Chapter 5

Note of the day: Hidan and Kakuzu argue worse than Sasori and Deidara.

Seriously, I counted a total of 34 arguments about fairly random subjects since Fatso and Tranny decided to hand me over to Stitches and Albino. Several of those arguments were about how and how not beef should be cooked, why the sky was blue, and if the little cloud under the big cloud looked like a rabbit or not.

At about five o'clock in the evening, I finally had some peace and quiet. Hidan was reduced to grumbling under his breath, because Kakuzu had threatened to remove all of his limbs and scatter them across the Land of Fire if he didn't shut up. Thank you Stitches!

Now, my wonderful and- hopefully saner than I am- viewers, you're probably wondering. 'Hey Maya, in the first two or three chapters, you were a hyper little bundle of vomit! What happened?' Well that question can be answered with another question. Wouldn't you go through a dramatic personality-change if you were trapped with crazy, yet insanely good-looking, criminals, who were pretty much leading you to your obvious demise? That's what I thought.

The sun was beginning to sink behind the treetops, bathing the three of us in a vivid red glow, lighting up the sky and shining directly in the corner of my eyes and giving me a horrible headache. I jangled the rope connected to the rope binding my wrists, which Kakuzu carried like a very crude leash. The silence was starting to get to me. I contemplated something, which would surely only end in my demise, but I could only grin at what my lovely mind came up with. Two words:

Annoying songs.

Creeping forward, grasping the rope-leash so they wouldn't notice it go slack, I peeked over Hidan's shoulder, surprised he hadn't noticed my new invasion into his personal bubble yet. That's when the song-based torture began.

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee,

Here they are standing in the road,

big ones, small ones, one the size of your head!"

By the time I said head, Hidan was swearing his little albino head off. Just for you, dear readers, I'll censor the worst parts.

"What the hell, you marshmallow banana? Stop lolzorz singing that Jashin awful song before I rip out your mooing innards and roflcopter your dead body!" ranted Hidan. I could feel the anger rolling off of Stitches over there…

"Hidan, shut your mouth, before I stitch it closed," he growled, shooting the swearing Hidan an angry glance with those Christmas-y colored eyes of his. That gave me an idea.

"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

You've got termites in your smile!

You're as cuddly as a cactus-"

Mean Kakuzu didn't let me finish. His scary hand connected by his scary rape-tentacles shot out, wrapping around my throat and squeezing. That was sure to leave bruises on my neck.

Stitches need not say anything. Due to the fear that he was going to crush my windpipe that probably showed in my eyes. I began wheezing to fight for breath, and Kakuzu released me. I fell to the ground on my knees, coughing. Hidan was laughing, but then seemed surprised that I had the gusto to look up, glare at him, and flip him off.

Getting shakily to my feet, I sniffed indignantly. "Well. Are we going to get going or not?" I barked. Kakuzu gave me an offhanded shrug, turning and beginning to walk once more. Hidan gave him a look, before walking slightly behind him, with me bringing up the rear a yard behind. At least I could keep an eye out for any ambushes! Not really.

O.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.O

As temperatures and night fell, we decided to stop when my inconsistent shivering began rattling the rope in Kakuzu's hand. It wasn't my fault I was dressed in only jeans, a t-shirt, converse, and a light beige jacket when I, quote un-quote, 'died'.

Plopping down gratefully beside the fire Kakuzu lit up; I rubbed my hands and let myself warm, releasing a sigh as my joints warmed. Cold weather always made my elbows and knees stiffen. It was a liability I inherited from my father.

Thinking about him made my eyes begin to sting with tears. Letting out a low hiss, I stubbornly wiped my eyes, forcing those depressing thoughts to the basement of my mind, which was infested with spiders and rats and old magazines and creepy dolls. Plus the light was broken, so I didn't want to dwell in the imaginary basement of my mind.

"Bitch, why the fuck are you crying?" Hidan asked, rather loudly. I looked up, staring blankly at him. When he yelled at me for an answer, I only glared at him

"How would you feel if you were forced from your family in a way you wouldn't know about, and then was thrust into an unfamiliar place, and directly into the arms of sociopaths with ego problems?" I snapped. Hidan didn't seem at all effected by my answer. In fact, he only grinned.

"I wouldn't care," he answered, along with a smirk that made me want to punch him right in the face. So I did. He fell back in surprise, clutching his bleeding nose and swearing at me at the top of his lungs. Kakuzu, who was watching this all unfold, chuckled, causing us both to turn our heads and stare at him. This even made Hidan stop his incoherent rambling.

"What the hell, Stitches? Did you just chuckle?" I asked.

Kakuzu only glared at me, not appreciating my nickname, and turned his attention grumpily back to the fire. Well then, you stingy little-

A slight swish, a sting in my cheek, and a small thunk cut off my angry thoughts toward the miser. A dagger like weapon- which I recognized as a kunai- was embedded into a tree, just about inches from Hidan's head. Apparently his angry swearing earlier alerted any other shinobi nearby. Feeling my cheek sting again, I pressed my hand to my cheek, pulling away and looking at the blood coating my fingers. I felt like I was going to faint. I was never good with seeing my own blood.

Kakuzu was up in a flash, him tackling my person to the ground none-too-gently as another barrage of very pointy objects flew where my head was a second ago. Hidan, swearing his head off again, leaped to his feet and drew his scythe, fractured, if not possibly broken, nose forgotten.

Kakuzu got off of me, turning to face the troop of ten or so ninja who faced us. I didn't see any headbands or anything, so their identity was a mystery. Getting back to my feet, I rubbed my sore back, looking curiously at the ninja. They were all dressed identically, in bright white clothing, with black plates on their shoulders, chests, and legs. One of them stepped forward boldly. I could tell he was the leader or something, because he had this green sash that none of the others had.

"Good of you to make your presence known, Akatsuki scum," he spat, glaring at the three of us. His eyes lingered on me for a fraction of a second, probably because of my lack of a cloak, or my chakra, or my clothing. It could be my shockingly good looks for all I know. His stare was creepy, and his gold-colored eyes didn't help at all.

"The Kogane Clan," Kakuzu said, eying the guy with hunger. Maybe the guy was some kind of bounty…?

"Oi, Kakuzu! Isn't that the guy we've been hunting for two months?" he asked sharply. Haha, point one for Maya on the imaginary chalkboard.

Kakuzu shot Hidan the dirtiest look I've seen in all my week of staying in this world. I was surprised Hidan didn't burst into flames. He turned back to face the troop of shinobi, nodding. "Yes, it is. That's Jai Kogane," he said in that gruff voice of his. I wasn't following any of this.

"What?" I asked, rather blandly, causing Kakuzu to look at me, roll his eyes, and look away. Well thanks for the help, Stitches.

Suddenly, the little group of shinobi sprang forward, holding multiple sharp and pointy objects in their hands. The guy named Jai had a staff-like object, about as long as his body, with long blades attached to the ends.

I was ready to get down on my knees and thank them for saving me from the homicidal albino and his stingy companion, but one of them chucked a pointy shuriken at my head. I squeaked, running off to the side just in time to avoid a big hole in my head.

"Hey, you stupid werewolves, I'm not the enemy here! Don't attack me; I'm just a helpless bystander!" I yelled, shaking my fist angrily in their direction. I called them werewolves because of their gold eyes. Haha. Get it? Were- ah that's not even funny.

"Hidan, take the girl," Kakuzu snapped, causing Hidan to groan in protest. Here we go again with the inability to learn names… Hidan scooped me up, none too gently I might put in, and hoisted me over his shoulder, somehow managing to fight off ninja with one hand, but keep me up on my shoulder.

"Hidan, if you try anything with me, I swear if I get out of this alive, you'll be missing something very important to you. And I'm not talking about your scythe or anything," I threatened. I felt Hidan's shoulders bounce up and down. He was laughing. So I dug my elbows into an uncomfortable spot in his back.

Hidan's bouncing around whilst fighting and fleeing to get me somewhere where I wouldn't be damaged was making me sick, and I was about ready to barf all over him, even though he'd probably kill me. Lucky for him he set me down in the shadow of a tree, and formed some hand signs, before leaping back away to help his partner. That was probably something to keep me in place. Just to prove my theory, he called over his shoulder, "That was a jutsu to keep you in place. If you move five feet from that tree, you'll be electrocuted!" Yep. Score two for Maya.

Well, now I had nothing to do. I sat, rather angrily, tapping my foot and waiting for the sociopaths or Konoha shinobi to come whisk me away like in fanfictions. That was not going to happen anytime soon, sadly.

Apparently some ninja had seen Hidan drop me off by my friend Bob the Oak Tree, Bot for short. There were three of them, one of them pointed me out, and began running towards me in such a way I thought he was going to kill me.

Letting out a gasp in fear of my own life, I through my hands out in front of me, willing for the guy who was probably going to kill me or kidnap me to fly away via magical powers. Then I heard a small woosh as something flew through the air, and the guy gave a strangled cry as he flew into a tree. The other two looked at me in surprise, and I looked down at my hands with an expression that matched theirs.

"What the fuck?" I cried, surprised I could do that. The other two shinobi rushed towards me, and I held my hand out again, once more willing for them to fly away like that other guy. Apparently my new-found magic powers complied, both of them flying into the first guy. I smiled triumphantly, getting to my feet, ready to defend myself.

I turned as I heard someone approaching, and watched as Hidan and Kakuzu, carrying the body of poor Jai Kogane. Oh well, not my problem.

They both looked up, towards the three unconscious people and the tree that was laying half on top of them. Hidan was first to question me.

"What the fuck did you do, bitch?" he snapped, looking between me and the wreckage of my tiny little battle.

I heard a small voice whisper in the back of my head, a voice that did not belong to me. Lie, it said.

"They saw me, and they were going to attack me, but that tree fell on them," I said. That was a half-truth, even though I was the cause of the fallen tree. Hidan observed me skeptically, then shrugged, doing some hand signs to break the jutsu that kept me in place. Kakuzu was too wrapped-up in his victory and his bounty to care.

I walked over to them, sighing heavily. I felt really drained after that, and the sun was beginning to peek over the treetops. I had gone a full night without sleep, and I think me blasting three people into a tree didn't help, either.

Fatigued, I dragged my feet after the two homicidal maniacs, walking beside Hidan, who had my rope leash, and I wanted to be as far away from that bloody corpse as possible.

Me: *gasp* Maya has magical powers now! Hurrah! But look out, viewers. *dim lights and scary voice* There's a lot more to come. An unknown being begins haunting Maya's dreams, while she gets more trouble from the Akatsuki. Also, I'll try to update more frequently, and with longer chapters.

Kakuzu: Don't.

Me: Aww. You're just pissy that you have to join into the show now. Anyway, tune in next time! *waves, while beating Hidan with a rubber chicken*