48This is a response to JlBrew's challenge. Discipline is a requirement, so don't like; don't read.
Princess Note: My co-author likes sprawling plots, so despite my best efforts this story is actually going to be two, with a possible third, and covers multiple millenniums.
Disclaimer: When we start inventing people, we'll let you know.
Somewhere in the Middle
Leia Goes Right
Vader settled into a comfortable position. Well, as comfortable as possible while ones arms and legs are encased in armor. Vader was about to slip into meditation, (or the closest dark side equivalent) when he felt a bright presence coming toward his quarters. Wondering which Jedi would be foolish enough to challenge him inside the Imperial Palace; Vader opened his door.
Only to be barreled into by a small figure draped in white. All of Vader's extensive training in control couldn't stop the "What?" from blurting out.
"I'm Leia. Who're you?" Before Vader had a chance to form words the little girl, for it was a little girl, was chattering away again. "Will you hide me? I'm running 'way from Daddy Bail, 'cuz he's a big fat meanie. He yelled at me and it wasn't even my fault! Why did anyone put that big, ugly v-b- boz! Right where anyone running under the table would crash into it? That's stupid! It was a stupid boz anyway!"
"Boz?"
"You put pretty flowers in it." Leia explained sweetly.
"A vase?"
"That's what I said. Only this one didn't have flowers."
Vader came to the decision that listening to little girls was clearly not just a waste of time, but a danger to his sanity. "Where are your parents?"
"Don' have any." Leia pouted, lower lip sticking out adorably. Vader naturally failed to notice.
"Clearly you have parents, or you would not be here."
"Nuh-uh." Feeling the need to clarify, she continued, "I'm 'dopted."
Vader's glare intensified. "You are adopted?" The child of a Jedi perhaps? If so, with her strength... Vader gave his head a mental shake. First to learn of her parentage. "Come here."
"Why should I?" Leia wasn't going near scary half-face without an explanation.
Vader did not deign to respond. He simply reached over and grabbed -her PIGTAIL! He'd been trying for an arm. Well, it would do. "Dee Arr – nine eleven, come here."
Leia attempted to escape the nasty man's grip, but he was to strong. And the med-bot was coming closer!
Vader ignored the squirming girl. " Dee Arr I want you to do a genetic test on this girl."
The droid bobbed its over sized head up and down. "Anything specific my Lord?"
"I want the names' of her parents."
"At once, my lord."
Leia whimpered as the droid approached her, needle at the ready. "Daddy, sabe me!" she screamed.
Not quite sure what he was doing, (or thinking for that matter!) Vader gently rubbed her head. "The droid is going to tell us who your parents are."
Leia thought about that for a second. "You'll hol' me, rwight?" Her eyes narrowed at her captor. Vader nodded solemnly. "Okay den." She bravely stuck out a chubby arm, closed her eyes, and waited. And waited. "Well, awe you doing it ow not?"
Vader looked vaguely amused. "It is done."
"Oh." Leia looked at her arm. "It hurts. Kiss it."
Vader raised a single eyebrow. "No."
"Yes, you will!" Leia protested. When she received no response she began banging her fists on Vader's chest. "Do it NOW!" Vader ignored her. Leia fell to the floor kicking, screaming and banging her tiny fists on the (hard) durasteel floor. When even this failed to induce a response Leia began to throw anything and everything in reach.
That got Vader's attention. "If you do not desist immediately, there will be consequences."
As Leia had never encountered either "desist" or consequences before, she ignored the command. Only to find herself face down on Vader's lap.
SMACK
Leia went silent. No one had ever spanked her before. Well, Daddy Bail had, but not hard.
WHAP
Vader brought his hand down for a second time. Leia howled.
SLA-
"Lord Vader, the results are in." Vader paused as Dee Arr continued. "Result is 99.9 percent accurate, with .1% possibility of error. Mother: Padme' Amidla of Naboo, deceased. Father: Anakin Skywalker, whereabouts unknown."
There was a thud as Leia, and Vader's jaw hit the floor at the same time.
Authors' Note: We are switching the darkside motto to "Welcome to the darkside, we have chocolate." Anyone who needs an explanation please ask the female closest to you. We may explain the chapter title in our bio. After we get reviews, of course.
Chocolate covered cookies to whoever guesses the reason behind Dee Arr's name.