IN THIS STORY, THE TIMELINE AND LOCATION OF THE OUTSIDERS AND HARRY POTTER ARE SEVERELY MESSED UP! WE KNOW THAT THE OUTSIDERS TAKES PLACE IN LIKE, THE 60's, AND HP TAKES PLACE IN THE 80's. THEY WILL BOTH TAKE PLACE IN 1985! DEAL WITH IT! ALSO, JAIDE AND JOHNNY CADE ARE HARRY AND EMILY POTTER! DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!

DON'T OWN ANYTHING!

I FORGOT, JOHNNY IS WAY OUT OF CHARACTER!

H & JC not H & EP!

Johnny and I faked exhaustion, the nurse hurried them out.

"Did you see your faces? That was awesome!" I said.

"Yeah, how could I have missed it? It's too bad that the Greasers had to leave too though; I would have liked to talk with them," Johnny said.

"Yeah, but you take what you can get. As long as they're gone, we're good," I said.

The next day, the Potters, their friends, and Dumbles came back with a potion.

"This will test your blood, it will show us your real parents," James said.

"Do whatever you want, we don't care," I said.

"Take this knife and put some of your blood into the potion bowl," Dumbles said.

I did first and he poured the potion onto a piece of parchment. It looked like this-

Jaide Cade-Riddle (formerly known as Emily Potter) – white aura

Petunia Dursley-Lilly Evens Potter – acid green aura: James Potter-green aura: Tom Riddle-Forest Green aura

Rose Grace Evens Jonathan Evans Esme Kingsly Potter Sebastian Potter-Forest Green auras

"Proof enough for you?" I asked. "Do Johnny, I'm sure you'll get the same results."

They did, it looked like this-

Johnny Cade-Riddle (formerly known as Harry Potter) – white aura

Petunia Dursley-Lilly Evens Potter-acid green aura:James Potter-green aura:Tom Riddle-Forest Green aura

Rose Grace Evens Jonathan Evans Esme Kingsly Potter Sebastian Potter- Forest Green auras

"Are you done? I want to go home, and to the Dealer. Johnny and I gotta get some blades. We're not going to make the mistake of getting caught without them again," I said.

"You can't get blades. I am your Mother and I forbid you!" Lilly said, paling.

"Our Mother said that we could get whatever we want as long as we don't use her money. We got our own," Johnny said.

"Where do you get it?" Gabriel said.

"Where do you think? We get it from Uncle Tom," I said. "He has set up a trust account for us and he teaches us magic in the afternoons. We were going to invite the Curtis's gang to the lessons… what is it?" They had looks on their faces like 'Oh my god, HE's been teaching them?'

"Tom Riddle is Voldemort," Dumbledore said.

"Who's Voldemort?" Johnny asked. I was thinking the same thing; it's like 'should that mean anything?'

"Voldemort is the most powerful dark wizard of all time. He was wreaking havoc on the wizarding world, until your brother stopped him…" Dumbledore started.

"Wait, wait, wait, Johnny did you ever get rid of any dark lords?" I asked.

"No, do you think Ronnie did? Nah, we woulda remembered," Johnny said.

"What brother? Were mom and dad at it again?" I asked.

We looked at each other and said, "Nah!"

"Stop talking about mum that way!" Gabriel yelled.

"Why would you care?" Johnny said.

"Yeah, she was a real bitch," I added.

Lilly looked scandalized; James was glaring; Ron, Hermione, and Gabriel were defending Lilly.

"Lilly isn't a bitch!" Ron yelled.

"Wait, you're thinking about Lilly? Naw, Lilly's a nice person, I was thinking of our adopted mom. There's a bitch if you ever saw one," Johnny said.

Just then a nurse came in and said, "Your Mother is here, she wants to come in and won't take no for an answer."

"Ah, speak of the devil and the devil shall come. Let her in," Johnny said, always wise beyond his years, gotta love my brother.

She saw we had visitors, "Johnny, Jaide! How are you?" she said in a sickening false sweet voice, "I missed my babies!" she squeezed us tightly and dug her nails into my back, from the way Johnny winced, she did it to him too.

"Oh, I didn't see you had visitors… Oh, I had something for you, but I think I left it at home!" she said. "I'll go get it!"

"You call her a bitch? You have some jacked up ideas about what she is," Ron said.

"Wanna bet?" I asked, showing him the bloody nail marks. "She's sickeningly sweet when others are around, but when we're alone, she's only slightly better than our dad."

"Come back to us, we need you in this war," Gabriel said.

Johnny snorted, "Do you honestly think that you can throw us away and 11 years later have us come crawling back to you like some common house elf? Yes, we know all about the wizarding world. How corrupted your government is, how uneducated everyone else is… We already know way past what 7th years fail to learn in every subject you teach, and some you don't, we were just starting to learn to control our mage powers, having just mastered occlumency and legitimacy."

"Uncle Tom taught us well. He also taught us to not kill our parents until we were ready to deal with the consequences. Mainly the psychological, but also the physical, 1: dark magic corrupts the soul, 2: we would have to go to a children's home and would likely be split up," I said, "and 3: we have no idea how to kill. We would have to use a shrinking spell on their hearts or something, hmm… maybe give them an addiction potion and put the other half at the bottom of a lake!"

They really pale, and going paler. "What? It was just a suggestion!" I said. "I wouldn't really do that!" Yes I would.

"Thank god, I thought you were going dark. No Potter has ever gone dark," James said.

"RWEALY? I didn't know that! What else are you going to say? The sky is blue? NOOOOOO!" I said. Johnny and I laughed.

"Come back with us!" Hermione said. "You'd be a great asset in the war!"

"No, hell will freeze over before we join you!" Johnny said.

"Why ever not, my dears?" Dumbledore asked.

"We won't because we don't like master manipulators who view people as pawns. And we're not your anything," Johnny said, I nodded.

"Before I call Uncle Tom, we're going to place wards around here so that none of you can use magic, including Uncle Tom. That and no one will be able to enter or leave the room until we're done," I said. "The most you can do is glare and blow raspberries at each other."

I warded the room and pulled a necklace that is around my neck and called, "Uncle Tom and I are parselmouths."

"Hello Jaide, Johnny, how are you?" Uncle Tom asked.

"Not so good Uncle Tom, you know how muggles can be…" Johnny said.

"And we weren't even allowed to use magic to heal ourselves! That's just plane cruel!" I added.

"Anyway, everyone this is…" Johnny started.

"Voldemort," James said, hatefully.

"Don't interrupt my brother! And his name's Uncle Tom!" I said, slapping him upside the head.

"Uncle Tom, these are the Potters, and Whitebeard! Sorry, forgot your name," Johnny lied. "We've already put the wards up so no one can use magic, or call for help."

"And Uncle Tom, no calling your Death Munchies through your mark!" I said.

"Death Munchies?" Dumbles asked.

"Death Eaters, Death Munchies is just our nickname for them. We're like everyone's little sibling, we annoy them to hell and back and yet, they still love us!" I said.

"Harry, surely you understand that this man is evil and wrong in his beliefs?" Lilly said.

"Who is Harry? I see no Harry here. Johnny? Am I hallucinating?" I asked.

"No, I think she is. There's no Harry here. Unless he's invisible! HARRY! CAN YOU HEAR ME?" Johnny yelled.

"You know, he may be deaf," Uncle Tom said.

"He might be blind too," I said. "He can't see us or hear us and we can't see him. HOW WE GUNNA COMMUNICATE?"

Johnny laughed, "There IS NO Harry Potter!"

"There are only three children here, Ron, Hermione, and Gabriel. Jaide and I were forced to grow up a long time ago," Johnny said.

"How long has it been, 9, 10 years?" I asked.

"Almost," Johnny confirmed.

"Anyway, we refined our sarcasm with the help of the Malfoys, and we regained our most basic childish antics with the help of Blaise, Theo, Draco, Pansy, Gregory, Vincent and Daphne. We were almost to the point of passing for almost normal, no thanks to you, until you showed up," I said.

"Draco, you mean, Draco Malfoy?" Gabriel asked.

"No, Draco Potter, who do you think?" we asked sarcastically.

"There is no Draco Potter," James said confidently.

Johnny mumbled something about 'stupid Brits not understanding sarcasm.'

"It's called sarcasm, learn it, live it, love it," I said.

"Uncle Tom, can you tell them that we will never join them and to just give up, I don't think they're going to listen to us," Johnny said.

"They will stay neutral in the war and will never join you," Uncle Tom said. "I'm sorry for not being able to stay longer, but duty calls. Goodbye."

"Bye Uncle Tom! See you later!" we said as Uncle Tom disappeared.

"That was VOLDEMORT! Do you not get that?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, what's wrong with it? Do you see us going off and killing people?" Johnny said.

"Johnny, why don't they like Uncle Tom?" I asked when they left.

"I don't know, Jaide, I just don't know," Johnny said.

Later in the night I was woken up, roughly, tied up. "I'm sorry Emily, this is for your own good," someone said.

"How is this for my own good? I'm tied up!" I hissed. "Bring me to my brother, or I swear I will kill you."

"Mad-Eye! The Potter girl wants to see her brother! Let's bring them to Gabriel!" my captor said.

"JOHNNY!" I yelled.

"JAIDE! DO WHAT THEY SAY!" I heard, that wasn't Johnny.

"STOP PRETENDING TO BE MY BROTHER YOU SICKO!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I screamed, "JOHNNY!"

"JAIDE! RUN!"

"JOHNNY!" I yelled before I blacked out.

JOHNNY'S POV

"JOHNNY!" that scream broke my heart, threw it onto the ground, stomped on it, and threw it into a fire. I tried to go to her. I tried. She was my sister. My life. I would have killed myself by the time I was nine had it not been for her. Why wouldn't I? But my captors had me too tight, I couldn't scream at her to run as fast as she could. I couldn't break the silencing charm that they cast at me. So I did the only thing that I could, I spit on them, flipped them the bird, and mouthed, 'You bastards.'

…Well what would you do?

"JAIDE! DO WHAT THEY SAY!" Don't listen, Jaide, don't listen!

"STOP PRETENDING TO BE MY BROTHER YOU SICKO!" Atta girl, Jaide. Then I heard, "JOHNNY!"

I broke the silencing charm, "JAIDE! RUN!" I managed before they recast the charm.

"JOHNNY!" I heard before I blacked out.

I woke up and the first thing out of my mouth was, "Bring me to Jaide."

"Johnny. No one needs to bring you to me, I'm right here," Jaide said.

JAIDE'S POV

"Johnny. No one needs to bring you to me, I'm right here," I said.

"Jaide, who took us?" Johnny asked.

"Dumbledork's cronies," I said.

"Crap. We'll never get out of that bastard's claws," he said.

"Way to be optimistic, Johnny," I said.

"Better than being pessimistic," an overly cheerful voice said. "I'm sure you remember me, you know, Gabriel Potter, you brother. There's no need to thank us for getting you out of You-Know-Who's clutches."

I was disgusted. I mean, if they had listened to us then we would probably be sitting near Uncle Tom, in a field, learning magic with the Curtis's gang.

I spoke in an icy tone that rivaled Uncle Tom's when he was pissed, "Did you even hear me the last time I spoke? Do you actually think I am happy here? If you even heard one word that I said, you would have heard the hero worship in my voice! I. WANT. TO. BE. WITH. UNCLE. TOM."

"Go away," Johnny said. We ignored him until he left. Then we pulled our hands up to our mouths, the rings we had worked like the necklaces, and whispered, "Lucious has luscious hair, Lucious has luscious hair." Lucious picked it; it's the last thing anyone would expect. It also had one for Aunt Bella, 'Bella likes big balls,' Narcissa, 'Cissa likes bloodpops,' Yaxley, 'Yax, (Creative one isn't he?)' Crouch, 'Barty, Barty, you're so farty,' the Carrows, 'OMG! ALECTO! A MUDBLOOD! GO GET 'M,' Fenrir, 'The werewolves are coming, the werewolves are coming!' Regulus (he betrayed nobody!), 'It goes, Reggie, Jay-Z, Tupac and Biggie, Andre from Outcast, Jada, Kurupt, Nas and then me,' Snape, 'Snape, Snape, Severus Snape, Snape, Snape, Severus Snape, DUMBLEDORE! Snape, Snape, Severus Snape,' the rest of the Lustranges, '*screams* (sickos)' Rowle, 'Hello smartness,' Nott, 'Dumbledore is an old manipulative goat,' and Draco, "Make like a ferret and bounce.'

"You called?" Lucious drawled.

"Yup! Can you get us outa here? They put wards around the door that we can't get out of…" I said.

"No, I can't, but I'll sue and argue your case in court. The cover up story is that Draco came and told me where you were. Okay?" he asked.

"Perfect," Johnny said.

I brought the ring to my mouth, "Make like a ferret and bounce." Draco came in, "Draco! How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you?" I asked.

"Pretty good, I have to go 'inform' Father of your predicament, see you later," he drawled.

"Bye Draco!" we said.

There seemed to be a waiting line to see us. Thank god that Madam Pomphry only allowed two people at a time. There must have been 40 people who came to see us. I was really tired and Madam Pomphry shooed everyone out.

"Johnny," I said yawning. "I hate this."

"Me to," he said.

"When do you think Lucious can get us out?" I asked.

"Soon…"

"Night Johnny," I said.

"Night Jaide," he said. We went to sleep.

The next day we woke up to the sound of Lucious Malfoy acting like the lawyer he was and trying to gain custody of us. The Minister of Magic was here too. "Hey Lucious! I'm glad you found us! Can you take us with you? We're tired of being here," I said.

"Yeah, can we see Draco again? That time we went to the Quad-Pot National Championship in the US was awesome!" Johnny added.

"Of course! Just as soon as we get you out of here," he said chuckling.

"Please can we go with him, minister? Pretty please?" I asked.

The minister chuckled. "Of course! I'm sure that Lucious is happy to take you!" he said.

"That settles it, Dumbledore, take the charms off the bed so that we can get up," Johnny said.

"You put charms on the bed? They're only kids!" minister said. "That charm's for adults with the ministry's approval! You are hereby arrested. Law says so. And not even the great Albus…"

"DUMBASS!" Johnny and I chorused.

"is exempt from keeping them," Fudge finished.

"Wouldn't Uncle Tom be happy, he's been trying to do that for years!" Johnny said.