no attempt at wiping away the tears that were falling.
She jumped in fright when the loud blaring of her cell phone filled the silence of her room. She hastily shuffled through her bed to find it laying under the covers. She inhaled deeply before looking at the caller ID.
Jesse
Right, don't hate me. =P You can make up your own ending or something! Heh.