This got seriously long! I love pranks. I should have written a Fuickleberry chapter tonight, but I promise it will be up by Tuesday. I couldn't resist this prompt.
Prompt from Rockbandstar: Girls vs. Guys prank war. Rachel and Puck are the 'captains' which leads to some seriously intense trash talking.
"Explain yourself, Schue!"
"Yeah, go ahead and try to explain yourself, Will. Although there are no words known to man that can get you out of this one. You're going to have to finally call on the mystical powers of your incredibly well-oiled and creepy hair. I have it on good authority that you're hiding a nest of Pokemon-esque monsters up there…"
Will Schuester blew out a slow and exasperated breath as Sue continued her rant and Figgins continued to try and get some sort of explanation out of him. How could he explain this? It had all started out as a sure-fire way to unite the club nine months ago. A little friendly competition had worked before, he thought it would work again.
He couldn't have been more wrong…
"And that's how the 1994 Glee Club managed to pull off the best prank of all time…"
Will leaned against the piano with the slightest hint of smugness on his face as all twelve members of his Glee club looked up at him in disbelief. He had just recounted the epic Glee prank of '94. He had meant for it to be a motivational tool. The group had once again split into two, Cheerios and Jocks on one side, Gleeks on the other. Poor Sam had been stuck firmly in the middle, unable to chose between his teammates and new girlfriend Quinn and the Gleeks who had been so welcoming and awesome. He and Artie regularly conversed in Na'vi for cripe's sake. This whole Glee deal would be perfect if everyone could just get along.
"I gotta admit it Senor Schue, that's pretty badass," Puck smirked.
"Yeah, its nice to hear about back in the day, when Glee Club wasn't a slushy-able offense," Mercedes rolled her eyes. "If only we could all be old like you and have lived through the Glory days."
Will furrowed his brow, letting the old comment slide. He thought for a moment and said, "I don't see why you guys can't recapture the glory days…"
"Are you suggesting that we pull a prank on the school?" Rachel questioned rapidly, her brow furrowing until a large crease appeared between her eyebrows. "That seems highly unethical."
"I'm not saying anything…or encouraging anything," Will held up his hands in overtly feigned innocence. "But if you were to do something…I would maybe call someone a winner when all was said and done. I know you guys like free dinners at Breadsticks."
"Oh, you losers are so going down," Santana howled.
"We split up! Boys versus girls!" Sam interjected suddenly, not even taking notice as Schue eased himself out of the room with a satisfied grin. "It's only fair…unless, you know, you girls are scared that you can't complete."
"Are you challenging us?" Quinn scoffed cutely at her boyfriend of less than a month.
Sam shrugged and nodded his head slightly. The entire room erupted into taunting and catcalls between the sexes, with the exception of a thoughtful, yet nervous Rachel Berry and a silent Brittany who was slowly stalking towards Sam. She stood in front of him silently and in a split second her hand swept outwards, smacking the side of Sam's face with a heavy glove.
"Britt, what in the hell?" Mike guffawed as Sam stood dumbly in front of the tall blond cheerleader.
"That's how you challenge. I saw it in a movie," Brittany insisted before flouncing over to the side of the room the girls were cautiously gathering at.
"Brittany, I'm very impressed that you watched through the Netflix suggestions I made for you!" Rachel beamed.
"Colin Firth is so hot that I've started stalking him. His people have contacted me about keeping my distance from England," Brittany admitted with a small smile.
"What in the effffff," Puck complained in a bored tone to Finn who smirked.
"The girls are going down," Finn nodded.
"They're too busy thinking about Colin Firth rolling around in a fountain," Artie smirked He got five confused stares from the other men in the room and he shrugged, "Brittany made me watch it the last time I went over to her place."
"What makes you ugly motherfuckers think that you won't be the ones with your asses spanked?" Santana demanded.
"Really Mike, you don't have it in it to win it sweetie," Tina smiled at her boyfriend.
"Please, we have Puck!" Mike laughed. "I'm going to have to buy bigger pants, because we're all getting unlimited breadsticks and chicken-feet-free-salad! Holla!"
The boys laughed and Puck nodded his head at all the Glee girls with ultimate supremacy and cockiness. Quinn arched an eyebrow at her ex-boyfriend, baby's daddy, current boyfriend and all of the other Glee boys and pushed Rachel to the front of the their group.
"You're forgetting who we have," she said in that cool, confident, soft voice that never failed to strike fear into the hearts that dwelled within the McKinley Walls. "We're going to win this."
"Please!" Puck rolled his eyes, staring down at Rachel as she fidgeted ever so slightly. "What's little miss short skirt gonna do? Bust out ear drums as a prank?"
Rachel's eyes narrowed ever so slowly at the overly cocky boy. She didn't speak up and Finn chuckled a little. Sure their break-up had been amicable, but she would seriously consider a decent round of physical violence at that point because he was clearly laughing at her.
"Girls?" Rachel wondered softly.
"Yes boss, we're totally ready for your bidding," Santana arched an eyebrow the boys' way, where everyone of those idiot buffoons had stopped laughing except for Finn and Puck. Morons.
"We have storyboarding to do," Rachel flounced out of the room, ignoring the way Puck's laughter only intensified. She didn't care how many rules she would have to break. She was going to make sure that laughter died in his throat.
Puck startled awake at the chemistry lab table he had decided to nap on. He wiped drool from his mouth and said, "What-huh? Sup?"
Chang was standing at the door with a hysterically laughing Sam. Mike looked seriously petrified. "You know when you said that this prank thing would be a breeze and we'd have to like, saran wrap toilet seats to win?"
"Dude, stop doubting me. They made Rachel Berry their leader. They're going to crash and burn!" Puck waved his friends away and settled in for Nap, Round Two.
"Figgins is evacuating the school," Sam stopped laughing finally, clutching at his sore sides. "You should really come up to the third floor and see why…"
Puck lazily got up and followed the mirthful Sam and the fearful Chang. They made it to the third floor main corridor, where the thumping sounds of bass were practically vibrating the lockers. Puck's eyes widened at the suddenly delicious sights in front of him.
"Noah, I'm so glad you could join us!"
Puck's eyes popped out of his head as Rachel Berry waved at him from the opposite end of the hallway. She then took a running start and launched herself on the slip and slide that was set up in the third floor hallway. She whopped in delight as she reached the end, popping up to her feet.
And holy mother of fucking god, she had been wearing a white t-shirt. His eyes darted momentarily away from her neon pink bra that was clearly showing through her soaked white t-shirt and spared a glance to confirm his suspicions before quickly going back to her bra. All of the Glee girls were wearing white t-shirts. And they had all taken multiple trips down the slip and slide.
"How did you guys-"
"Eyes up here, Noah. My eyes are UP HERE!" Rachel enunciated very clearly, her voice raising to higher decibel. She beamed a huge smile at him when he finally met her eyes. "I'm certainly sure you're wondering how we managed this. I assure you it's all completely legal. Permission slips were procured, a legally binding document was signed by Principal Figgins. Although he wasn't incapacitated in any way at the time of signing, he may not have really understood what he was signing when I was explaining my grand plan of promoting school spirit."
"He's aware now," Santana grinned evilly as she finished yet another slide down the hallway.
"Yes, the school is being evacuated, except for those of us with signed permission slips and legally binding contracts," Rachel smiled sweetly.
"There's a sex riot!" Tina squealed, pushing Mike away as he tried to cover up his girl's chest area. "Everyone wants in, and they totally started a riot. We win."
"HEY! No one wins, we didn't even go yet!" Puck insisted angrily. He took one last look at Berry's fucking awesome bra before he gripped Chang's shoulder and pushed him and Sam from the room.
Sam pouted and called out while reaching in vain for a laughing Quinn, "But I wanna slip and slide!"
Rachel knew it had to be coming. She just knew. She could practically see the gears in Noah Puckerman's head whirring and spinning. She thought that she could vaguely smell smoke as well. She shouldn't be this worried. She had legally caused thousands of dollars in damage to the school. Even Mr. Schue had taken a few runs down the slip and slide. Certainly the girls would be the winners.
The girls were sitting in the gymnasium, waiting to perform the national anthem before the pep rally. Coach Sylvester winningly introduced them as her fabulously talented Cheerios and the mercy flush Hangers-on. Once everyone had obtained their note they took off into a lovely acappella version of their country's anthem when very suddenly thousands of small rubber balls fell from the sky.
"It's raining bouncy balls inside! It's like Heaven!" Brittany squealed jumping around and batting at the incredibly bouncy balls.
Pandemonium was unleashed as the population of McKinley High began a bouncy ball war, pelting them at each other and bouncing as many of them as they could catch. The girls ran and ducked for cover under the bleachers and Mercedes actually growled.
"I think one of those dang balls chipped my tooth!" she complained.
"You get used to it after a while," Santana smirked. She gripped Rachel's shoulder and said, "Next step, I'm not letting them get the last word in, Treasure trail. Whaddya got?"
Rachel looked up to see Noah grinning down at her from the rafters, still emptying boxes of super balls from high above. She narrowed her eyes and muttered, "Never fear, Santana. I have a lovely melody of ideas ready."
"Good practice, Tinkerberry," Puck pushed Rachel's shoulder slightly as they exited Glee together. "I'm liking your shimmy and shake during the Dirty Dancing song medley."
"Why thank you, Noah!" Rachel grinned. "I must commend you as well on your excellent practicing. You've corrected that problem where you're stepping to early on the five. I knew that if you applied yourself correctly, you could attain close-perfection."
Puck shrugged and raised an always too sinful eyebrow at her and said, "I apply myself correctly at all sorts of shit, Tink. You should let me show you."
Rachel rolled her eyes and said nothing as she gathered her books necessary for that evening's homework. He waited for her and they made their slow way towards the parking lot. She furrowed her brow at him and said, "Is Tinkerberry my new nickname from you? Don't misunderstand me, I prefer it to Crazy ass."
"It fits," he shrugged with a smile. "Tiny sprite, full of mischief. Seriously Berry…I thought I had the prank war in the bag. And then you pulled that awesomely naught-AY slip and slide party…I had to go all out. I just…I doubted the girls when they picked you as their leader."
Rachel laughed in spite of herself as they meandered along the empty McKinley corridors. She shrugged and reminded him, "I do sort of excel at devious schemes. I mean, Mr. Ryerson…"
"I completely forgot about that," Puck laughed, shaking his head in amusement.
"And then there was Sunshine's crackhouse adventure," Rachel shrugged. "I can be very cunning when I want to, Noah."
"Say that word again," Puck demanded. Rachel looked at him in confusion and he made a ridiculously sultry face at her and said, "Cunning…say it Tink!"
"You're a buffoon," Rachel accused. He held the front door open for her and she smiled in surprise, "A buffoon with manners, but a buffoon nonetheless."
"Come on, Tink. I'll give you a ride-hold up. Where's my baby?" Puck dropped his arm from Rachel and took two hurried steps towards the parking lot. He turned to her in a panic and said, "My truck is gone."
"Oh? I'm sure that it must be around here somewhere!" Rachel assured him. "Are you very sure you parked here this morning?"
"Of course I parked here…I park here every morning!" Puck insisted strongly. He spun around in circles. "I don't understand…it's a piece of crap on wheels, why would someone steal it…"
His words died in his throat and Rachel couldn't help the very sinful little smirk playing at the corners of her mouth as he gazed above her. Five stories above her to be exact, his eyes widened as he gazed at the sight of his truck on top of the McKinley high roof. He shook his head in amazed disbelief and muttered,
"No fucking way. How did you? I mean…it's a fucking F-150…how could it…" he walked quickly towards the front doors again, gazing up the entire time. A full minute passed before he turned towards her, catching her trying to conceal her laughter. He shook his head again, as if trying to dispel the very unreal prank she had managed to pull. "You fucking rock, Tinkerberry."
"I hope you still think that in a few minutes, Noah," Rachel mirthfully shrugged.
"NOW!" Santana screamed from up above.
Suddenly, he was drenched in cold, sticky goo. He ventured a taste and it was definitely maple syrup. He heard girls laughing from up high and looked upwards, only to see a cloud of dazzling gold glitter heading his way, drifting down on the wind in a slow and magical manner.
Maniacal laughter and high-fives were everywhere around him. Suddenly he felt a small hand gripping his and he felt her other hand gently pushing glittery syrup away from his shut eyes. He took a deep breath and said, "I should be super pissed at you Tinkerberry."
"I know," Rachel acknowledged. He stared down at her with anything but malice in his eyes. Respect. Insane Lust. Amusement. But not anger. "Would it make you feel better if I kissed you once the glitter and syrup were gone."
"No, you gotta kiss me with the glitter and syrup," Puck demanded. His hands reached out and pulled at her waist, yanking her to him. She couldn't protest as he solidly kissed her on her lips, before moving around her cheeks and face, transferring as much glittery goop as he could.
"THAT SUCKS! How come he gets kisses and we just got glittered!"
Puck pulled away and stared at the school fountain, seeing the rest of his Glee boys anxiously trying to wash off the glitter and syrup they had been doused with earlier. He smirked and reached for Rachel again, not liking at all when she evaded his grasp and tried to make a run for it.
"Get back here Tinkerberry, I'm gonna feel you up RIGHT NOW!"
"What on Earth is going on out here you ill-bred Saved by the Bell rejects?"
"Santana, wait!" Rachel shrieked.
Too late. Sue Sylvester received the seventh bucket of maple syrup and glitter instead of Will Schuester. And with that one act alone, despite the headache the conference between Figgins and Sue had caused, Will awarded the girls not one, but five trips to Breadsticks.