10Disclaimer: Anyone who follows Hart Hanson on Twitter will know that I don't own Bones because Colombo, Oreo (don't own this either), Bones' writers/producers aren't allowed on fanfic.
Loved this show and these characters for a very long time. It pains me to see the direction it's going in right now, but Bones is the one show where I feel that no matter how wierd the story lines are, they always stay true to the characters. So to relieve some of my sadness, I wrote this, instead of studying for my exams. It's based of a Backstreet Boys song called Rebel and ever since I heard the lyrics I instantly thought of Booth and Bones. I started writing it before "The Doctor in the Photo" as an alternate ending to the episode before (hence the beginning) but the story line moves onto after the midseason finale.
Hope you guys enjoy!
How many times am I gonna let you walk right past?
Brennan waved at Parker as she watched Booth drive away with his son and Hannah. She watched the van vanish into the traffic and turned around slowly, a dull pain in her chest. Despite everyone else's claims that she should be aching at Booth's new relationship, she had stood firm in her belief that she was fine. That she was not jealous of Hannah.
She, Temperance Brennan, was an intellectual scientist, who thought with her brain and had conquered the human flaw of emotions. She did not let them govern her actions, which was the reason, she concluded as she raised her hand to signal a taxi, she had just had an excellent, pleasurable meal with her partner and his girlfriend.
Then why, she couldn't help ask, getting into the taxi, why did she have this pain in her chest? If Booth or Ange had spoken of heart ache, she would naturally inform them that a heart cannot physically ache due to mere emotions, that the phrase was another ill-used term. But now as she stared out the window, why was she so sure that the pain she was experiencing was more than psychological? That it felt her heart was literally aching, like a heavy object was constricting its beating.
And why, more importantly, could she pinpoint the exact moment that it started? When Parker had walked in with Hannah, clearly enjoying her company.
No, she corrected herself; she had felt it for the first time when Booth had spoken about Parker and Hannah together.
She sighed and leaned her head against the window of the cab. She was being irrational. She was behaving just like all the others who she usually scoffed at. But, she was human, albeit a much more intelligent organism of the species, she was still human. And as a human, she was subject to their flaw – she felt.
She felt it when Booth held Hannah's hand at the diner.
She felt it when she saw the two together.
If she was being truthful, she felt it the first time Booth told her he had a girlfriend.
Hell, she felt it at the airport when she saw him leave.
Perhaps all it really took was for the little boy who she idolized - who she had unconsciously come to think of her own - to move toward someone else, to finally know just how much she was feeling.
To realize that the more she let Booth walk away, the worse the feelings would get.
I swear sometimes I think I'm moving too fast,
Brennan slammed her apartment door shut, and leaned against it, heaving in deep breaths, wetness on her face. The weight of what she had just admitted was making her head spin, the rush of the truth was making her dizzy.
You never know if it's gonna last,
I guess that's what scares me sometimes.
This was why she had said no to him in the first place. She was scared of being rejected. Of being hurt. Of hurting Booth. Of losing him.
Of love.
Oh I know it ain't right
But I don't wanna let me care
I wanna know love but I'm a little scared
You never know what you're gonna get
That is what scares me sometimes
This case had taken its toll on her. If she believed in Sweets' psychology she would say it was due to her already fragile self after internally admitting her love for Booth.
She would say it was because every time she turned around, she saw Booth with Hannah. Angela with Hodgins. Cam with Michelle. Sweets with Daisy.
Her closest friends, all had someone closer. And she – she was left alone.
So yes, it would be appropriate to apply the unreal science here, and say it had been all too easy to identify with the dead scientist.
And now as she sat in Booth's van, dripping from the rain, she couldn't shake how uncharacteristic it was for her to be so relieved that the dead scientist had in fact been good. Because it meant that even though she Temperance Brennan was alone in her life, she was still a good person.
She sighed as she heard Booth voice out his concern for her. There was this nagging voice – she was no longer sure if it belonged to her or the doctor – that kept whispering the word regret. A
And before she could help it, she perceived herself voicing out the thoughts that had been consuming her ever since the dinner with Hannah and Parker. She knew it wasn't right: she knew Booth was already in a relationship and it wasn't fair to be putting him in such a situation. But at this moment, she didn't want to care about Hannah. At this moment, it was only meant to be about her and Booth, and she was terrified of his response before he even spoke.
"Hannah, she's not a consolation prize."
Those words pierced through. He loved her.
She didn't really know what sort of response she had been expecting, what answer she had been hoping to get from Booth.
And after experiencing the pain of what his words meant, it was no wonder, she told herself, not bothering to conceal her tears, that she had been so scared to tell the truth.
So scared of love.
How many people I've had hurt me back,
A tug of war and I'm so tired of that,
It had been a couple of weeks since Brennan had admitted her feelings for Booth. A couple of weeks since her world had been turned upside down.
But now everything was back to normal.
She would wake up and go to work. Sometimes there would be a murder which meant Booth. Sometimes there would be none. But there were always bones.
If there was a case, they would solve it. Her team would follow their procedure: Angela would reconstruct the face, Hodgins would stick his face to a microscope or perform an experiment, Cam would look at the flesh and supervise, Sweets would interject with his unreliable psychology that always helped, and she and Booth… they did their thing like nothing had changed. Talk to the suspects, examine bones, eat at the diner.
Brennan had prided her ability to compartmentalize; now she had to congratulate Booth at his ability to do so too.
She knew their choice to ignore that night, just like they had ignored the night when he had kissed her and told her to jump with him, stemmed from their desires to not hurt each other. They both had experienced enough pain in their lives, had caused enough pain too, that they no longer wanted to be associated with that concept.
So yes, Brennan concluded, as she chided Booth for stealing her food and laughed at his antics, things were back to normal.
"K, Bones, I've got to go," Booth stuffed the last fry in his mouth, and placed the napkin on the table, "I'm taking Parker and Hannah to the park."
She expressed the necessary goodbyes, and watched him walk out.
His image was soon replaced by the all too familiar ache in her heart.
Maybe everything wasn't back to normal yet.
She was getting tired of that wishful pang that always accompanied Hannah's name.
She was getting tired of this thing called love.
I'm letting all my guards down,
I'm done playing tough guy for now.
All she wanted was someone.
She had never required the company of another in her life. But right now, no matter how well she compartmentalized, she was still vulnerable.
She had let all her guards down when she had confessed to Booth, and she was having a hard time putting them back up.
She mused quietly, pulling out the money for the food, perhaps it wasn't that she needed to become stronger and go back to who she had been.
Perhaps what she really needed was to stop being so tough. To open up to someone - like she had to Booth. It wouldn't be easy, but maybe what she needed would make the process easier.
Maybe, she needed to find love.
Everybody deserves second chances,
That only flies in certain circumstances,
Can't keep running away from these feelings,
Everybody needs someone sometimes.
It was now a month since the moment Brennan had decided that she deserved a second chance at a relationship – similar to the second chance Booth had got with Hannah. Her team and she were together at one of the many charity events thrown by the Jeffersonian.
There was a lot of mingling and socializing, and for once, Brennan was enjoying it. She gently excused herself, walking toward the bar, still laughing at Angela's pregnancy story.
"You're Dr. Brennan right?" A voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked at the man who was leaning casually against the counter, waiting for his drink.
"Why yes," she affirmed, "And you are?"
"Jonathan Kerring. I'm a surgeon at St. Mary's. I've heard a lot about you. Your work, it's fascinating."
"Thank you," Brennan replied, genuinely touched. There was something about this man, this doctor that she found pleasantly appealing and down to earth. She accepted her drink from the bar tender and turned back to Jonathan. "Call me Temperance."
"Who's Bone's talking to?" Booth questioned, his eyes having followed his partner from the moment she had got up.
They all turned to look. "Mhmm, he's hot." Angela commented, licking her lips.
"Hey!" Hodgins interjected, indignantly, "That's my child you're carrying."
"Exactly, it's your fault I'm so full of hormones. Be thankful I'm not the one talking to him."
"Why would you want him, if you've got me?" Hodgins asked teasingly.
"You make a fair point, my friend," Angela grinned, leaning in to kiss her husband.
"Well, Angela's right, he is really good looking," Hannah added.
Booth frowned, "That's great, but who is he?"
"I think he's a doctor at St. Mary's," Cam answered, "Can't remember his name though."
"Well I hope Brennan gets some of that. It's been too long for her," Angela stated.
Booth shot a look in her direction, his mind not fully into the resumed conversation at the table, but rather with his partner who showed no intentions of returning, but was instead laughing at something the doctor had just said.
"Hey Bones, wanna grab dinner after we finish the paper work," Booth asked, filling in the suspect's name.
"I'm sorry Booth," Brennan said, her voice distant as she focused on the form at hand, "I've got plans with Jon."
"Oh," Booth tried to sound nonchalant, "How are things going with the two of you?"
This time Brennan lifted her head and smiled, "They're great. You know Booth, I understand how hard it was for you to move on, but how much you deserved it. And I think it's my turn now. Jon is quite intelligent, the conversations we have are extremely stimulating and he has a great sense of humour. The other day I told him my joke about the centralized blizzard and he laughed!"
Booth chuckled politely, an all too familiar pain that he had thought he'd gotten rid of, coming back to his heart.
There was a knock on the office door. The partners looked up to see Jonathan dressed in a casual shirt that did nothing to hide his muscled body, his brown hair charmingly dishevelled.
"Hey Booth," he greeted, nodding in his direction, and then addressing Brennan, "You ready Tempe?"
"I still have some paperwork. It shouldn't take too long."
"No, you know what Bones, you go ahead. I'll finish this."
"Are you su-"
Booth cut her off, "Definitely. You two enjoy yourselves." He ushered her out the door, unable to spend any more time in Jon's presence.
"Someone's grumpy today," Hannah commented, watching Booth's actions as he took off his jacket and shoes. "In fact, someone's been grumpy a lot lately."
Booth looked at his girlfriend, crestfallen, "Just a hard day at work. It's nothing." He kissed her quickly. "Just going to have a shower."
He didn't wait for reply, entering the bathroom and quickly stripping down. He adjusted the water and allowed the stream to hit his body and he sighed. He knew he wasn't being fair to Hannah. After all when Bones had basically said she wanted to be with him, hadn't he turned her down saying he loved Hannah? Then why was it now, when Bones with someone and was happy – just as she deserved - that he couldn't fight the jealousy? Especially since he had nothing to be jealous about, considering he was with Hannah.
He stepped out, drying off and pulling some clothes on. He walked to the kitchen pulling out some leftovers from the fridge and tossing them into the microwave.
"Hey Seely," Hannah spoke up from in front of the TV. "Can we talk?" she asked, turning it off.
He brought his food with him, sitting beside her on the couch. "What's up?"
"I want to go back."
He choked on the piece of chicken he had just chewed. Hannah waited for him to recuperate before continuing, "I tried living here, for you, but I can't do it. I'm sorry."
Booth just shook his head, trying to understand where all this was coming from. "What do you mean? When? What about us?" he voiced his confusion.
Hannah smiled sadly, "Us? Seely. there stopped being an 'us' a long time ago. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if there ever was an 'us.'"
"Hannah," he set his plate on the table, "What the hell are you talking about? I thought things were fine. Great, actually."
"They used to be," Hannah agreed, "But now? Seely, tell yourself the truth, because I can clearly see it. I tried to convince myself that you and Temperance were just partners, but ever since she started dating Jonathon… Look I'm not denying that you've been anything less than amazing to me, but I can't live in a relationship where you're clearly more concerned about someone else."
"Okay, that's not true. Yes, I have been concerned about Bones, but that's because she hasn't been in a relationship for a long time. I don't want her getting hurt, and none of us really know this guy. That doesn't mean I don't care about you."
Hannah laughed hollowly, "Seely open your eyes. I did. You love her. It's not just the whole Jonathan thing – it's everything. She's still the first one to know about things in your life, still the one you run to. You've tried really hard to make me welcome, you've shown me amazing love, but I'd kill myself before I came in between the two of you. I'm just sorry I took so long to realize this."
"Hannah…"
She shook her head, "I'm not being a martyr. I also can't stay in a relationship where it's not all about me. I deserve better. I'm not a rebound girl."
Booth sighed.
"I've already packed- I've been packing for the past few days – you've just been too engrossed with something else, or should I say someone else to notice."
Hannah looked at him and smiled softly, "Cheer up Seely. I'll keep in touch and you'll get Temperance. Maybe one day we can all have coffee and laugh about this."
"When are you leaving?" Booth asked, slumping slowly back into the couch, finally accepting the truth.
"The day after. Trust me, I didn't want to. But I couldn't fight for you any longer." She reached out and squeezed his hand.
"Seely we all need someone sometimes; the key is to not just settle, but to find someone who needs you back: Someone who loves you, and someone to love."
And before this moment fades away
I wanted you to know I've made mistakes
Even if there's no more words to say,
I tried to be better without you
Hannah left just as she'd said, saying brief goodbyes to her new friends and promising to keep in touch. That night Brennan cancelled her plans with Jonathan to show up at Booth's door, with a bottle of wine.
"How are you doing Booth?" she asked, care and genuine concern laced within her words.
Booth shrugged, "Been better," he said, allowing Brennan to enter.
She looked around: the apartment had gone back to the way she remembered. Just as all of Hannah's things had magically appeared one day, they had disappeared.
"Didn't you have plans with Jonathan tonight?" Booth asked pulling out two wine glasses and pouring the red alcohol into them.
"Yes, but I cancelled them. He's very understanding." She took a seat across from Booth at the table.
"Booth, what happened? Why did Hannah leave?"
He looked at her carefully; Hannah's words still fresh in his mind. His emotions still coursing through him. And he decided to go for the truth.
"She said I was still in love with you."
Brennan sat back a little, the surprise and shock flickered through her face briefly before disappearing. "Well did you tell her that it wasn't true? That she was not a consolation prize and you loved her?"
Booth placed his glass on the table, "No Bones, I didn't."
"Well, why not? That's what you told me. That's why I tried moving on. You said you lived with it, so I tried to live with it too. I tried to be better without you Booth, because you said you loved Hannah!"
He made no effort to stop her, watching as her usually well maintained emotions rose to the surface.
"Why are you telling me this now, when I might actually stand a chance at happiness?"
He hated the situation. He hated feeling so helpless. He hated that his girlfriend had just left without even discussing anything with him. And he hated how selfish he was being.
"Maybe I don't want this moment to pass away Bones. Maybe I figure if I tell you this now, it's better than later."
She shook her head at him, her eyes full of tears, "Is it because you think my love for Jonathan is not as important as the one you had for Hannah? That just because you think you made a mistake, I can just leave him?"
Her words slapped him and he whispered hoarsely, "You love him?"
Brennan faltered, "I… I … I don't know. I could love him. I don't know what to compare it to, to give you an honest answer."
"Then compare it to what you felt for me."
He met her eyes, and held on, because he couldn't give up.
"That's not fair Booth," she said weakly.
He knew it wasn't, but what choice did he have? What more words were there left to say?
"I have to go," Brennan got up, wiping her eyes, not looking back.
He let her leave.
Next time,
Love comes my way,
I'll let it happen, happen baby,
If ever I made, made a mistake
She didn't know how, but she drove straight to Jonathan's place. In the brief time she had been with him, she had finally done what everyone had been telling her to do all her life. She had opened up to him, let him see her true self, and she had grown to care for him deeply. She had grown to love the man that he was. He gave her the space she required, but was always there when she had to talk. Because now she did talk.
He had become her Booth, while her Booth was with Hannah.
He let her in when she knocked at the door, knowing exactly what had happened without hearing her say the words. But he listened anyways while she let out her anger, her fears and her frustrations.
He agreed with her, when she said Booth had behaved cowardly. He agreed when she said that Booth had no right to tell her this, while she was, for once in her life, in a happy relationship.
And then he took her hands and told her that what Booth had done was not cowardly, but his last attempt to be with her; that as a man who had loved her for the past five years, Booth had done the right thing by telling her the truth; that Booth was an honest man and a good man.
And then he kissed her softly and told her that she deserved to be loved, not as he had come to love her, but as Booth had always loved her.
She cried in his arms then, more than she ever had, amazed at how a mere few months ago she had not believed in love, but now, not only did she believe in it, she understood it and felt it. Felt it from the man who was holding her and for the man who she knew was waiting for her.
She drove back to Booth's apartment, knowing he wouldn't be sleeping.
He let her in without a word and waited knowing she would want to say something.
"I'm scared," she said and then paused, unsure of how to continue.
He added on for her, "Of not knowing how it will turn out."
Encouraged, she went on, "Of being hurt."
"Of doing the hurting," he finished.
They stood in silence for sometime for this was their second chance at love. To do it right.
"We will hurt each other Bones, it's a part of life."
"I know," she nodded, "We already have."
"But you came back to me," he pointed out.
"Because there's no one else I'd rather be scared with," she confessed.
He crossed the space between them and pulled her into his arms, hugging her fiercely.
"I missed you," he breathed into her hair, "I tried to do it without you, but it wasn't the same."
She pulled back and looked at him, "I missed you too."
He nodded as he held her face within his hands and kissed her, allowing the feel of her to wash over him.
She allowed his lips to mould over hers, his tongue to gently tease hers, his kiss to convey how much he loved her.
When they broke apart, breathing heavily, small smiles on their faces, she finally figured that it was time.
"I'm ready to love you Booth."
I've been a rebel too long,
Rebel too long,
Rebel too long,
Rebel too long.
Well, there you go. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and I hope I managed to capture to the characters. I know it's too angsty than what the show normally is, but blame that on the last episode:D If you have any suggestions (it is my first Bones fic) please review. If you just want to comment on anything, please review. If all you did was just read this and have nothing worth sharing, still review:D
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