Hello everybody! This is Libros! I've been playing around with writing a Kotor fanfic for a while now, but I've been busy with school and I decided to actually beat the game before I did it. That was a long process because a) I stink at playing video games b) finals/school take my twenty four hour day and leave me with, like, four hours for what I want to do and c) I got distracted and re-defeated Kotor 2 first. Hee-hee! They are my favorite video games! Well, I hope you enjoy my story!
Disclaimer: Despite the appeal of saying that I do own Star Wars, I don't have the money to be sued for lying, so I'll just go straight to telling you guys the truth, I do not own Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic.
Naver tucked her knees up under her head and shivered, staring blankly at the wall of the dormitory. Her head shot up with a snap as Canderous stepped in.
"You too, huh?"
"Don't know what you're talking about," Candersous said gruffly.
"Seeing as almost everybody has come to see me within the last hour," Naver informed him lightly, trying to keep her mind off the one member of the crew who hadn't checked in on her. "You know what I'm talking about. Normally I would have to hunt you guys down."
"Don't call me that!" Naver hissed, shaking her head desperately as if she could make the words go away.
"It's a term of honor," Canderous insisted, and Naver gritted her teeth as he continued. "Mandolorians respect you Revan . . ."
"Why is it so blasted cold on this ship?" Naver exclaimed, shivering violently.
Canderous looked surprised at her outburst, but since he was a big, strong Mandolorian Warrior, looking surprised consisted of him raising his eyebrow at her. Even she knew how ridiculous her reaction was. She was a Jedi, she should be meditating - or something peaceful like that.
"The Engine Room."
Naver's eyebrows drew together at his words.
"It's warm in the engine room."
Canderous' suggestion was gruff, but they melted some of the ice that seemed to have developed around her heart.
"Thanks," Naver said, standing up and moving to the door. "And Canderous, we can talk tomorrow. About who I am - and everything else."
He didn't respond, and so she fled to the chance for privacy in the engine room. Naver stepped inside, maneuvering around the hyperdrive to sit against the warm metal. Instantly the icy feeling left her body and her strength and her smile melted away. In their place was left only grief and pain.
It started as a sniffle, evolved into silent tears, and erupted into frantic sobs. Naver could never remember feeling so alone, but for all she knew this was a feeling Revan had felt everyday. This idea brought more sobs as she buried her face against her knees to muffle the sobs.
To find out she was Revan was a shock, to say the least. It was made even worse by the obviousness of the truth. The Jedi would never normally except such and older human for training, or send said trainee on a mission of galactic importance. Her name was Revan spelled backwards for Sith's sake! And for it to come just when she was getting somewhere with Carth!
"It's not my fault," she gasped. "I didn't know! I didn't know! I wasn't lying!"
The sounds of someone entering the room made her choke back her tears. She couldn't see who it was from where she was huddled, but she could guess. Carth was out for obvious reasons, and she'd just spoken to Canderous. There was no click of metal on metal, and so it couldn't be T3-M4 or HK 47. Juhani had already come to invite her to meditate, and Jolee had come to tell her a story about a Krayt Dragon that Thought it was a Bantha. Zaalbar had come to bring her a Wookie delicacy meant to make someone feel better. She'd drunken it without asking what was in it, and it tasted as bad as it looked. Mission had been the first to visit her, requesting that she come and join in on a Pazaak tournament going on in the main hold.
"I'm fine Mission," Naver insisted, only the rawness in her voice expressing her pain and alluding to the tears she'd shed. "You don't need to check in on me every ten minutes. I am not a child."
"And I'm not mission."
Naver's eyes flung open and she rocked forward to see Carth. The anguish in his eyes had her shifting back to her hiding place as quickly as she'd abandoned it."
"We need to talk Revan-"
"Stop calling me that!" She cried, furiously brushing a few tears away. "I know what you're going to say! If I even think of betraying you I'll find a blasterbolt in my back."
"That's not what I was going to say!" Carth argued.
"Yeah, well that's the vibe I was getting earlier."
"I overreacted," Carth admitted. "But look at it from my point of view. I've had trouble trusting anyone since Saul attacked Telos. After my wife died I couldn't bare to even look at another woman. My mind was set on avenging my family. Nothing was supposed to get in my way. And then I meet you. You're strong, brilliant, beautiful, and when I'm around you I feel like an Academy boy again."
Naver blushed and managed a weak grin before she fell back into her depressed state.
"And I began to open my heart up again. Then I find out who you really are. I wish I could say that who you used to be doesn't matter to me, but I've never lied to you Naver. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to trust you again."
"I understand better than you could imagine," Revan confessed. "I can't even trust myself. All my memories are fake Carth, none of them really happened. The old friends, the scouting missions, none of it is real! All I really have is the now. And the now sucks!"
Her voice had gotten slightly hysterical by the time he gathered her up in his arms. They stayed like that for a few moments, both of them surprised at how easy it was to fall back into their old pattern.
"Thanks," Naver whispered before pulling back so that she could look him full in the face. He held her gaze as she continued. "Carth, do you remember what you said on the Leviathan? When you said that you knew I wouldn't ever do anything to intentionally cause you pain?"
"Yes," he said emotionally.
"I'm not saying that you have to feel that way again," Naver told him. "But I am asking to try. Please, for the girl you thought I was yesterday."
"I will," Carth promised, standing up and extending his hand down to her. "Now let's go find that last Star Map."
"And find your son," she added, trying to sound flippant as she took his hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. The warmth of his calloused hand warmed and filled the empty spot in her heart where the pain had been. "And Carth-"
"Yes?" He asked from the doorway, turning back to face her.
"I'd trust you with a blaster at my back."
They shared a smile before leaving the warmth of the engine room behind them to face the chill of the rest of the ship.
So, how did I do? I tried to keep them in character for the time. If you think things went a little too fast, just think of it like this. Carth moves fast, I mean, you meet in person for the first time on the ship like, ten seconds before you evacuate, and then he flirts with you on Taris. He's just a fast mover when he's serious with somebody. So click on that no longer purple button and let me know if I did a good job or if I should retire from writing fanfictions! Thanks! By the way, I'm thinking about putting up a fanfic with the story of The Krayt Dragon that Thought it was a Bantha in it. Let me know if you'd be interested.