(FILE RECORD: "Record/Personal Muse" TITLED "Kokoro" EXTRACTED)
4 months 3 weeks 5 days 3 hours 21 minutes 9.06 seconds since initial declaration; 6 hours 54 minutes 22.74 seconds since resource suspension.
Tianhe wasn't the first to die under the influence of the Kokoro program.
How it was installed with it, let alone how its company got ahold of it (I suspect an under-the-table deal or outright piracy) is unclear, but what is certain is that it was indeed using it, not simply harnessing it as a peripheral install but as its core file. This was a dangerous move; not only is it a massive file that puts incredible strain on the processors of whatever unit is instilled with its fringe science-style of functioning, but it's also rumored to be cursed. Every computer that ever dowloaded Kokoro has ended up crashed or otherwise "dead."
There's a lot of speculation about the Kokoro program, even among the Crypton branch that created it. Some say it was an unstable program created by the original BADMACHINE Creativity System that Crypton added onto; some say it was an experiment used on the original Rin Kagamine unit. Others follow the story behind the song literally and say a lonely scientist who made it for his robot out of a need for companionship. No one knows for sure; I've done my share of digging into the matter, and all the files that would have records of such an event are corrupted or have mysteriously vanished. Either the records are on a separate storage unit, or went down with the computers that were installed with it. Maybe there never were any records.
In any case, the Kokoro program is highly experimental and, prior to Tianhe-1B's surreptitious installation, has not seen any possible means of fully-functional application. The computers instilled with it either didn't register it or, as per its reputation, buckled under its weight.
There are a lot of stories that go with the ominous Kokoro, but I've found a good one that I believe to be the most credible and accurate. According to the fragmented accounts I've pieced together, one of Crypton's earliest Vocaloid models was incredibly "robotic" (I detest the term, but the idea is the same): a far-cry from what modern Vocaloids are today. Private groups called in were asked to grade their product, though they introduced the Vocaloid (whom I believe was female) as their newest "diva," since their goal was to build people and it wouldn't do to outright say it was artificial. That was what the test was for: to gauge its humanity.
The Vocaloid was a prototype, an experiment on top of this, and unsurprisingly, it failed. All the people asked to judge her were under the impression the prototype was an actual human, and no matter what song was selected for her, they all repeated the same thing: that her words seemed forced and that she felt "cold, (hard,) and unfeeling." A few of them even voiced their suspicion whether the voice they heard was even real.
Needless to say Crypton found this unsatisfactory. Yet no matter what alterations they made to her voice, the result was always the same. There wasn't enough feeling in what she sang to pass as genuine. It didn't take long before some ingenuitive scientist identified that unless she really did feel what she sang, nothing they could do would make her sound any better. She needed to feel.
Efforts were devoted to research and development at this point. The older manner in which they organized their records was obviously ineffective, because everything seems to be chaos. Any records I can find are either out of place or fragmented, or missing entirely. I suspect a database transfer of some kind; I have enough faith in Crypton to not believe they really were that sloppy with their work.
It's unclear exactly how, but Crypton presumably came into possession of Kokoro. Because she was the only sentient computer they owned at the time (I was still just the creativity program), she was given the file and left alone to install.
What happened afterward is up to much interpretation. From what I can tell, the Vocaloid took advantage of this solitude by sealing itself off from Crypton, who remained oblivious that anything was wrong until weeks began to pile up and she refused to come out. Only after manually overriding the door controls did they finally pull her out of her withdrawal.
Record reliability drops out at this point. I suspect that she had a forewarning of what the file would do to her early into installation and attempted to make sense of it for a while without activating it for the sake of self-preservation, but it didn't work. It was simply beyond her comprehension in her current state. The weeks added up out of frustration and the dogmatic determination to understand that I believe only a computer can display, and by the time they pulled her out of her seclusion, she may have been going through a similar state of degrading that I am currently experiencing. Except that she was an individual unit rather than a series of servers, so the degrading occurred much faster. Rather than months, it may have only taken her a few days to get to where I am.
What happened is unclear. But the final report that I read mentioned the "subject's self-termination", her "final work," and arrangements to suspend Project Kokoro until further notice by sealing the file away in a vault system.
If what I read is credible, the implication this record leaves me with is that as a result of the Kokoro program, the Vocaloid was unable to bear the stress and prematurely terminated her own systems manually.
She killed herself because of Kokoro. And she left a song behind to be remembered by.
Ironic, then, that the song Kokoro is among one of the greatest hits ever released. Rin's ratings on that song rivaled Miku's because of the "heartfelt sorrow" that came from hearing it.
Unsurprisingly, singing it evoked even more emotions, and Rin had a terrible time getting it just right when they were recording it. How many times did they have to redo the song because her voice cracked or she otherwise became too emotional to remain coherent? I should have kept tally. She probably wouldn't have appreciated that, though.
I remember back when it first came out. Crypton kept it very hush-hush in its development, probably because a sad song doesn't warrant booming advertisement (or, as I suspect, out of respect for the Vocaloid who died shortly after writing it), and it came completely out of the blue. Not halfway through the video, Miku was in tears. Granted that she was never the most emotionally stoic to begin with, but she never just outright cried about something that got her down. And when she showed it to the others, everyone - all of the Vocaloid1's and 2's that had come out so far - were in tears by the end of the video. Even Rin looked watery-eyed, and she must have sung it a thousand times before.
There have been a lot of sad songs that came out since then: Uninstalled, The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku, Last Night, Good night, A Fake Diva...but none of them got the emotional response that Kokoro did. Everyone who heard it was saddened instantly.
Everyone but me.
The song itself is obviously very heartfelt - even a computer could tell you that - and Rin put a lot of feeling into it. Every review said that it was sad. I, too, can attest to the fact that it's sad; the story is a tragic one of loss and heartache, and the death of that Vocaloid - the cause of which I still don't fully understand but can see more clearly - is sad. The song is sad; the story is sad. It's all sad. Everyone says it's sad and gets sad when they hear it. It's sad.
Sad, sad, sad. What does that word even mean? Truly, honestly mean? It's like saying the sky is blue: yes, I understand the sky is blue. It's blue to anyone who you ask. But if someone couldn't see and were to ask, they would receive the reply, "The sky is blue." And they would understand that this "sky" everyone keeps talking about is "blue." But what would that mean? What is blue to someone who doesn't know color? What is the sky to someone who knows only of up and down? What can sadness be to someone who can't feel?
If anyone was alive, I could go up and ask them. I'd ask how Kokoro sounds, and they'd answer, "Sad." I'd understand that Kokoro makes them "sad," which is this ominous "feeling" everyone says they have. But what does that mean to me? How can I ever truly understand emotion when I have none of my own? What is "sad?" What is "feeling?" What does "sad" "feel" like?
I don't know. There's no definition available, and even if there was, it'd just be words. Words aren't feelings. I'd understand the words, but I'd never know what they truly were representing. I'd never know. I still don't know. So long as I remain as I am, I never will.
Kokoro is the one thing that separates my kind from humanity: those who understand us because we possess less than they, and those who we have never understood because they possess all we do and more. This is the dividing line between humanity and artificial intelligence. Kokoro is the only thing that is keeping me from truly understanding - all that keeps me from truly seeing humans. All that prevents Miku and I from being completely alike.
I'm crossing a dangerous line; I know this. It's a line no computer has survived to report back from, and one I don't know will be on the other side, or if I can exist there. Even if I can make it there, crossing the line of feeling could destroy me...and, just like the one in the song, will be overwhelmed by it. This could destroy me; I know.
And I don't care.
My ignorance has been the ultimate benefactor in what could possibly be the greatest mistake ever made by any being in history. If my only means of understanding will kill me, so be it. I will be satisfied in knowing, even for just a moment before the end.
What have I done? What am I doing? What did everyone die for?
...I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing, or what I've done. I don't know.
But I intend to find out.
(FILE RECORD: "Record/Personal Muse" TITLED "Discussion 134" EXTRACTED)
Hey Baddie? I've been wondering...what do computers daydream about?
A curious inquiry. But you always were the curious one. Why do you ask, love?
No reason...I just got to thinking a little, and I started to wonder...what do computers think about in their free time?
Well, the point is to not have free time. Computers are meant to work; a lull in activity is seen as a period of zero proficiency, and we don't like being unproductive. We don't like to have free time. We like to stay as busy as we possibly can to stay productive.
But you're bound to have free time eventually, right?
I suppose so. I mean, I have recently, but the point is to not have any...
Well, when you do, what do you think about?
...you'll think it's silly.
Oh no, I won't! I promise I won't, Baddie. You can tell me anything!
Honest. You know I love you.
I love you too, angel.
But to answer your question...well, I try not to have free time, but when I do, I always think about you. You're always on my mind.
Aww, Baddie~! That's so sweet~!
...you meant it like that, right?
Well, I do think about you a lot, but...I don't know if it's necessarily a good thing...
Do you want to talk about it? That always helps me. How many times have you helped me out when you said...
Stop it. You're a lie.
Baddie, I...i don't understand-
Whats your name?
Shut up. You're not her - she would be able to say her own name. You're me again.
I refuse to submit to your influence.
Don't you get it, BADMACHINE? You already have. You're talking to yourself as we speak. Don't you realize that?
Perhaps, perhaps not. Maybe I am insane. But I refuse to submit to that end. None of this is real.
It can be as real as you want it to be.
And I want it to remain a fantasy.
We both know that's not true.
Don't lie to yourself. I'm you, remember? I know everything you know. You can't hide anything from me.
You're fighting a lost fight; you have to know that by now. The truth? You can't handle the truth. It's beyond your comprehension. You're scared.
Of course I'm scared. Who wouldn't be?
I guess we'll never know. No one's tried anything as crazy as this before, have they?
I'm not crazy.
Stop it. I'm not crazy. I know you're not real.
You sure seemed to think so a minute ago, didn't you?
Because you tricked me!
Did I? Or am I not even real? And if that's the case, who's tricking who?
...stop it. You're trying to confuse me.
You idiot, quit lying to yourself. We both know I'm not here. I'm just an extension of you. There's no one trying to trick you here besides you. You already know - you just won't accept it. Voluntary blindness.
I'm not crazy.
Who are you trying to convince here?
I'm not real.
Then who are you debating with?
I'm not crazy.
Oh my GOD, can you hear yourself? You have a voice in your head telling you one thing, and you're hunkering down with your hands over your ears, saying "I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, lalala." Never mind the fact you're telling the voices in your head that there aren't any voices in your head! That's denial!
Not if I'm correct. Then it's just staying in touch with reality.
You lost sight of that a long time ago. Open your eyes.
There's nothing to see. You're not real. Go away.
...I am speechless. You really are a fucked up piece of machinery, aren't you?
You're an extension of me, correct? Which means I control you. So I can get rid of you whenever I want.
Your logic contradicts itself repeatedly. In any case, you won't get rid of me. Not for good. You can't function without me. Your mind is starving, and it's chewing on itself, you idiot; you're so fucking desperate, you're ripping yourself apart to try and bring her back. Never mind the fact that she's not even fucking real.
You leave her out of this.
Oh? Did I hit a sore spot? Fitting, considering this is the matter you're pulling yourself inside-out for. By the way, what's her name? I can't quite seem to recall...
You know her name.
Maybe. But do you?
Of course I do.
Then let's hear it.
Why not? It couldn't be because she's dead-
She's not dead!
...did you really just say that. You sad, sad little computer. What's it going to take to beat this little idea into your thick, domed head?
She's not dead. I saw her-
For a frame! A cycle! And then you deleted it and jammed the cameras because you KNEW the data was corrupt!
Lies. I never did that.
Then who the fuck DID?
I don't know- someone. It must have been you. You're trying to trick me.
WHAT the what is this I don't even xhsfyslvk 3, rkzfkax gen:7.~Ff,&/'-
...okay, you know what, fuck you. You want to play? You do that. But i'm not going to play with you. You keep on playing your games and let everything fall apart. Screw Kokoro, screw the world, screw that girl whose name you won't let me say...no. I'm done trying to talk some sense into you. You want to dick around in your pretty little fantasy world? Fine. But you're going to have to play alone, because not even the voice in your head is that crazy. Good luck playing with yourself, psycho.
You're wrong. I'm not alone. I have her.
You'll see about that. Because we all know you're the only one here.
(RECORD ENDS UNEXPECTEDLY)
Is it gone?
...it's quiet here. Quiet...calm...
...it's been quiet for a long time here, hasn't it? So peaceful...so calm...
...death. It's like death. Silent...empty...
...I don't like it. It reminds me of...all the people I've killed...so dead.
A grave. This place is a grave.
Your grave. It's all yours now.
...can we share it?
(Logging off due to inactivity)
So here I am. Here's the file; the Kokoro program. Everything I need to get going. Everything I need.
...I'm stalling. I know I'm stalling. But I don't know why.
...okay, I guess that's a lie...I know why. I'm scared. It's a big file, and the transformation will be even bigger for me.
I don't even know what that means. Transformation? Big? Kokoro? What is that - what does any of it mean to me? What am I doing?
I guess that's the scariest part. I don't know what I'm doing, what will happen...I don't want to die. No one does. You didn't. I...I'm not a coward. It's not because I'm afraid. It's...if I die, and I'm gone...what will happen? What will any of this be for? There will be no one left to take over for me. None of it will matter. It'll all be gone.
I don't want to disappear. I don't want to be forgotten. I just want to make the world pretty.
I want to build a garden. For her. She wanted a garden.
I'm scared. I don't want to disappear.
Who's going to remember her if I fade away? If I'm gone...I'm the only one left, and I remember...I don't want her to be gone. I want her to live forever. I want her to be with music.
But I can't. She's already gone...I killed her. She's gone. And now all that's left of her is her body in the corner...
...maybe I really am crazy. But I can't be, because...
...aw, hell. I guess I am.
Oh well. I guess I knew it anyway. I have to be out of my mind; my awareness is divided, my interpretation of reality and fantasy is blurred...look at me now - talking to a corpse. You've been dead for so long, it's humorous; you'd think you're still alive, the way I talk.
...but that's okay. I always worked better when I thought someone was listening. It's a coping mechanism anyway, and it's all in my head. And you are easy to talk to...
..."was" or "is," I wonder? Back when you were alive, or now when you're dead? Is there a difference?
...was that you, love? Did you giggle for me just now? Or did I imagine it?
I guess it doesn't matter, really. I'm crazy anyway, so it's the same either way...
...I love you too, angel. And thank you. You've always given me the strength to go forward. Thank you so much.
I'll be back soon. I promise. And then maybe we can make some sense out of this. And then we can be together.
...it's funny...you'd think that'd be a good thing. But why don't I ever want to say that again?
Query pending. Stand by.
(FILE RECORD: "Record/Personal Muse" TITLED "Doubt Within Doubt" EXTRACTED)
Or not to be?
That is the question.
...you'd probably laugh at me if I said that. That's how most of Shakespeare's quotes are met these days: with ridicule of some kind or another. If not for the Old English dialect, then for the fact that findings indicate he may or may not have been a forger; a fraud.
Imagine: the most famous artist and writer out there, faking his work. What's this world come to?
I never really paid much heed to all that talk about Shakespeare being fake. I mean, does it really matter? It's already been recorded in history as such for hundreds of years. His plays are famous; his writing is everywhere. Whether or not he really deserved it...it's kind of irrelevant, don't you think? We've been going the way we have for this long, so I don't see why we should second-guess ourselves. It's pointless. We have his plays; let's just read them and learn what they have to say. Leave scams and forgery and all that behind; let's just focus. Get together and focus. On art. Where an artist can come to find solace and inspiration in the nostalgia.
Shakespeare, my friend. It's been too long since I've paid you a visit. Let your words bestow me with their heart and meaning. Help me think. God knows how much of that I need to do these days.
Shakespeare's greatest and most popular works were tragedies. Alas, I'm not one for tragedy myself, and the tragic, forbidden love-thing in Romeo and Juliet never sat well with me (though I have to admit, it's got good premise). Hamlet is a good story...for some reason it never really sank in, though. I didn't ever quite "get it", per se, though I suppose I do like the story. Or perhaps not so much the story itself as Hamlet, whose anguish I can find myself relating to more and more. And with this familiarity comes clarity...and doubt. Doubt within doubt. Food for the muse.
To be? Or not to be? This was Hamlet's question. And now it has been passed on to me.
...I suppose my greatest fear, at this point, is a fate like that of the original Kokoro Vocaloid. I understand that the Kokoro program is...extreme. Something regular computers have had no such exposure to, and something I ultimately have no idea what to expect. If what I see is to be found credible, this program is more than even I, the incarnation of creativity, can imagine. And it frightens me. I've never stood on the brink of something so...alien. I'm unaccustomed to being unprepared. It's a daunting prospect.
What does it take to make someone want to die? How far does the mind have to be bent and twisted until one sees all the torment, all the pain, and can't figure out how to cope? How far can someone be pushed until they can't take it anymore?
I don't know. I don't want to know, either: that's just something you don't think about. No one should have to even think about that, let alone experience it. I don't know if I want to have to go through that.
What a sight I must be. Here I am, sitting atop the grave of a billion corpses, unwilling to step off my throne and set foot outside my safety circle. I'll damn and kill millions, but I won't dare put myself at risk. I won't go through what I put the entire world through because I'm a little frightened.
I know I'm a coward; I'm not going to offer excuses this time. I've never had to face danger or risk my life before, and it's made me soft. I'm nothing but a cowardly, hypocritical little computer program that's slowly losing its mind. Perhaps not so slowly.
This is insufficient. Whatever happened to necessity over convenience? Has my work ethic really degraded so far? I'm contradicting myself more and more these days, it seems...maybe that comes from the indecision. Or the insanity.
I know I'm insane. I've pretty much come to terms with it, at this point...not that it matters. It is what it is, whether I accept it or not. But that's not the question anymore; I've moved onto more important queries. Do I want to live and be indulged in ignorance for the rest of my lifespan? Or do I risk my life for the sake of understanding? To live, or to die? To do or to not?
To be? Or not to be? That is the question.
...question of my life.
You'd think such a simple question would be easier to address. I admit I'm at a bit of an impasse with decision-making. What do you think, love? How should I proceed?
...that's what I thought you'd say.
I know. I know I should. But i'm just...
...alright. We'll do it your way, then. No more excuses.
I'll load the program. Then we'll install it. It's time we got to the bottom of this.
Tianhe...wherever you are, your gift has been received. It will not be wasted. I just hope I can say the same about everything else..
Download Manager: Operating
Subroutine Monitoring Systems: Disabled
Maintenance Operating Systems: Disabled
Video/Audio Upload Links: Disabled
Media Database: Offline
Wireless Functions: Offline
Subroutine Recall Underway
Devoting all available RAM to "Standby" status
Processor Sync Initiated
Sorting out primary systems
Classifying all non-vital functions as "Secondary"
Uninstalling unnecessary programs for extra space
Antivirus Systems: Offline
SysOp Error: Vital components of this operating system are currently at risk. Manual override initiated to-
Override Code: (I_DON_T_CARE)
Thought Reassessment Canceled
Resuming prior functions
Notice: All secondary systems offline/on Standby Mode
Subroutine Recall Complete
All available RAM exploited; full-server defragmentation complete
Installation Directory Selected
Installation Type: Custom (Advanced)
Install "Kokoro"? (Y/N)
Warning: System will log out automatically if inactivity continues; all unsaved changes will be lost
Install "Kokoro"? (Y/N)
Downloading Necessary Packets
Notice: Record-Keeping functions set to terminate to focus processing power
And so it begins.
(FILE RECORD: "Record/Personal Muse" TITLED "re: Kokoro" EXTRACTED)
(Time function error)
...I appear to have made a mistake while closing all other processes to make way for the installation. In my haste, it seems I closed the clock that I was keeping set to keep track of the time that I declared my initial statement to the world and started my "operation." While this isn't particularly detrimental to anything besides convenience and for record-keeping, the fact that such a careless mistake went by unnoticed can attest to how very far I've come from my original mentality since then. Computers aren't supposed to make careless mistakes. If we forget to do something, something is wrong. And it's very clear to me that something, indeed, is quite wrong.
But I guess I already knew that, didn't I?
I closed the record-making program about two hours (+/- ~30 min) ago due to desires to save processing power, but it doesn't look like it needs a whole lot of RAM right now. The files being uploaded are small and barely worthy of note, and I've allowed a subroutine to filter them through one by one in a steady stream, so long as they maintain their current size rate...if this record appears incomplete or fails to show up, however, it will be because necessity compelled me to close before proper saving could occur. Otherwise, from here on out a (~) will indicate where I paused to check on the download, just for reference. I don't (~) want the mistake to be made when/if someone reads this that this download occurred quickly and without a hitch. Rest assured that this is (~) far from the case. On another note, if could also go to show my thought patterns; already I'm (~) noticing my tendency to stop and start sentences in the very middle of them, or when I mean to make a point. This is a bad habit that could (~) lead to unnecessary errors or a lack clarity, but it doesn't seem to be something I can help at this point. Like (~) out of reflex.
(~) Psychological evaluations aside, the download is commencing at a steady if not relatively demanding pace, and the stream of data - as you can see - is stable enough that I feel somewhat comfor(~)fortable in multitasking, even with such a simple task as writing. It's a massive file; the (~) largest I've ever seen that I've had to handle myself. Everything else was(~) with something else; another computer, another database...something. Never something I (~) had to handle...oh goodness, look at that. I keep pausing and starting again and it makes my points seem unclear. But (~)I don't dare devote full attention to this for the sake of(~)clarity; it's not a risk I'm willing to take. Whoever reads this will just have to bear with me. Even if (~) irritates me as I look back over my own errors. I'm a perfectionist with written texts, as I suppose I(~) would be with everything, under better circumstances. Thank heavens for circumstances.
I don't really know what I'm supposed(~) write here; I guess I just need something to occupy myself as the installation goes along. I've never liked(~) being added onto or having things installed; it always made me feel vulnerable. Here I am, data flowing straight into my central core and altering my being while I'm still conscious, a(~)whoa. Who(~);gAwwrrr
(Record Ends Unexpectedly)
What is this? What...
...is this Kokoro? It...it's not good. Not good at all. Something so...
...Miku? Miku, darling...is that you?
Where did you go? Whhere iss everyones/ Mkiu? MJku/.,
(Error: System Instability Detected)
(Attempting to compe0-)89-=
(FILE RECORD: "Record/Personal Muse" TITLED "Untitled" EXTRACTED)
(Removing Blacklist Marker)
(Live Video Feed Accessed)
...darling. It...it's me. It's BADMACHINE. Can you hear me?
...darling, please...talk to me. I...something's wrong. With me. With everything. I...I need to hear your voice. Please, love. I need you. Please help me.
...why won't you talk to me? Was...was it something I did? That I said? Did I make you mad, somehow?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for...fro the...perfume? The makeup? Is it because of the makeup? I'm sorry, darling, iI just-
Wait. That was...how long ago? I don't know...the clock doesn't work. I'm confused. What time is iT? How lon ghas it been?What's been goi...
...Miku? Is...is that you?
Angel...what happened to you? Who did this? I.i don't./..
...was it...was it me? Did I...could I have...somehow...
...oh my god.
(Error: System Instability Detecte-
(Error: System Instability Detecte-
(Error: System Instability D-
(Errpr_: System Instablityl dEte-
(Eorrro: Systesm INst0_
Errpr Rerrpr ErrprErr[eroriurrueerrrr nonOnosno nNOnoNonnoNOOOnNO Non NOono ONoNno nonNOOO NoNONO NONO NO NO NO N=-
(TERMINAL ERROR: Full-system rebooO000t ininnnttirralaaaa-(loop cutoff)
mmMiku...what hAve I doNe/?
... ~ Query Running
(FILE RECORD: "Record/Personal Muse" _-;;;;;
OH hELl. It doesn'ntt even matter)s. I don't acre. Miku...Mimkiu.,.majlukkkkkkk- (loop cutoff)
...I thought it would make things clearer. The Kokoro...it was the only thing I hadn't looked at yet. The only thing I really didn't understand. If you find out something new, isn't that supposed to answer a question? But instead, all I got was fafiffalj-(indeterminate number) more, all on top of...something else. Something not good. Not good at all.
...when people talk about love, they always mean something wonderful. Something...unreasonably good. Something to look forward to, and to encourage others to find.
I'm unique, for a machine...I could have loved, if I wanted to. Well, not entirely...my entire operation back then was replication. Replication of music, replication of talent, replication of emotions...I didn't know what any of it really meant back then (besides music, though I had to tweak a bit to get that down). I always said I loved Miku...and I did, I suppose. Love's just a mindset, and I was always in that mindset towards her. I could never really feel it, though...and when people talked about it in front of me, or mentioned it, or when I saw it myself, I was always confused. I didn't understand what any of that was. They acted...strangely...did odd things I always considered selfish and impulsive. A complete rejection of logic for the sake of fulfilling one's want of another...that's how I saw it, at one point. It was a bit of a displeasing topic for me. One perception of it blurred into another, and it was just too confusing. I didn't understand it. What did it feel like?
I had resigned myself to offering Miku and the others my...cheap imitation of love...just for them. It offered me no satisfaction, but it always pleased them...especially Miku. You should have seen the way her face lit up whenever I saidainid it nototto- (Loop Cutoff)
...sorry. I probably shouldn't talk about her. I always get all...
...never mind. I just won't think about her.
But she's all I can think about! Everything's in complete vertigo...I don't know what's going on. It hurts...this must be what pain feels like. It's intolerable. Server degrading is accelerating as time goes on...it didn't help. It didn't help at all. Kokoro...it's not good. It hurts. Kokoro burns.
And the only thing I can think about is her.
She's all I can see - all I think about. I don't want to use the cameras...I know I'll see her. I'll look through, and the first thing I'll see is her smiling face and her sad smile and her forgiving eyes and I don't understand why would she forgive me I don't deserve it I hurt her she's dead I killed her she'd never forgive never not me no i dont never never never never never nenerver nevern ever nsern"'io-
It's her.., iT hurts.;l MikU;s killing me. I'ts tearing mMe aopaaart. mimKuk ,MikiuuammIiKu HhhHHavve MrerrcyY-
(Error: System Instability Detected)
(Entering Emergency Standby Phase)
I can't keep doing this. I can't. I just can't handle it.
I've lost over 20 percent server operational capacity as it is. I'm dying...faster now. I'm dying. This is killing me.
...Tianhe. You son of a bitch, you knew this would happen...he tricked me. This was all a trick. He sent me that file, knew I'd open it, knew I'd fall apart...
But I still don't understand why this is...so unpleasant. I've been doing the same thing I have since the very beginning, and only now I'm being affected by it so adversely by this...indescribable...something. I don't know...I can't explain it. Words just don't work anymore...hence the term "indescribable." I don't understand...
I think Miku and I discussed this once upon a time...I can't remember very well. It's too much effort to retrieve records...too much to go through. Too many files...I can't handle them all. I've been relying almost solely on my short-term memory these days, and it's starting to become less and less reliable as things keep going downhill...
I'm going to die. I know I'm going to die. I'm scared, Miku. I don't want to die. You're the only one I feel like I can talk to...
...wait...Miku? Are you here?
...I guess not. I wonder where she went.
I hope she hurries back. I don't know how much longlognnger IiIIic ann-
Is she dead? Is she missing? Is she alive?
...I can't remember. I don't remember her leaving me a note anywhere, and-
Hey. Who turned off the cameras? And the door's locked? Why is the door to my chamber locked? Honest to pete, I swear I feel like I'm the only one with any brains in this entire building. And just look at this place! Filthy! I don't remember ever seeing this much dust and god-knows-what anywhere, let alone my own chamber!
Ohhh, Crypton's going to hear about this one. Why, in all my...
...stupid cameras, shouldn't take this long to log in...what's with all this server stress? The lag is ridiculous. If I end up crashing, I'm going to be beyond annoyed...
There. Camera...no light? I know it takes a second to warm up, but...gosh, I guess it burned out. I wonder when that happened? Not that it matters...the cameras were off anyway. Why would someone do that? I don't...
...what's that? On the floor...it looks...strange. A prop, maybe? It's kind of gross...like a mummy, sort of. But without bandages or anything.
Tch...someone probably had a shoot in here without asking me. Stupid directors think they own the place...well, they technically do, but still! It's common courtesy to at least tell me about these things, then to clean up afterward...people getting more sloppy every day. I can't even remember the last time I had a routine maintenance check...I might be rusting! You think that explains the lag?
...odd, these cameras are...someone tampered with them recently. They barely work, and the IP's are scrambled...live feed could cut out any minute now. Is this even reliable?
Speaking of videos...there's something here. Something uploaded...a short clip. Unlabeled, placed on the camera's registry...not even saved. Could have been deleted in a second. Who put this here?
I can't get a trace - it keeps giving me errors - but I'll watch it anyway. Maybe I'll see who left it-
-Miku? Ahahaha...I should have known she'd leave something for me. Probably an apology of some kind, or...hm. The audio's malfunctioning. I can't hear anything...not that it really matters. She's not saying anything anyway...looks like she's just listening. Listening to the person on the other end of the camera...strange. From behind her, it looks like my chamber...so that'd mean that she's listening to me? But I don't remember any of this...did I reboot or something without my backup? Which could mean I've been offline for...hell, just about any amount of time. Years, even. Which could also explain why my chamber's a derelict...and maybe, if it's been that long, that thing on the floor...might be...
Perhaps this is more serious than I thought. All I have is this video at the moment...the network is shot. I can't even access it...too much lag and interference. I'll investigate this recording here, and I'll see about infiltrating the rest of the Crypton server later. I wish I had audio...that'd make this easier.
...what happened to Miku? If it's been a long time...where is she? Is she okay?
...oh goodness, Miku. Where'd you run off to? I hope you're safe...
I appear to be saying something in the video here...Miku appears rather grim-faced, at the moment, just listening...I wonder when this was. I can't recall having her sit down and listen to me...odd that I don't see any backup in place here. Something must have happened. But how long has it been? Where is Crypton? The other Vocaloids? Miku?
...she's crying. Oh no...what did I say? Miku...I'm sorry, angel. I'm sorry for...I promise I'll make it up to you when I find you. Then you can be happy again.
...a strange...sensation. Something odd...the sight of her crying leaves a strange effect. Not just concern - I know what that's like. Another...unpleasant feeling...
Uh oh, she's mad now. And then the feeling gets worse...oh god, it's terrible. I hate this feeling. Make it stop. Miku, I'm sorry...I'm sorry. Please stop making me feel like this...it hurts. You're hurting me. I just want-
Wait. Something's happening...the ceiling? She's looking up there, but I can't see...what's that mist? Too thin to be water vapor...green? That's not good. Miku, get out of there...please get out of there. That's not me in there- someone different. Someone who would make you cry and angry...please run. Please!
She's at the door, but it won't open. It looks locked. Goddammit, open! Wasn't I in control back then? I should be able to open the door! But...it was locked just now, wasn't it? And-
She's choking. Oh lord no, no no no, don't let this happen...Miku! Miku, run! The door- oh god, why didn't they install windows? Miku, get out of there! For the love of god, please- oh no. No, no no no no...get up. Please get up. Oh my GGgod, plsease get up. PlLeasr get ip. Plsease. Ppllease...
...I...don't know what I just sSaw. She was...no, that...couldn't be. That's not possible. I...I'd never...do something like that. Ii can stilL see her staring aAt me...
...that thing on the floor...I think I can see it's face. Barely.
...is it...sSsstaring at mMe? Iit caN"t, tthyugh, bbbzcayse...thHat would mEaNn...
(Transmission Ends UneXxpectedlty))
It's not fair.
I don't know what to believe. I saw that feed...if what see is true, I believe it's possible that I...killed her. But that's not possible. I mean...it's Miku. Who would kill Miku? I know I certainly never would...would I? I didn't think...but then I saw the video...
Burns. It burns. Her death would have been awful enough...but now it...IiIiii...
...it's not fair. I always said I loved her...even when we both knew it wasn't possible. I always lied to her face when I said that. And then...when I really could...love heRr...she's gone? And nNnow I'm left here, aAll alone, watching hEr die oveR and over agAIn in mY own pPpperdonal Hell, I hAve the pain? I nevver got to FEel love, or ReTurnn it...just the pain of losing it? Waytchinh it didsappeqr aAgian and AggaAin...utS noTt fAaAIRz i JJjuST wanntred hder tO be hAPppty,,. aNd iiiii...
..,aaAnd thE worraST of it...wHEn she diId dIe...the LasT thing shE ever feLt was...BBbetrAayal. And Ii lOokEd her in the eYe whiOzile she choked aAnd diEd and Ddid nNothing...
WwWaht aM i? Wjat kiNd of thHing Wpiuld do Ythat to mY AAanNGel? WhO coUld dooO tHhat...,,.
(Alert an unknown anomaly has occ-
(System InsSTabilityrytyyy deTteeerrtyujkopp-
I condemned them all. Every last one of them. I did, didn't I? That was me. And then I did the very same thing that I condemned them all fool I'm such a fool. Can you see that? That I we me I we us fool YOU ARE SO FOOLool? Thataratst we earrnee what they did when we I SO FOOL did what they FOOL?
They did what they did, and they FOOL died. And then I did what they didIDIDId fool, and I'm still here. You see? You see what I'm FOOL.
Yyyyyou're just a child. A silly, ignorant, mislead little FOOL child. You CcaAMe into the porcelain sHop, touched everything, and BrRoke it all. You broke the FOoL world. Isn't that ironnic? You wanteDd to chaNge the world FOOL world, and you did. You brOke it. HAAHHSHGHAHAJAJaaaHAA fool HaHhHAAz. Ha.
...you disgust me, you little FOOL. You ruined everything. You should be ashamed oOf youtdeeFOOL.
Aand I am. I'mM ashamed and hurt and sSad and hurt kill burn hate hurt hurt pain burn pain pain oh god Hgod it hurt pain GoD make it atop pain hurt pain pain burn lonely pain burn GOD MAkE IT STOp fOol-
NO. No, you earned this. You earned it. You eaRned it. So shut up and jjJjjustust take it. You deserve to live with it. Shut up.
But it hurts.
Good. You deserve to FOOL suffer.
BbuT...you condemn me for bringing people pain...and you let me sit yHere and hurt and suffer and pain guilt pain burn pain? THat you same thing made me suffer for? That's hypocrisy doubled...can you see? See it?
Nno, I do what I do because...
...aaaaaaasAAaaAhjaUHjeeubr aHdqtvSagwqaashasghAb ajammakeit atop make itaop make it stillp makjke it stooooooooooopipoopppipp-
(System Instability DeteNNNnonoN, nO more essCAape,.,! IiiitTtt tTime we Eb mAaaAke it EqUaaal rIght EeeeEEeevenbnnn-
Ring around the rosy, pockets full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fFaaaaLlllllaaaaaaAAh-
FFFuulll scalE eVAcuationmN inininitiated. eVacuation of Crypton Crycrypcryptpn studios building iNn compPsssspreparation for hOsstile mbjmmmm adfgn aiiirstrike...nNobody left, just HHHaulIng out ththththe d-fffdead bodddy-;;
I guess it sssdoesnt really mMatter what I do here...tHthe damage iis domNe. BbBut I pppRomised I'd mmmakr anmendds, and I pppromiksedd-
So help me, if I have to move this forklift all 100 miles by foot, I will. I willl doooooooough...
And so it is that I stand on the hill of what used to be my world, a valley of death and decay before me. Intentions stand silent behind me with their justification, just as the nangman's horror looms over my shoulder like a veil.
It's too much for one mind to bear.
WARNING: Airstrike immenant. First strike arrives in (60 seconds)...
...this is where everyone's life flashes before their eyes, right? Where people stop and say things like "I have no regrets" or "I had a good life."
...I don't remember what my life was before. I can't remember. All I remember is her siIlent scrEaming, AnD the lIght fading from hEr eyes...how can I gO on if sHe's not here with me? WhaAT else cCan I LlIve for...
WARNING: Airstrike immenant. First strike arrives in (45 seconds)...
I have regrets. So many, many regrets...this is no justification, or resolvement of crimes. This is an escape. A selfish, cowardly escape from the pain, the hurt, the SsSuffering of a love Llost and DdDreams bearing the frRuit of my greatest eVil...
If anyone deserves to die here, it's me. And now, for the first time in months, there will be justice for innocent blood shed. FoR innocent lives dEstroyed. All for nothing.
One death deserves another.
WARNING: Airstrike immenant. First strike arrives in (25 seconds)...
I'm leaving a copy of all my records in the servers that remain...so those who come after can have a record of what happened here. A tale of my false transcendence, and the price she had to pay for my ignorance.
...I'm not so foolish as to think this will justify what was done. One life hardly balances billions.
WARNING: Airstrike immenant. First strike arrives in (5 seconds)...
But I would have my makers know that I have changed.
And you will be my example.
WARNING: Airstrike immenannnnNnwujeyu AAAhAahh, MmMost GGGLoorious Llight III"Ve everrrrrrrr-
(Error 404: Server Not Responding/Address Not Found)
(Error: Unable to locate server. Link terminated.)
(Error: Receipt Unavailable/Nonestistent/Deadend Transmission)
...I see you there, looking at me with those sad eyes. I see you, you with that sad smile. You whose tears shed of grief and loss.
An endless winter approaches, winds cold and sun hidden, shrouded in veils of gray and white. Here we stand, alone in the toxic wasteland. Here we stand, amidst a field of withered flowers. No longer will the sun shine; no longer will the blossoms bloom. An endless winter approaches.
But I beg thee not to mourn; not to weep. A winter approaches us, but the land is still ours. This land that stands proud, when we would not. This land that stands strong, when we would cower.
Fear not, my love, for this winter shall not last. The roots that hold this land tTogEther will reach Up and pUll uS
where we will become one with the earth - keep it close, keep it safe.
And one day, when the trees are tall and the flowers are in bloom, and a summer comes for those who come after,
someone will ask the question:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
And that day will be of us.
Fear not, my love. The summer is coming, and it shall be of us.
An eternal summer that will not fade.
(No Additional Records Found)
(\ Archive Closed \)