6A/N: And another story that jumped into my head ;) I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider!
Death.
Many would say it's something natural, something that belongs to life. But death isn't always natural. Not all humans die of old age, peaceful in their sleep. Yes, I know, there are also illnesses or accidents. But that's not what I mean. My point is, I haven't seen as many natural deaths as deliberately caused ones in my short life. This other, unnatural kind of death gives a whole new meaning to the word itself. It tells you the story of a life that was taken from someone purposely. Sometimes it happens because of revenge, sometimes it's because of anger, sadness or love. All of these reasons have something to do with emotion.
On the other side there are persons who got no problem with taking a person's life. I encountered many of their kind, although I only respected a few of them. These men and women don't regret their actions like others would. Often they get paid to end someone's life, or it is part of their jobs. Either way, they don't fear death, they even work with it on a daily base. It's disturbing, I know, but with time you just adjust to it.
Because in my world, death is nothing special. I know that in my line of work, it frequently comes earlier than normal. There's this catchy phrase: 'You're never too young to die'. Well, my employers seem to like it. I have looked death in the eye so many times already and often only narrowly escaped. One day, my luck of the devil will run out, but by then I'll greet death with open arms.
My life was destroyed early. Time only added to my internal collapse. One event that made me beyond repair took place when I was only 15. This one particular mission destroyed my last chance to be normal. It was then that I first lifted a gun to someone's head and pulled the trigger without hesitation. And I felt nothing, no remorse, no emotion, only emptiness. The man just died, killed by a bullet and I know now that at this moment, the last part of my humanity died, too.
I've never really feared death, but until this moment I had respected it. After my first kill it became a part of who I am. I am a killer, a weapon. I am one of the people who take a life and ain't sorry. There's no hope left for me. Before the whole affair with MI6 started I myself was disgusted by these people. I couldn't understand their motives, their drive.
Now I know and I wish I wouldn't. Because there is no drive, no aim. People like me do like they are told. We are tools for the so-called 'higher ups'. They use our talents, our ability to kill without feeling. They are the true monsters. They made us who we are. All the assassins, spies and soldiers are only there to accomplish the beliefs of their organisations, employers and governments. We don't have a right to say in the matter. They tell us, we fulfil their orders. Nobody asks questions.
However, in the end everyone dies. The lucky ones survive until retirement, but these cases are rare and most of them never get over their misdeeds, even though they didn't do anything except doing as they were told. And the others, well, lets just say I will be one of them for sure. One of the ones who will find death in some dirty rat hole on the other side of the world. Because that's the fate of most spies. I am only 16, but death is never far away these days. I only have to wait. If someone was to talk about death I'd just smirk and think about how lucky they were. They don't know the real world. And I hope it'll stay that way.
In upcoming time my life will end and I will hopefully, finally find peace. I don't fear death anymore, for me it symbolises redemption.
Redemption from a life I never wanted, a life as a killer. I know nobody will remember me and that's a good thing. Thus they won't ever know what I've done and will also not be at risk to follow my path.
Because nobody deserves my fate.
Alex Rider, MI6 teenage spy
A/N: Please tell me what you think!