VANISHING TAILS

Mild violence and slight language, though nothing worse than hell and dammit.

The Ginyu Force stood before Frieza. They had been summoned to Namek to defeat Vegeta and get all seven Dragonballs back from him. They listened as Frieza told them to find the Dragonballs and bring Vegeta to him alive. Then Captain Ginyu picked up something on his scouter.

"What is it Ginyu?" said Frieza.

"It seems like there's two others with him," said Ginyu. "And it looks like they could be even more powerful than Vegeta."

"Two others?" said Frieza. "Ah, now I remember. It must be those two tiny Earthlings. Vegeta must've formed a little gang."

"So now what?" said Ginyu.

There was a pause.

"Eliminate them!" said Frieza.

"Yeah!" said Recoome.

"Heheheheheh!" said Burter.

"All right!" said Jeice.

"As you wish. It will be our pleasure, Frieza," said Ginyu.

The only one who didn't seem enthusiastic was Guldo. 'Like I said, I got a bad feeling about this,' he thought.

Guldo remembered back to an encounter with Vegeta that he had on Planet Frieza. Vegeta was walking by Guldo in the halls.

"Listen up Vegeta," said Guldo. "Let's get one thing straight here. You are only a Saiyan. That means we make the rules and you must obey them! If it wasn't for Frieza taking a shine to you, we would have destroyed you long ago!"

"Hmph!" said Vegeta.

"Huh?" said Guldo.

"Oh there's no question that Frieza's in charge," said Vegeta. "I understand that perfectly w… wait, what's going on here? What happened to my tail?"

"Huh?" said Guldo.

"This flashback takes place before I go to Earth and get my tail cut off by Yajirobe," said Vegeta.

"Wait, this is a flashback?" said Guldo.

"Someone's seriously screwing with the lines of flashbacks," said Vegeta. "And they cut off my tail!"

"Haha," said Guldo.

Vegeta kicked Guldo in the head. "I'll kill you when the flashback ends, mark my words," he said.


Count Geoffrey threw Flicker, who had been stuffed into a box and was now a square, to the ground.

"I am now king of Camelhot!" said Flicker.

"Fie! Fie on you I say! Leave now and I shall spare you my wrath, o wretched villain!" said Flicker.

Evil Knight 3 walked up to him and lifted him up with one arm.

"I said I want everything dragon removed, and I meant it!" said Geoffrey. "And while you're at it, get rid of that tail." He did a double take. "TAIL?"

What appeared to be Evil Knight 3 with a tail removed "his" helmet to reveal that it was really…

"Princess Flame?" said Flicker.

"Allow me," said Flame as she straightened Flicker out.

"Evil Knight #1! Get them out of my hair!" said Geoffrey.

"Speaking of which," said Flicker (though his mouth didn't move) as he ran to the count and pressed a button on a machine he wore on his head as a crown, and it began to change Count Geoffrey's hairstyles.

"That ought to crimp his style," said Flicker.

"Hurry Flicker, the drawbridge," said Flame. "Wait a minute, where did my tail go?"

"Huh?" said Flicker.

"My tail is missing!" Flame said.

"One of Count Geoffrey's men must have cut it off!" said Flicker, but the only Evil Knight in sight was Evil Knight 1, staring in shock as the automatic hairstyling machine continued to give Count Geoffrey new hairstyles.


"DAMMIT!" yelled Henry. "SON OF A …"

"What's going on?" said Senator Stando Boomska.

"The site crashed!" said Henry.

"What site?" said Boomska.

"The site that hosts that Vegeta website!" he said. "It was the last site that had those blogs, and now it's gone! Gone forever! I have nothing to live for now!"

"I'll have to ask the site's owner if she can recreate it somewhere else," said Boomska.

"You know her?" said Henry.

"Well yeah," said Boomska. "She's got long brown hair and a monkeylike tail."

"Like that over there?" said Henry. They looked. A monkeylike tail lay somewhere nearby, and next to it, a thick yellow tail.

"What the hell?" said Boomska.

"Salutations, senator!" came a voice.

A mysterious jester appeared.

"Who are you?" said Senator Boomska.

"I am the master of dimensions and the pleaser of crowds. I am… DIMENTIO!" said the jester.

"Dimenti-WHO?" said Henry.

"I have come to play a game with you, senator!" said Dimentio. "You will feast on an eight-course meal, ending in the underworld!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Henry, jumping in front of Dimentio. Dimentio trapped Henry in a box.

"So, you protect him," said Dimentio. "Very well. I will send you to the inferno, like a moth to a flame."

"INFERNO?" said Henry.

"You think they'd let you get away with lipping off to your teacher in fifth grade?" said Dimentio. "Ha ha ha. You're sadly mistaken."

"PEOPLE DON'T GO TO HELL FOR LIPPING OFF TO THEIR TEACHERS ONCE!" said Henry. "BESIDES, MY LAWNMOWER DIED THAT DAY AND THEY DISCONTINUED GIGA BYTES CEREAL!"

"Nothing of the sort happened when you made that illegal U turn two years ago," said Dimentio. "Don't worry. It won't hurt at all. I promise. Ciao!"

And Harry exploded.

"You're in luck, senator," said Dimentio. "I haven't the time to send you on your way. I have my own… projects… to attend to. Ciao!"

And he vanished.

"What the Samuel K. Jigglypuff just happened?" said Boomska.


Princess Flame and Vegeta appeared in a room full of doors.

"Who are you?" said Vegeta.

"I am Princess Flame," said Flame. "Who are you?"

"Vegeta, the prince of Saiyans!" he said. "And right now someone is playing some sort of STUPID game with me! The instant I killed that frog with four eyes, some clown teleported me here!"

"Well, he teleported me here," she said. "And I think he was the one who cut my tail off."

"Salutations," came Dimentio's voice, and he appeared.

"What do you think you're doing?" said Vegeta.

"See those two doors?" said Dimentio. "They lead to your respective realms. Talk to your arch-nemesises… nemesei… nemesi… however it's pronounced, to get your tails back. Do you remember your tail magically disappearing in a flashback, Vegeta?"

"So Frieza was behind it all along!" said Vegeta. And he rushed through the Dragonball Z door.

Flame rushed through the Blazing Dragons door.

"Ciao… for now," said Dimentio.


"Count Geoffrey!" said Princess Flame. "Which one of your knights cut off my tail?"

"I didn't!" said Count Geoffrey.

"You said 'Get rid of that tail!' And seconds later, it vanished. Coincidence?"

"Yes!" said Count Geoffrey.

A woman with extremely long hair appeared. She held some sort of bell in her hand. "There are no coincidences. Only inevitabilities."

Dimentio appeared. "You did your part, go back to Cardcaptors now," he said. He snapped his fingers and Mrs. MacKenzie vanished.

"Wait a minute…" said Flame. She looked at Count Geoffrey, then turned to look at Dimentio. Dimentio had vanished.

"I see now!" said Flame. She turned to walk away.

"I cannot let you leave!" said Count Geoffrey. Evil Knights 1, 2, and 3 walked up to her.

Flame punched Evil Knight 1 in the stomach. With a high-pitched shriek, he was slammed backward into the wall. She swung a mace and knocked out Evil Knight 3. She picked up Evil Knight 2 by the throat and threw him at Count Geoffrey. The count was knocked down and they fell down the stairs.

Flame walked back through the door before they could stop her.


Vegeta faced Frieza. "Why did you cut off my tail during a flashback?"

"I thought Yajirobe cut off your tail," said Frieza.

"Who would have told you that?" said Vegeta. "Unless you were present in that flashback!"

"Cui did," said Frieza. "He told me when I gave the order to kill you. Which reminds me… I am here right now."

Vegeta knew he wouldn't stand a chance against Frieza.

Dimentio appeared and destroyed Frieza.

"HOLY SAMUEL K. JIGGLYPUFF!" said Vegeta. "YOU KILLED FRIEZA!"

"Yes, I did," said Dimentio. "Follow me back to the door between dimensions."


Vegeta and Flame met up again.

"Now what?" said Vegeta.

Dimentio reappeared.

"Today, it ends for you," said Dimentio. "It ends with… magic!"

Dimentio shot an energy ball at Vegeta. Vegeta hit it back at him. Dimentio avoided it and split into two. Vegeta and Flame flew up to attack them. Vegeta shot an energy blast at one. It went through him like an optical illusion. Flame breathed fire at the other, scorching him. It was the real Dimentio.

"Hmm hmmm hmm," said Dimentio. "So you can fight after all."

"Of course we can!" said Vegeta. "GALICK GUN!"

Vegeta shot an energy blast at Dimentio. He teleported out of the way.

"You will never get your tails back," said Dimentio.

"Give them back!" said Vegeta.

"I won't," said Dimentio. "I can't."

"Why not?" said Vegeta.

"Because I didn't take them," said Dimentio.

"Say what?" said Vegeta and Flame at once.

"It's true," said Dimentio. "I sensed someone take them and I decided to play around with you a little bit, and then kill you."

"What could be gained from killing us?" said Flame.

"Nothing except some fun and satisfaction," said Dimentio.

"You're insane!" said Flame.

"I'm so glad you noticed," said Dimentio. "I've been working on it for years. Ciao!"

Suddenly a man with brown hair appeared out of nowhere and snapped Dimentio's neck.

"Hi," said the man. "I'm a Trickster. I'm a demi-god. That's how I was able to enter Vegeta's flashback and take his tail away."

"It was you?" said Vegeta.

"Yes," said the Trickster. "I knew Dimentio would be drawn to it, so I could take him out while he was playing around with you two."

"If you're that powerful," said Vegeta, "why didn't you go after him then?"

"It's more fun this way," said the Trickster. "I love playing around with people. There's no point in continuing this game without Dimentio, however." He threw their tails over to them and they picked them up. "Flame, Dimentio teleported you here after Flicker saved Castle Camelhot. You will be returned to that spot, and you will have your tail back. Vegeta, your tail was only missing during that flashback. You will be returned to the battle with the Ginyu Force, right after you killed Guldo. And neither of you will retain memory of any of this. Flame will remember her tail-less moments as if she never noticed that her tail was gone."

"And Frieza's gonna live?" said Vegeta.

"Yes," said the Trickster. "Everything will be as it was. Flame will never have noticed her tail was gone, and Vegeta and Guldo will never have acknowledged their flashback as such.

He snapped his fingers.


"Now it's time to send you to the next dimension!"

Vegeta killed Guldo with an energy blast, destroying his head (but leaving the rest of his corpse intact).

"You're the last person I thought was going to help," said Krillin.

"Thank you," said Gohan.

Vegeta told Krillin and Gohan that he only killed Guldo because he had his own score to settle, and Recoome stepped up to fight him.


Princess Flame reappeared in Castle Camelhot. Castle Camelhot was saved and Count Geoffrey defeated again, for now. She remembered Flicker burning down the chain to lower the drawbridge, and Sir Loungealot taking the credit for it, as usual.


"BOW TO THE PRINCE HAS RETURNED!" said Henry. He had come back to life, having never encountered Dimentio.

"It's only been gone for like five minutes," said Senator Boomska.

"It seems like a lot longer to me," said Henry.

"Wearing the skirt is demeaning enough, Shendu, but this is over the line!" said Valmont. Shendu, the dragon whose spirit was possessing his body, was applying potions to turn him into a dragon. Currently he had green skin and a horn on his head.

"Do you think I am pleased with our union, Valmont?" said Shendu. "If I am to remain in your pathetic body, I must at least make a few cosmetic improvements. Now hold still while I sprout our tail."

He held up a potion with one arm, but Valmont, fighting with Shendu for control over his body, used his other arm to grab it. As Valmont fought Shendu, the Trickster stood in the shadows. He snapped his fingers.

THE END

AN: Episodes spoofed are Dragonball Z Episode 49, Elite Fighters of the Universe: The Ginyu Force, and Blazing Dragons Episode 2, Gift for Griddle. The ending, of course, hints that he's screwing around with Jackie Chan Adventures, in the episode "The New Atlantis". He could have been superhuman with a tail and gills, but Shendu never got a chance to apply either. The Trickster, in case you haven't already guessed, is a character from Supernatural, and one of my favorite characters next to Bobby and Castiel.

You'll notice I hinted at a certain Vegeta website and its creator. She's written a few stories on fanfiction, and I'm sad to say the only words we ever spoke to each other were arguing over Cui's name in the review of a story. I really like the Vegeta Says blogs, particularly the one about Vegeta's ego, which addresses the Yajirobe thing. I thought it had crashed when I wrote this story, but it's back! :) That's when I inserted that scene where Henry came back to life. Maybe someday I'll write a story where Vegeta's tail grows back and he beats up Team Rocket, De La Porta, and the Joker, all of whom are immortal (well, actually Jessie and James die in a Pokemon movie and get brought back to life, and the Joker dies TWICE in Batman) dedicated to all the Vegeta lovers out there

This story is written as a tribute (is tribute even the right word?) to mistakes on the animators' part of Dragonball Z and Blazing Dragons. Yes, Princess Flame's tail really does disappear in Episode 2 despite initially being clearly visible, and for the entire flashback in DBZ Episode 49 Vegeta's tail is missing. It isn't missing during his flashbacks with Nappa and Raditz, but as neither has their tail cut off, they didn't forget Vegeta's tail this time. It's pathetic that they should forget about the tell-tale (ahem) sign to Count Geoffrey. It is true that in one shot of King Vegeta, his tail is missing, but I won't qualify that under "vanishing tail" because it's only for one shot and not an entire scene like Vegeta and Flame