4A/N: Just something that leaped in my head today. A little one-shot about Alex's state of mind. Alex POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own Alex Rider!
Emptiness is one of the worst feelings one could have. How do I know this? Well, I've felt empty for a long time. To be precise, since I was fourteen. Since my uncle died. The events that followed his dead only added to the hole of emptiness that slowly grew bigger over the years only to swallow me whole one day.
All those missions, all those things I've seen. Things a normal teenager should never even imagine to see in his life. And now I know what this feeling means. Ever since MI6 began to use me, my soul slowly, but steadily died piece by piece.
Every time I see a man shot in front of my eyes, every time I kill someone the emptiness takes another part of the small remains of my humanity. My soul withered over time and now I have reached the point where there is no turning back, no escape except maybe death. And I would gladly end it all.
I feel nothing. My inside is blank, there are no longer any emotions left in me. I don't care about anything anymore. Death would be relief in my eyes. I could end it, here and now, but I don't have the strength. I no longer have control over my life. It was taken from me a long time ago.
I don't remember how it was to be innocent, carefree or happy. MI6 destroyed these memories and at the same time they took my life from my hands. They made me a weapon. A lethal, inhuman monster with no regrets, no bounds. That's what I am now.
Barely three years ago my childhood ended and see what I am now. I never wanted this, but I had no chance. An empty shell, that's all what's left of me. I've been dead inside for years. It's only a matter of time until it finally ends. I hope it'll come sooner rather than later, but it's not my decision to make.
They will call again soon. But I won't fight. It won't change a thing. Because, I, Alex Rider, am just a tool in the great scheme of things. I don't have the right to make decisions. I am just an empty shell.