Calm was not a word that many people associated with Jack O'Neill and Sam was surprised at herself for making the link.

Jack was abrasive, bold, funny, stubborn, disciplined yet unruly and a whole host of others things, but never calm.

Yet, when she thought about how she felt, that was the word which sprung to mind. Not in the sense of Jack being calm – the Tokra would wear bright colours and tell the world their business before the restless spirit of General O'Neill could ever be described in those terms.

No, it was that Jack made her feel calm.

All her life she had felt a need to strive, to live up to expectations. As a daughter, as a forces brat, as a brilliant mind, even as a fiancé; phrases like 'live up to your potential', 'set a good example' and, possibly the most pernicious of them all 'do me proud' had dominated her life and controlled her actions. She had felt the need to live up to her father's expectations and knew that she had also set an impossibly high bar in trying to be perfect for a mother who was no longer there, as if the least transgression was a stain on the memory of the love they had shared. All through her education there had been a pressure to do more than the rest of the class, to reach the next level and the next and the next, as if she was only validated by reaching her academic peak. Whilst she appreciated the teachers who had seen her potential and encouraged her, there had been no leavening influence at home to offset the relentless push for the highest grades and greatest honours.

Both of her fiancés had seen her more as a reflection of themselves than as herself. Okay, so maybe that was a bit harsh on Pete. Jonas had certainly wanted her to be perfect, even though it had been difficult to work out what his criteria were when they appeared to change from day to day. Pete had loved her, but as an image in his head rather than the real person and he had expected her to behave in a set way, so she constantly felt on edge trying to meet his expectations. Doubtless, a lot of that sensation was self inflicted and related back to her family and Jonas's demands. But she had never felt able to relax properly, in case she failed.

With Jack there was no pressure. He knew her so much better than either Jonas or Pete had and he asked for nothing. There was no pressure to live up to an image in his head, as his images seemed to consist solely of nakedness! Jack himself lived up to his own moral standards rather than any preconceived notions of others and he expected no more or less from her. Ironically, unlike any of the other men in her life, he also saw her as perfect. But, the way she understood it, it was not a perfect that had to be lived up to; more that she had achieved that level of perfection and so did not have to try any more. She had ticked the appropriate boxes and was now free to be herself. Or maybe his definition of perfection was more real, more forgiving than most. It was permissible to get cross, disagree and be irrational once in a while without tarnishing his image of her.

With Jack she could finally relax, admit to doubt and insecurity and move on. That was why she thought of the word calm when she thought of Jack. Because he made her feel calm and it was an unfamiliar sensation.