Hi, I hope you enjoy the first part of my new story. Let me say that I am not giving up on my other story, I just need to recharge the creative juices, that and my daughter ran off with my hammer +4 vs. plot bunnies. I am a long time fan of Harry Potter stories but have serious misgivings on the last two books. Ok I won't get into a discussion about the series so here we go with my work. The basic premise is that while I enjoy reading Harry/Harem stories, but they always felt a little off. Yes I enjoy watching our boy Harry getting laid as much as the next man, but what's in it for the women in the harems? How in the hell are they ALWAYS willing to share with ABSOLUTLY NO FIGHTING? Well, actually now that you mention it I did read this cool one where all his ladies were lesbians that just happened to have a thing for Harry... No bad Mike focus on your rant. It really wasn't realistic in that approach either. I mean what are the odds that he would find nine lesbians that just happened to turn straight for one man? Don't get me wrong I still enjoy that story and eagerly await its updates, but let us step back and take the anime approach to the harem problem. I will try not to focus on the lemons for the main reason that I am not experienced at them, insert cherry jokes here. Let the hilarity ensue. By the way if you couldn't guess I am American and if anyone wants to help with the Queen's English please let me know, I kinda suck at Briticisms. On the off chance anyone is curious I am not really intending to bash anyone in specific but if I do I will try to spread it around, yes that means Ron has some redeeming qualities just don't expect a RW/HG, that really didn't make much sense to me.
October 31, 1994
12 Grimmauld Place
Remus Lupin was showing his lone surviving best friend, Sirius Black, the long standing Marauder Halloween tradition,
1. Find a nice quiet place
2. Offer a prayer for the dearly departed of their group
3. Offer the strongest curses imaginable to the traitor in their midst, recently changed from Sirius to Peter
4. Drink everything remotely alcoholic in a two mile radius.
Their quest took them to one of the place neither cared to visit, until Sirius remember one of his ancestors had been a collector of all manner of drink, (translation for the non pure bloods, he was a roaring drunk with a hell of a lot of money). It took them all of thirty minutes to find/break into the Black family liquor vault, over twenty thousand square feet of booze from all around the world ranging from Irish whisky to Japanese sake to Mexican tequila. Never let it be said that the Black family did anything half hearted. After putting a sizable alphabetical dent in this stockpile both were relaxing in the sitting room nursing a few dozen Zima.
"You what know Moony," Sirius slurred, "It's a damn good thing Prongs is dead right now, or Lily would kill him."
Remus shook his head at that remark and instantly started to regret the doing so, "Why's that Paddy?"
"I found something going through Prong's papers yesterday." Sirius started waving said objects in front of the werewolf's face.
"Why were you going through Prong's papers?" Remus asked momentarily mesmerized by the swaying papers
"I don't know, got tired of jogging down to the park, what else am I supposed to do?"
"Don't you raise your hackles at me you old dog, so what did you find."
"Our young Harry has a few marriage contracts." Sirius said as Remus raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe it's the last bottle of Scotch but did you just say marriage contracts as in plural."
"Yep," a proud Padfoot swelled his chest with pride, "takes after is Godfather he does."
"Your right Paddy, Lily would kill him, then you, and maybe me depends on how I beg. So what's the damage?"
"Here read for yourself." Sirius chuckled as he handed the paper over.
"How many is Harry stuck with?"
"At least two that I could find have Prongs signature on them, still have a stack of papers as tall as I am to go through."
"Let's see… Paddy these are wrote on the back of a couple of bar tabs."
"Don't mean it's not legal," Sirius shrugged.
"Anyway it's to a Harmony June, the daughter of one Donald Grainer, I think. It's hard to read with all the grease stains. Why does that name sound familiar?"
"You remember that time we snuck out shortly after Harry was born?"
"You mean the muggle bar incident?"
"That's the one. You remember him now, big bushy haired fellow, easily two hundred fifty pounds of muscle and nearly six and a half feet in height."
"Oh yeah, the rugby fanatic, called him "The Dentist" caused he knocked out so many teeth."
"I think he was some kind of Muggle Lord or something right." Remus grinned as Padfoot nodded, he was starting to enjoy this, "So whose number two?"
"You know that French Auror that Prongs liked to drink with?"
"Yeah, Jean-Claude De Liquor or something like that."
"Well he got promised his daughter for three bags of mixed nuts and one bar tab."
"Are they any escape clauses on that one?"
"He has to be able to resist the Veela allure for some reason, that's just plain silly though, hasn't been a wizard able to resist that in five hundred years."
"Ok, so if the first one's not a witch and no one can resist Veela, so Harry is probably off the hook two times, any more?"
"Got one his grandmother made with the head of the McGonagall clan, the last unwed McGonagall daughter, and the oldest Potter when they both come of age, just some kinda line continuation thing."
"That's three, and four is?"
"Let me see, one to the Zabini family, first born daughter to the current Black heir."
"Two things with this one, the only Zabini kid I know is Blaise and she's a he. Second why should Harry worry about any Black marriage contracts, shouldn't that be your job?"
"I didn't know about the first problem and as for the second, well it's kinda embarrassing." Sirius said hanging his head. "All that time with the dementors kinda did a number on me, you see Mooney I can never father a kid."
"GET THAT DAMN SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE YOU BASTARD." Sirius roared, "It still works, I'm just shooting blanks."
"Sorry," Remus snickered, "I take it that means all outstanding contracts fall to your heir."
"Unfortunately for Harry, yeah that's about it." Sirius said downing the last of his drink.
"Have you got anymore from your side of the family?"
"Nah, but surprisingly one from Lily, you remember her old roommate, Selene Dover?"
"Yeah," the old wolf said fondly, "did you know that she could put both legs behind her shoulders, and she could hold her breath for over five minutes?"
"Wow, five minutes is a long time."
"Would have been longer but she had this thing she could do with her tongue, we had to hid in the one broom closet without a towel," the old wolf sighed as he tried to relive the memory.
"I don't know if I should hate you right now or if I want to hear the story."
"I'll save it for later."
"Deal, anyway she and Lily engaged their kids should either one of them die before they reach adulthood… Lily and Selene die before the kids reach adulthood I mean."
Remus just nodded, "Do you think it's important that Harry's my heir too?"
"You have a marriage contract?"
"Just one, but I'm disqualified due to "my furry problem."
"Who dodged the bullet Mooney?"
"It was between my father and the Bones family, Lupin used to be a well respected name, I just couldn't inherit the family fortune because I'm a werewolf. The bulk of everything is still sitting in Gringotts drawing interest. Harry gets everything when he becomes an adult, along with the hand of one of the Bones women."
"So he potentially has six brides then, unless Harry did something stupid like having an unfulfilled life debt or something. Good thing I wrote Gringotts last week, only way any of these things go into effect is if Harry is declared an adult before he turns seventeen. Then all of them will be null and void."
"Maybe it's the tequila thinking but I hear a but in that sentence."
"Well, it's a minor one; the Goblins had a clause that if he should become an adult before then all of the contracts become active and instantly fulfilled, meaning that our Harry is a groom."
"Why would they do that?"
"I personally think they like messing with humans."
"Won't the brides object?"
"Nah, you know how these things work, our Harry, stud that he is, beds a new one each night and has an orgy with all of them on Sunday, while he's busy with the wife of the day the others are enjoying each other in hot lesbian sex parties."
"I know you were in prison for over a decade, but what world do you live in?"
"Don't worry Mooney, it's not like Harry will ever be declared an adult any time soon, I mean what's the odds of that happening, like a million to one."
Mooney resumed drinking but was unable to shake the feeling that that was possibly the worst thing Padfoot could have said.
November 5, 1994
Hogwarts School for Wizardry and Witchcraft
Harry Potter was sitting at the far end of the Gryffindor table, over the last few days he had been shunned and ridiculed for his supposed cheating his way into the Triwizard Tournament. It started surprisingly with the Hufflepuffs, who thought that Harry was trying to steal their time in the spotlight. Next, was the Slytherins lead by Draco; he was surprised that curses had yet to be thrown. Ravenclaw was remaining neutral though no one believed him, they just had decided to sit back and wait it out until something came along to make them pick. The real surprise was his own house, although it really shouldn't have, it was the Heir of Slytherin all over again. This time his so called best friend Ron was leading the charge against him. His other best friend Hermione was visibly torn between the two of them, after the house gave her a choice of Harry and the house; she reluctantly went with the house. There were a couple of dissenters, mostly consisting of the quidditch team and Neville, but for the most part the house's opinion was either he was a no good, lying, dirty cheat or a glory seeking, bastard that wouldn't tell the rest of them how he cheated his name into the cup. Last night had been an eye opener, while he was serving detention for some supposed crime he committed in potions, his house had narrowly avoided casting him out. Their argument was that he didn't possess the courage or honor to be in the house of the lions. The vote had failed by two votes, apparently the twins skipped their detention with Snape to attend the meeting, and how they found out about the hurriedly called meeting he might never know. So he was still a lion by the slimmest of margins, not that he cared much anymore, the whole thing was starting to make him reconsider his choice to enter the wizarding world. He looked up as a regal white bird landed in front of him, Harry was so glad to see a friendly face he failed to note his beloved owl's glare.
Roughly the same time
"Hello" the Bulgarian seeker said, "Mind if I sit with you."
"Not at all," the dark skinned Slytherin said, "My name's Blaise Zabini, and your Victor Krum right?"
"Yes yes good to meet you, so now do we continue to exchange pleasantry for a while or do we skip to the part where I pump you for information like my headmaster demanded."
"Subtle aren't we Mr. Krum."
"Sorry but the last person I tried to get information from was some twit named Draco, I would prefer not to have another hour long conversation about how great I am and how you think you are my English counterpart."
"Ah, now it makes sense, rest assured if it wasn't for his father, Draco would have been shown his place a long time ago. How the creep got into our house is a matter of great debate."
"So do we go back to pleasantries then?"
"No need," Blaise laughed "Who do you want information on?"
"The main champion first if you don't mind."
"Not much to tell really. Pure-blood, if you're into that crap, hard working that goes with being a puff, reasonably powerful, in the top five of his year. He will follow the rules to a fault, but don't think him that easy; he has the heart of a lion just with more common sense."
"I will have to watch him closely, and Mr. Potter?"
"There we get into several issues. Firstly he's a half-blood, but he's from one of the oldest families, almost so old it doesn't matter what his blood status is. Second, we really don't know the extent of his power, sometimes he acts almost like a squib but then by some rumors he's almost the reincarnation of Merlin. Rumors for both possibilities are numerous."
"Such as?" Victor asked while he studied the raven haired youth.
"Well his grades are mediocre at best, save DADA where he's top of the whole school. The only thing he appears to care about very much is Quidditch, and as far as we can tell it's really flying that he enjoys, Quidditch is just an excuse to fly. That brings me to his first major reason for the power inconsistency thing; he is good on a broom."
"Should I be worried for my job?" Victor chuckled.
"Yes, very much so," Blaise stated matter of fact.
"He is that good?" the seeker said with a raised eyebrow.
"He joined his house team his first year, something that's supposed to be impossible, and he has yet to miss a snitch, the only times they have lost are when he's not playing."
"What does it matter when he joined the team?"
"First years aren't allowed on a team usually for a very good reason. Most of us don't have the control or power for acrobatic flying that Quidditch demands, it takes at least a year to develop. The first time he touched a broom he flew like a professional, when he called it the first time the damn thing answered like a lost puppy. It's not widely known but one of Draco's goons managed to switch several of the Gryffindor's broom for duds. That old thing he had that day was grade four, he still made it work.
"Grade four? Those are toy brooms, they can't go over four feet off the ground. Do you think he was feeding it power?"
"We don't know for sure but he made it fly like a first grade broom without even trying."
"You mentioned that it was the first reason, does that mean there are others?"
"Yeah, last year we had dementors guarding our school from Sirius Black, the escaped death eater. Well the damn things took a liking to Potter, harassed him all year. Rumor is that he learned to cast the patronus charm."
"What's so special about that? I know lots of people that can do that spell."
"How many of those can do a fully corporeal one at age thirteen?"
Victor gulped, "None."
"We haven't even gotten to his choice of friends or lack there of recently. First one is Ron Weasley pure-blood, lazy as the day is long, barely passes any subject, not a bad mind per say but severely lacking in focus, currently on the outs with Potter. On the other had we have Hermione Granger, the definition of anal retentive. She's in the top three as far as grades go for our year, authority addict, she believes the sun rises and set by the will of the teachers. Very sympathetic to Potter, probably has feeling for him but when push came to shove she chose authority over Potter. Rumor is that she and Weasley have a kinda love-hate relationship and it is even money which of the two she will actively pursue.
"Anything else I should worry about?" Victor asked as they watched a brilliantly snow white owl descend and land on Harry's table.
"He doesn't lose easy. Watch him; he could be a dark horse in this race."
The two boys watched for a few minutes as Harry appeared to be having an animated discussion with his owl. Strangely enough if you listened to Harry's responses you could almost hear the owl talking.
"Is that normal for him?" Victor asked.
"Normal is a very relative thing concerning Potter," Blaise shrugged, "we think that his owl is a familiar, but we haven't proven it yet."
"That is impossible; no wizard under thirty has a familiar. It takes too much power to generate the bond."
"If you learn one thing from this conversation Victor, it's that nothing is impossible when it comes to Potter."
Great Hall Staff Table
Also about the same time
Albus Dumbledore was in a pensive mood, his favorite student was lying to him and he couldn't figure out why. He knew Harry had entered his name in the Triwizard Tournament, but the boy flatly denied it. He was almost put off his pork chop at the implications this had for his weapon when Harry's owl Hedwig flew in the Great Hall and landed in front of her owner. As always this proved to be a source of amusement for the old man, you could almost see them argue like an old married couple, almost like young Ronald and that mudblood girl, what's her name Hemorrhage or something like that, it was so much easier to just call them boy and girl. If his plan worked the Weasely bloodline would have two new members to help inject some power back into it, now there were possible matchups that he could like. Something like producing a half dozen kids should tame that uppity mudblood, she should really learn her place in our society.
He watched with a twinkle in his eye as the owl berated the young man for some slight he had done. You could almost follow the conversation and indeed most of the Great Hall was watching him with at least mild interest. He had plans for young Harry, if what he suspected was true then Albus had little choice in what he had to do. Young Harry was a soul vessel or a horacrux, a piece of Tom now sat in young Harry. He had done everything he could to ensure that Harry had a proper chance at life. He heard that his family was strict with him but hadn't his own father practiced spare the rod, spoil the child, it couldn't be as bad as young Harry made it seem. Harry was a little small when he got to Hogwarts, but then James had been small for his age. He just didn't want to believe that Harry was lying to him, but the evidence was obvious, Serverus had said that he scanned young Harry's mind and he trusted the reformed man with his whole being. Albus was so preoccupied that he almost missed the Great Hall's doors opening and a troop of armored Goblins walk in and take up positions between Harry and the door. Just as he was rising from his set to find out what was happening and why the ward of Hogwarts hadn't alerted him to the unannounced company a regal looking Goblin walked into the hall looking like he owned the place. He wasn't put off by this display except for one reason; the second the regal looking Goblin walked in his charms professor said a phrase in Gobbledygook. "Ur Cred!"
Harry Potter's day just seemed to get worse as it went. His beloved owl came in berating him for not telling him the news. It was taking all his negotiation skills just to keep the irate owl from attacking him. As it was this was costing him an entire tray of bacon just to get her to tell him what was wrong. He was so engaged with the irate bird that he failed to notice what was happening in the Great Hall until a voice behind him said, "Knaadehkc Ruhunat Harry Potter."
Harry turned his attention to the voice and saw an unusual site of a goblin dressed to the nines and two dozen armed goblins behind him. Intelligently Harry responded with a "Huh?"
"Cunno Mister Potter, I don't talk with risyhc much. Please pardon me if my grammar slips," the goblin said bowing to Harry. "My name is Ragnock, and I am the undisputed ruler of the Goblin Nation, and what I was saying was "Greetings Honored Harry Potter"".
"Hello sir," Harry said returning the bow, remembering his manners added "how may I be of service to you today sir?"
"No Mister Potter, it is how the Goblin Nation can be of service to you today that is the question."
"I beg your pardon sir?" asked the confused boy.
"You have my pardon Mister Potter. It is a little known fact that the Goblins will go to great lengths for a price. You, Mister Potter, are the first fewynt to reach that price."
"Wizard Mister Potter, fewynt means wizard. I see we will have to have a tutor in Gobbledygook made available for you," The goblin said with a chuckle.
The rest of the Great Hall just stared amazed as a goblin talked to a wizard with respect. They watched in varying degrees of curiosity and wonder as the normally jolly and jovial Professor Flitwick made a mad dash toward the group only stopping to fall prostrate on the ground before the Goblin King.
"Frydejan dra puo ryc tuha du uvvaht oui so gehk, bmayca tuh'd dyga ed uid uh res. E ys rec daylran; rumt sa nacbuhcepma vun rec secdyga." The half goblin said without taking his eyes off the floor.
(Whatever the boy has done to offend you, my king, please don't take it out on him. I am his teacher; hold me responsible for his mistake.)
"Neca so muoym cuh, tuh'd funno Mister Potter ryc tuha hudrehk fnuhk," the aged goblin said fondly.
(Rise my loyal son, don't worry Mister Potter has done nothing wrong.)
"Vydran, fryd ec drec ymm ypuid?" the half goblin professor said as he rose to one knee.
("Father, what is this all about?")
"In English my son, I see you were too busy running down here to beg for Mister Potter's life to take note of the conversation we were having," the goblin king chuckled.
"Yes my king," the little professor blushed.
"Don't worry he's not in any trouble. We have great respect for him."
"No offence sir, but I find that highly unlikely, and to be quite frank, I don't care anymore," Harry said as he laughed.
"What do you mean by that Mister Potter," the king asked.
Harry sighed as he said, "My life just doesn't work that way, and no one is ever grateful for anything. I had a hard life growing up sir; I don't really want to get into it right now but suffice to say people only pretend to like me for what I can do for them.
"Mister Potter if that is how you feel then maybe we should continue this discussion in private. The A-1 customer must be treated with respect," the king said sagely.
"We can use my office father, it's warded against intrusion," Flitwick supplied.
As all parties nodded approval of the plan the lack of attention finally got too much for Draco. "Potter an A-1 customer, he barely has two knuts to rub together. What possible business could you have with him?"
"And you are, meddma puo?" the king asked the blonde ponce.
"I am Draco Malfoy, heir to the Malfoy as well as the Black family, I am heir to the fifth richest family, soon to be the first when I inherit the Black family fortune," the proud pure-blood said puffing up.
Several of the goblin guards were snickering at this point. "What are you laughing at you subhuman cretins?" Draco roared.
The sound of steel being drawn caused the Great Hall to get deathly silent. Without looking around Ragnock said to his son, "Please take Mister Potter to your office Cuh, I will be with you shortly." When they had left the Goblin King walked to within inches of Draco and said in a menacing tone, "Listen and listen well meddma eteud, you and your meddma family are nothing compared to the Potter family, there are several things you don't know so sit down and shut up. Your family barely ranks in the top twenty five families, while Mr. Potter is firmly alone in the first spot by a margin so wide that it might as well be a canyon. I wouldn't count on being the Black heir cause unlike some beings, I make sure my sources are accurate before opening my mouth.
"But that's impossible," a pug nosed girl in green trimmed robes shouted, "Harry ranks at number ten on the richest single wizards."
"Again Fewyntc open their mouths without engaging their brains. That list you speak of is not accurate at all, whoever leaked it failed to note that it only lists Mister Potter's trust vault, his actual total is much higher," the king laughed at the wizards faces. As he was walking out of the hall he stopped and cocked his head to the side and said in a quite voice, "Whoever said he was single?"
Author's end notes:
For those of you who are curious the Goblin language I used was the Al Bhed language from Final Fantasy X. It's not a true language, but a clever cipher that just sounds cool and looks good on paper. I tried to translate sentences beneath the goblin, for those of you who don't know the cipher or don't care the words used are by themselves are;
Fewyntc = wizards
Meddma = little
Puo = boy
Eteud = idiot
Cuh = son
Risyhc = humans
Cunno = sorry
Knaadehkc Ruhunat = greetings honored
Ur Cred = oh shit