AN: Blame it on RedWitch. Blame it on RedWitch. Blame it on RedWitch!
This fic is a parody of the popular show, "I Love Lucy." I know I normally don't write stories that aren't strictly Romy centered, but in this case - give me a break. Rogue would KILL me if I cast her as Lucy. This is not a parody like my normal parodies. Raven and Lightning will NOT be showing up. This is an AU comedy where mutants are considered just normal people. Each chapter will have its own plot. They will not be using exact dialogue and possibly not even the script. I will probably be using the past tense. I will try not to use their code names, but bear with me on this one. I'm not used to calling Rogue "Anna."
Rogue, aka Anna: 27
So, without further ado:
I Love Kitty
The Girls Want To Go To a Nightclub
Anna was over at Kitty's apartment, helping her wash dishes. Technically, she was making sure Kitty didn't burn the place down. After all, Anna and Remy owned the apartment and had met Kitty and her husband, Piotr, when they decided to rent the place. Anna is drying. "Y'all missed a spot."
"It's, like totally, part of the design," Kitty said without looking.
Kitty looked at the plate, "Yeah, can't you see. It's, like, flowers and – gravy." She took the plate back.
"What kinda gravy is that?" Anna scrunched up her nose.
"Just gravy," Kitty replied.
"It's green," Anna remarked, "and it has chunks in it."
"It tastes better than it looks," Kitty said angrily.
"It's glowing," deadpanned Anna.
Kitty glared at her and turned back to the dishes.
Anna dropped the issue and put the dry dishes back on the shelf. "Ah meant ta tell ya, Remy and Ah were talkin', and we want Piotr and y'all ta come celebrate with us on Monday night. It's our anniversary."
"Like, really?" Kitty squealed.
"Uh huh," Anna gathered another dish. "It's our sixth, and Ah vowed that Swamp Rat's gonna take me to a nightclub on our weddin' anniversary at least once before he dies."
Kitty stared at her, "Before he dies?"
"Well, before Ah kill him," Anna laughed bitterly.
"Here's the plan," Anna informed her. "Ah'll go in there and say, 'Ah know what we should do Monday night! Let's go ta a nightclub.' And you second the motion, and Piotr will jump ta his feet and say, 'That sounds great!' Then, Rems will have ta take me, because…"
Kitty tapped her shoulder, "Piotr jumps to his feet? Are you serious?"
Rogue thought about it, "Okay, ya're probably right. He sits there and says it, then."
"Wrong. Piotr hates nightclubs."
"But he works in one! Doesn't he take ya out ta them all the time?"
Kitty huffed, "That's, like totally, what I thought would happen, but no. Ever since we said 'I do,' there are so many things we don't."
Anna sighed, "Well, it was a fun idea while it lasted. It was gonna be Daniel's Inferno."
Kitty's jaw dropped. She'd been wanting to go there badly. "Wow, Daniel's Inferno. Don't worry, we'll go."
"We will," Anna raised an eyebrow at her.
"Like sure," Kitty nodded, "I want to go as much as you do, but don't forget you can, like totally, catch more flies with honey than vinegar."
"Y'all mean be nice ta them?" Anna asked.
"Don't ya think Remy will get suspicious?"
Kitty rolled her eyes, "He'll never know what hit him. We'll be so lovey-dovey to them, they'd agree to go bungee-jumping off the Empire State Building."
"Ah don't think this'll work, Kitty," Anna sighed.
"Of course, it will, Anna," Kitty responded.
"Ah got a bad feelin' about this," Anna grimaced.
Back in the living room, Piotr and Remy were sitting comfortably in Kitty and Piotr's furniture. "Homme, are you doing anyt'ing Monday night?"
"I do not think so, comrade. It is my night off. Vhy?"
"Remy would like you to join him in the commemoration of a six-year-old tragedy."
Piotr raised his eyebrow. "Vhat do you mean?"
"C'est our wedding anniversary," he nodded at the kitchen door, which was shut.
Piotr laughed, "Oh, you vant us to join you in a celebration!"
"Don't look so happy," Remy remarked. "You ain't t'e one who has to live wit' Anna."
"Well, at least Anna is a good cook," Piotr mumbled.
"Oui, she is t'at," Remy grinned. "Remy'd like to take her to a steakhouse and t'en take in t'e fights."
"Fights? You sure Anna vill like that?" Piotr didn't look so sure.
"Sure, Anna loves fights," Remy grinned. "Well, maybe not boxing, though."
"Vell, if you vant to go to the fights, I think you should. After all, it is your anniversary, too. There must be some vay to get the girls to go."
"We could always tie t'em up and carry t'em in."
Piotr laughed, "Tying does not work so vell with Kitty. She phases through the ropes."
"Nah, Anna neither – though it used to be fun to try," Remy grinned again.
"Remy did marry t'e girl, didn't he?" He looks very frustrated, however. "Ugh, why did Remy marry a girl he can't touch, again?"
Piotr laughed at him, "Look, I have idea. As soon as they come in, ve vill be really nice to them. Soften them up, you see? Smooch them."
"Smooch? Anna?" Remy rolled his eyes. "Remy t'ought t'e idea is to get t'em to go to t'e fights, not to pass out on t'e floor."
"Okay, so maybe no smooching."
"It might work, but don't you t'ink Anna might get suspicious?" Remy asked.
Just then, the girls walk in. "How can four people, like, use so many dishes."
"One of them is you," Anna said. Kitty rolled her eyes. The guys stood up. Anna was immediately suspicious. "What's wrong. Why are y'all standin' up?"
"Can't a man be happy to see his wife?" Remy asked.
"Yeah, that'll be the day," muttered Anna.
"Ve stood up because two gorgeous ladies just entered the room," Piotr said, trying to avoid a fight between Remy and Anna.
"Really? Who?" Kitty asked as she looked around the room.
Anna looked at them and then tapped Kitty, "They mean us."
"Oh!" Kitty smiled at Piotr. She walked into his arms, "Oh you sweet, giant, Russian lover, you!"
Piotr was all smiles. The plan was working perfectly.
Anna looked skeptical, but Kitty glared at her. She rolled her eyes. "Ah, ya sweet, handsome Cajun, you." She smiled at Remy.
Remy took a step back. The plan was working? That was a shock.
Piotr grinned at Kitty, "You gorgeous, exciting woman, you!"
Remy took a deep breath, "Well, ya're nice to look at, at least."
Anna wanted to punch him, but she knew that would ruin the plan. She took a deep breath. It had been a long time since she had tried to be nice to her husband. "Ah, ain't he a charmer? Darlin', why don't ya sit down here?" She pointed to a chair.
Kitty hoped Anna could make it through the evening without strangling Remy. "Oh yeah, you sit down, too, baby."
"Vell, you sit down on my lap. You vill be more comfortable," Piotr said as he sat on the couch. Kitty immediately climbed into his lap.
Remy sighed, "You sit in t'is chair, chérie, it's much more comfortable."
"Oh, but, sugah, if it's so comfortable, Ah want ya'll ta have it."
"Anna, could ya do one thing Remy asks ya?"
"Oh, Ah want ya to be absolutely comfortable." Anna said it at the same time.
"I SAID SIT DOWN!" Remy shouted, too mad to use third person. He pushed her into the chair. Piotr glared at him. He sat on Anna's lap, just to make a point.
"Swamp Rat, if y'all don't get up right now!"
"Ah mean, Ah hope y'all are comfortable, Remy."
"Très," he growled.
Piotr coughed. Glaring at Piotr, Remy stood up. Anna stood up so Remy could sit. She then climbed into his lap, a place she hadn't been in a long, long time. The girls hugged them. Remy hugged his wife for the first time in a long while. He felt his throat catch. He swallowed and signaled the okay sign at Piotr, who signaled back.
Kitty jumped up. "Anyone want a cookie?"
Everyone's eye grew large. "Ah'll get them!" Anna raced to the cookie tray and came back quickly. She then proceeded to trip, spilling them all over the floor.
Remy rushed to her side. "You okay, chère?" he managed to ask nicely.
"Ah think so," Anna lied. She had invulnerability after she had accidentally absorbed her high school rival, Carol Danvers, permanently. Gambit knew that because it had been only a few years back, before they met Kitty and Piotr. He actually gave her a hand getting up. She knew something was up. Remy hadn't been that nice in three years, not since their big fight.
"I vill clean these up," offered Piotr.
"Oh, thank you, Piotr!" Kitty squealed. She winked at Anna, who shrugged at her.
"Sorry I ruined the cookies, everyone," Anna lied. Piotr and Remy gave her thankful looks.
"Oh, don't worry about it. I'll make some more tomorrow," Kitty said with a giggle. Piotr groaned softly.
"You know, Piotr," Kitty started, "There's only one time you look handsomer than you do right now, when you're all dressed up."
"Ah think a nice suit is the best thang a man can wear," Anna agreed.
"Unless l'homme is wearing boxin' trunks," Remy said.
Piotr snapped his fingers like he just got an idea, "Speaking of boxing, there is nothing more exciting than a ring-side seat."
"Yes, sir, like, ring-side seats at Daniel's Inferno," Kitty said, grinning.
At this point, Anna and Remy had been sitting on Kitty and Piotr's couch. Kitty was on one side and Piotr was on the other. Anna and Remy looked back and forth as the argument unfolded. Kitty and Piotr fought far less often than they did, but it was always entertaining, and usually, nothing got broken like it did when they fought.
"Look, Kitty, Monday is Remy's anniversary and he vants to go to the fights," Piotr said.
Kitty scowled at him, "Yeah, well, Monday is, like, Anna's anniversary, too, and she'd like to go to a nightclub."
"Vell, Remy is not going to go to any stuffy nightclub!"
Kitty put her hands on her hips. "Well, Anna's not going to any stale fights!"
"Kitty, do not push me too far," Piotr said. He was resisting the urge to change to his metal form. "It is the fights or nothing."
"Well, is that final?" Kitty asked. Piotr nodded. "You brought this on yourself. Anna wants a divorce!"
"Now, hold on a minute!" Anna said, jumping up. "Ah never said Ah wanted a divorce!"
"You want to go to a nightclub, don't you?"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean it's worth a divorce!" Remy sat back and grinned. "Oh, don't get all full of ya'self, Swamp Rat! Kurt would never forgive me!"
Anna and Kitty yelled at each other. Piotr yelled at Kitty in Russian. Remy stood up, "Wait a minute!" They all stopped talking. "Everybody be calm." He used his empathy to sooth the situation. "We'll figure out a way to settle t'is t'ing."
Kitty spoke up, "I know, we'll, like, have a vote!"
"Cannot you guess how it vill turn out?" Piotr asked her.
"A vote!" Kitty insisted with a stomp of her foot.
"Fine!" Remy said. "Whoever wants to go to t'e fights, raise t'eir hands." Remy and Piotr raised their hands. "Two. Everyone t'at wants to go to a nightclub, raise your hand." He counted, "T'ree. Remy guess – wait, t'ree?"
"Kitty!" Piotr exclaimed, as she had both hands raised.
"Well, I really want to go to the nightclub!" she whined.
"We're going to t'e fights," Remy demanded.
"If ya go ta the fights, y'all can just go alone!" Anna snapped.
"Well, if t'at's t'e way you want it, Remy hope you have fun at home!"
"We won't be at home," Kitty said. "We're going dancing at Daniel's Inferno."
"Oh, yeah?" Piotr asked. "I hope you are enjoying dancing together, Katya."
"We won't be; we'll have dates."
"We will?" Anna asked. "Ah mean, yeah, we will!"
Remy's red-on-black eyes narrowed in anger. Piotr thought it was a big joke. He signaled Remy to start laughing. So they did.
"Go ahead and laugh, you two, but I know just who is dying to take us. They are both handsome and younger than you!"
"Oh, who are ya talkin' about?"
"I can't say it in front of them," Kitty insisted.
"So whisper it," Anna said. "It ain't like they got sensitive hearin' or nothin'."
Kitty whispered in her ear, "I'm still thinking about it."
"Oh!" Anna grinned, "Oh that'll be lovely! Maybe they will know how ta treat a lady."
"Are you saying Remy don't?"
"Well, Ah didn't say that, but since it came up!"
"T'at's it! Piotr, come on. Let's go downstairs to our apartment. Remy don't much like t'e atmosphere up here." They two men started leaving.
"Fine, fine, walk away. Just like ya always do, Remy LeBeau!"
The door slammed behind them. Anna sat down and cried. Kitty hugged her carefully. "Don't worry, Anna. We'll get back at them!"
"We've sure made a mess of this," Anna sighed.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, Anna," Kitty said sadly. "I was just trying to put up a big front and they totally called my bluff."
"Well, what are we gonna do? Where are we gonna find dates?"
"Well, we'll figure it out." She thought for a moment, "Oh, I know! Oh, no, that won't work."
Anna thought about it, "Uh – no."
"Well, we must know two men that are single and attractive," Kitty insisted. "Two men who are single? Two men? A boy and a dog?"
Anna shook her head. "Guess we are out of luck, sug."
"Oh, I know! I'll get my old address book and call up some of my old boy friends!"
"Well, it's only a pretend date, Anna, and its only three years old. It's worth a try." She dug it out while Anna sat on the arm of the chair beside her. "This is an emergency. I'll start at the A's. Hmm, Lance Alvers. 555-7625." She dialed the number.
Remy had a drink in his hand and it did not look like tea.
Piotr frowned at him. "Kitty and I have lived here for a couple of years, and all the time, Anna and you fighting, fighting, fighting. Are you sure it is vorth it?"
Remy groaned. "Remy is catholic." When Piotr obviously didn't understand, he continued, "Divorces ain't exactly smiled upon. Not to mention, Anna has a brother who is a priest. Kurt t'reatened to excommunicate me from t'e church if he ever leave her. Besides, made some promises to t'e girl, and Remy don't go back on his word."
Piotr nodded. "I see."
"Let's just concentrate on Monday night," Remy sighed. "We'll have fun. We'll go to t'at steakhouse and get huge steaks. Remy can put as much cayenne pepper on his as he wants, and Anna won't be t'ere telling him how he'll end up in t'e bathroom all night."
Piotr looked a little worried. "Do you think the girls can really get dates? They are young and pretty vomen."
Remy muttered, "Like anyone would want to go on a date wit' Anna." He rolled his eyes. "Stop worrying about it, homme."
"I keep thinking they vill go out to dinner somevhere, and they vill have some champagne, and then they vill go to Daniel's Inferno, and have more champagne, and then they vill dance, and then have more champagne. Vho knows vhat vill happen?"
"Yeah, t'at ain't much of a problem where Anna's concerned," growled Remy.
"Vell, it is vith Katya, and she sounded pretty mad," Piotr whined.
"What we need is a plan," Remy nodded.
"Ve could get dates to, and go to Daniel's Inferno. You know, keep an eye on the amount of champagne. No, that is not a very good idea."
"T'at is a brilliant idea!" Remy grinned, "Best idea you ever had, Piotr. Dates! We'll get us a couple of blondes just to help us keep an eye on our wives who've seen fit to go out wit' ot'er men. We keep an eye on t'em, and maybe make t'em a little jealous, no?"
"They cannot actually get mad at us for having dates if they are there vith other men."
"C'est a perfect situation!" Remy exclaimed.
Piotr looked at him, "You are the charmer, Vhere is address book?"
Remy groaned, "Anna destroyed it."
"Right after we got married, when things were nice, and Anna wasn't all crazy about her powers, she found it while Remy was knocked out and charged it, threw it right out the window. Remy woke up to t'e explosion." Remy shook his head sadly.
Piotr sighed, "I burnt mine vhen ve got married. Kitty said it vas American tradition. Come to find out, not so much."
"That is terrible," Remy said with a frown.
"Hey, I know vhat ve do! I vill call Jean Summers!"
"You mean t'e tramp who sings at the Xavier Club?"
"She is not tramp. She is nice, knows many vomen. She is married now, but she knows every girl in town." Piotr grinned as he reached for the telephone.
"Well, Remy is glad you t'ought of her," Remy punched Piotr in the shoulder gently.
Kitty has not had much luck on the telephone. She was down nearly to the end, "Yeah, nice talking to you too. It's been a long time. Wow, septuplets! Who would have, like guessed? Tell Taryn I said hi! Bye!"
"Well, that takes care of Young," Anna rolled her eyes. She read off the last of the names, two of which were dry cleaners.
"Oh, he'll definitely be free. No one would've married him!"
"Did you call Pete Wisdom? His name ain't marked off."
"Yeah, he's busy babysitting his grandson."
"Oh, right. Wait, grandson?" Anna blinked.
"Don't look at me like that. When I dated him, he was an interesting, older man." Anna's eyes grew two sizes. Kitty holds the phone. "Hello, oh, I must have the wrong number." She sighed. "Well, that was, like, the last of them."
Anna sighed, "What now? Remy's the only guy I ever dated."
"What? How did that happen?"
"Not a lot of guys interested in dating a girl they can't touch, Kit."
"Well, we can always call the zoo and order a couple of dancin' bears."
Kitty slammed her hands on the desk and picked up her cell phone again. "Why didn't I think of this before? I'll call Jean Summers!"
"She works at the Xavier Club, and she knows every guy in town!"
"Oh, Ah almost feel hopeful," Anna said, standing up to start pacing the floor.
"Hello, Jean? It's Kitty Rasputin. Oh, it's, like, very nice to hear your voice too, dear. I'll tell you why I called. It seems that a friend of mine, Anna LeBeau – they did! Piotr and Remy just called her. They did. They didn't! They did! They didn't! They did!"
"Well, did they or didn't they, Kitty?" Anna groaned.
"They, like totally, did! Sneaky little," Kitty muttered.
"What did they do, Kit?"
"They stole my idea," she grumbled.
"Those dirty, little two-timers!" Anna growled, feeling the strength of Carol's powers in her limbs. She felt like tearing the apartment complex up. "Just wait 'til Ah get my hands on that no-good, thievin' Swamp Rat!"
"Wait, wait, I, like, have a great idea," Kitty grinned evilly. "Jean? Sorry about that. I want you to get them dates for Monday night, but the dates will be Anna and me. Yeah, yeah, and one more thing: I want you to build up these beautiful blind dates, and tell them we'll meet them at Piotr's apartment at eight o'clock. Uh, huh, thanks, bye!"
Anna grinned at her. "Ah never thought you had it in ya!"
The girls laughed hard and long.
On Monday night, near eight o'clock, Remy and Piotr sat on Piotr's couch, waiting. They had dressed up and both looked rather nice. They were very nervous.
"Remy wonder what t'ey'll be like."
"Jean said they vere just knock-outs, drop-dead gorgeous." Piotr straightened his tie. "Sweet-tempered, too. I vonder vhy they vanted to meet us here?"
"Well, maybe t'ey want to spend time alone. Now, don't fight it," Remy told him when he started to protest. "Just be glad our wives had early dinner dates."
"Oh, that is right," Piotr looked sad.
The doorbell rang.
Outside the door, Kitty and Anna were in rather good disguises. Anna looked twice her age. She was wearing a blue, flowered dress; a wig and a bonnet; a lot of make-up, and about twenty layers of clothing underneath to make herself look fat. She looked at Kitty. "Is this absolutely necessary?"
Kitty turned to her, "Of course, it is!" She was wearing a yellow, button-down frock that looked home-made and thirty years out of fashion. She was wearing a red wig with braids, and false teeth. She had painted a huge mole on her cheek.
Both of the girls were wearing contacts.
When Piotr opened the door, Remy turned away in shock. Kitty stepped in, wearing a stupid grin, and said, "Hy thar."
Piotr tried to be nice, "How do you do?"
Kitty continued her charade, "We be lookin' fer a coupla fellers named Piotr an' Remy. Be you they?"
Remy shook his head furiously, but Piotr answered, "Um, yeah, that vould be us. I am Piotr and that is Remy."
"We be yer dates," Kitty said, walking in. She was toting a big whiskey jug.
Anna was holding an umbrella.
Piotr grabbed Kitty's arm and pulled her toward Remy, "This vone is yours, Remy."
"Oh, no," Remy gasped. He would rather spend the entire evening alone with Anna than this, well, whatever this was.
Kitty walked up to him, grinning stupidly. Anna was sure that grin made her IQ go down 50 points.
Piotr looked at Anna and did a double take, "This vone is yours, too, Remy."
"Ha ha ha," Remy managed.
"Wai a minut, thar's been a mistake, young feller. Ah'm gonna have that big man right oveh thar," Kitty said, pointing at Piotr, "an' this one is yers, Ma!"
Anna grinned just as stupidly as Kitty. She used her umbrella around Remy's neck to pull him closer. "Come 'ere an' lemme look et chu."
Kitty had gone to stand near Piotr. Piotr tried to think of a way out of this horrible situation. "There must be some mistake here. Ve are vaiting for some friends of Jean Summers."
"Yup, that's us 'en," Kitty nodded profusely. "Ah'm Eunice, and this 'ere's my ma."
"That is your mother?" Piotr asked.
"It is?" Kitty said, "Oh! Yeah, it is! Ah knew that!" She smacked Piotr's shoulder.
Remy looked scared. Piotr thought quickly. "Oh girls, it is nice you come over, but an emergency just came up and ve have to change plans."
"Oh, lookit him, Ma. He's shy!" Kitty grinned wider, if that is possible. "Whatsa matter, sonny boy? Come on, kiss meh, kiss meh, kiss meh," she chanted as she chased him around the room. She managed to corner him at the desk and kissed him as he fell backwards onto it. She stood up and yelled to Anna, "Oh boy, Ma, this is fun!"
Anna was having a hard time not laughing her butt off, and yet, she was jealous, too. There was no way she could pull that routine on Remy, not unless she wanted him dead. It was hard to keep grinning like a maniac, but she did.
Kitty pushed Piotr onto the couch. He fell onto the floor. He was in such shock that he just toppled over. She climbed on him and grabbed his face. "Whatsa matter, boy? Ain't Ah yer type?"
"Well," Piotr tried. Kitty kissed him again.
Anna laughed a fake laugh. "Oh, Ah do love seein' youngsters tagethar havin' fun!"
"Remy don't think Piotr's having much fun," Remy said. "Don't break him, Eunice! He's got a rehearsal in t'e morning."
"Oh, ya kill joy! Come on oveh 'ere and si' down." She dragged him with the umbrella and forced him into the chair. It wasn't hard for Anna, not with Carol's powers.
Piotr, gaining consciousness for a moment, used his strength to get out from under Kitty and stood up. "He is right. I have rehearsal in the morning."
"Are ya an acter feller?" Kitty asked.
"No, no," Piotr sighed.
"Then whatcha gotta be at rehearsal fer?"
"I am a singer," Piotr.
"Sing sumthan'" Kitty said.
"Oh, no," Piotr said.
"Okay, let's neck!" Kitty started to move toward him.
Piotr put up his hand, "Okay, I vill sing." He grabbed a guitar and asked her what she wanted to hear.
"Oh, any lil' ditty," Kitty grinned. He strummed the guitar. "Oh, that was beautiful! Let's neck!"
Piotr backed away and started playing a lively Russian tune. He started singing along. Kitty swayed back and forth behind him. She planted a kiss on his cheek. He immediately stood up and started walking away. She followed. He backed away from her. Anna decided she could at least hug Remy. So she did. He freaked out and jumped up, backing away right into Piotr. Remy decided to stick with Piotr and started trying to sing along, until Kitty cornered them by the fireplace and Remy snuck off. He tried to leave, but Anna pointed to the chair and he sat down. Kitty got a new idea and started to dance a country jig, badly, and sing along, again badly. She grabbed Anna's arm and pulled her into it. Anna started dancing badly as well. At the end of the song, Kitty was leaning close to Piotr over the couch. Anna was sitting on Remy's lap.
Remy groaned. He tried to think of a way to get the girls off of them. "We should play some poker. Anyone got any cards? Remy's fresh out."
"Oh, yeah," Piotr said, squirming away from Kitty.
"Ah know whar they are, sonny boy, Ah'll get 'em fer ya." Kitty went over to the desk and started to dig in the drawer.
Something clicked in Piotr's brain. How can she know vhere ve keep the cards unless – Kitty! "I vould like to get a glass of vater. Remy, come on."
"Whatsa matter, sonny, cantcha carry a glassa water by yerself?" Kitty laughed.
Remy stood up, knocking Anna off of him.
The guys went into the kitchen. Remy headed towards the back door. "Let's get out of here while we can!"
"Vait, vait. Vait a minute."
"Wait for what?"
"Did you notice she knew exactly vhere the cards vere?" Piotr asked.
"T'at was funny, n'est pas?" Remy said.
"You know vho those two creeps are in there?" Piotr challenged. Remy shook his head, whether in doubt or disbelief. "That is Kitty and Anna."
"Oh, non," moaned Remy. "Remy would know his own wife." He peeked through the door. "Oh great, it is Anna! What do t'ey t'ink t'ey're trying to pull?"
"Nevermind, I have idea," Piotr said. "Let us turn the tables, so they say. Ve vill go out there and give them the same treatment they have been to giving us."
"Piotr, homme, tu es a genius!" Remy laughed. They headed back to the living room.
Kitty jumped up. "Oh thar ya are, Piotr boy. Ah've been waitin' ta pitch a lil' woo witcha, hog style." She got into a bad wrestling stance.
"Okay," Piotr said. "Only if ve do it Russian style." He started toward her. She backed up.
At the same time, Remy jumped onto the couch next to Anna. He gathered her in his arms and tried to kiss her, knowing that would be enough to set her off.
Kitty was practically screaming as she tried to get away from Piotr. She ran around the room as he chased her. "Ah'm getting' outa here!"
"Ah'm comin' witcha, Eunice. This creep's tryin' ta unbutton meh hightop shoes!" Anna jumped up and followed Kitty toward the door.
Remy and Piotr burst out laughing.
Piotr called out, "Come visit again, Kitty."
"Nice to have met you, Anna," Remy said with a grin.
The girls stopped and turned around.
"Why, Remy LeBeau!" Anna said.
Kitty lightly punched Piotr on the shoulder, "You know it all the time!"
The guys just laughed.
"Vell, not all the time. You vere very convincing."
Kitty laughed and Anna giggled. "Now, wait a minute!" Kitty said. "Why are we laughing? You two bums were, like, going out with other women!"
Piotr raised his right arm, "Now, I svear, ve only got dates to go to the Daniel's Inferno just to keep an eye on you girls."
"Oh, so we need ya ta keep an eye on us!" Anna growled.
"Shut up, Anna, it's, like totally, romantic!" Kitty squealed.
"Hey, just to prove ve vere doing this out of love, you girls go change your clothes and ve vill all go out and celebrate the LeBeau's anniversary," Piotr said.
Anna and Kitty grinned and hugged their husbands.
As they all four sat in the bleachers at the fights, dressed up as fancy as they could get, Kitty turned to Anna and said dryly, "Happy Anniversary, Anna."
Anna rolled her eyes. Sarcasm rolled off her southern tongue, "Thank you, Kitty."
AN: Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this. This is all RedWitch's fault for using the Mertz's as code names in her story, "The Final Chapter." This will be my "just write something" story. In other words, when I feel like writing, but don't feel like writing on ASIR or Pirates. . . Then ILK gets written. Updates will probably be erratic as my life is hectic. So, as each chapter is a complete episode, at least there won't be cliff hangers. Have fun and PLEASE REVIEW!