Eugene hadn't learned much since he became a part of the royal family. Sure, there were the weekly meetings to discuss budget deficits, the rising issue of religion-induced war in the Middle East, and the bakery strike in nearby Sicily. To the kingdom, all hot topic issues. To the former thief, all comic relief in the newspapers. Which, to him, would make them a hell of a lot more amusing to read- if he ever picked up one, that is?

No, there was only so little that ever truly stuck with him so deeply it was forever present in his long-term memory: how to rob a bank wagon in broad daylight, how to skirt around Future King Logistics 101 by claiming Blondie was sick, how to immediately know the queen is actually being humorous- the corner of her mouth twitches ever so slightly.

One thing Eugene did not know, however, was that Rapunzel, the future queen and his future wife, swam naked. Not in a swimsuit, not in a corset and panties. Naked naked.

"Oh, hey, Eugene!" She greeted him merrily, pausing in her strokes to move toward the edge, pressing her chest against the concrete- and wow, look at that bird in the sky!

"Hey, Blondie. Wha- what cha doin'?"

"Swimming," Rapunzel answered like it was the most normal thing in the world for her to be outside, in public view of anyone who just happened to walk up, naked as the day she was born, "I love the feeling of floating around in the water. Especially when the closest I'd ever gotten to it was in the bathtub." Eugene was running out of things to look at.

There's plenty to look at on her. Jumping at the sudden carnal voice, he glanced over to see a miniature Flynn Rider atop his shoulder, peering down with his famous flashy grin.

Give the guy a break, would ya? An equally smaller Eugene interrupted Flynn on the opposite shoulder. At least he's trying to be courteous- unlike you.

What can I say? I'm one-hundred percent man- unlike you. Mini-Eugene crossed his arms, scoffing as mini-Flynn smirked in satisfaction.

"Eugene? Is everything all right?"

"Yeah." The two answered in unison while Flynn simply eyed Rapunzel's breasts. "I think the sun is getting to me." Or causing me to become completely batshit crazy.

"Hmm… well maybe you should go back inside. That way you can cool off." God knows what made him stall there for a moment, but it was certainly a moment too long. Especially when she opened her mouth to vocal her next thought. "Or you can jump in here with me."

Damn his etiquette instructor; he tugged long and hard on the collar now constricting around his neck.

"I- I can't."

"Why not?" It was at this moment she decided to move away from the edge. On her back. With everything else above the water, floating and glistening from the water coating her supple flesh-

Yeah, why not? Flynn's eager smirk grew in size, along with a certain member of his anatomy.

Stop egging him on! Eugene shouted, grasping the hairs on his chin to swing around and glare at the thief. You're just going to make him horny!

"Shut up!" Eugene muttered, swatting at the little fellow who continued to protest.

"Excuse me?" He froze, hand in mid-swat, as Rapunzel moved towards him again, "Is something wrong?"

"Yes." I'm hallucinating that there are two doppelgangers arguing whether or not to fuck you in a swimming pool.

"Yes?" The confusion was obvious on her face as her palms came to rest on the ground near his boots. The slick, dripping limbs lead his eye up to a pale chest, dabbled with tiny brushing of freckles- "What's wrong, then?"

"Um." Eugene could count on one hand how many times he'd uttered that phrase in his lifetime. Flynn Rider did not say um. Flynn Rider always knew what to say. You're not Flynn anymore.

Yeah, too bad. While you enjoy staring at those rosebushes, I'm gonna enjoy staring at your girlfriend's assets. It would do no good to argue with the tiny devil on his shoulder; after all, Flynn had a point. Of course Eugene would much rather gaze at the glory of Rapunzel's… features. However, with the two being out in the open where anyone peeking through a window or strolling through the garden could see them, weighed heavily in his mind.

Apparently this never crossed Rapunzel's mind, though, because now she was pushing herself out of the water. His friend Jack had told him about these creatures, had warned Flynn about the dangers of sirens. Every reasonable thought was swept away in one instance as she stood before him, hair clinging to the soft skin of her neck, lips parted in mid-sentence, eyes narrowed in misunderstanding.

Faintly, he could hear Flynn cheering in the background as Eugene hauled Rapunzel up to his mouth, eager lips crushed against open ones. She squeaked once, her frame tightening underneath his, until another second passed. After that second, she was merely pudding under his touch; pudding that whimpered when he broke the kiss.

"Rider!"

Oh, shit! It was the last thing Eugene registered from mini-Flynn before a massive wave of pain slammed into his back, threatening to dislodge his spine from his head.

"Rider, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"He wasn't doing anything! Why did you tackle him? Eugene, are you okay?" Somewhere through the haze of agony, he heard the princess scoff. "Honestly."

"Princess, with all due respect, you're…."

"Swimming? So that's illegal now?"

"…naked."

"And?"

"And… we thought that Rider here was trying to-"

"Trying to what?" If it wasn't obvious Rapunzel had no intention of pursuing anything sexual with him that day, it was now.

At least the heat-induced doppelgangers could stop arguing, then.

"If I wanted to have sex with him, I wouldn't be doing it out here. We have a room for that, you know."

Please stop talking, Blondie. "Now, unhand him before I send for the king, as I'm sure he won't be happy about you injuring my boyfriend, among other things." Eugene repressed a smirk as the guards mumbled their scattered apologies and fumbled away from the pool area. "Eugene?"

"Hmm?" Afraid of making any sudden movements, he opted to let himself be pulled into her embrace, assets pressed against his own chest. So maybe his spine was broken, who would care about permanent paralysis at a time like this?

"Should I call for the doctor? Are you dying? If you're dying, you have to let me know because I'm not very good at assessing injuries, unless you're bleeding like you were last time and, oh gosh, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have brought that up but this is quite frightening and I'm not sure what I should do-"

Screw paralysis, Eugene thought to himself as he flung himself up and silenced her with another kiss that always seemed to do the trick, I can't have her hyperventilating. "I guess that means you're not dead, right?" Rapunzel giggled softly as he nuzzled at her neck, brushing the wet hair away to place a line of kisses there.

So while his girlfriend continued her laughter at his antics, Eugene realized that he not only worshipped the sun for the energy it brought to him, for the power it had bestowed upon Rapunzel which in turn brought them together, but also for the fact it caused his girlfriend to swim naked in the heat of it.

Heliolatry- the worship of the sun