Summary: I didn't feel like my story repertoire was weird enough, so I wrote this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sweeney Todd.

Note: Contains mpreg, loads of profanity, and implied rape. Reader discretion is strongly advised. I also recently rewrote this to match my current writing style. I also tried to work in some Bob's Burgers references.

Also, this contains an original character named Mark. He's a doctor and he's at the pie shop a lot. Just picture Martin Freeman with red hair and a mustache.

March 25, 1874

As Anthony walked through the dark unfamiliar streets of London, he sighed. Once again, he was lost, like he'd been for the better part of the day. Night had fallen and he could barely tell where he was walking.

He stopped suddenly when he heard a noise behind him. It sounded like a scraping noise, like a shoe against pavement, but once he turned around, the noise stopped.

He slowly turned back around and began once more. The noise also started back up a few seconds later.

Relax, you're being paranoid. Keep walking.

He continued until he began to pass a building. Walking past, he watched the reflection in in the window out the corner of his eye and noticed a dark shadow following him.

Anthony stopped and heaved a sigh.

"Relax, Hope. It's probably nothing."

The last thing he remembered was a shuffling noise and a sharp pain at the back of his head before everything suddenly went black.

When Anthony finally awoke, he didn't know where he was, except that it was still dark and his head and back hurt.

"What the hell?" He propped himself up on his elbows and squinted up at his surroundings. As his eyes adjusted, he realized that he must have been in an alley. "How did I get here?" He sat up and groaned at the pain that shot through him. "Ow, God…"

Well, no point in just sitting here. Get up.

"Ow… Shit, shit shit…" Anthony gripped the wall behind him for support and slowly pulled himself up. "Fuck… What happened to me?"

Do you really want to know?

He searched the ground for his bag and when he found it, he rummaged through it to make sure everything was still there. Sure enough, there were his extra clothes and the small bag of coins he kept in the secret pocket.

Everything looks to be in order.

He picked the bag up, slung it over his shoulder, and let out a cry at the pain that shot through his back and shoulders. "Mother of hell!"

Unimportant. Find shelter. Go to Fleet Street. Mr Todd will know what to do.

The walk to Fleet Street was a difficult one, but he made it. By the time he got to the door of the only building that had lights on inside, he had blood running down his face and into his eyes. He knocked on the door and prayed that someone would answer quickly. It was very cold outside and it was raining.

A woman of about 41 with wild red hair answered. Anthony assumed that she was the owner of the building. When she first opened the door, she looked a bit irritated, but when she saw the blood on his face, her expression morphed to one of concern.

"Are you open?" Anthony asked.

"Yes, come in. For the love of God, come in and sit down." She ushered him into the shop and sat him down in a chair near the back of the shop. "Mark! We need you in here!"

"What's going on?" A stout, somewhat short man with a handlebar mustache and similar red hair emerged from the parlor. "Oh!" He gave a startled exclamation at the sight of the lad seated in front of him. "I see."

"Anthony Hope, at your service." Anthony coughed weakly. "Sorry… It's the cold."

"It is a bit nippy out, isn't it?" The man glanced at the woman and she nodded. "Right, then. My name is Mark, and I'm a physician. This is my sister, Nell. She's the proprietor of this shop." He held out his hand and the sailor shook it. "Now, before I start, where does it hurt?"

"My head, obviously, and then my back, and a bit through my ribs. I thought I'd been mugged, but they didn't take anything. Anything of value, that is."

"I see." Mark nodded. "Would you mind if I conducted an examination?"

"Not at all."

"Excellent. Nell, would you mind getting a bowl of water and a rag?"

"Sure." The woman disappeared into the back of the shop and could be heard rummaging around. A few minutes later, she came back with a rag and a large porcelain bowl of water.

"There we are." Mark thanked his sister and soaked the rag. "This might sting a bit." He pressed the wet rag to the side of Anthony's head, where most of the bleeding appeared to be.

"Fuck!" Anthony let out a pained hiss. "Oh, God! Bloody hell!"

"Just relax. You're doing fine." Mark dipped the rag back into the bowl and started to clean blood from the sailor's face. "So, aside from your injuries, are you having a decent night?"

"I suppose so. I've been wandering for almost the entire day."


"Yeah. Bit embarrassing, that. I haven't got much of a sense of direction, so finding a place to bed down can be a bit of a process."

"Sorry to hear that. Turn your head to the right, please."

They were quiet for a few minutes as the exam continued.

"Perhaps you could help me find someone. I'm looking for a man that goes by Sweeney Todd. Do either of you know him, by any chance?"

"Mr T?" Nell furrowed her brows. "Dark hair, white stripe? About this tall?" She held her hand up level with the top of her head. "Looks like he hasn't eaten in a month?"

"Yes, that one."

"Yeah, I know him. He lives in my spare room at the moment."

"Huh. How convenient." Anthony couldn't help but marvel at his good luck. "Is he still up, by any chance?"

"Wouldn't surprise me." Nell scoffed and walked behind the counter. "I swear that man never sleeps. Is he a friend of yours?"

"Yeah. I met him a few months back." The sailor let out a pained hiss through gritted teeth. "He's a pretty good friend of mine."

"Did I hear my name?" A familiar voice sounded from the back.

"There he is." Mark waved one arm at the barber and motioned for him to come closer. "There's a young man here, says he's a friend of yours."

"Eh?" A man with wild black hair and a familiar white stripe stepped into the room. "Ah, Anthony!"

"Mr Todd." Anthony smiled weakly at him and held up one hand in greeting.

"What brings you down here at this time of night?"

"Couldn't find a place to sleep." The sailor cringed as the doctor felt his torso for injuries. "Got mugged."

"Shit, are you all right?" Sweeney sat down near his friend.

"I'm fine."

"We'll see about that." Mark interrupted before standing up. "Well, son, you've got a decent gash on your head, but no signs of a concussion, and at least one of your ribs might be broken. I'd advise that you stay here for the night."

"Sounds like a plan." Anthony nodded in agreement.

"I'll need to set the bones. If you'd come with me to the parlor, we can get right on that."

"All right."

After his bones were set and he'd gotten himself cleaned up, Anthony figured it was about time to go to bed. He was exhausted. The woman, Nell, had given him a spare pillow and blanket, and she'd been kind enough to let him sleep on the sofa in her parlor.

"All right now. Comfy?" Nell asked.

"Yes, ma'am." Anthony sat down on the sofa and covered his legs with the blanket. "Thank you for letting me stay here for the night."

"It's no trouble, dear. Any friend of Mr T's is a friend of ours." Nell glanced back at the door. "Is there anything else you need?"

"No, ma'am."

"All right. Good night, then."

"Good night."

I definitely like this version better than the original.