2. I Didn't Wanna Be the Bad Guy but I Couldn't Help It
I ran back to the cottage as fast as I could. I couldn't bea to be without Nessie for another minute. She was my life. Everything I did revolved around her.
When I finally arrived at the cottage, I saw Nessie waiting outside for me. Leaning against a wall, I saw her glow in the remaining light of the sky. The glow wasn't as noticeable as this morning but I could still see the sparkle. Today may have started out sunny but now the clouds were fading in.
"I've been waiting." Nessie said in a bored voice. "Forever." She added in an exaggerated tone.
"Oh really, forever?"
"Yes, Forever" Nessie crossed her arms and stuck her nose up.
"Well it felt like forever."
She uncrossed her arms and met my eyes.
"I'm sorry, Nessie."
My stomach growled. I hadn't eaten all morning. She looked at me and smiled a perfect smile. She had heard my stomach. My stomach growled again and this time it was louder. She giggled.
"I guess someone's hungry." She giggled again.
"I'm glad my hunger brings you joy." I teased.
"Come on in. I think we have some snacks somewhere."
"You know I can't come in even if I wanted."
"The smell? O stop acting like a baby the smell is not that bad."
"Easy for you to say, you're part them. They smell good to you, but to me and my heightened wolf senses they reek. And I'm not talking about that. I literally can't fit in that house I'm too freaking tall."
Nessie burst out into a laughter that was so joyous I had to join in. The great thing about Nessie and I is that we could always make each other laugh. No matter the situation we could always crack each other up. This quality was good in times of stress, sadness, and any other unwanted feeling. The sound of her laugh alone could brighten my day. It was so beautiful that it dazed me and made me forget about all the troubles in the world. Right now, my concerns for Leah and the pack were put to a stand still. I wish I could laugh with her forever but eventually our lungs would run out of air. So I would have to enjoy and cherish the moment while it lasted because ultimately it would end.
When the laugh spasm ended Edward popped out of the door. He was not looking at me strangely anymore, instead he looked more like he was just scrutinizing me. He stopped after a second and prompted his head towards Nessie.
"Why don't I come with you." He responded to her cheerfully. I guessed he must of have responded to something Nessie had thought.
"Why? You don't even eat real food dad." She stated with a little bit of attitude.
Edward ignored her remark and glanced at me for barely a second then responded back to his daughter, "I know but I've been stuck in cottage for years. I just wanted to take a stroll and see forks again."
"Aren't the Cullens not supposed to live in Forks?" I added.
Edward glared at me. Great, I just pissed off the bloodsucker. When Edward wanted to be scary, he could truly be scary. It was almost magic how he could change from a calm façade to a brutal one so instantaneously. He was quite a frightening monster. I was glad I wasn't his enemy. O wait, been there done that. His face immediately turned back to normal and I swear I saw a little smile twitch across his lips after my thought.
"Ya dad. Jake is right." She said agreeing with me. "Anyways Forks hasn't changed much since you've last seen it. It's still the same little old uninteresting town you left."
"Well I guess you're right Nessie. I just wanted to show you around Forks, myself, for once."
"Aw. Daddy you will be able to someday, a day close in the future." She said with smile.
Edward smiled in response. I couldn't tell whether I was genuine or fake. So I guess Edward was still acting weird…seriously what was up with the guy?
My stomach growled again. They both looked at me. I felt self-conscious that time. I could turn heads with the sounds of my digestive system. Awesome.
"Okay Dad well we're going to leave now. Obviously you can't come with us, so bye!" Nessie said irritated and rushed.
Whoa. Where did that come from Nessie never spoke impolitely to anyone especially her parents. She was so well mannered. She had just back talked to Edward with some major attitude. I saw Edward look at her with a little bit of shock. She was never annoyed by her parents, this was the first outburst she had ever had. For any other child it wouldn't be a shock but Nessie was the golden child she did everything perfect. It wasn't just Edward acting strange, Nessie was too.
Bella came outside. She looked at Nessie puzzled. "Is anything wrong?"
"No! I wanted to take Jake out to eat."Nessie still responded still a hint of annoyance in her voice.
"But sweetie you just ate." Bella said still confused.
"Yes I know. I can still go with him though, even if I don't eat anything. It would be nice if he had someone to accompany him, so he doesn't have to eat alone."
"Oh Okay. Well no need to get worked up about that Nessie. Of course you can go." Bella said calmly but still somewhat alarmed by the situation.
I caught sight of Edward in the corner of my eye, he looked furious like he could explode at any moment. I wanted to get away from him as soon as possible, before he erupted.
Coincidently my stomach growled once again to break the silence. Everyone looked at me, of course.
"Wow Jake, you better get out of here and get some food. You're stomach is freakishly loud. I don't think it's normal." Bella teased
"Whoever said I was normal?" I amused with a smile.
She laughed and that lightened up the tension that I felt radiating from Edward. Where was Jasper when you needed him.
"Okay well I guess were off in quest for the food that will satisfy Jacob Black's hunger." Nessie said in her mood happy once again.
We turned and started walking away. Edward still looked pissed when I turned my head but that didn't matte, I was with Nessie. I turned around and waved at Bella and Edward. Now Edward looked more concerned. I hoped he wasn't mad at Nessie for getting angry with him. It's probably just her adolescent finally kicking in.
"Do you think we'll find it?" Nessie asked.
Nessie interrupted my though process but immediately I turned my full attention to her.
"What? Find what?
"You know. Do you think we'll ever satisfy your hunger?"
I started cracking up and naturally she did too.
We ended up going to a fast food joint. I proceeded to get: two orders of double cheese burgers, two orders of large fries, and a large Oreo milkshake. I wonder how the girl at the cash register would have reacted if she knew all the food was for me. Nessie tagging along helped me seemed more normal. People thought one order was for me and the other was for Nessie but obviously that was not the case. I remember when we sat down and I started stuffing my face with the two big beef patties and Nessie commented, "What a fatty". I then reached across the table and punched her lightly against her upper arm. I probably could of punched her harder, she was nearly indestructible, but I didn't wanna risk it.
I dropped Nessie back at home and told her I had to go see my dad. She couldn't believe I was leaving so early. I couldn't believe I was leaving so early. It was only mid-afternoon and I was already saying goodnight to her but I had problems to worry about. Nessie didn't need to know about these problems so I needed to go and tell everyone I couldn't go and retrieve Leah. I had decided I couldn't leave my Nessie. I don't even think it's possible to stay away from someone for more than a day once you imprint upon them. Soon enough though it would be over and I would be able to spend all my time with Nessie.
When I got to my dad's I was happy to see that almost everyone had cleared out of my house. The only intruders left were Embry and Quil. It was like the old gang back together. It was strange to thing about how simple my life was not too long ago. I was so clueless it was almost funny. I couldn't fathom the idea of mythical creatures living in my world and now I was one of those mythical creatures. Now I couldn't imagine my life any other way. If I lived in that other world without monsters and mythical creatures I would never have found my Nessie. Even though the world of mythical creatures and monsters had once messed up my life, I loved my life now. In the beginning, I had trouble digesting it all, but the outcome of my struggle ended happily. I remembered darker memories from my struggle, back then I believe there would never be a good outcome. But it finally came for me, everything worked out and now I was the happiest guy alive in my world.
"O hey Jake" Quil said happily surprised.
"Hey!" Embry echoed Quil's same amount of excitement.
I was glad they were happy to see me. The last thing I needed was my two best friends angry with me too. But Quil and Embry always had my back; I shouldn't expect anything less from them. After all they were my brothers.
"What are guys doing?"
"Vegging out." Embry said laying comfortably on the couch with the t.v. remote in his hand.
"Got a problem with that?" Quil added.
"No. I just I have a problem with you eating everything that we have in the pantry."
"Oh well, too bad. You're dad said we could eat anything we wanted." Quil said as he chewed a mouthful of potato chips."
I gave him a dirty look and as I was about to respond but my dad interrupted. "He's right Jake I did tell them they could eat anything they wanted. Now I see that was a mistake."He laughed on that last word.
Quil winked at me, Then smiled "Come on the couch with us Jakey." He patted a spot on the couch for me.
I rolled my eyes at him. " If you wanna keep your face in perfect condition for Claire, I would shut up if I were you."
"Hey hey guys, play nice." Embry called. "Jake build a bridge and get over it and when you're done with that get your butt over here."
I pretended to build an imaginary bridge and I walked across it and sat on the couch next to my buddies. This was relaxing but I couldn't just watch t.v. for the rest of the day. I was on a mission I had to tell everyone or at least someone that I couldn't go and look for Leah. I didn't even know where Leah was where would I begin to look for her? Leah's scent had probably already been washed away by rain. I would have a hard time looking for her it would take longer than a day to do. She ran fast too. She was the fastest wolf I'd known. She wasprobably halfway to Russia right now. Even if I ever did catch her scent and followed her she would see me coming. So she probably figure out my motives before I even caught up to her and try to outrun me. She would be successful. When Leah ran hard no one could catch up to her. That was her specialty, outrunning anyone who dared race with her.
Ugh, the waiting was agony. I wondered why no one had bugged me about Leah yet. My dad must be trying to use some weird reverse psychology. He would try to make me start up the conversation.
Quil and Embry were taking a nap, snoring the evening away. I guess they weren't as worked up about this situation as I thought they were this morning. They seemed carefree. They hadn't brought up the subject yet it was almost as if they were trying to do reverse psychology as well. Damnit, they were. My dad must have talked to them before I got here. Gosh, that was just like my dad to go behind my back my and plan something. For an old guy in a wheelchair he was pretty sly.
I was getting anxious and bored. So I decided to scavenge around for any remaining food. I finally found some leftover popcorn in a bowl flipped over under the coffee table. I figured the three second rule didn't apply to them anymore. Hmm I pondered over the possibilities of what I could do with them. I concluded I would put them to good use if I used them as ammo. I started to throw the popcorn at both the guys. My popcorn shots never really quite reached Embry so I decided to settle my sight solely to Quil. He deserved it though after his little remark. I shot up the popcorn bullet and it landed in his hair. I missed. I was trying to aim for his face. I took another shot and it landed right on his cheekbone and rolled down to his neck. I checked to see if he made any sudden movements. Nope he was still fast asleep. I threw another one. This one hit between his eyebrows and ricochet off. His left eyebrow twitched. Yes! Success. I tried another one and it hit his right eye. He twisted his neck in a different direction. Major score!
I started cracking up. Quil moved his left eyebrow again then started muttering gibberish. I laughed harder. I grabbed a pillow and started laughing into it. Once I could control myself I let the pillow down and walked over to the kitchen. Best idea ever. I opened the fridge. I wanted to take this game to the next level. I found a bottle of Tabasco sauce and took it out. I drizzled it over the few remaining bullets.
I walked over and hovered over Quil. Payback felt so good though I kinda felt like a psycho killer standing over him but no one was watching me so I continued. I gently placed a spicy piece of popcorn into Quil's drool filled mouth. I waited to see a reaction. Nothing happened. I waited some more and nothing happened. I proceeded to walk back to the kitchen in defeat but then I heard a faint cough. I paused. He coughed again. Oh yeah! My evil plan worked. I started to laugh again, until my abs hurt. I must have developed a twelve-pack by now. I had already laughed so much today.
Quil started coughing quite violently. I assumed he was either choking or he was having an allegoric reaction to the popcorn. I probably should have been more worried but it was just so hilarious to watch. He continued to cough until he woke up. Naturally I pretended to seem as I had nothing to do with his rude awakening. He didn't look like he had a popcorn still in his mouth when he woke up, so I guess he must have swallowed it while he was asleep. I had to try to so hard to keep the laughter in.
"Good morning sleeping beauty." I said trying to keep my voice even but I couldn't stop the huge grin that was on my face.
The popcorn bowl was still on my lap so when Quil yawned and stretched I took the chance and threw the evidence under the coffee table. He didn't even notice.
"Whoa what time is it?" Quil asked.
I looked outside. It was dark. "I have no idea."
"Oh wow." His eyes widened "My throat it feels like its on fire." He got up abruptly and ran to kitchen sink, stuck his mouth under, and turned it on. I would laugh but I didn't wanna blow my cover.
"Whatever is the problem Quil?"
As soon as he felt his mouth cool down he finally answered. "I have no idea man. I just woke up and my mouth was blazing. It was so weird that's never happened before." His eyes waundered off in thought. He had no clue what happened. I was in the clear.
Phew. I had gotten away with it. It wasn't easy though, I had to try my best not laugh hysterically. But it payed off, he would never find out I was behind his burning throat, my ingenious prank. On the outside I played it cool, but on the inside I had huge grin upon I face.
Before Quil could elaborate more on what happened to him, someone knocked on the door. It was Sam. That was surprising he never left Emily's side, except for this morning, but still that was a shock to me.
"Hey Sam come on in." I shouted across to the room, to stunned to walk up and get the door myself. Of course there was no need for shouting, he would have heard me if I was whispering it. My shout woke up Embry. Embry usually could sleep through anything. I must have shouted louder than I thought. Embry was a heavy sleeper, I still remember perfectly the time when he fell asleep outside and slept through a storm. He was so disorientated when he woke up in the morning he couldn't understand why he was covered in mud. That was an old memory but it was still so fresh in my mind.
He greeted everyone. Then he asked, "Jake, can I have a word with you?"
O Shit. I knew it was coming and here it had arrived. They were all waiting until Sam would talk to me. They were trying to take my mind of the subject until the time arrived. Well, I was prepared. I already knew what I was going to say to him and there would no discussion about it. I didn't wanna be the bad guy but I couldn't help myself. Renesmee just had too much of a pull on me.
"Okay sure." I said as if I had no idea what was about to come.
We stepped outside and walked a little ways until we were inside my garage. So he didn't want Quil and Embry to hear what we were going talk about. I respected that, actually I thought it was a better this way.
"Jake I think you know what this is about."
"Hmmm… I think I do." I said still acting dumb.
"Jake, Quit playing around like a little kid you know what I'm referring to."
Ouch. That hurt but he was completely right.
He took my silence as an agreement and continued. "When I imprinted on Emily, I felt horrible for months, you know that. And then I thought the situation was finally settling down and Leah was no longer in love with me. She wanted nothing to do with me, I thought she hated me. Then when she joined the pack I saw that she didn't hate me, she was still in love with me. I also saw how she struggled day to day with the wolf style life and spending most of her time with me. She wanted nothing more than to be away from me, the pain of seeing me was too much for her. Then when you made your own separate pack, she saw it as a way to escape the part of her life she dreaded most. So she joined you. But when we joined back together she just couldn't handle it anymore. She was getting to her breaking point. Then I proposed to Emily not thinking about the effects it would have on her and then getting the ring…" He paused for a moment. "Then Leah passed her breaking point and hasn't come back yet."
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You shouldn't have had to think about the effects marrying the love of life would have on Leah."
He looked at me his eyes intent. "Yes I should have. I was the Alpha, at the time, I should have waited to propose to Emily. I was selfish."
There was that word again. Selfish.
"I could have waited we didn't even get married until several years after I proposed."
I suddenly had a flash back of that wedding. Everyone was invited even Charlie, Bella, Edward, and Nessie. I remember Nessie was half my size back then. I remember Emily walking down the aisle in a white gown and everyone crying tears of joy at the sight of the blushing bride. She was stunning but as I remember so was Bella on the day of her wedding. I guess it made sense; all brides should be look astonishing on the day of their wedding. I also remember that was the day when Sue and Charlie started going out. It was a good day for everyone.
"Jake I messed up. I was glad that you picked up my slack when you became Alpha." He sounded grateful. "You made sure no one thought about Emily or I, or my engagement or my wedding when they phased. You also made sure she had her space during the night so she could roam free away from our thoughts. You were the opposite of selfish."
There was that damn word again. "No I wasn't."
"Well you cared for her. You cared whether she was in pain or not. Or at least you did. I remember her reminiscing about one of your thoughts before she left. She didn't think anyone was listening."
"Wait what thought was she thinking about?" Leah retained things I had told her?
"Well it's kind of difficult to explain but it was basically about how you and her might actually run away together to Canada. You thought that she was tolerable and she had a lot in common with you. She was willing not to bother you just as long as you took her. And you were starting to get used to the idea. You guys would run away from things you didn't want to face and you guys would do it together. But then you met Nessie and it was all over." He opened his mouth it looked like he was going to say more but then he clamped his mouth shut.
"What else were you going to say?" I couldn't believe she thought about that. What else did she think about that I didn't know?
"O-Oh nothing." He hestitaed there was more to the story.
"Tell me what you were going to say. Please Sam." I asked pleadingly. I wanted to know what else she thought about.
"Well I was just going to say that she wished you hadn't met Nessie because all her plans of escaping the world she hated came to a halt."
"Oh." I didn't wanna know that. "She must have hated me?"
"Actually no she didn't hate you or Nessie or anyone. She was happy that you had a happy ending. Of course she was let down, because you were the only person who knew how she felt. But she certainly did not hate you. She regretted you having those thoughts and considering escaping away with her but she also was glad that you had these thoughts. She was content that you even considered the thought of traveling in a pack with her alone. No one else would do it. She thought that you cared and she felt no one else did. She knew it was probably because you two were in the same situations but she wasn't bothered by it. For the first time in years someone understood her. She didn't feel so alone. You and Leah had a bond. You could sympathize with her. That's all Leah really wanted. No one else could do that but you, Jake. I thank you for that."
One word whoa. I was on overload. I was still processing every word that had been said. I was utterly speechless. I tried to speak but nothing came out of my mouth. What Sam had just said came like a whirl wind to me. I had no idea, I didn't know that Leah of all people didn't wanna kill me. She thought about things I said in the past and she wasn't bitter about one single thing, not one empty promise I had made. Well actually I never made a promise to her but I let her on into thinking that we would flee to Canada together. She wasn't angry at me for imprinting on Renesmee. She wasn't pissed that I didn't feel the pain of seeing my love in another's arm. She wasn't mad that I had forgotten all about her when I imprinted. She was happy for me. She was glad that I even considered tolerating her in my little pack. She was glad that she found someone who understood her and could sympathize with her. She thought about what I had said even a year later. The thought of what I had said brought her happiness. She hated her life. She was the only one who never found her happy ending. She was sad and hurt and in pain.
Then something clicked in my mind and I suddenly I went into Alpha mode. My thoughts became clear. Oh crap! I had messed up big time. I was a selfish selfish person and I had to fix it. I wasn't even being nice to Leah I just tolerated her and that brought her joy. I was a bad person and especially a bad Alpha. I remembered now the promise I had made this morning I promised to be the best Alpha I could possibly be and right now I was not acting like it.
"Jake?" Sam waved his hand in front of my face. I shook my head and fell out of the trance instantaneously.
"Sorry Sorry. I'm here."
"Jake she thought highly of you?"
Great, as if I couldn't hate myself anymore I did now. I was grateful he told me though. "Thanks for telling this Sam. I really appreciate it."
"So Jake when we asked this morning if you would go find Leah. We knew we had asked the right person. I hope you see why we thought you were the right person."
"Yes I do see and I'm sorry for my response this morning. It wasn't right and it wasn't mature. Not something an Alpha should do. I should have known that. My Alpha always conducted himself so perfectly."
"Thank you Jake." He nodded his head at me. "So you will do it?"
My Alpha voice took over. "Yes" I said strong and affirmative. "She is part of my pack and I should be responsible for her."
"You're a good Alpha Jake."
"Not all the time" I said still in Alpha mode.
"That may be so, but at least you are trying."
His words helped me. I didn't hate myself that much anymore. I even smiled.
"So when do you think you're going to leave?"
"Tomorrow morning. I'll say goodbye to everyone then leave."
He gave me a look. He saw right threw me. By everyone, he knew I meant Nessie, but instead he just said, "That sounds like a plan to me, Alpha."
The ambush that I had hated this morning didn't bother me anymore. I was at fault for being angry with them. They were all gathered this morning for Leah, not me. They wanted to help Leah.
"So do you think the guys are listening to us from outside the door?"
He laughed once. "Well not anymore they just ran back inside the house."
We both laughed.
"Those eavesdroppers how dare they." I said in the tone of a disapproving parent.
"Someone is going to need to have a talk with them and give them a time out." He mocked my same tone.
Sam left and I decided it was time to go to bed I had a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I told Quil and Embry to spilt and I even teased them a little before they left. Then I said goodnight to my dad. He asked me why I was going to bed so early, but he knew. He always had a way into making me do things without even asking me to do them. I hope when I had kids I would be able to do the same thing.
I told him why I was going to be early and he told me, "You're a good person Jake. I knew you would come around and do the right thing. I am proud of you. I always am."
I knew the last words he said would always stick with me until I was old and feeble.
"Night, dad. Love you." Usually I didn't get mushy like this but the word just flowed out of my mouth. I was glad I said them it felt right.
"Love you, too, son."
I went to bed and tried to close my eyes, but before my eyelids could shut down together I thought about Nessie. I wasn't going to be able to say goodbye to her but I had to do it. I shut my eyes together tight.
It was early when I awoke but I knew Nessie would be up by the time I got to the cottage. I said bye to my dad, engulfed a bowl of cornflakes and milk and was off to Nessie's. Now this was going to be the hard part, not for her, but for me. She might be able to stay away from me but I wasn't able to stay away from her. As long as I kept reminding myself I was the Alpha I would be able to stay strong and say goodbye.
The run over to her house seemed to short. I couldn't believe I was in the clearing already. I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. I phased and started walking to the house but I quickly realized I hadn't brought any pants along with me. It occurred to me that I didn't need pants when I was looking Leah but now I wasn't so sure anymore. I phased back. I guess I would say goodbye to her in wolf form. Maybe that was best, humans were so emotional. I might even be easier to say good bye to her this way.
Nessie ran out of the house. Bella and Edward accompanied her. Maybe they knew what I was here for. Well I certainly knew Edward knew why I was here. I looked at him he nodded to me. I looked down to Nessie. She didn't to have any idea what I was doing.
"Hi Jake!"She said so energetically that it filled me with energy.
I gave a little howl to take the edge off my sudden excitement. I hope she translated that as my hello.
"Morning Jake." Bella greeted.
"Hello Jacob." Edward said already knowing the reason why I was here.
Did you tell them?
"No." Edward answered quietly. Nessie and Bella could still hear Edward perfectly, they were supernatural too.
They both looked at Edward puzzled. I gave him a quick nod while they were distracted. Out of the corner out of my eye I saw Bella look up. She caught my gesture. She stood silently but bit down on her lower lip. She then looked at Edward, they both stared at each other for a moment. He nodded his head even so slightly. Bella was letting her shield down and asking him question. She looked back toward me. Now she knew the motive for my coming today. Usually I was human by the time I reached Nessie's house, but since I didn't bring pants today she more aware of my actions since I had arrived.
"Looks like someone forgot their clothes at home?" Nessie inferred.
Yeah. I also left my sanity long with it. Oh Nessie! If you could only hear me.
Edward could you give me a minute alone with Nessie?
"Yes." He answered. Hm. That was a delightful surprise. With all of his weird behavior lately I thought he would have said no. I was glad I went with my gut and asked him.
Nessie whipped her head back to look at Edward. "Are you communicating with him?" She demanded.
"Yes Nessie, I am." Edward answered
She suddenly got infuriated. "I hate it when you do that. I feel so left out. I get left out of everything. What is he saying?" Bella had the utter face of shocked as she stared at her daughter in disbelief. Nessie was throwing her second fit since she' been born.
"Nessie all he said was that he wanted to be alone with you for one moment" Edward exhaled the words in one calming breath.
"Oh." Nessie immediately perked up and went back to her normal mood again. Poor Bella and Edward they had no idea how to deal with her mood swings. She was a teenager, they had to know the rebelling stage was coming. Edward's calm face was suddenly replaced with a look of pain. She must of thought of something horrible. I was glad she kept the thought to herself, well almost to herself. I didn't wanna see Bella hurt by something Nessie said if it had hurt Edward's feelings.
Edward held his stare at Nessie with his pained face then he turned his glance towards me. I didn't turn my head quick enough, I saw the pain in his eyes. He looked like he was just shattered. "Goodbye Jacob. I hope you have a safe trip." He said in a monotone voice that did not match his facial expression.
Bella took her cue next, " Goodbye Jake." She walked up to me and wrapped her arms around neck then hugged me. Though I was chilled by the shock of her cold skin, the hug warmed me. She let go and she and Edward walked off into the cottage.
"Wait a second, did you just say 'have a safe trip'? Where is he going?"
Edward.I think you're going to have to stick around for a little while longer.
Edward came back in a rush and started to explain. "Yes Jacob is going on a trip."
"When?" she asked.
"He is leaving today." He said in a monotone voice "Alone" He added he must have answered a thought in Nessie's head.
A veil of sadness took over her face. "Oh."
Crap, I kept thinking of how I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to Nessie. Never did the thought occur that she would want to say goodbye to me. Oh Reneseme, if only I could express myself to you in words. If only you could hear me. If only you knew the explaination. I want to explain to you but I can't. Maybe it was best that Edward told her, I probably wouldn't be able to do it myself. Especially now that I saw the way it affected her. A howl escaped me, it was whine. My equivalent of tears. I felt my eyes fill with water.
"He wanted to say goodbye to you before he left." Then Edward disappeared into the cottage once again.
Nessie looked up. I saw the sadness in her eyes and was just glad she wasn't crying too. That would make this a whole lot harder. I looked at her with pleading eyes. She must have seen the tears welling up in my eyes because she ran up to me and cried out, "Don't cry Jake!".She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and I leaned my head down towards her. She then wiped the inner corners of my eyes with her shirt.
"Jake I'm going to miss you. Whatever is causing you to cry I hope you figure it all out." She whispered to me still keeping a firm grip on my neck.
God! She was going to miss me. That was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to tell her I was crying over leaving her. Why was she comforting me? I should be the one trying to comfort her.
She started whispering again. "I'm going to miss you everyday you're gone. Don't be gone too long. Okay?"
I nodded my head and she kept her embrace on me for another minute. One of her hands slipped down to my cheek bone and I saw the image of the lunch we'd spent together today. It was comprised of me smiling and laughing, nothing else just her focused vision on my face. The vision finished. Then she said, "Goodbye Jake." And she let both her strong grips off me.
I just stood still looking at her until she said, "Go Jake the quicker you leave the quicker you will arrive come back home to see me." She waved goodbye and I started running towards the forest.
I knew I couldn't look back. If I did I would lose my hold on strength and go running back to her. I couldn't run back to her I had responsibilities. It was a struggle, I could feel her watching me as I ran. In order to not go running back to her, I thought about my pack and my position as the Alpha. I was deep in the forest now, I had succeded. I didn't look back at Nessie the hardest part of my parting was over. I wouldn't be the bad guy anymore. I sighed with relief that I had done the right thing. Then I winced in pain. I felt a sudden ache deep in my chest. I knew it wouldn't go away anytime soon.
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