Disclaimer: Y'all know what goes here. Not mine. Not making money. Having fun. No Ranger or Ranger parts were harmed in the writing of this.

A/N: Pure silly fluff. Not for cupcakes or tarts unless you can take a bit of fun. Don't drink and read. Fair warning. Sing this to the tune of 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas' ...oh, and don't drink while reading it. The funniest bits are virtually unchanged from the original song...

Hope it makes you grin. Merry whatever you celebrate this time of year!

I want my sexy Ranger for Christmas
Only my sexy Ranger will do
Don't want Santos or that ass Joe Morelli
I want my Ranger's kisses to turn my knees to jelly

I want my own sexy Ranger for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won't have to use any dirty chimney flue
I'll fob myself onto seven
that's the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning
lying in his bed
Oh what joy and what surprise
when he opens up his eyes
to see his sexy Bombshell lying there

I want my sexy Ranger for Christmas
Only my sexy Ranger will do
No Tank or Hal, no Bobby, Cal or Ram
I only love my sexy Ranger man
And my sexy Ranger man loves me too

(short musical interlude)

Mom says my Ranger would eat me up, but then
Grandma says my Ranger is a vegetarian

(short musical interlude)

There's lots of room for me in his giant King size bed
I'll feed him there and love him there and stroke his lovely head

I can see me now on Christmas morning
lying in his bed
Oh what joy and what surprise
when he opens up his eyes
to see his sexy Bombshell lying there

I want my sexy Ranger for Christmas
Only my sexy Ranger will do
No Tank or Hal, no Bobby, Cal or Ram
I only love my sexy Ranger man
And my sexy Ranger man loves me too