9"Haunted"
Anime: Prince of tennis
Pairing: One-sided FujixSaku
A/N: A fic inspired by the song "My Immortal." Mayura is an OC, not that important. Fuji's POV. I suggest you read this while listening to the song XD I kept on repeating the violin cover, piano cover, and the actual song while I wrote this. And as much as possible, I tried not to add dialogues or names in the fic.
Warning: Possible OOC-ness due to the Angst.
Disclaimer: No, I don't own "Prince of Tennis" nor the lyrics of the song "My Immortal"
Special thanks to neko11lover AKA Seru-chan for editing my fic! :D *love,love,love*
***Italics are lyrics.
I'm so tired of being here,
"This can't go on. This has to end now."
I didn't utter a word as I sat on one of the dining table's chairs. My back faced her, but I could imagine the different sets of emotions that played on her features: sadness, anger, regret… all this to blame on me. I felt empty, hollow. No emotion ran through me, even if I clearly knew that my wife was about to leave for good.
My eyes remained still, my elbows lay on the table and my hands were interlaced in front of me, with my chin rested on them. My lips formed a straight line, no smile. It had been long gone…ever since…
suppressed by all of my childish fears.
"Goodbye, Syuusuke," I heard her say, trying her best to hold back the tears so that she'd sound determined. I stayed rooted on my spot, with my eyes scanning her shadow's retreating figure as she closed the door with a loud "thud".
I was alone again. Like how I've always been.
If you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave.
I have never felt complete. Not since she left me.
I finally got up from my seat. I still remained stoic, and emotionless. Never had I thought that I could become so much like Tezuka. How ironic. The gentle, always smiling tennis player of Seigaku could not even manage a grin.
I looked at my surroundings; it was dark, like it has always been. Ever since I got married, light never really did get to shine upon this household, and it was completely my fault. I even dragged Mayura into this. She never felt my love because I wasn't a fair husband; I didn't show her the love that she needed, I didn't show her the care that she should have gotten, I didn't give her the time that she deserved. We never should have gotten married in the first place. That's why I didn't dare stop her when she left, and I couldn't ask for a second chance. Even if I did, I know that I'd just disappoint her in the end.
I crossed the dimly-lit room and made my way to the staircase.
Cause your presence still lingers here…
Before I made my first step, I noticed the table on the left of the stairs. It was a long table where I placed precious pictures that I took. Among those pictures, there was one that was facing down.
My eyes cast down to that frame; Mayura probably did that. I reached for the object and looked at it closely.
A girl with long, auburn hair and brown-colored orbs looked stunning in the picture. The locks of her hair danced gracefully along with the wind, and her eyes sparkled under the afternoon sun. She was looking directly at the camera – at me – with that shy smile on her face.
And it won't leave me alone.
I dropped the picture frame and it shattered on the cold, hard floor. I could almost hear the piercing sound of the glass being broken into pieces. I fell to my knees, my hands on the shards of glass from the picture frame. I started to cry.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
The tears dropping seemed endless, and for some reason, no matter how I badly wanted to stop them, they won't.
this pain is just too real,
All these years of trying to perfect my self-control were destroyed by one single picture.
there's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried,
She was there again, sitting on that very same bench, both her hands covering her small face. I could hear her soft sobs from where I was. Like always.
It was winter, December 24th to be exact. The tennis prodigy probably hurt her feelings once more with his indifference. I sighed at the thought, wondering when that boy would outgrow his denseness. I walked closer to where she was
I stopped in my tracks as she raised her head, she must've noticed my presence as she paused from weeping. Our eyes met. My heart oddly skipped a beat as my eyes met hers. Her tear-streaked face caused my chest to ache a bit. I shouldn't have felt that way. In the first place, the only reason I noticed her was because she was the coach's granddaughter, and that she had an obvious crush on the little prince.
Still, it saddened me to see her in that state. I unconsciously clenched my fists tighter; the smile on my face still intact even if my emotions betrayed me.
She stared at me with a hint of surprise. Her face was red – she was either too tired or too embarrassed to speak up. I stepped a little closer to her, my body towering over her petite sitting figure. The urge to touch her face was just too much that I couldn't resist myself. The moment my fingers touched her skin, she started to cry again.
I'd wipe away all of your tears.
I wiped her tears using my thumbs, and then I wrapped my arms around her shoulders as gently as I could. Although hesitant at first, she wrapped her thin arms around my chest a few seconds after.
When you'd scream,
During one of the training camps Seigaku participated in, I heard a scream coming from one of the rooms. I was in the middle of exercising early that morning and, alerted by the shriek, rushed quickly to where it came from. I wouldn't mistake that for any other.
I reached my destination to see her sprawled on the floor in the darkness, her hair a mess and a frightened expression on her features. I scanned our surroundings but I found nothing dangerous or threatening to have caused her havoc. My hands tried to reach for the light switch, my gaze still on her.
"F-Fuji-sempai…" I heard her mutter, tears threatened to fall from her eyes.
I closed the door behind me; I approached her and knelt down. She must've fallen from her bed, or maybe she tried to get up only to fall down because of her in-born clumsiness.
Her lips parted and quivered, her eyes cast down to her knees as her hands clutched the pink night dress she wore. I patted her head and then brought her close to me.
Ever since the incident last Christmas eve, we had this somewhat hidden unspoken relationship, something that I had never imagined to happen.
I'd fight away all of your fears.
My other hand made its way around her waist, a gesture I always did to ask her what the problem was. She mumbled something against my shirt. It sounded like 'nightmare.' The reason why she fell, I no longer asked. Instead, I rubbed her back to calm her down until she fell asleep again, silently praying that no more nightmares would disrupt her slumber.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
She clutched my hand tightly as she kept on averting her head from one direction to another. It felt cold against mine, and it was shaking slightly. My free hand was inside the uniform's pockets, holding the box of sweets I received from her. I smiled sincerely.
Today was the 14th of February, Valentine's Day, and I was more than happy to receive a box of chocolate from her.
We sat on one of the benches near the cherry blossom trees. Today was such a warm and peaceful day, but she contradicted the weather's condition. She sat anxiously on the bench, her head never ceased to stop turning.
Although I knew the reason behind her anxious movements, I decided to play dumb as to not ruin the good mood I built up. Her movements were finally put to a halt when the cat-eyed boy showed up and made his way to where we were. She paled and tightly gripped the box on her other hand, which I've been trying ignore.
I squeezed her hand to encourage her, and she faced me. I prepared to smile the most convincing smile I could muster. That was what I was known for anyway, my smile. I knew that the smile I was known for would become my downfall.
She smiled back and let go of my hand as she ran towards him. I got up even before she reached her destination, and walked the opposite direction.
But you still have…
I frowned. I hated the fact that I couldn't openly portray my feelings. If I did though, would she have noticed? Would she have given me a chance?
all of me.
My chest throbbed in pain; it almost felt like a thousand daggers being plunged deep in my heart. Almost, because no words could describe the hurt I felt. I held one of the tree's branches for support the moment I was out of their sight, my left hand making its way to where my heart was. Droplets of tears fell from my eyes; I wanted to laugh at myself. I looked pathetic and hopeless.
I was an idiot for falling in love.
You used to captivate me by your resonating light.
She stood on top of a hill, her long auburn hair flowing in sync with the wind. Her eyes looked spectacular, shining. The white sundress she wore made her look like an angel, which she truly was. Some called her 'simple', some 'average'... but to me, she was – is – beautiful.
She walked closer to where I sat, smiling sweetly. I waited patiently, eager to have her sit beside me. I wished days like this would never end, when the two of us could spend quality time together. I felt happiest during these moments.
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind.
The instant she reached me, both her hands made their way to my cheeks. She bent down to my level, her face just a few inches before mine. My eyes widened— this was unlike her. But I didn't bother listening to reason or to why she was doing this; all that mattered was that she was initiating something I would have done months ago.
When our lips were about to meet, she vanished in the light.
Your face it haunts…
I woke up with a start, my breathing uneven as sweat trickled down my forehead. I was back in my room, I looked at my right, and the picture was placed on my desk. I must've fallen asleep.
my once pleasant dreams.
I shook my head and placed both my hands in front of me. It stung slightly when it made contact with my moist skin; the wounds from the earlier incident were still fresh. I chuckled to myself; of course it was a dream. How foolish of me. She would never commence such a bold move. I should've known, but I couldn't think straight. I've always desired for her to touch me in ways that were more than just friendly, I loved her, but she didn't feel the same way for me. It was unrequited.
Your voice it chased away…
The shape of her face, the sound of her voice, the texture of her hand; all these I couldn't forget even after I got married. Memories of how she spoke my name, how she laughed, smiled, cried were still very evident. Such an unfaithful husband I was.
all the sanity in me.
Love is truly blind; Mayura had been the most caring wife any man would ever want, but my thoughts were always plagued by her. I always compared. I was never fair. She held my heart captive, and I willingly gave her the key to its lock.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
I once again felt droplets of tears falling from my eyes. And they just wouldn't stop, they wouldn't stop.
This pain is just too real,
I sobbed.
I screamed.
I let it all out.
All my frustrations, all my regrets.
Everything.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
And I didn't care.
When you cried,
She was crying again, but it wasn't because of sadness anymore. No, she was happy and she looked breathtaking. Then again, she always did, but she never saw it in herself to accept it. Nor have others seen it. Only I did—always have and always will.
The white dress suited her perfectly. The way it fit her, the way it moved as she walked...it was as if it was made for her. No, I told myself, it is made for her.
I'd wipe away all of your tears.
I smiled, and brought my hands upon her face to carefully brush her tears away with my thumb. This was her day, and it was supposed to be perfect. She giggled, pushed my hands away and wiped away the tears on her own. My heart oddly stung at the gesture, but I didn't show it and I wouldn't dare to. I just kept on smiling. Like always.
When you'd scream,
She then looked at me, a determined look plastered upon her features.
"Thank you."
As soon as the words left her mouth, determination was replaced with happiness. She walked towards me and wrapped her hands around my waist. To say that I was shocked was an understatement; I felt different sets of sensations course through my body: happiness, regret, contentment, grief. I trembled, I didn't know what to do and I was too afraid that if I returned the gesture, I would never let go.
I'd fight away all of your fears.
I closed my eyes, and finally gathered the courage to be able to lift my hands up. I enclosed them around her body, I buried my head on her hair, and I prayed.
I prayed that this was just a dream, prayed that this was just an illusion, prayed that this was just a nightmare…that this wasn't happening; because the truth was that I wasn't ready to let her go. I wasn't ready to give her up. I wasn't ready…
Because I loved her.
I tried my best to fight back the tears. Tears that threatened to fall, that threatened to show my real feelings to her, that threatened to expose the real me.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
She slowly let go, and turned to face me. I masked a smile to her; the most convincing one, for her sake. She returned it, and I felt myself slowly breaking inside.
"Sakuno, it's time."
She looked at the person who entered the room, nodded before facing me once more. She looked excited yet nervous at the same time; I chuckled, and brought her hands onto mine, squeezed it to reassure her. What a martyr I was, telling the girl I love to go on and leave me. But was this what you can call martyrdom? Or just being plain foolish?
But you still have,
She smiled. A smile I will forever cherish, because this would be the last time I would be seeing it, the smile that we secretly shared, and the smile that was supposed to be only meant for me.
She turned her back to me slowly, but one of our hands was still interlaced with the other. Gradually letting go as it softly caressed my palms to the last fingertip; wanting the moment to last forever.
All of me.
And then she was gone.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
Nobody had any idea how in love I was with her. How much I wanted her. How much it hurt that the one thing I've always wanted could never be mine. No one saw through it, now one saw through that damn smile because that was who Fuji Syuusuke was, the ever-smiling mysterious genius of Seigaku. No one saw through it, not even her.
I've always thought that smiling was one of my best qualities; it gave me a sense of power, a sense of authority since no one ever knew what was going through my mind. Not even Inui. I was unpredictable, I was invincible.
In reality, however, it was a curse— A curse I will forever live with, a curse that I will forever regret having.
But though you're still with me,
I still remember the days we've been together, like it was just yesterday. I remember everything: the way she smiled, the way she laughed, the way she cried. I could never seem to forget it, as if it's been sewed in my mind.
But even if we were always together, even if we've spent so much time with each other, her eyes were always for him. She only saw him, and she only desired him. Never did she see me or my real feelings. But she wasn't to be blamed. It had been my fault from the beginning, if only I were stronger, if only I were straightforward. There's no point regretting. It had already happened. And there's nothing more I can do.
I've been alone all along.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your tears,
And I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have…
All of me.
"You will forever be my immortal."
First attempt on an angsty fic. Hope you guys like it ;D Reviews would be lovely, and constructive criticisms too :D