Seriously Writers Block can suck it. I have defeated it thoroughly. Those that have caught my newest insane attempt at a story, I will be updating Misfit Toy Hero Squad sometime this evening. And if you haven't caught that story yet? I'd love you forever if you gave it a shot.
This is the prompt from the puckrachel drabble meme. Nicoline88's "First time lil Rachel gets her rag, she's at Puck's house and he thinks she's dying." heh. Funny.
"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BATHROOM DAMMIT!"
The harsh shout was punctuated as the pubescent male voice cracked humorously. Rachel Berry wasn't laughing however, as she fretted on the other side of the bathroom door.
"Go to HADES Noah Puckerman!" Rachel growled.
"God, you demonic ballerina Barbie doll! You can't even say the real word! It's HELL, Rachel," Noah asserted. "As in get the HELL out of my bathroom!"
"You don't pay the mortgage, your mother does!" Rachel reminded the nearly fourteen year old boy. "Find another bathroom and leave me the HECK alone!"
"That's beside the point, it's MY damned bathroom, so get out, I need it," Noah said resolutely, slamming his fist against the door.
"I'm NOT coming out of the bathroom, get used to it!" Rachel yelled back at the door, trying to ignore Noah' forceful pounding.
From her seat on the commode, she looked into the mirror on the sink counter, trying to recognize the teenager looking back at her. She didn't look any different than she had that morning, but something was VERY different about her now. She cringed as she felt a slight cramping twinge radiate through her lower body. It even made her legs ache. Her eyes fell to the crotch of her white cotton underpants, soaked red with blood. A pained pout crossed her pretty face as she leaned her elbows on her knees and buried her head in her hands. "Stupid puberty," she grumbled.
Of course her first period had to happen the day her fathers had dropped her off at the Puckerman's due to their twentieth anniversary trip. It was kind of Mrs. Puckerman, really, seeing as none of the other families from the synagogue were too friendly with her two very gay dads. She could have survived the horror of staying with Noah quite well under normal circumstances. However, if Noah found her BLEEDING in his bathroom…there was no way she would ever be able to look him in the face again.
It absolutely stupefied Rachel that her fathers and his mother couldn't figure out that she and Noah were no longer the inseparable duo that they had been in the past. Things had changed drastically in the past year, and Noah seemed to hate the sight of her now. She would literally give anything in order to be able to go back in time and play house with him when they were eight. Even that session of playing doctor at twelve would be preferable to the current horrendous situation she was currently stuck in.
But here she was, stuck in Noah' bedroom bathroom as the harsh wave of her very first menstruation crashed over her.
"What in the hell is wrong with you?" Noah demanded. "Diarrhea…constipation?"
"GOD! Noah, you are so disgusting!" Rachel screamed. "Annoying me isn't going to make me come out of here any sooner. Just...GO AWAY!"
"What are you doing?" he wondered, true curiosity leaking into his voice. "Did you fall down and now you can't get up? Do I need to call an ambulance or something?"
"NO, geez, Noah, just leave me alone! PLEASE?" Rachel begged, the hint of tears saturating her voice.
Noah felt a pang of sympathy run through him for his (former) (best) friend. He hated to think that she was crying in there. He could see the tears welling up in her perfect, gigantic brown eyes, her pretty, pouty bottom lip trembling. He quickly shook those images from his brain. "Don't cry," he mumbled sheepishly. "Just tell me what's wrong with you, and I'll try to help."
"Nothing is wrong with me, why does something have to be wrong with me because I'm holed up in your bathroom? Maybe I just like your bathroom and want to appreciate its true beauty through form and function," Rachel babbled at light speed, making Noah' head spin.
"YOU BETTER NOT BE GOING THROUGH MY STUFF!" he growled irrately.
"GO TO HELL!" Rachel growled right back.
"What? No 'H...E...Double Hockey Sticks' this time?" he mocked. "I can unlock this door you know!" Noah insisted. "You were there when your Uncle Charlie taught me how to pick locks, for Christ's sake!"
Her eyes grew wide with dread. "Don't you dare, Noah, I swear, I will find something to bludgeon you with if you open that door!"
"God, what are you doing, reciting lines from a cheap paperback novel?" Noah muttered as he dropped to his knees and started to work at the lock. "I'll pick you up and throw you out of my damned bathroom if I have to."
Rachel panicked, staring down at her soiled clothes. Her khaki capri pants were stained through as well. She rose from her seat, flushed the toilet quickly, pulled up her clothing, grabbed Noah's bathrobe from the wall hook, and threw the large garment on.
She drowned in the robe and wondered absently when Noah had found the time to grow so much. When the door popped open she stopped wondering about Noah' growth spurts and started spurting loud piercing screams instead.
"STOP IT!" Noah covered his ears until she finished her insane shrieking. "What are you doing wearing my robe?" he demanded, baffled as to what she'd been up to in here for so long.
"Noah, didn't you learn to SHARE in kindergarten?" Rachel patronized impatiently.
"I'm not going to share anything with you, Little Miss Annie Get Your Gun!" Noah grumbled. "So take it off!"
"NO," she said resolutely, securing the belt a little tighter.
"I SAID, TAKE IT OFF!" he shouted.
Rachel stepped closer to Noah and grabbed him by his shirt collar, looking up at him menacingly. "If you think that by grumbling and growling at me you're going to get me to do ANYTHING you want, you are SADLY mistaken, you little brat, I will rip you apart and eat you for breakfast if you don't leave me alone RIGHT NOW!"
Noah was stunned for a moment, before shaking his head slowly and asking, "Geez, are you on the rag or what?"
Rachel let go of his collar quickly and turned away from him, her cheeks immediately turning scarlet. Noah was startled by her rapid change in mood and suddenly realized what was happening, and why she wouldn't take off his bathrobe. He shuffled, his discomfort rising as he stammered, "Do…do you want me to…I don't know, uhm... What…ah, what do you…"
"GOD, Noah, you're more uncomfortable than I am, aren't you?" Rachel accused as she turned back to him, slight amusement on her face. She watched as his eyes kept roaming over the robe. He was probably worried she'd leave a mark on it. "It's not exactly a gunshot wound, don't worry, I'm not going to ruin your precious bathrobe," she huffed.
Noah snapped out of his ogling daze and met her angry blue eyes. "No, I just..." he shrugged. "It's gross, you know, to think that you're...bleeding," he wrinkled his nose.
"Gee, thanks, but I really don't need your observations on the ickiness factor at the moment. If you truly want to help me out, I could use something right about now…a feminine product, if you know what I mean. And since I'm not leaving your bathroom, that only leaves one other person to go find one for me."
"Me?" Noah's hazel eyes widened with incomprehension. He shrugged off his bewilderment under her persistent, threatening gaze and nodded. "Okay, okay, I'll be right back."
Rachel sighed with relief once he left. At the same time she cringed in horror, completely mortified that she had to share this particular moment in her life with that insufferable boy. She wouldn't have cared so much if it was her friend Noah, not this hormonally challenged, inconsiderate, brash, obnoxious, pushy, inattentive teenager who was far removed from the cohort she cherished two years ago.
Noah returned after a little while, his cheeks flaming red, seeming almost shy as he tapped lightly on the door and entered the bathroom. He asked quietly, "Are you okay?"
"It's my PERIOD Noah, there aren't many things that can go wrong," Rachel informed him. "I'm not dying here!" Unless you could die of extreme embarrassment, she silently judged, rolling her eyes. "We went over this in Health class, remember? In five to seven days I'll have completely discharged the lining of my womb, and then I'll be back to normal again," she relayed, appreciating the fact that she just grossed him out even more. She looked to him expectantly, wondering where in the world her 'help' was. "Did you get me anything?" she asked impatiently.
"Oh, yeah," he shrugged, pulling something out of his pocket delicately. He handed her the product, which he'd concealed in a nest of toilet paper and said, "It's all I could find…"
Rachel looked down at the package after she tossed away the toilet paper. The plastic wrapped little product didn't look like what she was hoping for. She opened it curiously and demanded, "What am I supposed to do with this?"
Noah shrugged and blushed violently. "I don't…I mean, you don't know? I think you…uhm, you're supposed to uhhh…."
Rachel dropped the tampon like it was a hot coal and shook her head adamantly. "Uh-uh. NO WAY. There's no way I'm using that, NO, NO, NO, find me something else!"
"There ISN'T anything else!" Noah insisted. "I looked, I swear, I'm sorry but I can't find anything else. That's going to have to be good enough!"
"Well it's NOT!" Rachel concluded. She wrapped the robe tighter around her and grabbed Noah' hand, dragging him towards the door.
"What are you doing?" he demanded.
"You're going down to the Walgreens and buying me SOMETHING ELSE!" Rachel growled.
"I'm not going nowhere! And I'm definitely not buying that…that SHIT!" Noah wailed, his voice cracking again as Rachel shoved him out of the bathroom. "RACHEL!" he pounded on the closed door desperately, but finally gave up, knowing he couldn't reason with her.
He released a roaring sigh as he stormed from his bedroom, heading downstairs to run to the Walgreens, looking for some help with his very first period.