-In which, Sakura's parents are embarrassing

Yay! Updated! Loosely inspired by Sanae and Akio from Clannad, love them! Also, titled inspired by Big Dango Family or Dango Daikazoku. I just LOVE Clannad! Oh, and I recycled an idea I used in Akatsuki no Kuruma.

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❤❀~The Haruno Family~❀❤

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When Sasuke returns to Konoha, he is put on house arrest. But with the Uchiha District being rebuilt and all that, he had to choose between Kakashi, Naruto, Sai, or Sakura as a housemate. And his thoughts on the matter were, Kakashi? I have a feeling that I'm going to be scarred for life if I stay with him. Naruto? Hn, I don't want ramen for all three daily meals. Sai? No way he's drawing any more pictures of me. Sakura? . . . . I guess she's okay...

And so, off to Sakura's house it was! Sasuke had thought his decision was the best one he could make in the situation—after all, the cherry blossom was no longer a fangirl of his and was a lot more mature than even Kakashi was at times—until he met her parents.

"Now, see here, boy!" Haruno Kizashi had said after being briefed about his new house guest. "I've got some rules here, and you better listen to them!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Sasuke saw Sakura facepalm and knew that this may not end well.

"Rule Number One: if the house blows up either because of Sakura's mother's cooking or any other reasons, you must let Sakura hide behind you. I don't care if you are injured beyond repair or dead. You must NOT let my darling baby girl get hurt! One injury and you'll be answering to me!"

What am I? Sasuke thought, his eyebrow twitching as Naruto only laughed at his friend's predicament. A human shield?

"And on another note, these are the conditions of which you must follow during your confinement at my humble abode." And from his shirt pocket, Kizashi took out a long list of conditions. "You're forbidden to touch Sakura's clothes, body, or hair. You're forbidden to utter any comments that could be considered as an improper advance towards her. If I hear one word of complaint out of you, you'll be paying rent. Furthermore, you're forbidden to smell her scent, steal her things, and have improper thoughts about her. You're also forbidden to enter her room. If you have to ask a favor of her then I expect you to get down on your knees and beg her to help you. Also, if she does something for you out of the kindness of her sweet and innocent heart then you must thank her by kissing her feet a hundred times. And if you have no choice but to touch her then you are required to wear gloves. Lastly, do not get one scratch on her even at the cost of your own life. If she dies on your watch, there'll be Hell to pay! You hear me?"

What the Hell? Sasuke blanched at every single requirement on that list while Sakura could only scream, "Otousan!"

"Failure to comply by these rules will result in you eating Sakura's mother's food!"

"Okay, that—Wait, what?" Sasuke asked of Sakura and Naruto, the latter whispering, "You don't want to know."

"You act all tough now," Kizashi sneered, "But once you taste my wife's horrific cooking, you'll wish you'd never crossed me! A-ha-ha-ha!"

"Anoo . . . Otousan?" Sakura pointed to behind her father. "Okaasan is . . ."

When Kizashi turned around, he was met with Haruno Mebuki's crying face.

"So that's *sniffles* what my slaving over a hot stove all day *sniffles* means to you?" she asked, the tears ready to pour out of her eyes. "A way to *sniffles* to torture an ex-criminal?"

"No, wait! Mebu-chan!" But it was too late. Sakura's mother had run out of the house crying. And Kizashi had another problem to deal with. "Aw, crap, Sakura-hime, why are you crying?"

"All I wanted *sniffles* was for you not to embarrass me *sniffles* in front of my teammates," Sakura cried, "But you and Okaasan *sniffles* you both are terrible!" And she ran up the stairs to her room crying.

"Ah, no! Who am I supposed to run after?" Kizashi seemed to ask of no one. "My sweet, beautiful Mebu-chan? Or my precious, flower Sakura-hime?"

"Oy, Haruno-san," the neighbor yelled from outside. "Mebuki-san is almost out of the village gates again!"

And with that, Kizashi's mind was made up. "OH, WAIT, MEBU-BABY! I LOVE YOUR COOKING!" All that was left of him was a trail of smoke.

"Okay...?" Kakashi said, a little spaced out by the whole event. "Now who's chasing after Sakura-chan?" he asked cheerfully.

"Tch, not me," Sasuke said, "That was all the black drama I could take in one day."

"Hey, be grateful that you're not living with Dickless," Sai said.

"Hey," Naruto spoke up, "It sounds like Sakura-chan is packing up her things."

"You might have spoken too soon, Sai," Kakashi added. "If Sakura moves out of the house, Sasuke might have to stay with Naruto, after all."

And that was all that was needed for Sasuke to make up his mind. "No, wait, you annoying girl! Your parents aren't all that bad!" And he was up the stairs and in her room in less than five seconds.

"Hey!" Naruto yelled, totally insulted. "What's wrong with living with me? I'm not that horrible, you know!"

Kakashi could only console him by patting the boy's shoulder.

Meanwhile, across the village...




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Done! I love this one!