Author's Note: Hey, so I wrote this a couple years ago, but I only put it on my live journal. I wanted more people to read it, though, so I decided to post it here as well. It's a re-write of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, from the rhyming style to the formatting, and even a bit of the moral of the story. I would highly suggest reading that Dr. Suess story first, or this fanfic is just going to look ridiculous. XD It's also a little outdated when it comes to my writing quality, but it's not too bad…
It's a little quirky, but I hope you fellow Harry/Draco fans like it. ^_^
Every cod down in Hogwarts liked Potter a lot.
But Draco, who lived just under Hogwarts, did not.
He hated Potter, and the whole Golden Threesome!
Now, please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be that he was turned down in first year.
Or perhaps because Potter didn't know he was queer.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
Was that Draco was a virgin and Potter- not at all.
But whatever the reason, his pride or his cock,
He stood there on the Pitch, hating the lot.
Staring up from the field, with a sour Malfoy glower,
At the warm-lighted windows on Gryffindor tower.
For he knew every cod up in Hogwarts above,
Was busy now, cheering for the Potter they love.
"And they're making their banners!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow's the game! It's practically here!"
His minions watched him, while nervously grinning.
"I MUST find a way to keep Potter from winning!"
For tomorrow he knew…
All the good girls and boys sleeping up in their rooms,
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their brooms!
And then! Oh the noise! Oh the noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise! That's the one thing he hated!
The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then with Potter's victory, they'd sit down to drink.
And they'd drink! And they'd drink!
And they'd DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
They would start on butterbeer, and rare firewhiskey.
And other drinks made for that bourgeoisie!
And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Gryffindor with a bed, the tall and the small,
Would all pair up with others (first years, of course, lagging)
They'd go hand-in-hand… And the prats would start shagging!
They'd shag! And they'd shag!
And they'd SHAG! SHAG! SHAG! SHAG!
And the more Draco thought of this whole victory fling,
The more Draco thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
Why, for seven long years I've put up with it now!
I most stop Potter from winning… but HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
DRACO GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" Draco laughed with his ilk.
And he make a quick outfit of leather and silk.
And he chuckled and primped, "What a great Malfoy trick!
With these pants and this shirt, I'd draw any gay prick!
All I need is the password…"
Draco looked around. But since traitors were scarce, there were none to be found.
Did that stop old Draco? No! Draco simply said,
"If I can't get the password, I'll sneak in instead!"
So he called over Blaise, and told him the plan.
And thus scaling the wall to the window began.
He had bathed in cologne and took care of his hair.
Then followed Blaise onto the ledge, after saying a prayer.
Then Draco said, "Let's go!" And the pair started to climb,
Towards the beds where the Gryffindors were having a time.
All the windows were dark. Muffled lust made it warm.
All the Gryffindors were dreaming wet dreams with the norm.
When he came to the first fluffy bed in the dorm.
"This is the one," Draco sneered with a strut.
And he climbed on the bed and pulled the curtains shut.
Then he cast up a charm that would muffle the noise,
To make sure they wouldn't be waking the boys.
He got stopped only once, for a moment or two.
Then Draco's morals disappeared through his mental Floo.
And he stared down at Potter, who slept like a rock.
"Those lips," he grinned, "are the first things to debauch!"
Then he slithered in the blanket, with a smile most unpleasant,
And proceeded to take every sexual present!
Frenching! Fingers! Fellatio! Hicks!
Orgasms! Rimming! Stroking! And licks!
Potter had started to put up a fight,
But he was teen and this felt, well, right.
Then Draco, rolled over and offered his own,
And it was clear that old Potter was right in his zone.
He took Draco's virtue, he took every base,
He lost all control in that lusty embrace.
He ate out old Draco, that twisted old lad,
Why that Potter took every last innocence he had!
Potter looked dazed, Draco thought with great glee,
"And NOW!" grinned Draco, "Is the best part for me…"
And Draco grabbed Potter and started to push,
When a yell of horror kept him from impaling the tush.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small lion.
Little Ron Weasley stared in shock at the scion.
Draco had been caught by this flushed Weasley flower
Who'd got out of bed for a soothing cold shower.
He started at Draco and said, "M-Malfoy, why…
Why are you shagging our Harry? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Draco was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Oh Weasel, don't worry," Draco faked a smile, "You have nothing to fear
This is a potion that makes your worst horrors appear.
This isn't real, so go onto bed. There's much better dreams to be dreaming instead."
The fib fooled the lion. Then he staggered away.
Hoping he was still asleep and his mind led astray.
And when little Ron Weasel disappeared, the old schmuck,
Draco turned back to Potter and stuffed his dick up.
The last thing he did was clean them up in a flash,
And Stunned Potter, before he went to their stash.
Then he took every drink he could find in the room.
Every last drop of alcohol his friends could consume.
In the room, he left not a single bit of proof
That he'd violated their Chosen One, world-saving pouf.
And the one bit of spunk that he didn't clean up
Could have been blamed on any old pup.
It was quarter to noon…
All the boys on their rides,
And all Quidditch fans down below picking sides.
Draco followed Potter up in the air,
And was delighted to see Potter distraught from the affair.
He was plainly distracted and tried think clear.
Couldn't think of the man who had turned him quite queer.
Draco dove with a move he had called Malfoy Hatchet
And reached for the Snitch and he knew he would catch it.
"Pooh-Pooh to that Potter!" he was Malfoyishly humming. "He's finding out now that no victory is coming.
He's just looking down! I know just what he'll do! His mouth will hang open a minute or two,
Then him and those Gryffindors will all cry BOO-HOO!
That's a noise," grinned Draco, "That I simply must hear!"
So he paused, gripping the Snitch and put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising up from the crowd.
It started in quiet. Then it soon became loud…
But this sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared up at the score. Draco popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a terrible surprise!
He had caught the Snitch, but the lions were points ahead.
And Gryffindor had won by a very thin thread.
He HADN'T stopped victory from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or another, it came just the same!
And Draco, with his fingers still gripping the ball,
Stood glaring and fuming, wanting something to maul.
"How could it be so? It came with my plots! It came with my plans!
It came despite everything I had done with my hands…"
And he sat there three hours 'til his poor arse was sore.
Then Draco thought of something he hadn't before.
"Maybe winning," he thought, "doesn't come from a plot…
And I've lost my virginity to someone quite hot!"
And what happened then…?
Well, in Hogwarts they say, that our Draco fell for Harry Potter that day.
And the minute his pants started feeling quite tight,
He whizzed with his load through the afternoon light!
And he brought the alcohol and was forgiven on sight.
And he… HE HIMSELF… Draco, was Potter's lay for the night.
A/N: Merry Christmas everyone!
Also: "He whizzed with his load through the afternoon light" is a line quote from the book. Just… throwing that out there.
Summary: "Every cod down in Hogwarts liked Potter a lot. But Draco, who lived just under Hogwarts, did not." A re-telling of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" by Dr. Suess. (I highly suggest reading that one first)Concrit?: Sure. ^^