They were now sitting side by side on the cold bench as the cool air swirled around them, each of them thinking about the way things were turning out.
Pulling him from his thoughts Kate asked, "Rick?"
"Why did you go to the Hamptons the first time anyway?"
If he was surprised by how up front she was, he didn't show it. He probably expected her to ask this question, after all he sometimes knew her better than she knew herself.
"Do you know those times when you want something so bad that when it doesn't happen, you're just so disappointed and aggravated?"
"Yes, I know what you mean."
"You and I are alike in the sense that when we both want something, we go for it. But you… you handle it in a way that I admire."
"By being consumed in it?" she said with a chuckle.
"In a way yes. You have tenacity and a persistence that I lose after a certain amount of time. I just needed space then."
"Like now?" She questioned.
"Did distancing yourself work?"
"In a way, yes." He said cryptically in a near whisper.
It seemed to her that there were a lot of silences between them. They used to happen on occasion, sometimes in the car to a crime scene or sometimes while they waited in the break room for a case. Nowadays though, they seemed much more frequent and she was struggling to keep up.
Rick was always one step ahead of her in those silences. He always found a way to soothe the detective's troubles away in them and start up a conversation, even to make her smile for an instant. When he doesn't though, the silence is deafening to her and she struggles to capture the words often left unsaid, that will perhaps only leave his mind in his books.
"What were you distancing yourself from then?" She asked.
"The same thing I am trying to do now." He replied.
"Rick, not everything is rainbows and butterflies. You can make it through this hardship, I know you can. Whatever it is, you can do it." She insisted, knowing he was moments away from leaving.
"I feel weak all the time Kate. I feel like it's inevitable that I'll crumble and fall to pieces. I fear each day that it will happen. I don't want to anymore."
"I don't want you to go." She admitted quietly.
"This isn't some walk in the park for me either Kate. I don't want to go either."
"So don't!" she said.
He could see that it was hard for her to portray her feelings. These were the times that he knew she was most vulnerable. Rick felt that if he just touched her she would break.
"Kate…" he warned, knowing if she'd ask, he'd comply.
"Stay in the city Rick."
She watched as his expression turned to a dramatic degree of sadness. His resolve was crumbling and she could see in his eyes he was trying to build walls up between the two of them.
I'll fight everyone of them to fall right back down, she thought.
"For me." She added.
For once, she was finally able to catch up to him in the unspoken conversation.
He would stay. For her.