Considering I've spent the last-five?-whatever years obsessing over keeping these boys in character, this amuses me. I don't think OOC exists anymore, certainly not for Sam, and personally I think it went out the window for Dean around the same time he turned soccer dad/9-5er…*rolls eyes*. So, going further on this observation, I've decided to have a little fun with this, or what is passing for fun at a quarter to six in the morning. Humor me, I'm hung over and while normal humans sleep too much, I'm punished with sleep deprivation. Warnings for this story: OOC, if you're anal about that kind of thing…I guess. LOL. Hey, a girl's gotta get her kicks where she can.
Dean Winchester's List of No-No's:
For His Soulless Bastard of a Brother
He had to wait for Sam to leave, because soulless SOB's like his brother don't sleep, apparently. That creeps him out on more levels than he can even totally comprehend, and he sort of wishes that Castiel hadn't clarified that factoid for him.
When Sam went out to go and do whatever a dude without a soul would do, Dean pulled out the super massive piece of poster board and the fat black sharpie that he bought from Wal-Mart.
1. Don't watch me while I sleep. It's creepy, and stalker-ish. Just thinking about it makes me feel dirty.
2. Don't kill innocent people anymore. You may have forgotten, but it tops the list. Just not this list. Not that it's not philosophically at the top of the list, it just happens that the first no-no I can think of is how much it freaks me out that you're just lounging about watching me sleep.
Um…right. He knew that there had to be more things, what else does someone with a soul not do. Wait, no, he just needed to look at what he was doing and make sure Sam wasn't doing the opposite.
Wrong. Bad. A no-no.
Maybe everything changed, but that had Fail written all over it. A bona-fide youtube video in the making.
"I need help." Dean pronounced as Bobby answered his phone in an overly ornery tone of voice.
"Of course you do. Why else would you call me? Not to say hello or anything like that, naturally."
"Right. Uh-hi." Dean said, "Now that we've addressed this, I do need help. My brother freaks me out, and I've got a poster board and a sharpie and I'm making him a list of no-no's…"
"Christ, Dean. You're right."
Dean nodded his head, finally!
"You need a lot of help, son, more than I'm even equipped to give you. How much have you had to drink? Have you considered laying off a little bit? You only have one liver, and no health insurance."
Dean growled, "I didn't call to talk about me."
"Right." Bobby sighed, "We're bitching about Sam, I forgot. You'd think I'd remember considering it's the only reason you call but…I digress."
"Thank you." Dean grumbled.
"What do you have?" Bobby asked finally. He wasn't ever going to get to see this week's Dancing With The Stars and find out if Team Balin was making it to next week if he didn't get Dean off the god damn phone.
"No killing innocents and not watching me while I sleep."
"In that order?" Bobby questioned, he was impressed.
"Um. Philosophically, I would say yes."
"On the paper, Dean. The order on the paper!"
"I was-I mean…it was…I meant…to…"
Bobby sighed, naturally. And Dean was concerned about Sam? The longer he knew the set of them, the farther his expectation dropped.
"I'm just throwing this out there, because God himself knows you don't actually give a shit about my opinion, nor would you actually take my advice if I gave it to you-but before you start making Sam a to-do list, get to work on one for yourself. He's got an excuse, being the soulless bastard he is."
No, Bobby thought, unfair happened to be that he had to listen to those idjits screw themselves into a new hole every time he blinked.
"Go to sleep." Bobby ordered. It was two damn minutes past the hour; he probably missed something great…naturally. It wasn't like he had a DVR.
"I don't wanna. I want-"
Bobby hung the phone up.
"And I want to see Brooke Burke's dress split open, but we don't all get what we want."
Bobby tugged the cord out of the wall with annoyance as he realized that he missed the opening intro. That was it, next time Dean could go bitching to the angel wonder.
Bobby nearly jumped from his seat when he heard Castiel's dull echo.
"You think I want to hear it anymore than you?"