A/N:

Merry christmas everyone! If you're not Christian then too bad, neither am I. Sorry I haven't been updating as frequently as I'd like due to family issues, but since it's christmas I decided to give you another chapter as my gift!

Me: *sigh*

Voice: What's wrong? It's Christmas Eve! You should be happy and dreaming of gumdrops singing or something

Me: Umm I think it's sugar plumbs

Voice: Well whatever. Why are you sad?

Me: I have the Christmas blues.

Voice: Well, why don't you listen to carols or something to get you in the Christmas spirit?

Me: Hmm… good idea. *checks playlists for Christmas songs* Ooh what's this?

Voice: *reads* Humbug! It's beginning to look at a lot like Christmas. And for some of us, nothing could be more annoying. So even though the airwaves are being bombarded by 70 versions of "Jingle Bells," you can rely on this playlist of songs that say exactly how you feel: bah humbug!

Me: Sounds perfect!

Voice: Um, okay what song catches your eye?

Me: Hmm. Let's start out with a classic "Grandma got run over by a reindeer"

Voice: That sounds painful

Me: Big baby *plays song*

Voice: *sighs*

Grandma got run over by a reindeer

Walking home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,

And we'd begged her not to go.

But she'd left her medication,

So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

Voice: Never let your grandma near the egg nog. She can't handle the raw power it possesses.

Me: Noted

They found her Christmas mornin',

At the scene of the attack.

There were hoof prints on her forehead,

And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,

Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now were all so proud of Grandpa,

He's been takin' this so well.

See him in there watchin' football,

Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.

It's not Christmas without Grandma.

All the family's dressed in black.

And we just can't help but wonder:

Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Voice: Hmm, I'd probably just keep them until grandma can open them.

Me: You're going to make comments like this through every song aren't you?

Voice: Why does it bother you?

Me: Yes

Voice: Then yes

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,

Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now the goose is on the table

And the pudding made of fig.

And a blue and silver candle,

That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.

Voice: Grandma wears a wig?

Me: Creepy

I've warned all my friends and neighbours.

"Better watch out for yourselves."

They should never give a license,

To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,

Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Voice: Well that was festive.

Me: It put me in a better mood.

Voice: Want to play another?

Me: You know it!

Voice: Okay then, this one called, "The 12 pains of Christmas"

Me: Hah! Only twelve?

Voice: Well I don't think they could list all of them.

Me: Touche. *plays song*

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Angry husband: Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Man getting over being drunk: Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

Voice: I really hope you don't have to deal with number three

Me: Oh calm down.

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Exhausted man: Sending Christmas cards

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Five months of bills!

Sending Christmas cards

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

Me: So true

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Nervous wife: Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills!

Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!

Hangovers

Rigging up these lights!

And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Nervous wife's husband: The Salvation Army

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills!

Sending Christmas cards

Oh, geez!

I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!

And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:

Whining kid: I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!

Charities,

And whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?

Five months of bills!

Oh, making out these cards

Honey, get me a beer, huh?

What, we have no extension cords?

And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

A tired father: Finding parking spaces

DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!

Donations!

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills!

Writing out those Christmas cards

Hangovers!

Now why the hell are they blinking?

And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

A mother: "Batteries Not Included"

No parking spaces

BUY ME SOMETHIN'!

Get a job, ya bum!

Oh, facing my in-laws!

Five months of bills!

Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards

Oh, geez, look at this!

One light goes out, they ALL go out!

And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

A male couch potato: Stale TV specials

"Batteries Not Included"

No parking spaces

DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!

Charities!

She's a witch...I hate her!

Five months of bills!

Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!

Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?

Get a flashlight...I blew a fuse!

And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Two men: Singing Christmas carols

Stale TV specials

"Batteries Not Included"

No parking?

WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!

Charities!

Gotta make 'em dinner!

Five months of bills!

I'm not sendin' them this year, that's it!

Shut up, you!

FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!

And finding a Christmas tree

Me: Never have truer words been spoken

Voice: I love the guy with the lights

Me: yeah he's so funny and it's so true. But I also like the kid.

Voice: So what's next?

Me: Ooh here's an interesting title, "The year Santa went crazy" Awesome!

Voice: Just play it.

Me: *plays song*

*Intro plays*

Voice: This is going to be another cheery song with creepy lyrics isn't it?

Me: Hope so

Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys

For the good Gentle girls and the good Gentle boys

When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death

Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath

From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo

Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo

And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye

"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"

Voice: Oh boy, Santa's smashed.

Me: *claps* Yay! Psycho Santa!

The night Santa went crazy

The night Saint Nick went insane

Realized he'd been getting a raw deal

Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it

Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet

And he tied up his helpers, and he held the elves hostage

And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage

He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger

And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger

And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen

And he took a big bite and said "It tastes just like chicken!"

Voice: *shudders* This song is extremely descriptive

Me: *tapping to the music cheerily* Yep, isn't it great?

Voice: *muttering* That wasn't the word I had in mind

The night Santa went crazy

The night Kris Kringle went nuts

Now, ya can't hardly walk around the North Pole

Without steppin' in reindeer guts

Voice: Poor reindeer

There's the National Guard and the FBI

There's a van from the Eyewitness News

and helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky

And the bullets are flying the body count's rising

And everyone's dying to know -"Oh Santa, why?"

My, my, my, my, my, my - you used to be such a jolly

Yes Virginia, now Santa's doing time

In a Federal prison for his infamous crime

Hey little friend now, don't you cry no more tears

He'll be out on good behaviour in seven hundred more years

Now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous

And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service

And they say Mrs. Claus she's on the phone every night

With a lawyer negotiating the movie rights.

Me: Ahahaha I'd love to see the movie of this!

Voice: I'm guessing it'd be a horror film

(They talk about)

The night Santa went crazy

The night Saint Nicholas flipped

Broke his back for some milk and cookies

Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped

Me: They have a point with the hard labor in exchange for cookies thing. He is getting gypped

Voice: *sighs* Being santa isn't a deal where you get things in return it's about spreading joy to all girls and boys

Me: (:p) Ruin my fun why don't you

Whoa, The night Santa went crazy

The night Saint Nick went insane

Realized he'd been gettin' the wrong deal

Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain

Whoa, Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain

Tell ya, somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain.

Me: That was the best Christmas song ever!

Voice: Uhh… yeah… sure.

Me: I feel so much better now!

Voice: (sarcastically) Nothing like a psycho song about Santa losing his marbles to cheer up the Christmas blues

Me: I know right!

Voice: I was being sarcastic

Me: And I was being doubly sarcastic

Voice: But that doesn't even make any- you know what? Never mind.

Me: Well I'm going to have a cookie.

Voice: GASP! You're going to steal from santa?

Me: Nooo I'm going to get my own cookies; we made more than five you know.

Voice: Oh, I knew that.

Me: *patts on head* Whatever you need to tell yourself

Voice: Don't you be condescending to me young lady

Me: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

Voice: Oh, just go dream about your sugar plumbs or whatever!

Me: Fine. Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!

A/N:

You can find this actual playlist on playlist .com

R&R?