Normally Rachel Berry's bedroom, and particularly her closet, was meticulously organized. Her vast collection of Mary Janes and ballerina flats were stored in the original boxes, with a Polaroid photo attached to each for easy access. Her infamous short skirts were hung on pink satin encased hangers, paired with coordinating knee socks, while her blouses were organized by color, pattern, and fabric.
But not today.
Today her boudoir looked to have been completely ransacked, complete with a pair of leggings draped tellingly over her ceiling fan, spinning lazily on this unseasonably warm autumn evening. Rachel collapses on her bed with her head in her hands. This just wasn't going to work. She planned for tonight to be the night, and if she tried to seduce Finn wearing her normal attire consisting of animal sweaters and pastel jumpers, Finn would probably fall over laughing. And Rachel Berry knew she had an outstanding sense of humor, but this was one matter in which she refused to be the laughing stock.
She needed reinforcements, and after firing off a couple quick texts on her bedazzled phone, Kurt and Mercedes were only too happy to help her cause.
About an hour and a half or so later, she emerged triumphantly from Lima's rather limited strip mall armed with a killer(and scandalously short) new dress, and a telltale Victoria's Secret bag containing bits of rather expensive black lace that were guaranteed to have poor Finn chanting "mailman" for weeks on end. And after Kurt finished curling her hair and Mercedes painted the finishing touches on Rachel's anxious face, her plan was go for launch.
When Rachel arrived at Finn's home, she was practically shaking with both excitement and nerves. She felt terribly self conscious baring so much skin, and admittedly, her sexy new undergarments made her feel a bit naughty, but how else could she compete with those harlot Cheerios who were perpetually vying for her Finn's attention? She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and nodded her head resolutely as she knocked on the door. It hadn't escaped her notice that of all the times Finn complimented her (which wasn't nearly as often as she'd like), he always called her "awesome" or "caring" or "beautiful." Of course, she knew all of this, but he had never once called her sexy. And that was about to change. Tonight.
As far as Finn knew, he and Rachel would just be working on Mr. Shue's new duet assignment that they would have to perform next week. He was half-heartedly playing the latest RPG on his X-box while eating the ham and cheese sandwich his mom had left for him before she had to leave for work. When he heard a soft knock on the door, he paused his game, shoved the rest of his sandwich in his mouth and washed it down with the last few gulps from his bottle of Coke. He quickly glanced at himself in the mirror to make sure there was nothing embarrassing stuck in his teeth, took one last whiff of the shirt he wasn't quite sure was clean, and opened the front door for his girlfriend of 6 months.
When he saw her standing there on the porch wearing that, he was momentarily worried that he had forgotten about a date that she had marked on his crazy calendar. Not like it would be the first time, but judging by the beaming smile on her face, he was guessing she couldn't be that mad at him. Thank God. When Rachel got mad it was like her tiny 5'3 frame would explode into this she-hulk that spoke really fast and used really big words. And that vein that would pop out on her forehead kinda freaked him out. He would go do lame chick stuff like go to poetry readings, and go ice skating, and hold her purse at the mall as much as she wanted as long as that vein didn't show up. And if he was telling the truth, which he'd never admit to anyone, Angry Rachel scared him way more than Karofsky and his big goons on the hockey team. His thoughts were interrupted by Rachel waving a hand in his face, attempting to snap him out of his inner monologue.
"Finn? Uh Finn? Are you going to let me in?"
"Oh uh. Yeah, of course. C'mon in," he ushered her inside after he greeted her with a peck on the lips. She was looking at him strangely, as if daring him not to notice that she had gotten all dolled up for him. He better say something, and fast. Chicks always got all pissy when you didn't notice stuff like that.
"You look...different. I mean nice! Just…different. What's the occasion?" he fumbled for words.
Rachel sighed inwardly. Nice? She knew Finn's vocabulary couldn't exactly be described as extensive, but nice was the best he could do? She smiled anyway, glad that he at least noticed something was different. Because after tonight, nothing would ever be the same.
"No, Finn, you have to spin me out using your left hand, pull me back, and then your right hand goes on my waist. Got it?" Rachel patiently corrected Finn, who would always be a little awkward on his feet, but she thought his two left feet were endearing.
He tried once more and this time executed the choreography correctly. As she spun back into him, she ended up in his arms, her back to him with his left arm draped over her chest with his hand resting on her right shoulder. His right arm was wrapped around her torso, his fingers firmly grasping her soft waist. In this position, it was very easy for Finn to bend his head down and bury his nose in her shiny, silky hair. God she smelled good! Dance steps were the last thing on Finn's mind as the fruity smell of her shampoo fogged his brain, and her butt (which looked smokin' hot in that thing she was wearing!) was pressed right up against the front of his shorts, which were rapidly becoming too tight.
"Um Rach, would it be alright if we called it quits for today? Can we just hang out for a bit? My mom will be home in a couple of hours and I really just wanna spend some time with you without worrying about school or Glee" he uttered into her hair.
"Yeah, that sounds like a great idea! Why don't we go up to your room, cuddle up on your bed, and watch a movie?" Rachel suggested.
Rachel. In his bed. While she was wearing that thing. Either there was a God, or there really really wasn't, because he wasn't quite sure he could resist taking things further tonight if they were about to start doing what he really hoped they were about to start doing.
The fuck? He had just barely popped the DVD in his blue-ray when Rachel practically attacked him. He wasn't about to complain because it seemed like he could do no wrong that night. At the moment, she was straddling his hips while making out with him. He had one hand on her ass and the other was inching its way to fondle her left boob. Wait? Seriously? She wasn't stopping him. He's straight up groping her now and he hasn't gotten slapped yet. Well he wasn't about to waste time analyzing the situation. This might never happen again! Since she seemed to be in some sort of a mood tonight, he would keep going until she stopped him, which had to be any minute now. Right?
Finn had no idea how the condom ended up in his hand, or how his typically chaste, up-tight girlfriend ended up naked beneath him. (And that dress didn't lie. Her ass was epic after he managed to take that thing off of her, and he nearly choked when she saw how it filled out those black lacy boy shorts. ) He should have known it wasn't going to be so simple.
"I love you so much, Finn. I'm so glad that we are going to be each other's firsts. I'm ready. I want to give myself to you, and you to me. Thank you for waiting for me."
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Shit. She had admitted to him a few months back that she had never really slept with Jesse. He was super relieved because he hated the idea that she let that douchebag be her first. Rachel was his, not Jesse's. Anyways…he had planned to tell her about Santana. Really, he did. He just never really got around to it yet. Fuck.
With a regretful sigh Finn rolled off of Rachel, tossing the condom back in his dresser, knowing it would live to chafe another day. He scrubbed his hand over his face knowing that that vein would be making an appearance tonight after all. God, he was such an idiot! How was he going to tell her that he gave his V-card to Santana, of all people, the hateful bitch that harassed his girlfriend on an hourly basis? This was not going to end well. Nope, not well at all.
"Uh Rachel...about that…"
Rachel covered herself with the cotton sheet self consciously. What was going on?
"What is it, Finn? Is something wrong? Did I-?" She looked concerned, an anxious frown marring her beautiful face.
"No, no, you didn't do anything wrong," he cut her off. "I have to be honest with you though. I don't know how to say this so I'm just gonna spit it out. I'm not a virgin," his posture deflated and his boyish face clouded with shame. "I'm so sorry, Rachel. It was a mistake. This biggest mistake ever."
Rachel sat there for a moment absorbing what she had just been told. Her brain couldn't settle on one emotion. She couldn't decide what to feel yet. Should she be hurt? Sad? Or really really fucking pissed? She decided a combination of all three would be most appropriate.
"Who was it? When was it? Where…" her voice broke, and the dejected look in those big doe eyes was enough to make him feel like the biggest scumbag of all time.
Finn sighed and raked his fingers through his hair.
"It was last year…before Regionals. You were still with Jesse. It was with..Santana," his voice was barely a whisper. He stared at his hands which were wringing the sheet nervously between his sweat dampened fingers. He couldn't bear to see the hurt and disappointment shining in her eyes.
And before he knew it, Rachel dashed out of his bed like it was on fire, taking the sheet with her. Now he sat on his too small bed alone, naked. He was quick to cover himself with his hands and his whole body burned red with embarrassment, shame, and most of all, guilt.
"SANTANA?" Rachel shrieked, her skin also pink, but her flush was from her rage and nothing else. "What would ever possess you to sleep with that revolting… malignant…whore? And how could you lie to me about it for so long?" she wailed, angry tears streaming steadily down her face.
"Rachel you don't understand. I was angry, mostly at myself, and hurt that you chose Jesse over me and especially that you lied to me about it. I just…I think I wanted to make you jealous..I wanted to tell you about it, but when you told me that you slept with Jesse, I felt like I got kicked in the gut, and even though I hated it, I still couldn't hurt you that way. I'm so, so sorry Rachel."
The tight grimace vacated her face and a calm blankness took its place. The blankness on her usually expressive face frightened him more than anything.
"So am I," she sighed. She picked up her clothes, dressed quickly in Finn's bathroom, and left without another word.
Finn had been frantically trying to talk to Rachel since she walked out on Friday night. He tried calling, texting, and he even went over to her house. That probably wasn't such a good idea, because it's bad enough going over to a normal girl's house to apologize for something when she's got one father. But this was Rachel Berry, and that little firecracker has two dads. Talk about a teenage boy's worst nightmare….His attempts were in vain, however. She refused to answer his calls, or reply to his texts. And when he knocked on the door, Dad #1 opened the door and not-so-subtly told him he couldn't talk to her because "she wasn't feeling well." He consoled himself with the fact that at least he'd get to talk to her Monday at school. She couldn't hide forever.
Monday finally arrived, and Finn couldn't get to school fast enough. Imagine his surprise when he saw his that former best friend, Puck, had Rachel, his girlfriend, pinned against her own locker. With one hand on the locker above her right shoulder, bracing himself, and the other hand tugging on the ends of her dark curls. Finn was enraged. Those were his curls! And she was brazenly flirting with him right back. The fuck?
He stormed over to them, trying with all his might not to beat the crap out of Puck again. He ruined his last relationsip. Wasn't that enough?
"Rachel! What the hell is going on?" demanded Finn, "I've been trying to talk to you all weekend and then I find you here flirting with Puck?"
"Oh hi, Finn. Well I was thinking about what you said. You slept with Santana because you were hurt, and angry, and jealous," Rachel's bitter mocking was not lost on poor, simple Finn. She continued, "well so am I. So I figured it was only fair that I should sleep with Noah."
"What?" Finn and Puck both shouted at the same time, one sounded more pleased than the other.
"Shut the hell up, Puck. If I see you near her again, I'll fuck you up. Again." Finn grabbed Puck by the collar of his shirt and shoved him down the hall, Puck swearing under his breath the whole time. When Puck was at a safe distance, he turned to Rachel and smirked "Hey Berry, I'll call you!" which only served to infuriate Finn even more.
"What the hell, Rachel, I know you're mad that I didn't tell you about Santana, but don't you think you're going a little far with this? You've done some pretty nasty things to me, too, but I've never once considered cheating on you just to get back at you! I would never, ever cheat on you Rachel."
Rachel sighed and shook her head.
"You just don't get it, Finn. First of all, I wasn't going to do anything with Noah. I was just trying to make a point. Secondly, I'm not just upset that you didn't tell me about Santana, I'm really disappointed in you that you did it in the first place.
Even though Jesse pressured me into having sex with him, I didn't do it. You wanna know why?" she asked rhetorically. "Because he wasn't you. I knew deep down that you and I weren't over. I loved you and saved myself for you, because you were the one I wanted, not Jesse. And while you kept on trying to convince me that I should be with you and not him, you went out and fucked her anyway." Finn winced at her emphatic cursing. Rachel never cursed.
"Finn, I loved you enough that even when we weren't together, because you dumped me, I saved myself for you. You didn't even love me enough to save yourself when you were trying to get me back. And on top of it all, you waited until right before we were about to make love for the first time to tell me. That is why I'm angry."
Finn was still reeling from Rachel's speech when Santana chose that precise moment to butt in.
"Oh hey, Rachel, I guess you really do cream yourself over my sloppy seconds. Last year you tried going after Puck, and now you know the truth about me and Finn. How do I taste, sweetheart?" Santana sneered.
This was the last straw for Rachel. This wench had had what she was about to say coming for a very long time. Rachel stepped right up Santana and shoved her perfectly manicured finger into Santana's chest so hard that Santana was sure to bruise.
"Now listen to me you filthy trollop. I know the truth about you. I know that every time you spread your legs, you aren't doing it for love, you're doing it out of hate. Because you hate yourself. You think spreading your secondhand cooch around this school makes you attractive? Popular? It doesn't. It just makes you an ugly whore. But you already know that, don't you? I always felt bad for you, Santana, because I always knew that someone who sleeps around as much as you do must really hate herself for it. You aren't this callous, hardened person you want people to think you are. You are a scared, insecure, self-conscious little girl who just wants to be loved. But you are right about one thing. Nobody does. Who could love a slut like you?"
Santana's icy exterior melted just long enough for Rachel and all the other spectators to see the hurt radiating off of her in waves. With a smug look on her face, Rachel turned on her feel and stormed off so fast that her hair whipped Santana in the face upon her departure, a final punctuating insult. It took mere moments for Santana's face to freeze back over.
The entire exchange took only a couple minutes, and if Finn hadn't been so scared of Rachel at that moment, he would have been totally turned on. The first period bell rang, and Finn sadly looked at Rachel's swiftly retreating back as she ran to her history class. He sighed loudly and walked to his biology class in the opposite direction.
At lunchtime, Finn knew where she'd be. He grabbed his lunch from him locker and made his way over to the music room. She sat at the piano in the deserted room plunking out random notes on the keyboard, the dissonant chords somewhat unnerving him.
Quietly and slowly, he sat down next to her on the piano bench. She stopped playing the piano, and in his nervousness, he started slowly and arhythmically plunking out the right hand part to Heart and Soul, the only piano song he knew how to play.
"Rach. I'm so sorry. I know I screwed up. You have every right to be mad at me, and I'll do everything I can to try and make it up to you. She meant nothing to me. If I could take it all back, I would. I swear. I guess I just wasn't thinking."
Rachel sat quietly for a moment, carefully choosing her next words.
"Finn, do you see a pattern here? You screw up because you didn't think about the consequences of your actions, you beg my forgiveness, vowing to make it up to me…And then you go and do the next thoughtless thing. How many times do you have to lose me before you finally get it?"
He gasps slightly, her words knocking the wind out of him. He can't lose her. He won't lose her.
But she wasn't finished.
"I guess I'm just scared that one day you'll do something that I can't forgive you for. I love you, Finn. I don't want to lose you. I wish you would just think things through a little more." A single tear slid down her face as she stared intently at the piano keys.
He let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. She said "one day," which means she wasn't going to dump his sorry ass today. The relief flooded his chest instantly.
"I promise you, Rachel. I swear" he vowed insistently, "I will always try to remember your feelings first. I love you, baby. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose."
She smiled weakly, laid her head on his shoulder and began tinkering with the left hand part to Heart and Soul. He resumed his part of the melody and they sat quietly and played piano together until the bell resounded throughout McKinley High and all of their fellow glee members filed into the room, ready to start class with Mr. Shue. All except Santana.
Santana stood alone in the ladies room, staring at herself in the mirror, hating herself.
"She's right," Santana whispered to herself. Not knowing who to turn to for comfort, Santana sent Puck a text message.
-My house, tonight at 10?
To which he never responded. The sound of the strangled sob bouncing off the tiles was heard by no one, and she sank to the floor and cried.