Dedicated to LemonCheese. All I can say is, without her I never would have written this.
Petunia could still remember that fateful day that she met Rick Astley in the flesh. Right now, she was in bed, with a room full of ginger babies. How in the name of Rick Rolling did she end up in this situation?
It was a few days after they had to move since her sister's son had buggered off to save the wizarding world. Vernon (who is the walrus) was a depressing excuse of a husband, if I do say so myself.
"Bacon sandwiches, is that you?"
"I really hate women who actually think sex means something!"
"Did you come yet dear?"
"Where the hell did I leave that mutton?"
Sigh, it was difficult living life when a wizard had rejected you from his school and when you suggested food during sex your husband says "I want to serve you with potatoes!"
Maybe I'd go on the computer and check my email. That was harmless enough. I logged on, and checked my mail. One of Vernon's work friends had sent me something about a new cleaning brand, which seemed really exciting. It was a Youtube video which promised more exciting detail. Maybe this time, my kitchen would actually sparkle.
I clicked the link…
Eighties music started up and a ginger man filled the screen.
Was he going to introduce the product?
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around, and desert you!
In red lettering, the phrase "You have been Rick Rolled :-) " flashed on the screen.
What the hell was a Rick Roll?
The worrying thing was, Rick Astley was now standing right in front of me, 3D and everything.
"Llllllllllllllllllllladies." He grinned, gesturing to me.
"How-what-why-what" I spluttered, but he just grinned in a maniacal way that only a ginger can do.
"Petunia, all I can say is that I will never give you up, let you known, or run around and desert you. Now, WHO WANTS TO MAKE GINGER BABIES?"
Oh my god.
Soon enough, the one and only Rick Astley was giving me a striptease, to Flo Rida's Right Round, which was giving me horrible ideas. It was a mash up with his own song.
You spin my head right round, right round when we're no strangers to love, when you go down down I'll never run around and desert you…
And then, Rick Astley took a running leap and tried to penetrate me.
And that's when Vernon Dursley ran in covered in butter and shouted, "PORK IN THE NAME OF GRAVY!"
And then me and Rick looked up at him, and we all had cool reaction shots.
And that's what you missed, on .
This is the weirdest thing I've ever written in my life e-v-e-r, but I enjoyed it :') I know it's not koala tea but it was fun and the ship name is Pastley, just so you know. Maybe I've started a trend OOOooOOOooo00ooo ANYWAY yeah :')