Yu-Gi-Oh! © Takahashi Kazuki
Harry Potter © J.K. Rowling
Summary: After Voldemort died, he was sent to "hell". Let's just hope the Yu-Gi-Oh! world is prepared... Erm, crack...?
Black emptiness enveloped Voldemort after he had died from the hands of Potter boy. Damn, Potter boy, damn him! He reached out to touch the blackness, trembling a little. The darkness lingered everywhere, making Voldemort feel frightened, and want to pee his pants. How could he have lost? His plans were perfect, he had the Death Eaters to worship and obey him. Wait, where the bloody hell were they?
"Heyyy there, Voldemort! You're looking pretty shabby over there! Died by little ol' Potty, didn'tcha? Ha ha, FAIL."
Voldemort jumped at the sound of a booming voice right above him. "Harry Potter was simply lucky." He glared above himself, feeling as though he were going barmy. Merlin, this was worse then talking to Peter Pettigrew. And that was pretty bad. "If only Narcissa Malfoy had said he was still alive—he would be dead. I would have finished him off, taken over the all of Great Britain, and then -"
"Nah, you would still be the loser. See, Harry Potter would have still kicked your arse. Hey, do you even have one?" The voice asked distractedly, its tone full of curiosity. A lot of people are curious about that, too.
"Why are we even having a discussion about this? I would defeat Harry Potter!"
"Nah, ya wouldn't have."
"Now, let's get down to business! Do you repent?"
Voldemort's eyebrow rose in wonder. "Repent?" he repeated quizzically. "Repent for what?"
"…" The emptiness sighed. "Merlin, you're a real douche. Do you repent for all the sins crimes committed to others?"
"I was doing them a favour!" Voldemort insisted stubbornly, eyes narrowed as he continued on a rant. "A bloody good favour! Getting rid of those disgusting Mudbloods who were tainting our society, and those patchetic blood traitors and muggles! And then, those who obeyed me and were pureblood would respect me and work under me faithfully!"
"Uh, so you killed people because of that? Huh, you're reminding me of Hitler. He was pretty hard to deal with back then, now that I think of it." The voice sounded reminiscent. "Ah, enough about this. Anyway, how can you not repent? If you fully repent, your punishment might lessen for you. Think about it, your decisions killed so many good people like Severus Snape, Fred Weasley, Remus Lupin, and so many others. Oh, and Dumbledore. He's got an awesome beard; I'm almost jealous. Where is your heart or regret?"
Voldemort shook his head, faithful in his beliefs. "No, in fact, I am happy—no, overjoyed that what I did killed those people. I am not repenting. Anyway, are you perhaps God or some religious being?"
"What are you talking about, you big bald idiot? I'm the Black Void." The voice corrected him, and sighed rather boredly. "Voldemort, formerly known as Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr, has shown no repentance for his sins. He will be sent to the third hell for 341 years as his punishment. May his mangled soul be punished, and horror befall him endlessly before he spends eternity in the sixth hell." As Voldemort was about to question it, he blacked out.
"Oh, my Ra! Is that young man dead?"
Voldemort rubbed his eyes, and suddenly saw he was on a cold, white sidewalk. A small hand suddenly came into his line of vision. "Sir, are you okay? If you aren't, just believe in the heart of the cards! They will help you through anything!" a high-pitched voice asked worriedly, and Voldemort pondered on whether it were male or female. 'Must be female,' he decided as he rubbed his eyes.
"I suppose so…" Voldemort answered coldly, gazing around the area he had found himself in. The bright, vibrant colours flashed and surrounded him, and the strange spiky-haired it in front of him reminded Voldemort of something familiar. Strangely familiar. Creepily familiar. Oh, Merlin, now he remembered. 'Strange,' he thought as he felt actual hair on his head, 'I could've sworn I made Severus and Bellatrix end my eternal membership at that gay club by killing the owners…'
"Oh, thank Ra! I knew if I believed in the heart of the cards, you would turn out okay!" the it exclaimed loudly in great joy, grinning goofily at Voldemort. "Do you feel better, now?" It's innocent smile made Voldemort want to vomit.
Voldemort coldly gazed at the it again, a look of confusion on his face, "I demand to know who and what are you. Are you an elf?" That did make sense. He was short, and his purple eyes were unusual. However, this couldn't be North Pole... Unless those storybooks lied! They must've!
The it giggled and actually patted Voldemort's shoulder, "I'm Yugi Mutuo, the sixteen year old King of Card Games in the most super special awesome place, which is Domino, Japan." Oh. Japan. So, did Santa live in Japan? Interesting!
"I thought Asians had tiny eyes… And how dare you touch me, you insolent fool! Avada Kedavra…" Voldemort remembered he didn't have his wand anymore, because of that stupid Potter boy and his bugger friends. "Those wankers…" Voldemort seethed under his breath, his fists curling angrily.
"Huh?" Yugi tilted his spiky head, and several girls that were nearby paused to say "aww" at his expression and voice. "there aren't any wankers here. Maybe Katsuya, but that's a different story. You're also free to stay at my house! It's also a card-game shop! We can have a sleepover with Katsuya, and Anzu-chan, and Hiroto, and Seto-kun, and, Ryou-kun, and Marik, and-"
"Go away, you foolish little boy! Before I kill you and mount you on a wall!" Voldemort roared in anger at Yugi, who became saddened and began pouting cutely.
"W-well," Yugi suddenly started crying harder and harder by the second, "I-I truly believed in the heart of the wonderful cards t-that you would come to my sleepover… I r-really did…" Yugi began sniffling, and his body was soon racked with sobs. Voldemort snorted and turned his head away, only to face the insane and rabid fangirls of the infamous Yugi Mutuo (even though it was actually Yami who they got nosebleeds for, not Yugi).
"You sick, dirty bastard! How dare you make such an innocent, little boy cry like a baby and call for his momma! And after he believed in the heart of the cards for you. You make everyone sick with the way you are! What a bully– no, what a pedophile you are! Girls, lets beat him with our maximised strawberry lip gloss!" one of the craziest girls commanded, glaring at Voldemort with a snarl on her pale features. Voldemort snorted once again, rolling his eyes at the girls.
"Like you would manage to–"
The girls quickly ganged up on Voldemort, and he could not find any strength to push the crazy girls away. 'The damned Void took away my strength! I'm as weak as that Yugi boy!' Voldemort angrily thought in his head, eyes narrowed. Oh, how painful for him. Voldemort couldn't take enough of the smell of the pungent strawberries, and the impact of the metal shield that held the lip glosses. He quickly ran to Yugi, and managed to blurt out, "F-fine. I'll stay with you… I," he choked a bit, hacking up for five minutes, "ap-ap-apologise."
Yugi stopped crying, and he grabbed his Millennium Puzzle proudly. "Did you hear that, Yami? I truly believed in the heart of the cards, and they helped me!" Voldemort gazed down at Yugi, annoyance flickering in his eyes. Who the bloody hell was he talking to? Great, he had to stay with an insane boy..."
"Yugi!" a shrill voice suddenly shouted, and Yugi and Voldemort turned to see a girl in a skimpy outfit with short brown hair coming their way. "Who's that?"
"My newest friend! His name is… what is your name?" Voldemort was about to answer when Yugi suddenly opened his mouth, "We'll call you Steve, and this is Anzu!" Yugi gestured to the skimpy looking girl, a large grin on his face.
Voldemort was about to object when something hit the back of his head. He picked it up, cringing to see it was… Lip gloss. He gazed behind him to see the army of rabid fangirls, each of them with their lip glosses in one hand. Voldemort quickly turned around, addressing Yugi, "Fine."
"So, he's your friend, Yugi? Oooh! Let's make friendship bracelets! Oh, my Ra, we haven't said our chant yet, Yugi!" Anzu suddenly gasped, and Yugi did as well. Both stuck their wrists out, showing off bracelets that said, "Bestest Friends for Life!" Anzu also added on hers, "with benefits (with the Other Yugi)!"
"OKAY! LET US COMMENCE THE CHANT!" Yugi and Anzu shouted, both running around in a circle around Voldemort. "Friendship, friendship, if you don't want it, suck on Moby Dickkkkkk~! Friends for life, if you don't want it, end your life, using a knife! Friends, friends, friends, friendssssss~!"
Voldemort could already tell he was going to kill something soon… Maybe a ladybug or an ant.
The Void giggled to itself as it watched Voldemort from the security cameras. "Haha, what fun! This is all thanks to you two~." It gazed upon the two figures, one with a gentle smile, the other with a wide smirk on his face. "Mr. Albus Dumbledore and Mr. Fred Weasley."
"Bloody hell, yes!" Fred roared with laughter as he saw lip gloss get thrown at Voldemort. "If only George were here, we'd totally mess up Voldemort's hell. Make the rotten wank pee his pants. And I'd do the better job; I am the better looking twin, right? What do you think, Professor Dumbledore?"
Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled in amusement at Fred's words. "It's no longer Professor Dumbledore, it's Albus. Although, seems like Mr. George Weasley and Ms. Angelina Johnson have been getting closer and closer." Fred dramatically grasped his chest. "Ah, young love..."
"Ohh, how could Gred do this?" He groaned playfully, as he zoomed in on a picture of his dear George and Angelina on a date. "Too bad I died. Mum wouldn't have mixed up anymore, with Georgie's ear gone and all." Fred pondered on that for a moment. "Maybe I should've gotten rid of my ear too! Then we'd be perfectly identical again!"
The Void rolled its eyes as Dumbledore smiled softly. "Swell idea, Mr. Weasley. However, should we not plan Voldemort's demise?" Dumbledore chuckled darkly, making a random rock appear on the sidewalk where Voldemort was walking on to make him trip. "Oh, what joy this gives me..."
Let's hope I don't fail at this story… Exactly how many times did the heart of the cards come up?
2013- why did i write this...? Did anyone even genuinely like this...?