The Premise For My Ace Pop Idol Story Because Quite Frankly It's The Only Decent Source of Inspiration I've Got.

Title? Possibly 'Pop Rivals'.

Characters: Will, Gareth, maybe Rik and Darius. I ain't decided yet. Oh, and a load of random people aswell.

Plot: Basically, it's the battle of the number one single. Will finds out Gareth's single is due to sell more than Evergreen, and sets out to boycott Unchained Melody. He does this in various hilarious ways, some of which I have come up with so far are:

He starts a protest to persuade people to buy George Michael's single over Gareth's.

He breaks into all the record stores with his 'men' (as in his army) to smash up all Gareth's CD's.

He fakes huge incidents to distract people from buying Unchained Melody. E.g Standing on top of a tall building and yelling "Look at meeeee!"

Of course, Gareth stresses out and sets out to make Sure Will doesn't get the better of him. Basically they have rows and stuff, you know, the usual angle I go for to try and get a cheap laugh.

Then they have to join forces somehow to stop Darius getting to number one. I dunno really, I mean, I made it all up on the spur of the moment at the Farmhouse Tavern when I was meant to be working.

Speaking of which, I also made up a fake Newspaper article in my head whilst at work (Yes, it really is that boring!) which had a picture of me and Gareth in it and the headline,

"I married Gareth Gates."

I could write out the whole made up article in the actual style of a newspaper if I could be arsed, but I can't. It was something along the lines of:

I first met Gareth at an awards ceremony because basically I was this comedy genius who had critically acclaimed sitcoms and books and he was sitting at the next table and came over to speak to me because by some miracle his favourite TV show was the very one I'd written. The article also had quotes such as "Kate, who has been dubbed the Comedy Genius..." and- Oh, why am I even bothering to tell you this? You all know I'm the obsessive type. It's always the same:

The Obsession Equation:

Film/TV Show/Person + Story about it= Obsession on that subject.

If I write a story, you can guarantee I'll become obsessed. Just look at the teacher story thing if you don't believe me. All it took was one play and Bam! I couldn't stop.

So basically, if I go ahead and write a Pop Idol story it's inevitable that it will take over as my next obsession and you are more than likely to be bombarded with 'Will this,' and 'Gareth that' for the next few months. Just thought I'd forewarn you, because we all know it's going to end up happening and the second I engage in writing the story there will be no going back, as it will have sucked me into it's trap and there will be absolutely no escape.

'Pop Rivals' Ideas:

Some Possible Scenes From 'Pop Rivals':

Will's idea:

Will Young put down the newspaper and sighed. The headline across the front read in huge bold capitals, 'Gareth To Sell More Than Will'. Shuddering, he leant back into his leather armchair in his red smoking jacket. (I'm laughing at that bit now. I was thinking about writing that he was 'smoking a pipe' as well but I think that's going too far.)

"Jeeves?" He asked a middle aged man who was standing next to the chair, in a cold tone of voice.

"Yes, sir William?"

"Tell my men, that they must see me immediately."

The butler pulled a confused face.

"What men, sir?"

"My men!" Will snapped back, on edge. "My army! Bring them to me!"

The Meeting:

"If Gareth sells more singles than me and steals the world record, I'm ruined," Will hissed, holding a riding crop in one hand as he addressed the crowd of soldiers. "So what do you think we're going to do about it?"

He grinned in a sinister way, rather like the Joker in batman. One dumb looking soldier in the front row put his hand up.

"Er...We're going to kill Gareth?"

"That's a nice image but unfortunately, you're wrong," Will replied. He looked out into the sea of faces. "Anyone else got a suggestion?" he noticed a tall soldier near the back looking sheepish. "How about you?" He pointed the riding crop in the soldier's direction.

"Er...I dunno Will."

"That's Will Sir to you!" Will snapped, losing his temper. "Don't you know who I am? I'm the winner of pop idol! Don't you ever, ever forget that!"

"Gee, somebody got up on the wrong side of bed this morning," a young soldier who was called Bob commented unwisely.

"And you can put a sock in it aswell!" Will barked in his posh accent. "I'm not paying you a penny an hour so you can mouth off!" He shook his head in disbelief. "Honestly!" He sighed in an over-the-top kind of way. "I'm surrounded by idiots!"

He started pacing up and down, tapping the riding crop against his thigh.

"Men, I have a plan," he announced after a brief silence. He stopped pacing, and looked towards the soldiers.

"We're going to boycott Unchained Melody."

"Er...Sir, don't you think that's a bit obvious?" a voice piped up from the back.

"Are you saying you'd rather see 'Gareth Gimp' hold the world record for the fastest selling debut single ever?!" Will yelled suddenly. "Cos if you are-."

"No, no I'm not!" The voice squeaked.

"Good," Will answered, smirking to himself. "This is what we're going to do..."

The Phone call:

It was three am when the phone rang at Gareth's house. Slowly and tiredly, Gareth reached for the phone beside the bed.


"Gareth?" A voice asked.

"No, it's Zippy," Gareth replied sarcastically. "What the hell do you want, calling me at this time of a morning?"

"Er...Jeez, sorry Gareth," the voice apologised. "It's just, that something er...I mean er...Something's happened about er..."

"About what?!"

"Well, er.." The voice hesitated.

"Who is this anyway?" Gareth asked.

"It's Dave. You know, your er...Sidekick or whatever you want me to call it. I just found out, only a few minutes ago. PJ told me. He said-."

"For the love of God, what's happened?!" Gareth snapped, gripping the phone tightly to his ear. "Is it the single?"

"In a word. Yes," Dave admitted in a small voice.

"Oh Jesus Christ, what now?!" Gareth wailed down the phone.

"Oh, please try not to get angry Gareth," Dave pleaded. "I'm sure it was all just a terrible accident, and I'm sure Will never meant any of it to happen-."

"Will?!" Gareth interrupted in a high pitched squeak. "Will Young?! What the hell's he got to do with it?!"

"At about two O'clock, Will's army broke into Virgin megastores and smashed every copy of your single, Unchained Melody," Dave replied finally. There was a pause. "Gareth? Gareth are you still there?"

A long silence followed.

"I'm gonna bloody kill him," Gareth hissed after a long silence.

"No no Gareth, you musn't, we have to keep calm er...We have to control the situation in a logical and rational-."

"What? The same way Will did?" Gareth scoffed, wide awake by this time. "Yeah right. This time, it's war."

"With all due respect Gareth, don't you think you should-."

"-Sleep on it?" Gareth finished Dave's sentence for him. "See how I feel in the morning? I don't think it would make any difference."

"Um...Gareth?" Dave asked in a small voice. "Promise me...Promise me you won't do anything rash."

"I can't promise you that," Gareth replied in a sinister voice. "This time he's gone too far...Revenge. That's what I need. Yeah," Gareth mused to himself. "That sounds like a good idea."

"But Gareth-."

"Meet me in an hour outside the house," Gareth whispered down the phone. "And bring some eggs."

"But why-."

"Just do it."


Ooooh, I like it! Plus, I'm finding it really easy to make up my own characters from Will and Gareth, which is also a good sign. So all I can say is this- Watch this space for a very gay pop Idol story!

What did you think?

Is this gonna be 'flying high' like Will in 'Anything is possible', or is it going to go down like a ton of bricks? If you liked it, good. if you didn't like it, sod you, because I'm doing it anyway. (And Amen To That!)