BEWARE: SKIP THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN S06E09 –SLIGHT SPOILERS- OR IF YOU DO NOT LIKE LONG PSYCHOTIC (PHSYCOTIC, PSYCOTIC) RAMBLINGS …
Heyy I don't know what to say. I'm still in shock from this week's episode. It took me so long to stop totally freaking out, I had to call my 2 Bones besties (Liv n Jess, thanks for being amazing) with one phone on each ear, and we talked about it and cried for almost 2 hours. I feel a tad better now; at least I've stopped shaking. . . .HANNAH! Even more now… the possibilities would be so much better if she didn't exist. I seriously think she should die. But then that would make Booth sad, and Brennan, and everyone. It shouldn't. And I can't believe he chose his girlfriend of six months over the love of his life whom he has known for six years. It all happened the wrong way around. Booth, if you didn't want to hurt Bones then you would have chosen correctly. This is making me sad again… :'( I miss before Hannah; it was all so much happier and easier. Now it's just all lying and hating. Season six sucks. I wish they would just get on with it and kill Hannah; Brennan was so lonely that she went crazy about the victim. She's going to be so hurt when we finally see them again. Then I hope Angela sees how miserable Brennan will be, and bashes Booth cos Angela is superwoman-dominatrix :P hahaha she so is cos Ange is cool. Now I'm happy, I hope I haven't bored you to tears with my ramblings, I just needed to get it out of me and now I feel better.
Okay, on with the story…
I am not alright. I have to repeat that I will be; it doesn't change anything. I can hope, but not change reality.
In reality I am sad that Booth would choose Hannah over me; I thought he loved me. I knew it all along but I could never bring myself to that conclusion. Every time I came close I thought something was wrong and started all over again. It was only until I was almost ran over on that dark, rainy night that I knew I would have regrets in life if I didn't admit my true feelings for the man I love. But I tried to tell him and immediately he chose Hannah, just because she got to him first. I do not find it fair. This just deepens my sadness.
In reality I am afraid that I will never have what I want now with Booth; and I should not have to change for him and Hannah to be happy.
That is why in reality I am angry at the both of them that I cannot have happiness. I cannot because of them. And I am angry at myself because I should not let someone control me.
In reality I am also confused. I don't know if I am able to be friends with Hannah again if jealousy will overcome me. Maybe. But I'm no sure. What if something slips out when I am talking to her? 'Hello, Temperance.' 'Hi snatcher' what if it happened? I would not forgive myself, and Booth certainly wouldn't.
I wonder if I will ever have the chance again to be with Booth.
"Hello, is Doctor Brennan there?" I heard a voice slowly saying, close my ear.
"Yes that is me." I said matter-of-factly.
I looked up and all around me my team were staring at me, I can feel the heat rising on my neck. So I turn around, grab a piece of paper, and start reading it, acting like it was important. They can't talk to me if I am reading the autopsy report. Well, it was the closing case paperwork from the last case, but still, they didn't know that.
Angela placed a hand on my arm. "What's wrong, sweetie?"
I alarmingly spun around. No, I was supposed to be acting normal so it would look like I was alright. I offered Angela a smile, "I'm fine thank you, nothing is wrong." I lied, again. I hoped I could keep up my act just a bit longer.
"Sweetie, you keep randomly blanking out, you're looking like you haven't slept in a week, and fine people most certainly do not read paperwork a hundred times." Angela held up the piece of paper that I was still trying to read.
"I'm just tired, Angela. Please let me finish this examination so I can go home and sleep." I pleaded.
"Bones, you want to go home?" I heard booth call out to me as he walks up the platform.
I ran over to the opposite side of the platform to check the computer. I didn't run on purpose, I was just afraid of being near him.
"Yes, I would find it beneficial to catch up on my sleep. I am very tired you know." I yawned loudly, just to make a point. I don't over-dramatize all the time, but I just want to go home.
"But bones, we got a case!" Booth sounded excited, why would he get excited over he death of someone else?
"Okay, let me get my things." I walked towards my office.
I was startled when I arrived in my office, because Angela was sitting at my desk, playing with my phone.
"Nothing on your calendar." She murmured. I was confused and annoyed that she was touching my personal things.
"It's an organizer. And it does contain content so what are you looking for?" I took my phone back and glanced at the screen. She was looking at my events for last night. Crap.
I sat down with her on the couch. I had to tell her. "Angela," I said slowly, "You need to know what really happened, I shouldn't keep anything from you. Last night, I found out how the victim died because I was walking across the road, I found that reflective surface. But you know all that."
"Yeah, good job with that." Angela said to me.
"But anyway, Booth and I never told anyone what happened after that. And I think you should know. I was bending down looking at the reflective marker on the road, and a car came straight at me. I thought I was going to die, then Booth came out of nowhere and, well, he saved me."
Knowing that he saved my life made tears run down my face. Angela rubbed a consoling hand on my back. I smiled appreciatively at her, but can't stop crying.
"He took me home, but in the car we talked. I told him, Ange, I told him everything. I told him that I did not want regrets in my life, that I wanted him. Straight away, he told me that he had moved on and he was in love with Hannah. That we couldn't be together because of her. What am I going to do Ange?"
Angela pulled me in for a hug. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry sweetie. That's so horrible, I can't believe Booth would do that to the both of you."
We sat there for a while, Angela trying to her best to console me.
Booth poked his head through the door, staring at us women.
"Everything alright in here?" Booth looked shocked.
I got up and gathered my bag and my coat. I headed out after Booth. At the door I looked a Angela, I tried to give her a deadly stare and I put a finger to my lips. I didn't want her to tell anyone.
I followed booth out to his car. I wanted to get to the crime scene quickly because I was afraid of what would happen when we were driving. If we started to talk about last night I was not sure what I would do. I would probably start crying, I wonder if Booth feels sad that I know I love him now. None of this is fair, but I shall live with my regrets.
There it is… hope you like it it's a bit sad but hey, so was bones please, please let me know what you think; I LOVE REVIEWS!
I might write the rest in third person, let me know which you prefer.