A/N: All right guys, I think this is the end! ^o^ Last chapter folks, one omake and one epilogue (sorta) XD
Thank you all for your reviews and enjoy the chapter! ^_^
Izaya sighed before crossing his legs, resting one of his elbows on the table as he glanced warily at his younger sisters. "And just what makes the two of you think that I'm willing to help with your homework? I know you both are more than capable of doing it..."
"That IS true, Iza-nii, but..." Mairu leaned forward playfully. "We're just feeling a bit too lazy right now~"
"Tired..." Kururi added.
Their older brother rolled his eyes. "Well, that's too bad. You'll have to learn to just grin and bear it, like me. I'm actually refusing for your own sakes, you know. Now be good children and just-"
"Ohohohoho!" Mairu laughed wickedly, her eyes glinting in delighted anticipation behind her glasses. "We thought you'd say that, Iza-nii, we thought you would! So..." She suddenly reached down near her feet and brought up a huge album, slamming it onto the table with a loud thunk! sound. "We brought you some worthy... compensation for you troubles, tee-hee!"
"...photos..." (Photos of Shizuo-san.)
Izaya snorted, leaning his cheek into his palm. "Sorry, but that's not going to work. As an official-Shizu-chan-stalker, I can assure you that I have access more than enough photos of my boyfriend to last me a lifeti-"
Mairu cut him off once again. "Ah-ah~ I bet you haven't ever seen this picture before!" Snatching a photo from the album, she dangled it eagerly in front her brother's face.
"What are you talking abou- oh..." Izaya's jaw dropped. It was a picture of Shizuo as a young child, appearing to be fast asleep. His brown hair was tousled, and a small trail of drool could be seen from the corner of his mouth.
The red eyes immediately widened to the size of saucers. What... what was this feeling!? He had always found his Shizu-chan cute, but this... this... this was on a totally different level... "...ah!?"
"Shizuo-san is unexpectedly CUTE as a kid, isn't he?" Mairu continued excitedly. "Hanejima Yuuhei gave this album to us as a gift! It's filled with pictures of only him. BUT, as we were going through it, we found this one photo of Shizuo-san stuck behind one of the other pictures!"
"...offer?" (Do we have a deal?)
"..." Izaya's eye twitched.
The black-haired man gritted his teeth, his eyes narrowing in annoyance at the identical smug looks in front of him before wilting in resignation. "...the first unanswered problem on your English worksheet. The correct translation would be 'the cake has never been a lie'."
"Shut up. A word of this to Shizu-chan and you'll never be able to see Kasuka-kun again."
A couple of hours later...
Alone in his office, Izaya stared at the photo as if it contained all the mysteries of the universe. And in a sense, it did. His universe, at least, that is.
"Hmmm... what is this?" The informant wondered aloud to himself, frowning slightly. "I mean, I've always loved seeing my Shizu-chan, but there's just this something about this picture... oh!"
His eyes lighted up in realization. "That's right! It feels like I've been with Shizu-chan for a long time, but there's still 22 or so years of his life I haven't been there! I'm just getting upset that I haven't been able to actually see Shizu-chan as a kid or as a teenager... Right now, I want to see Shizu-chan at ALL of his stages of his past life... all of it, all of it, all of it, all of it, all of it, all of it..."
Izaya suddenly twirled around in his chair, a maddening laugh escaping him. "Ahahahahahahaha~ And I have just the solution to that~"
"..." Shizuo took the phone away from his ear and gave it a meaningful stare, as if his look could somehow penetrate the technology and reach Izaya. "...flea, I don't think I heard you correctly. You want to do what?"
"I want to find a time machine and then travel back several years so we can do sex as teenagers! Come on, Shizu-chan, don't you want to do that too?"
"..." The blond blinked and then took a deep breath. "Izaya... I thought we already had a discussion about how you needed to stay away from the crack-"
"Just think of it, Shizu-chan! I can have you as a teenager, and as a kid, and as a baby! You'll be mine for literally the whole length of your life~!"
"THE FUCK? Do you even realize just how fucked up you sound, flea!? That's it! I'm hanging up! Call me again when you're sober and proper, you crazy bastard!" With that, the blond shut his phone.
Tom, who had been patiently walking behind Shizuo, smiled sympathetically. "Your boyfriend?"
"Saying the most weirdest messed-up shit I've ever heard." His employee replied, massaging his temple with one hand in frustration. "I swear, sometimes I question my sanity for staying with a guy like him..."
"...w-well... it could be worst..." Tom attempted to point out feebly. "I mean, it's not like he just comes up to you in public and is like 'Let's have sex now!' or something like that, right? Haha..."
"...ahaha..." Shizuo laughed feebly before giving a sudden shudder and shaking his head. "Tom-san... no. Don't. Knowing Izaya, he might actually-" The rest of Shizuo's words were lost as a certain crazy bastard suddenly glomped him from behind. "SHIZU-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN~"
"GAAAAAAAAAAH! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM, FLEA!?" Shizuo screamed, vainly trying to shake Izaya off him.
Izaya only buried his face into Shizuo's neck. "Hey... let's have sex now."
"I missed you all of a sudden, so-"
"No, NO, NO!" Horrified, the blond squirmed in Izaya's arms. "Let me GO! I have a fucking job to do! Tom-san! Tell Izaya-"
The debt collector coughed hastily. "O-oh, l-look at the time, I just remembered I had something super urgent to do, I'll just leave you two here then!"
"BULLSHIT! TOM-SAN! O-OI! Wait a minute, IZAYA! DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO TOUCH MY BUTT HERE-"
Several hours later...
"Hey, hey, Shizu-chaaaaan..." Much to Shizuo's chagrin, his boyfriend continued to molest him once they had returned home. "Let's get a time machine... with a time machine... I can see little Shizu-chan again... Shizu-chan as a kid eheheheheheh muahahahahahaha-"
"The HELL is wrong with you, flea!?" The blond shrieked, delivering a deadly head-shop to the top of Izaya's head in order to escape his groping hands. The informant instantly crumpled to the ground. "Owwwwwww~~"
"Quit sounding like a fucking lolicon! Where did all of this shit even come from!?"
Izaya immediately popped back up, looking perfectly fine, save for the slightly insane haze in his eyes. "That's right, Shizu-chan, I'll admit it! I... AM A LOLICON!" He grinned widely before suddenly tackling Shizuo again. "BUT ONLY FOR KID-SHIZU-CHAN~~~"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAH WILL YOU STOP THAT!?"
"Heehee, just kidding. I think it's just a strong urge to have a child. Shizu-chan, come on, let's make a little kid together, mmmmm?"
"I-Izaya," Shizuo finally managed to pry one of the informant's hands off of his butt, only to have it groped again by Izaya's other hand. "Re-really, cut this out! You're scaring me!"
"Hmmm..." Izaya rubbed his face against Shizuo's cheek, cackling creepily. "I want a child that looks exactly like Shizu-chan... but he can have my hair color and eye color... and my personality... hmm... yeah... I want that kind of child... ahaha... ahahahaha... muahahahahahahahahaha-"
The blond's eyebrow twitched. "Fl-flea... SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT ALREADY!" In one quick motion, he swiftly grabbed a fistful of Izaya's black shirt and head-butted the informant with a loud THWACK! If that didn't smack at least some sort of sense into the flea, Shizuo wasn't sure what would.
There was then a short silence as Izaya and Shizuo stared at each other, the former blinking. "Oh. I was saying some really weird stuff, wasn't I?"
"No shit..." Shizuo grumbled but didn't move away from Izaya. "Really, what the hell happened, Izaya?"
"..." Izaya turned his head to the side, looking slightly embarrassed. "Er... don't kill me when I tell you, I mean, really, please don't kill me, but... well... my sisters found this old picture of you when looking through all of these pictures Kasuka-kun gave them... and... I guess I found it a little... exciting..."
"...tell me you're joking..." The blond put a hand to his forehead wearily not sure whether to feel angry, embarrassed, or both... "I'm not going to kill you, Izaya, but... seriously!? Jeez! I was such a stupid-looking kid!"
His boyfriend's head shot up wildly. "You were NOT!" Izaya protested, grabbing Shizuo's hands with his own. "You were so FUCKING ADORABLE CUTE LITTLE CHARMING CUTE CUTE CUTE SWEET SHOTA-"
Izaya let one of his hands go in order to face-palm himself. "...There. You saw how it happened. It's almost kind of interesting how easily you can literally drive me crazy all the time..."
"...I still kind of want to have a kid that looks like you but has my hair and eye color..."
"...like I said before, flea, STOP saying things that violate basic biology rules..." Shizuo let out a slight groan, his fingers curling reluctantly into Izaya's. "You are seriously the most weirdest guy I have ever met. Shinra included. Period."
"H-hey, that's a little har-" Izaya stopped when his boyfriend bumped their heads together in a much gentler manner.
His cheeks still a little red, Shizuo glared determinedly at the informant. "Really, flea. It's not such a big deal, not knowing me when I was a child. Most couples only meet each other until after they become adults, anyway! I-I mean..." The blond bit his lip hesitantly before continuing. "Y-you have me now... a-and you'll have me later on, so, th-that would be enough for you, w-wouldn't it?"
There was short pause of silence until Shizuo erupted. "AAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHH!" The blond raged, tearing his hands away and burying them in his hair. "GODDAMN IT! THAT WAS SO FREAKIN' EMBARRASSING TO SAY! FORGET I SAID IT! FORGET I SAID ANYTHING! GAAAAH!"
Izaya, who had been staring at Shizuo blankly for the past few seconds, suddenly broke out in a wide, ear-splitting grin. "Awwwwww~ Shizu-chan, why must you always be cute like this?" He teased, reaching over to tug playfully at the blond's ear.
Shizuo promptly sent him another glower as he slowly slid his hands from his head. "Stupid flea... d-don't expect me to say that again..."
"Ahaha, don't worry! I always make sure to memorize one hundred and fifty percent of whatever my Shizu-chan says or does!"
"...Izaya, how the fuck is that even possible!?"
"And plus, I also have my secret video cameras planted around the house, so no matter what, I'll always have some sort of record of every moment~"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, you crazy flea..." Shizuo paused, several seconds passing before immediate realization and anger hit him. "WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, YOU HAVE WHAT IN MY HOUSE!?"
Izaya chuckled as he began to make a run for it. "Oops, look at the time, silly me, Shizu-chan, we had better get back to our jobs!"
"YOU! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU KNOW! GET BACK HERE, YOU PERVERTED STALKER BASTARD!"
"My, my, Shizu-chan, I didn't know you were so eager that you'd be chasing me through the streets! No, no, we must save it for tonight~""
"IZAYA, YOU CREEP! YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! ARGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"
As they ran around screaming, the city continued peacefully with its everyday life.
Sitting at a cafe table with Anri and Kida, Mikado lifted a cup to his lips. In front of them, Izaya darted through the street, practically guffawing, while Shizuo ran after him, shouting and swearing at the top of his lungs.
The student took a small sip of his drink and smiled happily at the sky. "Ah. Another ordinary day in Ikebukuro..."
Shizuo was aware that he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. But he liked to think he wasn't the dullest crayon in the box, either. While the bodyguard did acknowledge that he was a little unobservant when it came to certain things, he wasn't totally oblivious.
So Shizuo did know that there was something wrong with Izaya's recent behavior. He just couldn't figure out what it was.
It first began when they were sitting in Izaya's apartment, watching television. To be honest, Shizuo wasn't really interested in the program, he was more aware of the informant beside him, of the slightly damp black hair over the pale forehead, of the slender but strong fingers that were now-
...hurtling a knife towards the TV!?
"I-Izaya!?" Shizuo managed to bark out as the weapon plunged into screen, causing crackling glass, electrical buzzing, and small puffs of smoke.
There was a short period of shocked silence before Shizuo regained his speech. "Fl-flea!? I know we hardly watch TV that much, but, um, was that really necessary?"
The said flea's expression had turned wooden, the red eyes avoiding Shizuo's. "...I had a sudden urge to hone my knife-throwing skills."
"...Erm... I don't think they need any more honing..." Shizuo commented honestly, wondering if he should be worrying (more than usual) about his boyfriend's sanity. "Are you okay, Izaya?"
"I... I'm fine..." Izaya muttered distractedly, standing up from the couch and walking away, leaving behind an extremely confused Shizuo. Izaya usually didn't act like that unless he was really upset... but they had been just watching TV!
Shizuo racked his brain for anything that could have set the flea off. He was pretty damn sure he hadn't forgotten any special event... The blond had learned his lesson after forgetting the "half-anniversary" of the day he and Izaya had met.
It probably didn't have anything to do with what was on the television, either. All he had remembered was seeing some jewelry advertisement before Izaya had thrown his knife.
After the first incident with the television, Izaya's absurd behavior began to escalate to a point where the blond concluded that, yes, he should be more worried than usual about his boyfriend's sanity.
They would be casually walking down the streets after work when Izaya would suddenly stop talking and run up to a store and throw what suspiciously looked like a grenade into the window.
This would immediately result in booming explosions, screams, hazardous debris, and Shizuo having to grab Izaya and run the hell away before someone could arrest them.
He had furiously demanded an explanation from Izaya, but all he got was a mere mumble of how white was such a hideous color and petals were the worst thing in the world.
On the verge of losing his head, Shizuo went to Celty and Shinra for advice. After a lot of suspicious fiddling, the dullahan and doctor firmly told the blond that it was nothing to worry about. Shizuo couldn't help thinking that they seemed a bit too enthusiastic in their assurances...
Shizuo encountered Izaya on his way back from Shinra's and Celty's. Upon spotting Shizuo, Izaya's face immediately lit up, and the bodyguard found himself smiling back. Despite all the weird(er than usual) stuff Izaya had been doing, he was still Shizuo's boyfriend, after all...
"Hey." Izaya threw an arm around Shizuo's neck, the edges of the fur cuff tickling Shizuo's cheek. "Want to come to my place?" Shizuo could feel the warm puff of his breath against the other side of his face.
Blushing slightly, Shizuo nodded, leaning his head against Izaya's. "Yeah..."
They ended up going to the station and riding the subway to Shinjuku without any major problems, and Shizuo was just beginning to think that Shinra and Celty were right and the whole thing was just a phase of Izaya's, when-
This time, Izaya had suddenly struck out at an advertisement displayed over their heads. With only his nails and a freaked out expression, Izaya managed to scrape the entire ad until it wasn't visible.
"I don't like that company!" The informant answered abruptly, taking Shizuo's hand and leading him out of the subway before any of its shocked occupants could do anything.
As he was whisked out, Shizuo turned back to the remaining shreds of the advertisement to spot a fragment of a word lying in tatters. P... r... o... p... Prop? What the hell did that mean? Did Izaya get into trouble with a shady theater business!?
On their way to Izaya's apartment, however, the flea suddenly attacked an innocent woman who had been happily chattering about her new fiancé, causing Shizuo to wonder if the flea had just lost his mind (if he hadn't before).
Something was definitely wrong with Izaya's behavior, and it was driving Shizuo almost as crazy as the time when Izaya was "courting" him. Giving up on getting any remotely reasonable explanation from Izaya, the blond had resorted to holing him up in his apartment, making sure to be the only one to get supplies, work, etc.
Two days of this routine later, however, Izaya confronted Shizuo in the living room and said the three, well, actually, five words the former bartender had dreaded the most. "Hey, Shizu-chan. Let's go out."
"..." Shizuo stared at him blankly as he mentally ran around in circles, panicking. "...l-let's not... Izaya, it's such a horrible day outside!"
"...Shizu-chan, the sky is blue and the sun is out..." Izaya muttered sullenly. "Don't treat me like a mentally-challenged person..."
Then don't act like one! ...was what Shizuo dearly wanted to say, but for once, the blond held his tongue. "...Izaya, I don't think it's such a good idea. You've been acting... weird lately. By that, I mean REALLY REALLY weird..."
"I know... and I'm sorry about that." Izaya acknowledged, to Shizuo's slight surprise. The informant was starting to blush, one of his hands was rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "But... go out with me tonight, will you? I'll treat you to some sushi as an apology for all the crap that I did..."
Shizuo sighed resignedly. He knew he couldn't resist his boyfriend when the flea acted like that... "...fine... but if you start pulling anymore of that weird shit again, Izaya, I swear..."
Izaya smiled at him, but it wasn't his usual smirk, this smile looked weary, almost... nervous? What the heck was going on!? Izaya usually never had that expression on unless it was after sex!
An uneasy feeling settled into Shizuo's stomach. It only grew throughout the evening when Izaya insisted, with a strange intensity, that they had to eat at Russian Sushi. After a moment of worried confusion, Shizuo slowly agreed, feeling as if Izaya's eyes would pop out of his head if he didn't.
In the restaurant, Shizuo, half-consumed with worry that Izaya might go crazy again, didn't immediately notice the surrounding company. But he perked up in surprise when he spotted Shinra and Celty seated quietly at a table near the back.
"Huh? What are those guys doing there..." Shizuo tried to give them a little wave, puzzled when they appeared not to see him.
Now giving his full attention to his surroundings, Shizuo was seeing familiar faces left and right throughout the restaurant. There was Kadota, Walker, Erika, Togusa, Tom, even Kioko and her parents... the blond's mouth dropped open. Was that Kasuka and the twins over there!? Kasuka actually came over to Ikebukuro and didn't let Shizuo know!?
"I-Izaya, behind us, there's-"
"IT'S AN ILLUSION." Izaya said in a rather forced manner, looking determinedly at the sushi as if it held the secrets of eternal life. "They're not really there, Shizu-chan. Just eat with me." He stabbed a sushi rather violently (with a chopstick, of course) for emphasis.
"...um... okay..." His mind whirling with anxiety, Shizuo hesitantly began to eat as well.
"...erm... nice stars tonight..."
"...Izaya, we're inside a solid building. With no viewing windows."
"I knew that..." Izaya muttered, hastily stuffing another sushi into his mouth. Shizuo raised an eyebrow. Izaya was acting stranger and stranger as the night went on...
They had finished most of the sushi when it happened. Izaya, who had been devouring the food in a rather frightening manner, shoved another piece of sushi in his mouth-
And suddenly started choking, his hand flying to his mouth in surprise. "BLLLLLLRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!"
"EH?" Shizuo dropped his chopsticks in panic as the informant continued to gag and cough. "I-Izaya, are you okay!?"
"Don't worry, Shizuo, Izaya ate sushi, nothing can go wrong if it's sushi..." Simon chimed happily across the room. Shizuo paid him no mind, rushing over to Izaya to pound at his back. "Hey, Izaya! Hang in there!"
Although it seemed like forever to Shizuo, Izaya finally spat the disgusting remains of his sushi back out, groaning wearily. "Ugh..."
"Izaya! Are you all right? Drink some water, flea!"
"See, Shizuo, nothing went wrong, nothing's wrong with sushi~"
"SHUT UP, SIMON! The damn sushi nearly KILLED him!" Shizuo hastily turned back to Izaya, who was wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Izaya, are you sure you're okay-"
"...well, that certainly didn't go as planned..." The informant muttered, waving Shizuo's hand off as he reached into the mess on his plate. From the sticky saliva pile, he withdrew something shiny and round.
Much to Shizuo's consternation, Izaya then faced him with a sheepish smile, a simple ring lying in the middle of his palm. "So... here. this is for you."
"...huh?" Was all Shizuo felt capable of saying at the moment. A blush broke out on Izaya's face as he nervously held the ring in his fingers. "W-well... I considered actually giving a proper proposal and all, but it... it just didn't work out... so I thought of just writing or typing something to you... but that didn't feel right either... and I kind of just milled around until Simon came along and gave me this idea, I know I'm sitting and i'm supposed to be kneeling but you're still standing above me so the atmosphere probably isn't that different from what it would be if I was kneeling-"
"Wait. WAIT. WAIT." The blond said slowly, looking down at Izaya in pure shock. "Flea... what the fuck are you saying?"
"I... uh... well... I want you... to marry me... because... I love you and stuff... so... yeah..." Looking back on this time, Izaya commented in disgust that he had never felt so inelegant in his entire life. "Er, marry me, Shizu-chan. For real. I mean it this time. Seriously. I'm not joking."
"..." Shizuo felt his mouth fall open and his eye twitch at the same time. "Orihara Izaya... are you saying you intended to propose to me by stuffing a ring into a piece of sushi and then letting me fucking choke on it!?"
"...yeah, pretty much."
"And the reason why everyone and their mother is here is because you were going to propose to me!?"
"...yeah, pretty much."
"And NOW you want me to put on the ring is all infused with your spit and germs and what not?"
"...yeah, pretty much."
Closing his eyes in frustration, Shizuo groaned heavily. "That's so fucking disgusting." He opened one of his eyes to glance back at Izaya. "...but I'm a crazy fucker, and I love you too, flea, so... so..." He took a deep breath. "...Fine. Just put the damn thing on my hand already."
Looking back on this time, Shizuo commented in gratitude that Erika had brought a video camera along. Izaya's face had been priceless.
Slowly, however, the shock in his features slowly ebbed into ecstasy, and before Shizuo could blink, Izaya had glomped him and was whirling him around like crazy. "A-agh! Izaya!"
Much to Shizuo's further embarrassment, the whole restaurant broke out into cheers; Shinra, Kadota, and Tom all standing up to applaud, Celty looking like she wanted to cry, Karisawa jumping out of her seat to give a loud "WHOOOOP!", Walker opening a bottle of champagne he had gotten from god-knows-where, and the twins squealing in delight while Kasuka gave Shizuo a small smile that quickly turned into a frown as Izaya suddenly ensued a passionate make-out session.
"AHAHAHAHA! YOU GUYS!"
"I TOLD you everything would be fine, Izaya!"
"CONGRATULATIONS! CONGRATULATIONS TO BOTH OF YOU, YOU ADORABLE BASTARDS!"
"I AM SO GOING TO BE FILMING YOUR WEDDING!"
"OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO FUCKING CRY! I'M GOING TO FUCKING CRY! SHIZUO! SHIZUO!"
"For heaven's sake, Izaya, give the man some room to breath! He's now your fiancé, after all, ahaha!"
"Let's all not forget it's all thanks to sushi! Good sushi makes good love life!"
"SHIZU-CHAN! I LOVE YOU!"
"I KNOW THAT, GODDAMN IT, IZAYA! NOW STOP TWIRLING US AROUND LIKE A STUPID TEACUP SO I CAN ACTUALLY WEAR YOUR SLIMY SPIT RING!"
And with that, Heiwajima Shizuo was no longer single, this time, for the rest of his life.
Sweet biscuits... I actually managed to finish this thing! Despite its year-long-hiatus, quality deterioration and what not... I FINISHED IT! XD
Well, it's been a good write, thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, followed, (etc) and read this story! ^.^ I hope you enjoyed it!