Hands touch, eyes meet,
Sudden silence, sudden heat,
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl,
He could be that boy,
But I'm not that girl.

'Liv, are you okay?' Elliot's voice crackled through the radio in my ear. I could barely hear him through the throbbing in my ears. The pain in my shoulder was too much, well; I suppose pain comes hand in hand with being shot.

'Liv, copy, over!' I can hear Elliot but I can't press the button on my radio; it's on the same sleeve as what I was shot in. I move my other hand over to it.

'El… Elliot.' I hoarsely whisper into my radio.

'Livia, hold on for me.' Says Elliot to me.

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Were on different sides of this stupid warehouse, he won't get to me in time. I can already see a lot of blood out of the corner of my eye. That's when I realised it. I love him. But he doesn't love me. He's back with Kathy. He's a married man. Off limits.

'Liv, are you still with me?' I could hear Elliot's panting and heavy footsteps through my ear piece. I still can't hear him anywhere near me.

'Yes.' I breathe into my piece that I've finally managed to get off my sleeve with one hand.

Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

I'm 39; I'm too young to die. I've never lived. Never been married, never had kids, never had someone to love me. Unconditionally. I've never known my father. My mother was a drunk. I've only known my brother 4 years. The closest thing I've had to a family is the squad.

Cragen, the father, I'll miss his over protectiveness, the care for every single person in his squad. Fin and Munch, the brothers, I'll miss Fin's care, especially after Sealview, and Munch, I'll miss his conspiracies and bad coffee. Melinda, Casey and Alex were close friends, I'll miss them too. But most of all I'll miss Elliot. He's like the childhood crushes I used to have. The little flirtatious comments, they way we know each other like the back of our hands, and the late night coffee runs.

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who wins some, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

I can hear his footsteps.

'Elliot.' I try to say as loud as I can, but it's not even my normal voice. His footsteps stop.

'Talk again Livia.' He calls.

'Elliot.' I say a bit louder, but still it's not my normal voice. His footsteps start again, this time coming towards me. I can see him. He runs over to me.

'Oh my god, Olivia. Stay with me!' he says in a rush, and pushes his hands down on my shoulder.

'SVU portable to central, officer down, repeat officer down. I need a bus to this location.' He practically yelled into the radio. 'Liv, look at me, keep looking at me.'

'El, tell the squad that I love them like a family, and that I'll miss them.' I said, trying not to give into the blackness at the edges of my vision.

'You can tell them yourself, Liv. You're gonna make it out of this.' Elliot said, tears sliding down his face.

'El, we both know that I'm not going to make it. Just get the guy that did this, and remember, that I,' I couldn't get the words out; I could barely see him through my blurred vision. 'I love you.' I forced out, before closing my eyes and surrendering to the blackness.

'Liv! I love you too.' Was the last thing I would ever hear, his hand in mine the last thing I felt, undying love the last emotion I would ever experience.

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl